This Peacock Needs to Fly

The Other Guys (2010)

P.K. Highsmith and Christopher Danson (Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) are two balls-to-the-wall cops who don't play by the rules. They're the kind of cops who shoot first and, then, when it gets down to the time where they should be asking questions, they're still shooting - walking away from an explosion in slow mo. This film isn't about them. Instead, it's about "The Other Guys" (Mark Wahlberg, Will Ferrell) - the guys who do paperwork at their desk and have their guns taken away from them because they accidentally shot Derek Jeter. The kind of guys who mount a red police emergency light on top of a Prius as they investigate scaffolding ordinance violations.

"The Other Guys" kind of slipped under the radar this year either because it was going up against dominant competition or people had grown tired of Will Ferrell movies. I can't blame them, his mostly-improvised comedic output has been downhill since "Anchorman". Still, in this case it's unjustified. This is the funniest movie I've seen in a long time - Will Ferrell or otherwise.

The great lines and great scenes of this movie are too numerous to get into. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg give great performances. Michael Keaton and Steve Coogan are excellent surprises in supporting roles and the movie is narrated by Ice-T. In fact, maybe it's just me but I felt like I could actually hear Ice-T crawling on a log as he spoke. This movie actually made me laugh out loud multiple times - an extreme rarity.

That's why I creep.

Seinfeld Chronicled

Yesterday I completed a (about) 6 month-long project (I say "project" because it sound more impressive). Using Netflix, I had rented every disc of every season of Seinfeld as fast as the mail allowed.

I had previously confirmed that I had seen every episode and I'm well aware that thousands of reruns are aired every night on TBS alone. But the point was to go through all the deleted scenes, all the commentaries, all the extras as well as the flubs, bloopers, screwups and boners. I'm a big fan of all that "inside" stuff about where the ideas came from, how the show was created, what were the obstacles, etc. And on that count, it pretty much delivered although it was a long haul with a good number of thin spots. Still, next time anyone watches Seinfeld with me, they better prepare to get hit with some knowledge.

That's 9 seasons over 8 DVD seasons and 4 discs per season for 32 DVD rentals and 180 episodes. So, that's that done. On to the next thing...

War with the Postman

The other day it snowed. We got a few inches (probably 3), no big deal but I noticed something strange... ever since it snowed I haven't gotten my mail. Hmm, that's strange. Oh well. Hey, whose creed is this?

"And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change, nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our appointed rounds. Ever."

Oh yeah, it's the Post Office's creed. SNOW IS THE FIRST ONE.

Hey, I didn't pick that creed but if you're gonna have one that's that hardcore, you really should be able to walk through a light dusting. Allow me to suggest a more accurate creed....

"Lots of things will stay us from swift completion of our appointed rounds - particularly Sundays. Ever."

I really didn't feel like it was enough snow to shovel the driveway but I guess I have to now. They have me over a barrel on this. Who can live without mail? If these trends continue, how am I going to get 3 unsolicited J. Crew catalogs? I NEED Comcast's flyers about XFinity. What is my life if I'm not throwing away giant stacks of coupons for things I don't buy? Nothing, that's what. I have no choice but to at least shovel a path for His Highness from the street to my mailbox. I need those credit card offers.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas.

Late Night - Topical Carolers (2010)

Late Show - Holiday Toys

The Roots - The Christmas Song

Darlene Love - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) 2010

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Happy Festivus (War is Over)

December 23rd is officially Festivus so get out your aluminum poles!

Just a reminder that tonight is the last Late Show before Christmas so it's the Late Show Christmas extravaganza show. I went through all the details last year so I won't do that again but also last year they forgot Paul's Cher impression so I'll be interested to see if that makes it back in.

Head Swap - Christmas Edition

Is there any better way to celebrate Christmas than to put the head of one celebrity and put it on another celebrity's body and then to take the head of the other celebrity and place it on the body of the first celebrity? I don't think so.

It's a satire, it's a squib, it's a farce, it's an ingenious and sardonic comment on contemporary society and social morays... It's Head Swap!

"Daughters"? Really?!

Dave Calls Conan

Yesterday before the Top Ten List, Letterman announced - somewhat mysteriously - that he had called Conan O'Brien.

See the clip within this montage:

My best guess for asking "if everything is fine" refers to the Letterman/Leno/Oprah Super Bowl of Love ad. Based on Bill Carter's book "The War for Late Night", it seemed Conan was offended by the idea and/or that he was asked to participate. When word was passed to Conan that he was wanted for the piece, he reportedly said, "No fucking way I'm doing that. It's not a joke to me -- it's real."

However, it is total speculation that that was what this latest call was really about. Either way it would be silly to "feud" over something so trivial and hopefully this paves the way for Dave and Conan as guests on each other's show. Make it happen, science.

Conan Decorates for Christmas

Conan updates his new set for Christmas. Call me uptight, but I worry that in all his decorating, the true meaning of Christmas may have been lost. I don't know. Like I said, maybe that's just me.

Conan Unveils the Set

The Wolfwaker

I'm posting the whole segment but the real point of the post is the Wolfwaker introduction. It has to be one of the most preposterous and ridiculous things ever vocalized on network television. I was laughing by the third sentence and then it just kept going.

Cell Phone Shootout Part 1:
[Video Deleted]

Cell Phone Shootout Part 2:

[Video Deleted]

It was in the time of the Rock King,

Before the Age of Green Fire,

Before the Machine Rebellion,

Before the Trials of Jupiter.

The wolves were a proud and peaceful civilization

Caring for the small green and blue planet they inherited

When the humans left for the stars.

The wolves lived in human cities,

Practiced human government

And carried on human traditions

Like Christmas.

But the wolves were not alone.

One man stayed behind

To care for the wolves

To teach them art and science

To guide them through the birth

Of their civilization.

The Wolfwaker lived 300 miles above the Earth

In a vast and lonely orbiting fortress.

Always watching.

Always protecting.

And every year,

On Christmas Day,

He descends from the clouds

On a sled of fire

Waking the wolves of the Earth

To remind them of their humble beginnings

And remind them of their destiny in the Heavens...

Fun With Wikipedia

Who says wikis have to be dry, dull and boring?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria

"The village is especially popular with British tourists; as a local tour guide explained: "The Germans all want to see Mozart's house in Salzburg; the Americans want to see where The Sound of Music was filmed; the Japanese want Hitler's birthplace in Braunau; but for the British, it's all about Fucking.""

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. It's a valid sentence!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_while_John_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_a_better_effect_on_the_teacher

Or.... James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.

Dustin Hoffman and Robert DeNiro

They're two of our most legendary living actors and they appeared together to promote their new film.

In the thirty years that Dave has had a talk show, Robert DeNiro has NEVER been on. And it's easy to see why. He may be the only living person who, if asked the question, "What's the meaning of life?", would give a 'Yes or No' answer. From what I can tell, it's extreme shyness - if he was interviewed by someone he knew well he might give actual answers, but as it is, it's two words and OUT. This highly-edited clip cuts out 99% of the awkward silence (as usual) but that's a shame because Letterman is great in these moments. He knows he's dieing on stage, his back is to the wall and he lets loose with some fantastic zingers.

Of course, DeNiro was the first guest on Jimmy Fallon's first show but I think the "publicity stunt" nature of the idea was generally lost on people. Saying that one's first guest on their first show is going to be Robert DeNiro is the same thing as saying, "On my first show, I'm gonna escape from an underwater safe." In either case, you're going to see someone die on stage.

BONUS FACT:

Amaze and Impress Your Friends at Parties with this one:

Robert Deniro is actually 25% Italian. He's mostly German and Dutch.

Top Ten Album Easter Eggs

Cracked.com has a really interesting article about the top ten album easter eggs.

Read it here.

For me, the most mind-blowing one is #6 Aphex Twin though he loses points for the fact that the song, on a surface level, sucks.

Of particular interest - and the reason I found the article in the first place - are #9 and #8. #9 is real (obviously) and I've known about for a long time. I even bought two copies of the album just so I could ruin one by opening the back of the CD case. It wasn't strictly necessary - getting to the booklet didn't have to mean ruining the case - but it turned out to be a good idea because I cracked a giant chunk of plastic off.

#8 is really intriguing and I'll be checking out that "combined" album soon but I have to regard it as the same as the Dark Side of the Moon / Wizard of Oz thing (which I also checked out by the way (summer vacations were awesome)). There are hugely suspicious coincidences that lead you down the path of "clues" but it IS only coincidence. The quote in the article where a "source close to the band" says that they can't believe it's taken the public this long to figure it out is rubbish. It's hard enough writing good music, it's hard enough producing good music and making a compelling album, you can't expect artists are going to add some hugely complicated extra parameter for themselves that they have to overcome like syncing to a movie.

I think most conspiracy theories start off for the exact same reason. In fact, there ACTUALLY people who still believe Paul McCartney is dead. THAT... is depressing. Still, I find this kind of thing interesting at least.

Stefon's Guide to New York

I don't know how many times I have to say it - when you're writing a skit where you're having trouble staying in character, do NOT write in midgets. I say it again and again and somehow nobody listens. It almost makes me think that the writers of SNL aren't reading my blog but that's impossible.

Charades With The Stillers

Ben Stiller and his parents play "Charades" with Jimmy Fallon. I'm not going to lie, when I heard Ben Stiller's parents were coming out, I did actually imagine Jerry Stiller with Estelle Harris. Hilarious segment.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Not to criticize, but it's obvious that you have to split up the married couple in order to have fair teams. This is the first "perfect game" in the history of Late Night Charades.

Phour Aces

This blog is hardly sports-related but I'm a good cop and I don't play by the rules.

Earlier, Cliff Lee re-signed with the Phillies, giving them a pitching staff that, if not unparalleled in history, is at least rarely seen in history.

Now the race is on to find a nickname for the group now that the former "H2O" moniker (Halladay, Hamels, Oswalt) is outdated.

"R2C2" (Roy, Roy, Cole, Cliff) seems to be the early favorite though we are early on in the voting (only 5% of districts reporting, this one is a hot potato on a jumping stove during an earthquake). I like "Four Aces". Of course, it will be tweaked to "The Phour Aces", that's a rule.

Click here to view the photoshop/slogan fun (the real point of this post).

My favorite is "The Four Horsemen"

Though I feel if that were actually to take off, by law it must be tweaked to "The Phour Horsemen". That's a rule.

I find myself intellectually able to recognize the amazingness of the situation but still emotionally unexcited. Somehow in the city that is specifically designed to be pessimistic about our sports teams, I may be the most pessimistic. I thought last year was their year and the season is so long with so many ups and downs, I was so excited for the beginning of the playoffs and the team just faded away. Then they're one year older and they lose Jayson Werth and I just feel emotionally spent. I just don't want to expect a Championship until the final game is over. I'm looking at a baseball "Dream Team" and not excited. Maybe this is my superpower. Maybe I should wear a cape and a big "thumbs down" picture on my chest. Maybe I'm just in a mood.

Conan - The Comic Book Guy

Conan visits Warner Brothers' animation department to explore various super heroes and to get animated himself.

American Chopper Returns (AGAIN)

This show is constantly either cancelled or questionable to return but keeps coming back. It's the Brett Favre of shows but without all the cell phone stuff. Not that that's a criticism - I still love the show and want it to keep going.

Discovery aired a special last Monday with new interviews about the family feud and what has happened in the past year. I haven't seen it yet. It'll mostly just be a rehash of the previous season but I'll check it out anyway.

Then, this coming Monday (Dec. 6th) new episodes of the new season will air. HOLY SHORT NOTICE, BATMAN! It's hard to complain about getting what you want and getting it RIGHT NOW but I do fear that it's not enough time to emotionally prepare. I wonder if they have Paul Sr. as head of production now.

"DON'T GIVE ME THIS 'WE NEED TIME TO EDIT' 'WE NEED TIME TO ADD SOUND' BULL****! MAKE THE SHOW! YOU GOT ONE JOB, JUST GET IT DONE AND PUT IT ON THE AIR!"

Guess The Pies

It's a Thanksgiving tradition. Every year on the Thanksgiving episode of the Late Show, we visit Dave's mom and try to guess which pies she baked this year. See if you can (psychically) determine which pies she made.

Can't embed the video. Follow this link for the full episode and skip to the second segment.

Spoilers Below....

First off, way to go Dave's mom, denying global warming. Stickin' it to the man. Dave is obsessed with global warming so it features in the show often (to my annoyance).

Dave's first guess is Pumpkin. And Dave's first guess is ALWAYS pumpkin. He goes for the percentage shot first. Out of the years that Guess the Pie has been played, a Pumpkin pie was a correct answer 75% of the time. If that guess is correct, the real work begins but at least it's only one-to-go. If that guess isn't correct (as is the case this year), he's really in trouble. In these situations he does the best thing which is to just do the "RSTLNE" of the pie world (Cherry, Apple, Blueberry, Pecan).

In years in which she's feeling creative, the pie(s) can be virtually ungettable. The fact that he got the Sugar Cream pie was quite a home run (though it was huge that he got the clue he did). Looking it up, it looks like Sugar Cream is a pie that's specific to the Indiana region. It's also known as "Hoosier Sugar Cream" and "Indiana Sugar Cream". That explains why I've never heard of it.

The major pie in the "ungettable" category that sticks out in my mind was from 1997. That year she made a Coconut Butterscotch Pecan pie. WHOAH. Are you kidding me?! Another year the (much less difficult) pie was a Rhubarb pie which always reminds me that I've never had a Rhubarb pie and I'll have to find one some time.

GUESS THE PIE BONUS COVERAGE:

As the Sugar Cream is specific to Indiana, I've never had it but there are tons and tons of pies specific to my region. The most obscure one, which I have had, is Ground Cherry pie. Oh, you mean a Cherry pie? No. Oh, you mean a specific type of Cherry pie? No, GROUND CHERRY pie. It's a Pennsylvania Dutch tradition/recipe and sure enough my great-grandmother used to make them every year for Thanksgiving. (The recipe was passed down to my grandmother and then my aunt). What do ground cherries taste like? It's very much an "aquired taste" [read: kinda gross]. The closest thing I can point to is they kinda taste a little bit like tomatoes. As such it's a pie that, I think, is teetering on the edge of extinction. It doesn't even have a wikipedia page to link to. I'm not partial to it, myself, but I always think it's a shame when the old-timey traditions like that die out.

Non-Televised Talk Show

Jerry Seinfeld and Jimmy Fallon experiment with a new show format: a talk show that doesn't get shown on television.

The irony, of course, is that this was an actual plot in "Seinfeld". Kramer turned his apartment into a talk show but didn't own any cameras.

This clip makes it obvious that Jimmy doesn't film his show like Letterman films his. No late night talk show is filmed live but the Late Show is filmed as if it was. If something fails on the Late Show they don't go back later and retape it. When they go to commercial and the band plays, the band will play a song for the exact length of time that the commercials run. If they're back from commercial and not prepared, too bad, they got caught. Etc., etc., etc. They may be the only show to do that.

Classic Roots Choice #24

In this installment of "Classic Roots Choice", Jimmy Fallon does all the explanation himself. Enjoy.

True Grit Trailer

The Coen Brothers have made another movie starring Jeff Bridges. Is it "The Big Lebowski 2"? No, not quite.

Here's the trailer:

Snap. I'm looking forward to it. It's a perfect trailer in that it gives you a sense of the movie but is completely vague in every respect. I felt the 30 commercial was even better but couldn't find that online. Apparently the movie is a remake of an old John Wayne film. Fortunately for me, I haven't seen that movie so I still don't know what to expect.

Who Cares Wins - Thanksgiving Edition

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, the folks at Video Vision were kind enough to make an instructional video 25 years ago to guide the weary viewer through this tricky holiday.

Tracy Morgan Explains Star Wars

I've seen the Star Wars Trilogy countless times but sometimes you just don't "get" something until someone comes along and articulates it so well....

"If you got a ghost telling you not to do it, don't do it, holmes. You ahead of the game!"

Book Review : The War for Late Night

Over the weekend I read the book "The War for Late Night : When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy" by Bill Carter. Bill Carter also wrote the definitive book about the original Late Night war (Leno vs. Letterman) over who would replace Johnny Carson, "The Late Shift" which I'm reading now.

The book obviously centers on the events which took the Tonight Show away from Leno to give it to Conan, the disaster known as "The Jay Leno Show", and then the events which took the Tonight Show back from Conan to give it to Leno. But it also thoroughly explores how the situation was set up by events and personalities years before as well as the conclusion of the battle where Conan goes to TBS. Every personality and event is covered step-by-step. It goes through all the Machiavellian machinations from the NBC executives, the affiliates, the lawyers, the press, mistakes made with the contracts and, of course, the thoughts and actions of the stars themselves. It also goes into some of the recent history and the reactions by the other talk show hosts, particularly Letterman, but also Kimmel, Kilborn, Fallon, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

The book is an extremely well done and extremely insightful fly-on-the-wall insight into all the executive whispers, back room deals, show business politics and just general chaos that transpired within NBC and out to the other networks as well. Reading the book, it quickly becomes apparent that the author either had incredible connections and interviews or simply likes to makes stuff up (but of course, his reputation and risk of lawsuit precludes the latter). Which is exactly what I wanted out of it - when Conan and his producer go in an office and shut the door, the trail doesn't stop there, you get the spoken dialog of the discussion. The tone is also extremely even-handed - Leno is not made out to be a demon, and Conan isn't made out to be a victim - the book presents the viewpoints and insights of a wide array of "show biz insiders" and allows the viewer to judge.

This isn't a life-changing book or one that will greatly expand your understanding of the universe; the rating or recommendation is simply a matter of interest in the subject matter. If you don't find the Late Night battle an interesting topic, there's no reason for you to read this book, but if you're like me, this is mandatory reading. But (chuckles) you don't have to take my word for it...

[DO DO DO]

High Pitched 8 Year Old: DO YOU LIKE BOOKS ABOUT PINHEAD NETWORK EXECUTIVES? IF SO, THEN "THE WAR FOR LATE NIGHT" IS FOR YOU! When the story begins, executives at NBC are stuck with a problem: how do you keep two of your stars happy if they both want the same show?!

[Illustration of a man peering into a cave with a flashlight]

They think they have a solution by moving one of them to primetime but it turns out to be a bad idea and it makes their affiliates mad!

[Illustration of a bear running away from a cloud of bees]

What can they DO? Could the answer be found in the small print of their contracts?!

[Illustration of a farmer hauling watermelon in a pickup truck]

I'M NOT GOING TO TELL WHAT HAPPENS NEXT BUT IF YOU LIKE STORIES ABOUT PR WARS AND THREATS OF LITIGATION, THEN GO TO YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY AND REQUEST A COPY OF "THE WAR FOR LATE NIGHT"! YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID!

[DO DO DO]

Web Redemption - Charmed

Usually "Web Redemption" is sole province of Tosh.0 but not in this case. In this episode, actor Rainn Wilson seeks redemption for his bad acting in an episode of "Charmed".

Conan Episode #2, Mr. Falcon!

Conan meets with the official censor of "Conan":

The Taiwanese Computer Animation of Conan's Return:

My favorite part of the show is when Conan and Andy belch gold vapor that turns into money. But that's just me. That's a regular feature, right?

Conan's Music - A Historical Perspective

One of the surprises of the new Conan is that he's cut a record. "Live at Third Man" is a collaboration with Jack White of the White Stripes and features a host of rockabilly tunes performed in Nashville, Tennessee.

Other blogs can tell you much more about what's on the record, I'm sure, but here's something the other tour guides won't tell you....

1) He's Done This Before

How many Twitter followers will remember that Conan cut a rockabilly record at Sun Studio in Memphis, Tennessee in the early days of "Late Night"? Not many. It's funny how time has a way of turning things around because the first time he did it, it was the exact same style but it was clearly meant to be a big joke. Let's watch:

2) It's Hypocritical

Ouch! That's a little harsh. Well, it's not meant to be but so be it. In an interview with Carson Daley, Conan admitted that he did like to play the guitar but he's not gonna be the kind of celebrity that "inflict their hobby" on the audience. Let's watch:

Again, the power of time to change things is amazing. At 14, Conan sees Alan Thicke play the guitar on his first talk show, thinks, "What an ass!" and yet 27 years later he does the same thing.

The change of heart happened so gradually and so subtly. One of my favorite bits he ever did on Late Night was when he would invite one or two "random audience members" and ask them a few questions and write a song about them on the spot. It was pretty much the same idea as "Free Stylin' With The Roots" on the current show except the audience members were set up and the "improvised" songs were scripted for comedic purposes. You could kind of write the contradiction off because it was music only for the purposes of comedy. Then they did another skit where Conan would create and sing a lullaby as a public service to young parents who are up late with their newborns. This skit very well might be the turning point around which this whole story revolves - or it would, if any of this mattered - for, when they did this skit the first couple times, Conan was just singing solo but in later additions he started bringing out and playing his acoustic guitar. Once again, you could write it off as comedy (and funny comedy - the best kind). Then came the writer's strike and Conan played a rockabilly number with the band. This time, it was a little strange because it was in earnest and not meant for comedy but at the same time you could kinda write it off because it shows that they're in the middle of a strike and desperate to kill time. Then, you'll recall, on the last ever "Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien", he performed "Free Bird" alongside an all-star lineup. But then, that was the last episode and self-indulgence was the entire point. Which brings us to today where Conan was the co-musical guest on his own show in order to promote his own record and it was a totally down-the-line musical performance - no comedy intended.

And there you have it - a tiny history of Conan's music. Please note that I don't have any problems whatsoever with Conan performing music and, as has been noted, some of his best comedy came that way. This blog only serves to point out the irony that one person who DOES have a problem with it (or would) is Conan's former self. Also, it killed time.

Conan - Episode #1

As you no doubt are already aware, the first episode of "Conan" aired last night. I was extremely impressed with how smooth and seamless it was. That's very rare for the first episode of a late night talk show (yes, even when the host is a seasoned veteran). The cold open was about 12 times better (approximate) than the cold open of the first "Tonight Show" episode (I think they may have learned from that one). Loved the Halloween mask, loved Ricky Gervais' piece and Andy Richter is in top form (as always).

Apparently it got higher ratings than Letterman/Chinbag which doesn't surprise me at all but it ought to be interesting where it comes in when the hubbub dies down. You've gotta weigh an 11 o'clock start vs. the basic cable factor. Plus, there's the question of fan loyalty. Will all those people who went to rallies, the tour, created petitions, clogged twitter, etc. watch faithfully or forget again? We shall see.

Here are my favorite highlights:

Cold open:

Ricky Gervais wishes Conan good luck:

Classic Roots Choice #23

That didn't take long, did it?

Elvis Costello was on Late Night on Friday. Here, The Roots have an entire life's work of songs to choose from, so what does one do? The walk-on music they chose for Elvis Costello was the theme song from the R. White's Lemonade commercials.

There might be thousands of people everywhere scratching their heads looking to my blog for the answer to the riddle (which I would know) except Elvis just couldn't leave it be and explained it himself in his interview (boooooo! I could have been the only one!).

Elvis' father was a jingle writer and wrote the R. White's Lemonade "Secret Lemonade Drinker" song. On top of it, Elvis' sang back up on the song when he was just a kid. In case you weren't living in Great Britain in the 70's (and I suspect that's the case) it looked like this:



It's always struck me as the height of weirdness. Is this a common problem? He's addicted to lemonade, isn't he? He's gotta do it secretly because he doesn't want his family to know he's got a serious lemonade problem and needs professional help? LOSE THE HABIT, MAN!

"Conan" Episodes To Be Available Online

Team Coco recently announced that full episodes of "Conan" will be available online (for free) the day after they air. It takes just one sentence to communicate that and yet its importance is monumental. This small nugget of information is the difference between me seeing every episode of his new show and seeing virtually none of it. I already watched every single episode of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" so you know I'm good for it.

In other Conan News, in a magazine interview, Conan said he will not have Leno on as a guest (surprise?). But even more shocking is that there's going to be a rule that goes against decades of Talk Show Law in which no guest will be allowed to plug a project. I'm not so sure that's possible. Could it just be a joke? And even if it's real, it's going to become a giant elephant in the room in each episode. You'll have an actor never mention their show but wear a tshirt with the title and opening date on it or they'll take a sip from the guest mug and there'll be a movie poster on the bottom, etc. I guess we'll have to see what happens on the first show, airing this Monday.

Classic Roots Choice #22

Usually these posts are for obscure or clever choices of song for a particular guest's walk-on music. This one's a bit different. This is about kicking-to-commercial music.

The Roots covered "Everything in its Right Place" from Radiohead's epic "Kid A" album.

It looked and sounded like this:

"But wait a minute", you say incredulously, "It goes to commercial so you only get to see a few seconds of it". Your point being? Those two seconds were the most exciting two seconds of my terrible day.

Ed. Note: Relistening to the original now to verify the youtube link and, 10 years later, it still sends me back to the first time I heard it. That is a trip. The song is a trip in itself, but that's a trip on top of the original trip. That's what I call "Double Tripulature". There's also "Triple Tripulature" but people don't generally survive that. Don't forget to trip your waitress.

Conan : The Zeroeth Episode

Conan recently did a preview episode to showoff what his new show will be like. Much like "An Idiot Abroad", he's calling it the "Show Zero".

The new show is supposed to take "full advantage of the internet" (possibly not an actual quote) so hopefully that means putting the EPISODES on the internet. Please Please Please Please.

F--- YOUR REWARDS CLUB

I give you the money, you give me the product. END OF TRANSACTION.

Back to The Future - 25 Years Later

This year is the 25th anniversary of the release of "Back to the Future", a true classic.

Michael J. Fox was on Letterman recently and told the story of how he got the job:

The song "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News is on the new Rock Band 3 which came out this week. Wow, that's gonna be fun to play.

Late Night - 10/28 Greatest Show Ever?

The Late Night episode from Thursday, October 28th was unusually good. It may be the best "Late Night" ever (of the Jimmy Fallon era). The show had "Remix the Clips", "Head Swap Vol. 6", "If Puppies Could Vote" and the first guest was Dana Carvey who's one of the best guests any talk show could have. Plus, The Roots collaborated with Mr. Carvey on a performance of "Choppin' Broccolli" - one of my favorite skits of all-time.

I couldn't decide whether to post a whole bunch of the clips of the show or just the full episode so I'm doing both.

If you have some spare time, I highly recommend you watch the full episode here.

Otherwise:

Remix The Clips Part 1:

Remix The Clips Part 2:

Head Swap Vol. 6:

Dana Carvey - Choppin' Broccolli

Puppies Predict Politics:

St. Crispin's Day

Today, October 25th is St. Crispin's Day.

At the end of "This is Spinal Tap", Michael McKean makes the joke that there was a St. Hubbins. "What was he the saint of?"

"He was the patron saint of quality footwear."

It's a funny concept and a good line but the odd thing is that it's not that ridiculous. Today is St. Crispin's Day which celebrates St. Crispin (obviously). What was he the patron saint of? Cobblers (shoemakers).

But never mind that silliness, he ought to be the patron saint of awesome speeches.

"

WESTMORELAND.

O that we now had here

But one ten thousand of those men in England

That do no work to-day!

KING.

What's he that wishes so?

My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin.

If we are mark'd to die, we are enow

To do our country loss; and if to live,

The fewer men, the greater share of honour.

God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.

By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,

Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;

It yearns me not if men my garments wear;

Such outward things dwell not in my desires;

But if it be a sin to covet honour,

I am the most offending soul alive.

No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.

God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour

As one man more, methinks, would share from me

For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!

Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,

That he which hath no stomach to this fight,

Let him depart. His passport shall be made,

And crowns for convoy put into his purse.

We would not die in that man's company

That fears his fellowship to die with us.

This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,

Will stand a tip-toe when this day is named,

And rouse him at the name of Crispian.

He that shall live this day, and see old age,

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,

And say, "To-morrow is Saint Crispian."

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,

And say, "These wounds I had on Crispian's day."

Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,

But he'll remember with advantages

What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,

Familiar in his mouth as household words,

Harry the King, Bedford, and Exeter,

Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,

Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.

This story shall the good man teach his son;

And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remembered,

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition;

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

"

Cheer Up, Phillies Phans

Well, given how devastated we Philies fans are, I figured I'd make a post to help get us through the darkness. But before I do that, let's dwell on the negative first.

Our team lost to a team who has a fat guy playing third base.

OUR TEAM LOST TO A TEAM WHO FIELDS A FAT GUY AT THIRD BASE. Look at this guy:

We lost to that guy. No team should ever lose an athletic competition when the other team has a fat guy. Would you lose a 100 yard dash to Rerun from "What's Happening!!"? No, you wouldn't. You might lose a dancing competition, but not a sprint. So painful. And I didn't even mention that their best pitcher is a 14-year-old homeless girl. FACT. Ugh.

So onwards and upwards, I s'pose.

First, as bad as this loss is, and as pathetic I am for investing so much emotion into a sports team, we can all take much comfort in the fact that our patheticness (a word?) isn't even close to the level that this guy achieves:

Secondly, this passed season, lest we forget, was the season of the little Phillies-fan-who-throws-the-foul-ball-back viral video. But less well known is the segment in which Daniel Tosh digs deeper and allows them to redeem themselves.

Tosh.0	Weds 10:30pm / 9:30c
Web Redemption - Phillies Fan
www.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

That's gotta put anybody in a better mood.

And finally. Cheer up, NBC, ya just gotta. Because even as we speak, the NBC casting department is still hard at work to find the new Seinfeld:

Wait, was that my point? Ah anyways, I still feel pretty crappy. GOOOOORRRRRNUTTTS!

STELLLLAAAA!!!!!

Simply put, "Stella" is perhaps the weirdest sitcom in the history of television and is therefore highly recommended. Although Netflix, and even IMDB, list the show as "sketch comedy" it's clearly not and they're stupid. It's a sitcom but "sitcom" in the tradition of the Marx Brothers/Three Stooges with a definite hint of Monty Python (ok, saying that it's like a sketch comedy show isn't helping the fact that I said it's not a sketch comedy. It definitely isn't.)

The show follows three men who live together (one of which is Michael Ian Black of "I Love the '80s" fame) and wear suits in every life situation. Yes, that's my synopsis of the show. The rest has to be seen. Oh yes, and it's very different.

If you do check it out (available now on Netflix instant) you'll probably spend most of the first episode trying to figure out what you're watching exactly. Don't panic. That's normal. Stick with it. The second and third episodes are epic. If those episodes don't strike you, you can give up on the show and I question your judgement.

"Stella" aired on Comedy Central in 2005 and was cancelled after only one season. This show is yet another in a line of brilliant television shows that were cancelled way too prematurely and that I've only found out about through Netflix years after the fact. Even today, as far as I can tell, no one knows about this show. Now you're in on the ground floor. Spread the word, see.

Hugh Laurie Is Dead

In this introduction to an episode of "A Bit of Fry and Laurie", Hugh Laurie dies tragically and is remembered by those who know him best.

Love the cameo by Rowan Atkinson to take the skit over the top.

Pauses Are Important

News anchor demonstrates why temporary pauses are important:

Wait... what happened to Dana?! I just saw him on the news the other night! This is awful. Why are you so calm?!

Monkey News

As has been covered in the past, big fan of Ricky, Steve and Karl.... Radio show, podcast, TV shows, all the rest of it.

For the uninitiated, the "Monkey News" feature is always real, it's always factual, it's as hard-hitting and solid as the normal news. It's just with monkeys. So without further ado... OOOH, CHIMPANZEE THAT! MONKEY NEWS!

Historical Note: The "Monkey News" story that serves as the source material for this fan animation comes from the early days of "Monkey News". The monkey that drove to Spain would be a high water mark (low water mark) against which many "Monkey News" stories would be judged.

Late Night - Pee Wee Highlights

Apologies for the slow loading time due to all the videos, apologies also for all the commercials but it's the best way I can do this. Some highlights from Pee Wee Herman's appearance on Late Night:

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Reference.

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Second Guest:

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Musical Guest Ben Folds:

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I love the secret word.

Between Two Ferns

I kind of forgot to keep up with "Between Two Ferns", the most awkward talk show in the world, but fortunately they don't release new episodes often. This is one of the newer ones and I thought it was particularly..... good?

Between Two Ferns with Bruce Willis

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Bruce Willis from Bruce Willis

This is my favorite episode so far:

Between Two Ferns with Steve Carell

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

Such great acting. The reversal where Zach plays it straight and Steve makes the insults about himself is so well done and I could watch them fighting all day.

Beatles 3000

In the year 3000, archeologists look back at the Beatles:

Beatles 3000 - watch more funny videos

My Morning Webcast

My Morning Jacket will be doing a webcast for the Late Show on Tuesday, October 12th at 8 PM. From the Late Show website: "The Kentucky rockers will be performing songs from their most recent CD, 'Evil Urges,' along with their greatest hits, live from the Ed Sullivan Theater."

"Songs" plural and "greatest hits" plural? Sounds like a mini concert. Awesome. Keep in mind this is a webcast and is therefore online. My Morning Jacket will be on Tuesday's episode of the Late Show however you'll only see one song (with a slight, slight outside chance of two songs).

Link.

As mentioned above My Morning Jacket are promoting their new album which I've not heard but I'll definitely check it out. I'm liking their new band photo (above) influenced by The Band much?

Not that I'm complaining.

BLOG BONUS:

This Week In Late Show History - This week in 1991, Richard Simmons offers Dave a check for $25,000 to appear in his video, "Devil with the Blue Dress On"; Dave accepts the check but refuses the invite. Later in the show he signs the check over to guest Kathryn Harrold."

The United States of Space

This video is amazing and yet amazingly simple. "Let's go to space with some string and a toothpick", they say and then set about to do it.

The right edge gets cut off, double click to view on Youtube.

A No-Judging Party

This band has all the elements of the worst band ever. You got way too many members (it's like 30 people on stage), they got d-bag-style plastic sunglasses, there's choreographed audience participation, they got auto-tuning (my word!), they even have a Kenny G saxophone. I want to say, "5 strikes guys". Plus I think that guy in the back left isn't even playing an instrument, he's just there to dance a little and hope he still gets paid. And yet this is why you can't make solid rules with music. Because based on the music, I really, really like this song. I don't know anything about the band but I'll have to check them out.

Gayngs - The Gaudy Side of Town

[Original Video Deleted: Gayngs on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon]

Deadwood

"If I'm to go, I'd as soon get started before the darkness."

"Goin' means the darkness is upon us."

Having just watched all 36 episodes of "Deadwood", I venture it to be one of the best dramas ever made. It's one of my favorite shows of all time, I reckon.

A period western made by HBO from 2004 - 2006, the show tells the story of the goings-on of Deadwood (now of South Dakota) from 1876-1877. As Season 1 begins, Deadwood, as a town, doesn't belong to any U.S. territory and is therefore outside the jurisdiction of ANY government. The only law is that there is no law. And being "in the state of nature" (in Lockean terms) every man is his own police officer, judge, jury and executioner. Murder, prostitution, gambling, thievery, drug use and profanity abound.

No discussion of "Deadwood" would be worth its salt if it didn't mention the profanity. This is the most filthy language you'll probably ever see on any television show... ever. It's estimated that the word "fuck" alone is said 1.53 times for every minute of runtime. The characters generally make Jeff Lebowski look like a school teacher. This is one area where the creators of the show chose to not be true to the time period. That is, the swear words used in the show didn't exist in the 1800's. But this is understandable as any characters going around saying "goldarned", etc. are likely to be laughed at - which would have detracted from the reality of the situation. Not just the type of profanity but the amount of it was an artistic choice. If the characters live in a world without rules - the thinking goes - then their speech should reflect that. The "shock value" of the language serves to draw the viewer into the reality of a lawless world.

But the delightful contradiction of the language of "Deadwood" is that it's simultaneously profane and beautiful. All the while that the characters' language is injected with effin' and jeffin' the writing is almost Shakespearean. Soliloquies, literary references, visual imagery, wit, word play, the "western" use of metaphor and the vocabulary of period language all combine to create dialog that's almost poetic. As in Shakespeare, people today don't sound like the characters in "Deadwood" but you'll wish that they did. It's lyrical to the ear whether the content of the meaning is clever, funny or brutal.

"Deadwood" contains all the usual "western" elements (prostitution, drugs, gun slinging, revenge), but  the show is really primarily about characters. The first few episodes set up 12+ fully-formed three-dimensional characters, each with their own logic, motivations, past history, loves and loyalties. Then it places them in the same town at the same time and then it seemingly "let's them go". Like molecules in a vacuum, they bounce off each and react in every possible way, forming alliances, forming grudges, falling in love, fighting, and so on. The show is a complicated and constantly evolving web of loyalty and conflict. The expected western "good guys and bad guys" routine is partially adopted, at first, but (as previously noted) all of the characters are multi-dimensional. As the show progresses, the "good guys" will do bad things and the "bad guys" will do good things. Well into the series, the lines will  disappear and the viewer will be left with characters without convenient labels.

The writing, acting and characters are so superb and the plot so addictive, it came as a slight shock to me that "Deadwood" is based on actual history. Deadwood, South Dakota is a real town. Former lawman Seth Bullock, "Wild Bill" Hickok and "Calamity" Jane were real people and really did arrive and live in Deadwood in 1876 (Season 1). Saloon owner Al Swearengen, Charlie Utter, Sol Star, George Hearst, again, are all characters and all real people. Some days after arriving, Bill Hickok was assassinated by "the cowardly" Jack McCall just as depicted in the show. In mid-1877 (Season 3) former lawmen Wyatt Earp and his brother arrived in Deadwood - again, actually history. And each episode of the show roughly translates to one historical day. But, it should be noted that the show is not a documentary and it is not meant to be. Historically accurate accounts of the "wild west" are impossible as the history is inextricably entangled in myth and legend. The point is that any level of historicity adds that much more richness to an already-amazing show.

For all its splendor, there is one notable weakness to the series. The show was cancelled abruptly and without warning by HBO after just its third season. This means that although there is some closure in the sense that the season ends, there is no real closure to the series. The plot builds to an unbelievable tension but is left somewhat unresolved as the creators fully expected to make another season. It's a huge disappointment that such a great show was cancelled and that we'll only ever have 3 seasons. Perhaps I don't have a right to be angry. Afterall, I've only started watching the show 6 years after it went off the air - I can only assume few people were watching when it was new. Even now, I don't think it's really caught on with people - certainly not the general public. Even so, HBO, usually so good at recognizing quality, definitely blew it when they cancelled this show. It's an example of dramatic writing and acting at their best. It's a brilliant gold nugget in the increasingly played out mine known as television.

Thank You Notes

Fridays Jimmy Fallon catches up on some personal stuff by sending out 'Thank You' notes.

Seriously, how often does one get to do one's Jackée impression? Almost never and it's unfair. "227" just isn't the topical reference that it used to be. Perhaps it'll make a comeback with the new "Jackée as Lunch Lady Gaga" character.

Shhh, don't tell anyone but the censors forgot to bleep this clip.

Slow Jam The News - Tax Cuts

Fallon, The Roots and Brizzle (AKA Bri-Fi, AKA B Stone, AKA Billy Wills) slow jam the news. Today's topic: the Bush tax cuts set to expire.

Instant Classic: "The Room"

I consider myself quite a connoisseur of bad movies. If someone asks me to put together a list of the 10 worst movies of all-time, I feel I can make a list that's pretty authoritative. But I think it's a fact of life that they're just not making bad movies like they used to.

But that doesn't mean that there aren't exceptions. "The Room", from what I've seen from online clips, has me very excited. This movie, at least potentially, could be up there on the list of worst movies of all time.

Check out this clip (the "flower shop scene"):

Amazing. So it's got the "snappy dialogue" department covered, but how about this dramatic reveal:

GASP! Thrill to the intense conflict within this scene:

Amazing. I definitely need to see this movie.

Can You Feel the Love?

Here's hoping you can...

Celebrities + Gum = Art

Every afternoon Late Show writer Steve Young takes low quality pictures of celebrities as the arrive to the show. The window ledge from which the photos are taken has a wad of old gum on it which he is sure to capture in the photo. This interesting juxtaposition has given birth to a new blog: http://www.celebrigum.com/.

Here's a Q&A with the author:

Q. Tell us about Celebrigum. How did you conceive of the idea of juxtaposing celebrities with hardened chewing gum?

A. The juxtaposition was already happening; I just had to notice it. I think it was last fall or winter that I noticed the gum on the ledge, and eventually I came up with a boring conceptual art piece: I would photograph the gum each day for a year. I'd taken a few dull photos when one day I realized, hey, there's Celebrity X getting out of their limo in the background. After that I was off and running.

Q. There are rumors circulating on the internet that the gum is not actually there, that it's CGI gum. Care to respond?

A. As you know, most internet rumors are completely true. However, the CGI gum rumor is false. I've personally touched the gum and determined that it's real. Of course, if the gum were ever to be stolen by a crazed fan, CGI would be among my strategies for continuing. I could also put another lump of gum there, which might be simpler.

Q. Any calls from agents and publicists trying to get their clients on Celebrigum?

A. That's confidential; I'm not going to violate the CelebriGum-Client Privilege. But since nobody's talked to me, I guess it's safe to say no. My hope is that eventually celebrities will be aware of CelebriGum and will look up and wave at me as they arrive; it would be nice to actually get someone's face in a photo. And maybe someday CelebriGum will be such a sensation that A-list celebrities will swing by 53rd Street even when they're not booked on the show. "Say hi to Dave for us, Mr. Hanks!" "Oh, I'm not here for the Late Show, I'm just trying to get on CelebriGum."

Q. Any endorsement deals in the works with a gum company?

A. This is art! I absolutely will not sully its purity with crass commercialism!

Q. Long term plans. Any chance we'll be seeing a Celebrigum art museum?

A. I wouldn't rule it out. In the meantime, while nothing's official yet, I'm in negotiations for a CelebriGum book, movie, cologne, and line of childrens' pajamas.

Joaquin Phoenix Returns

Joaquin Phoenix returned to the Late Show last night for the first time since his infamous interview. It looked something like this:

I hope you watched the show or a full version of the interview turns up online because the clip above is an extremely cut down, edited version of the real interview which was entertaining and enlightening from start to finish.

I found it interesting that Dave claims he knew it was an act at the time. In the full interview they show a clip from the original interview which kind of "tips the hand" that it was an act. For most of the last half of the segment, Dave talks (seemingly quite seriously) about a possible impending lawsuit. It really ratchets up the tension but also I couldn't help but wonder (since that isn't normal interview behavior) if he's turning the tables - he's "playing a character" back at Joaquin.

At the end of the interview as the show went to commercial, Paul and the band played Sly and the Family Stone's song "Thank You". The lyrics to the chorus are "Thank you for lettin' me be myself again". He's still the master.

Rifftrax : Seven Little Ducks

Rifftrax (the writing core of MST3K now with a new company) have a new "short". I receive these new product announcements every once in a while and I always look forward to them because their video descriptions are so well written. The video description for "Seven Little Ducks" follows.

"When police inspector Launchpad McQuack receives a phone call that Huey, Dewey and Louie have gone missing, his initial inclination was to suspect the Beagle Boys - a suspicion that his neighbor Donald Duck was only too happy to go along with. But Donald seemed a little too concerned about keeping Launchpad away from his newly planted garden bed, instead plying the straight-laced cop with a dish he called "Diablo Pato." And that's when the first severed head turned up in a box on Launchpad's doorstep, pulling him down into a twisted web of intrigue, with the case growing more depraved and fiendish with each passing hour.

Sorry about that, that would be the plot of Se7en Little Ducks. Seven Little Ducks on the other hand is a good-natured short about a brace of ducks. You might assume that there would be seven ducks, but you would be a moron for expecting the good people at Coronet Films to do something as logical as naming their educational short in accordance with how many ducks are actually in said short.

The ducks are owned by Carol, who is played by a Gamorrean Guard. Carol has mastered basic duck-care skills such as feeding them gravel and strangling them. The ducks detest their cruel owner, and led by the hideous Father Duck, whose skin condition makes Two Face look like a Noxzema model, plan a coup. I'm sorry, I'm also being informed that that should be "Coop", and is not a bloody takeover, but rather the enclosure within which the ducks reside.

Obviously we can't get our details right about the content of the short, so just tune in to Seven Little Ducks along with Mike, Kevin and Bill and see for yourself. Quack. "

Addictive Television

It's 3 Am and I'm still up because I just watched the entire first season of "Celebrity Rehab" in one night. At first I was just going to watch one episode but that lead to another and another and I didn't know how to stop. It's almost like a... it's like a strong undeniable, uncontrollable impending urge.. thingey. Not sure about the exact term or how to stop it.

My comical (was it though?) lead-in should not obscure the fact that there is NOTHING funny about the show or the subject matter. And it really throws the usual preconceptions down the drain. In almost any other context, this kind of a group of "celebrities" given on a "reality show", is the kind of thing that you would not only avoid watching but wish that the TV station broadcasting the show gets bombed by Albanian submarines. But instead they're stripped down and seen as real people, real people with problems, imperfect human beings that you root for and, actually care for about as much as you can care for a person behind the wall of the television screen. At least I did. Anyways, no time for any more analysis. It's 3:40 and I have work tomorrow.

Extremely interesting, compelling and emotional show.

A Phoenix Rising From The Awkwardness

Big Late Show news. From their website:

"Is Joaquin Phoenix here?

That's the question everyone was asking after his must-see television appearance with Dave in 2009 that is now part of the upcoming documentary, "I'm Still Here."

On Wednesday, September 22nd, Joaquin returns to the LATE SHOW for his first television appearance since the incident. In anticipation of Joaquin's return, the LATE SHOW will rebroadcast his original appearance on Thursday, September 16th."

This is just the latest "First Interview Since..." interview - a line that includes the return of Crispin Glover after his drug-induced craziness, return of Madonna after her profanity-laced sound off and the return of Farrah Fawcett after her trip to space.

It ought to be interesting to hear the explanation as to whether it was all an act. My guess is he'll dodge the issue as much as possible in order to get people to watch the documentary that he's promoting. Crispin Glover kind of did the same thing. To this day, he refuses to say whether his interview was just an act because that would spoil the post-modern performance art integrity of the blah blah blah... I stopped listening after a while.