Well I Sent a Nukie Tape and It Was Destroyed

 

An examination of value, collectibles and mania. During the Gold Rush, the people who most often made  money were the people selling the mining supplies. I have a feeling the people making the real money off of VHS's is the people grading the tapes.

The ebay auction, in case you want to collect Nukie, is at $35,100 as of this post.

It Happened One Christmas (1977)

 

In Season 3, Episode 21 of "Mystery Science Theater 3000," the crew are forced to watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and are understandably depressed. To help recover, Joel announces that he's gotten a hold of some good Christmas movies. When he proclaims they'll be able to watch "It's a Wonderful Life," the bots are ecstatic... But then he adds, "Don't get too excited, it's the lame Marlo Thomas version." Another version? Yes, the "lame Marlo Thomas version" is a made-for-tv movie entitled "It Happened One Christmas."

In this version, Marlo Thomas (who is a woman) plays the George Bailey character (basically) only they've swapped sexes so the main character is Mary Bailey. She saves her brother from the ice, she has big plans to see the world but gives them up to run her father's Savings and Loan, she keeps her head during the Great Depression and later, facing ruin, she wants to die until her guardian angel Clara saves her.

The film only partially fails in execution but completely fails in concept. People complain that the sequels and reboots of classic movies have gotten out of hand (and they have), but why would ANYONE think they could remake "It's a Wonderful Life"?! It begs belief. It's insanity, it's an insult to film lovers everywhere. And why would you? The original fell out of copyright, it's cheap to broadcast, why spend lots of money to make it again?

Aside from the problem that, you know, the entire concept of the movie is wrong, it isn't a fun disaster - the movie is competently made in every aspect. The film even boasts some great actors. Most notable is Orson Welles as Old Man Potter. How did they get Orson wrapped up in this? His performance is emblematic of the entire problem of the movie. His Potter is smoother and more subtle, more thoughtful, than Lionel Barrymore's but it's to no effect - Barrymore's performance is definitive. Clara, the guardian angel, is played by one of my favorites Cloris Leachman. Her performance in "The Last Picture Show," is one of the all-time greats. In this movie, she's okay. And Mary's brother is played by Christopher Guest, another forgettable performance. In this version, the old man who loses the S&L's money is played by Barney Martin (the dad from "Seinfeld").

Whether this movie should be true to the original or make its own path is a no-win situation. In this case, they chose to be pretty faithful to the original and lost. This exposes the main weakness of the movie: the lead, Marlo Thomas. She's going through all the same actions and making all the same impassioned speeches as Jimmy Stewart did and she has none of the punch, none of the power. I'm not very familiar with Marlo Thomas' body of work but she appears to be a competent actress, she just doesn't compare to Jimmy Stewart. Likewise, a great deal of the movie hinges on the romance between her and her husband, Wayne Rogers, and these two appear to me to have no chemistry. None. It's pretty amazing. Compare that to Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed - one of the most iconic onscreen couples of all-time. 

This movie is the very definition of a mistake, though it is an interesting experience in one way. Watching the emotionally hollow scenes, I was constantly reminded of the parallel scenes from the original movie and how I feel watching those. It's a rather rare phenomenon to watch a movie that's boring, that's dull, that's flat and which is also, nonetheless, emotionally affecting. This is such an experience.

Mexican Snacks

 Don't worry, the Year of Snacks is over. This is an addendum to a Game Grumps post. On their "10 Minute Power Hour" episode "Candies from Around the World," they tasted a Mexican candy that I needed to track down. And while I was on Amazon, I grabbed a second one.

At 3:12, the Grumps describe an unnamed Mexican candy as basically the combination of every Fruit Roll-Up in the world. But they don't say its name. So I did a little research and people tell me that this candy is most likely Rellerindos.

Rellerindos - Sabor Tamarindo

English Description: Tamarind Flavor with Chili

It turns out The Grumps' description is both apt and misleading and I'll explain why. Firstly, I commend them for instantly coming up with a "headline" description that's so good. The Fruit Roll-Up inclusion is accurate in the way that there's some sweet and some grit. You remember how in strawberry Fruit Roll-Ups they have "seeds" in there that feel like little grains of sand? Well, these have some of that. They also have some sweet and some fruit - also in common with Fruit Roll-Ups. The "every Fruit Roll-Up" is accurate in the way the taste is completely intense and like nothing you've had before.

Here's where the Fruit Roll-Up analogy goes awry and my english translation helps. These are chili flavored. The whole time you're eating them, there is a low-level heat on your tongue which is wayyyy unexpected. It's this "heat" that adds to the overpowering flavor aspect that makes the whole experience just painful and not recommended... unless you're looking for a completely new taste that you've never had before regardless of whether it's pleasant or not.

Revolcaditas - Sabor Flavor

English Description: Watermelon flavored chili covered hard candy.

I picked these up when Amazon recommended them. I love watermelon, I love watermelon-flavored things, why not?

These are much less intense, much less disgusting than the Rellerindos but still run along similar lines. Like Rellerindos, they have the spicy outer flavor (chili) that is absolutely disgusting and, to my American sensibilities, doesn't belong within 50 feet of a "candy." But then, unlike Rellerindos, when you get to the middle, there is a very nice watermelon hard candy taste.

Ah, a thought occurred! Maybe instead of intense disgusting flavor first and then a nice sweet flavor second, the point is I should chew it all and mix it together. I tried and failed. It's a hard candy and so it's a somewhat difficult thing to do and even if you do, the flavors still stay pretty separate. 

So that's that. I bought two very big bags of candy and after eating 2 or 3 pieces, never want to eat any of them again. Merry Christmas.

Game Grumps - Terror in Christmas Town

 

I think it's fair to say this one goes off the rails... and that's a good thing!

Where have you gone Michael Zerbo? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Christmas Comes to Pac-Land (1982)

 

Not a standalone movie, but rather the Christmas episode of the Saturday Morning Cartoon "Pac-Man," within the first 5 minutes of "Christmas comes to Pac-Land", the four ghosts are chasing Pac-Man, then he's cornered, then he eats power pellets and then the tables are completely turned and he chases down the ghosts to eat them. This may be the most faithful video game adaptation of all-time. It doesn't matter that it makes no sense, that's the way the game is so we're just literally going to play out the things that happen in the game!

Pac-Man has a wife, Mrs. Pepper Pac-Man who is Ms. Pac-Man but they don't call her that. Together they have Pac-Baby and a dog and cat. The Pac-World version of a dog seems to have been created in a lab by scientists tasked with achieving maximum cuteness. The dog is my favorite character:

The Pac-Family lives in a world with no Christmas, so the title checks out, and this episode sees Santa coming to this other planet/land to introduce the Holiday. My only question is why. If they don't celebrate Christmas, why go to the bother of delivering presents to every house? And where was this idea last year? This special is in direct conflict with the many Christmas specials that make it absolutely clear that YOU MUST BELIEVE IN SANTA or he won't come.

But anyways, Santa is there for some reason and crashes his sleigh, so it's up to Pac-Man to repair his sleigh and re-acquire the presents lost in the crash. Unfortunately, the ghosts are working to stop him from accomplishing his mission. But the meaning behind the Pac-Man vs. Ghosts eternal struggle is another question mark. When Pac-Man eats the ghosts, they become sets of eyes and go somewhere else to regroup. When the ghosts eat Pac-Man he just becomes really tired. So what's the point of any of it? What are the stakes, why do anything at all? Somehow the absolute worst fate that can befall Pac-Man is that he becomes like me? Ouch.

So, yeah, it's clear that Pac-Man needs to save Christmas and he is opposed by the ghosts trying to stop him. Except in the climax of the film, he explains the concept of Christmas to them and why it's important that they not oppose him in this and so they agree to call a truce and go peacefully on their separate ways. It is quite a subversion of cartoon expectations, I don't remember any other cartoon conflict that was resolved by just calmly explaining things to the villains.

But even without ghostly opposition, Santa is still in trouble because he's run out of time somehow. He can go to billions of houses in one night but he can still run short on time. But fortunately, Pac-Man takes him to the Power Pellet Forest and gives power pellets to Santa and the reindeer and that's the answer. There's that old standup bit about how Pac-Man caused an entire generation to do drugs and here we have the moral of the Christmas special: if you need increased performance, just take some pills.

This is a strange concept for a Christmas special (obviously) but in execution it's just you're average Saturday Morning Cartoon episode. Nothing great, nothing terrible. Except there is a part where Pac-Man gives a surprise gift to all of his ghost enemies and I kind of choked up a little. It's very touching.

Game Grumps - Nostalgic Toy Memories

 

If you grew up between the 70s and 90s, you may remember these top childhood gifts.

Popcorn in Bed - Lethal Weapon

 

8:51 - Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It's been a long time since I watched, or thought about "Lethal Weapon" but it really is the perfect 80s action movie. I'm watching Murtaugh's wife and thinking, "She looks like Darlene Love." It IS Darlene Love. That's the first time I realized that.

Re:View - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

 

A round-table discussion of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie from 1990.

I learned about TMNT from a friend showing me the cartoon and, like Jay, I decided that would be my thing: I would collect all of them. Of course I never had a shot at accomplishing that goal, the corporations were amazing at pumping them out at a torrential pace, but I probably had more TMNT toys than any other "line" at any stage of childhood.

Earlier this year I found in an old box the TMNT movie novelization book that you would buy from Scholastic in those years. And I read it in present day and then I re-watched the movie. But I didn't come up with any original or interesting angle to take to create a worthy blog post about it. But I still remember going to see the original movies in the theater right when they came out and having every pleasure center in my brain firing off at the same time.

Late Show - Artie Lange

 

There is a certain amount of fear whenever Letterman uploads a celebrity interview. I learn about celebrity deaths very often from their new videos. So I should say, to my knowledge, Artie is still alive.

Artie Lange talks about making "Dirty Work" with Don Rickles.

Game Grumps - More Joke Songs

"The Final Egg" is special, real special. 

Late Night - Kid Focus Group

 

After the Late Night episode which featured a full audience of kids, Conan solicits focus group feedback.

The child audience show was real, by the way. And it's funny to see a young Jim Gaffigan here. My sense is, this isn't the only time he appeared on the show pre-fame.

Game Grumps - Waterworld

 This is great.