This Peacock Needs to Fly

The Other Guys (2010)

P.K. Highsmith and Christopher Danson (Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) are two balls-to-the-wall cops who don't play by the rules. They're the kind of cops who shoot first and, then, when it gets down to the time where they should be asking questions, they're still shooting - walking away from an explosion in slow mo. This film isn't about them. Instead, it's about "The Other Guys" (Mark Wahlberg, Will Ferrell) - the guys who do paperwork at their desk and have their guns taken away from them because they accidentally shot Derek Jeter. The kind of guys who mount a red police emergency light on top of a Prius as they investigate scaffolding ordinance violations.

"The Other Guys" kind of slipped under the radar this year either because it was going up against dominant competition or people had grown tired of Will Ferrell movies. I can't blame them, his mostly-improvised comedic output has been downhill since "Anchorman". Still, in this case it's unjustified. This is the funniest movie I've seen in a long time - Will Ferrell or otherwise.

The great lines and great scenes of this movie are too numerous to get into. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg give great performances. Michael Keaton and Steve Coogan are excellent surprises in supporting roles and the movie is narrated by Ice-T. In fact, maybe it's just me but I felt like I could actually hear Ice-T crawling on a log as he spoke. This movie actually made me laugh out loud multiple times - an extreme rarity.

That's why I creep.

Seinfeld Chronicled

Yesterday I completed a (about) 6 month-long project (I say "project" because it sound more impressive). Using Netflix, I had rented every disc of every season of Seinfeld as fast as the mail allowed.

I had previously confirmed that I had seen every episode and I'm well aware that thousands of reruns are aired every night on TBS alone. But the point was to go through all the deleted scenes, all the commentaries, all the extras as well as the flubs, bloopers, screwups and boners. I'm a big fan of all that "inside" stuff about where the ideas came from, how the show was created, what were the obstacles, etc. And on that count, it pretty much delivered although it was a long haul with a good number of thin spots. Still, next time anyone watches Seinfeld with me, they better prepare to get hit with some knowledge.

That's 9 seasons over 8 DVD seasons and 4 discs per season for 32 DVD rentals and 180 episodes. So, that's that done. On to the next thing...

War with the Postman

The other day it snowed. We got a few inches (probably 3), no big deal but I noticed something strange... ever since it snowed I haven't gotten my mail. Hmm, that's strange. Oh well. Hey, whose creed is this?

"And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change, nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our appointed rounds. Ever."

Oh yeah, it's the Post Office's creed. SNOW IS THE FIRST ONE.

Hey, I didn't pick that creed but if you're gonna have one that's that hardcore, you really should be able to walk through a light dusting. Allow me to suggest a more accurate creed....

"Lots of things will stay us from swift completion of our appointed rounds - particularly Sundays. Ever."

I really didn't feel like it was enough snow to shovel the driveway but I guess I have to now. They have me over a barrel on this. Who can live without mail? If these trends continue, how am I going to get 3 unsolicited J. Crew catalogs? I NEED Comcast's flyers about XFinity. What is my life if I'm not throwing away giant stacks of coupons for things I don't buy? Nothing, that's what. I have no choice but to at least shovel a path for His Highness from the street to my mailbox. I need those credit card offers.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas.

Late Night - Topical Carolers (2010)

Late Show - Holiday Toys

The Roots - The Christmas Song

Darlene Love - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) 2010

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Happy Festivus (War is Over)

December 23rd is officially Festivus so get out your aluminum poles!

Just a reminder that tonight is the last Late Show before Christmas so it's the Late Show Christmas extravaganza show. I went through all the details last year so I won't do that again but also last year they forgot Paul's Cher impression so I'll be interested to see if that makes it back in.

Head Swap - Christmas Edition

Is there any better way to celebrate Christmas than to put the head of one celebrity and put it on another celebrity's body and then to take the head of the other celebrity and place it on the body of the first celebrity? I don't think so.

It's a satire, it's a squib, it's a farce, it's an ingenious and sardonic comment on contemporary society and social morays... It's Head Swap!

"Daughters"? Really?!

Dave Calls Conan

Yesterday before the Top Ten List, Letterman announced - somewhat mysteriously - that he had called Conan O'Brien.

See the clip within this montage:

My best guess for asking "if everything is fine" refers to the Letterman/Leno/Oprah Super Bowl of Love ad. Based on Bill Carter's book "The War for Late Night", it seemed Conan was offended by the idea and/or that he was asked to participate. When word was passed to Conan that he was wanted for the piece, he reportedly said, "No fucking way I'm doing that. It's not a joke to me -- it's real."

However, it is total speculation that that was what this latest call was really about. Either way it would be silly to "feud" over something so trivial and hopefully this paves the way for Dave and Conan as guests on each other's show. Make it happen, science.

Conan Decorates for Christmas

Conan updates his new set for Christmas. Call me uptight, but I worry that in all his decorating, the true meaning of Christmas may have been lost. I don't know. Like I said, maybe that's just me.

Conan Unveils the Set

The Wolfwaker

I'm posting the whole segment but the real point of the post is the Wolfwaker introduction. It has to be one of the most preposterous and ridiculous things ever vocalized on network television. I was laughing by the third sentence and then it just kept going.

Cell Phone Shootout Part 1:
[Video Deleted]

Cell Phone Shootout Part 2:

[Video Deleted]

It was in the time of the Rock King,

Before the Age of Green Fire,

Before the Machine Rebellion,

Before the Trials of Jupiter.

The wolves were a proud and peaceful civilization

Caring for the small green and blue planet they inherited

When the humans left for the stars.

The wolves lived in human cities,

Practiced human government

And carried on human traditions

Like Christmas.

But the wolves were not alone.

One man stayed behind

To care for the wolves

To teach them art and science

To guide them through the birth

Of their civilization.

The Wolfwaker lived 300 miles above the Earth

In a vast and lonely orbiting fortress.

Always watching.

Always protecting.

And every year,

On Christmas Day,

He descends from the clouds

On a sled of fire

Waking the wolves of the Earth

To remind them of their humble beginnings

And remind them of their destiny in the Heavens...

Fun With Wikipedia

Who says wikis have to be dry, dull and boring?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria

"The village is especially popular with British tourists; as a local tour guide explained: "The Germans all want to see Mozart's house in Salzburg; the Americans want to see where The Sound of Music was filmed; the Japanese want Hitler's birthplace in Braunau; but for the British, it's all about Fucking.""

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. It's a valid sentence!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_while_John_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_a_better_effect_on_the_teacher

Or.... James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.

Dustin Hoffman and Robert DeNiro

They're two of our most legendary living actors and they appeared together to promote their new film.

In the thirty years that Dave has had a talk show, Robert DeNiro has NEVER been on. And it's easy to see why. He may be the only living person who, if asked the question, "What's the meaning of life?", would give a 'Yes or No' answer. From what I can tell, it's extreme shyness - if he was interviewed by someone he knew well he might give actual answers, but as it is, it's two words and OUT. This highly-edited clip cuts out 99% of the awkward silence (as usual) but that's a shame because Letterman is great in these moments. He knows he's dieing on stage, his back is to the wall and he lets loose with some fantastic zingers.

Of course, DeNiro was the first guest on Jimmy Fallon's first show but I think the "publicity stunt" nature of the idea was generally lost on people. Saying that one's first guest on their first show is going to be Robert DeNiro is the same thing as saying, "On my first show, I'm gonna escape from an underwater safe." In either case, you're going to see someone die on stage.

BONUS FACT:

Amaze and Impress Your Friends at Parties with this one:

Robert Deniro is actually 25% Italian. He's mostly German and Dutch.

Top Ten Album Easter Eggs

Cracked.com has a really interesting article about the top ten album easter eggs.

Read it here.

For me, the most mind-blowing one is #6 Aphex Twin though he loses points for the fact that the song, on a surface level, sucks.

Of particular interest - and the reason I found the article in the first place - are #9 and #8. #9 is real (obviously) and I've known about for a long time. I even bought two copies of the album just so I could ruin one by opening the back of the CD case. It wasn't strictly necessary - getting to the booklet didn't have to mean ruining the case - but it turned out to be a good idea because I cracked a giant chunk of plastic off.

#8 is really intriguing and I'll be checking out that "combined" album soon but I have to regard it as the same as the Dark Side of the Moon / Wizard of Oz thing (which I also checked out by the way (summer vacations were awesome)). There are hugely suspicious coincidences that lead you down the path of "clues" but it IS only coincidence. The quote in the article where a "source close to the band" says that they can't believe it's taken the public this long to figure it out is rubbish. It's hard enough writing good music, it's hard enough producing good music and making a compelling album, you can't expect artists are going to add some hugely complicated extra parameter for themselves that they have to overcome like syncing to a movie.

I think most conspiracy theories start off for the exact same reason. In fact, there ACTUALLY people who still believe Paul McCartney is dead. THAT... is depressing. Still, I find this kind of thing interesting at least.

Stefon's Guide to New York

I don't know how many times I have to say it - when you're writing a skit where you're having trouble staying in character, do NOT write in midgets. I say it again and again and somehow nobody listens. It almost makes me think that the writers of SNL aren't reading my blog but that's impossible.

Charades With The Stillers

Ben Stiller and his parents play "Charades" with Jimmy Fallon. I'm not going to lie, when I heard Ben Stiller's parents were coming out, I did actually imagine Jerry Stiller with Estelle Harris. Hilarious segment.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Not to criticize, but it's obvious that you have to split up the married couple in order to have fair teams. This is the first "perfect game" in the history of Late Night Charades.

Phour Aces

This blog is hardly sports-related but I'm a good cop and I don't play by the rules.

Earlier, Cliff Lee re-signed with the Phillies, giving them a pitching staff that, if not unparalleled in history, is at least rarely seen in history.

Now the race is on to find a nickname for the group now that the former "H2O" moniker (Halladay, Hamels, Oswalt) is outdated.

"R2C2" (Roy, Roy, Cole, Cliff) seems to be the early favorite though we are early on in the voting (only 5% of districts reporting, this one is a hot potato on a jumping stove during an earthquake). I like "Four Aces". Of course, it will be tweaked to "The Phour Aces", that's a rule.

Click here to view the photoshop/slogan fun (the real point of this post).

My favorite is "The Four Horsemen"

Though I feel if that were actually to take off, by law it must be tweaked to "The Phour Horsemen". That's a rule.

I find myself intellectually able to recognize the amazingness of the situation but still emotionally unexcited. Somehow in the city that is specifically designed to be pessimistic about our sports teams, I may be the most pessimistic. I thought last year was their year and the season is so long with so many ups and downs, I was so excited for the beginning of the playoffs and the team just faded away. Then they're one year older and they lose Jayson Werth and I just feel emotionally spent. I just don't want to expect a Championship until the final game is over. I'm looking at a baseball "Dream Team" and not excited. Maybe this is my superpower. Maybe I should wear a cape and a big "thumbs down" picture on my chest. Maybe I'm just in a mood.

Conan - The Comic Book Guy

Conan visits Warner Brothers' animation department to explore various super heroes and to get animated himself.

American Chopper Returns (AGAIN)

This show is constantly either cancelled or questionable to return but keeps coming back. It's the Brett Favre of shows but without all the cell phone stuff. Not that that's a criticism - I still love the show and want it to keep going.

Discovery aired a special last Monday with new interviews about the family feud and what has happened in the past year. I haven't seen it yet. It'll mostly just be a rehash of the previous season but I'll check it out anyway.

Then, this coming Monday (Dec. 6th) new episodes of the new season will air. HOLY SHORT NOTICE, BATMAN! It's hard to complain about getting what you want and getting it RIGHT NOW but I do fear that it's not enough time to emotionally prepare. I wonder if they have Paul Sr. as head of production now.

"DON'T GIVE ME THIS 'WE NEED TIME TO EDIT' 'WE NEED TIME TO ADD SOUND' BULL****! MAKE THE SHOW! YOU GOT ONE JOB, JUST GET IT DONE AND PUT IT ON THE AIR!"

Guess The Pies

It's a Thanksgiving tradition. Every year on the Thanksgiving episode of the Late Show, we visit Dave's mom and try to guess which pies she baked this year. See if you can (psychically) determine which pies she made.

Can't embed the video. Follow this link for the full episode and skip to the second segment.

Spoilers Below....

First off, way to go Dave's mom, denying global warming. Stickin' it to the man. Dave is obsessed with global warming so it features in the show often (to my annoyance).

Dave's first guess is Pumpkin. And Dave's first guess is ALWAYS pumpkin. He goes for the percentage shot first. Out of the years that Guess the Pie has been played, a Pumpkin pie was a correct answer 75% of the time. If that guess is correct, the real work begins but at least it's only one-to-go. If that guess isn't correct (as is the case this year), he's really in trouble. In these situations he does the best thing which is to just do the "RSTLNE" of the pie world (Cherry, Apple, Blueberry, Pecan).

In years in which she's feeling creative, the pie(s) can be virtually ungettable. The fact that he got the Sugar Cream pie was quite a home run (though it was huge that he got the clue he did). Looking it up, it looks like Sugar Cream is a pie that's specific to the Indiana region. It's also known as "Hoosier Sugar Cream" and "Indiana Sugar Cream". That explains why I've never heard of it.

The major pie in the "ungettable" category that sticks out in my mind was from 1997. That year she made a Coconut Butterscotch Pecan pie. WHOAH. Are you kidding me?! Another year the (much less difficult) pie was a Rhubarb pie which always reminds me that I've never had a Rhubarb pie and I'll have to find one some time.

GUESS THE PIE BONUS COVERAGE:

As the Sugar Cream is specific to Indiana, I've never had it but there are tons and tons of pies specific to my region. The most obscure one, which I have had, is Ground Cherry pie. Oh, you mean a Cherry pie? No. Oh, you mean a specific type of Cherry pie? No, GROUND CHERRY pie. It's a Pennsylvania Dutch tradition/recipe and sure enough my great-grandmother used to make them every year for Thanksgiving. (The recipe was passed down to my grandmother and then my aunt). What do ground cherries taste like? It's very much an "aquired taste" [read: kinda gross]. The closest thing I can point to is they kinda taste a little bit like tomatoes. As such it's a pie that, I think, is teetering on the edge of extinction. It doesn't even have a wikipedia page to link to. I'm not partial to it, myself, but I always think it's a shame when the old-timey traditions like that die out.

Non-Televised Talk Show

Jerry Seinfeld and Jimmy Fallon experiment with a new show format: a talk show that doesn't get shown on television.

The irony, of course, is that this was an actual plot in "Seinfeld". Kramer turned his apartment into a talk show but didn't own any cameras.

This clip makes it obvious that Jimmy doesn't film his show like Letterman films his. No late night talk show is filmed live but the Late Show is filmed as if it was. If something fails on the Late Show they don't go back later and retape it. When they go to commercial and the band plays, the band will play a song for the exact length of time that the commercials run. If they're back from commercial and not prepared, too bad, they got caught. Etc., etc., etc. They may be the only show to do that.