Rad - Top Ten Script Anomalies (10-6)

The Final Script to "Rad" has been uploaded to the internet. The movie itself has been uploaded to youtube. What does it this mean? It means that everyone in the world can watch the movie while following along with their own copy of the script, noting any differences between the two. Anyone in the world can do it and I expect everyone in the world will.

But just in case they don't, I've compiled my own list. The movie and the script differ in innumerable ways, some minor, some fairly sizable, listing all of them is a job best left to the world of academia. Let someone else get a doctoral thesis out of it. Nevertheless, I've compiled a list of the "top ten" that are the most significant in my opinion.

This article will focus on #10 through #6.

#10. Cru Is Always Drinking Beer

Cru is supposed to be the prototypical all-American kid living in America. The script is very explicit that he's in high school (what with those scenes of him in high school and all). And yet, in the script he's constantly drinking beer. Coors to be specific.

Dude's pouring beer in his Lucky Charms! Not just beer but beer in cereal. That's hardcore. And it's only breakfast time.

How are you gonna walk Hell Track when your balance is compromised from alcohol?! The above snippet is from the scene where the gang is hanging out in the lumber yard just before Sgt. Smith arrives. But that's not the only time in the script that he's seen drinking. When it looks like Cru won't get to race Hell Track and he's at his lowest ebb, he's seen back in the lumber yard, back in the shack, drowning his sorrows in more Coors.

There's your lesson, kids!

#9. Sgt. Smith's Full Name

In the movie, the legend of Sgt. Smith follows naturally from the mystery of Sgt. Smith. Is he man or machine? Does he have a home? Does he ever take off his police uniform? Was he born or was he built in a lab from the parts of lesser policemen? Who knows. We only see him without his aviator sunglasses one time, and only at the very end of the movie. That means that by the end of the movie we've only learned that he has eyes.

But that's why it's so interesting that the script contains a small morsel of extra information.... his name!

Eugene?! Eugene T.... One question answered but another raised: what does the "T" stand for? I say it's "Thunder".

Look at that character description. One definitely gets the feeling that he's intended to be more of a "bad guy" in the script than in the movie. But, of course, that would make this all the more eerie:

#8. The Origin of the Phrase "Balls Out"

"Cru! You can do it. Just pretend you're in a lumberyard.... Go balls out."

It's one of the, if not the, most important Rad quotations. A group of NASA Engineers studied it for two years before deeming it the greatest movie quote of all-time and said that it single-handedly lead to several important technological advancements - each of which enabled BMX tricks to be more gnarly in some way.

The main thing that makes it stand out is that it's so insanely random.There's no reason a grizzled policeman should be using the phrase "balls out" to a teenager. There's no reason any adult should be using the phrase "balls out" to anyone. I shouldn't even be typing it now.

"Balls out."

But the script can explain it... kind of. Here's the scene where Cru IS in the lumber yard, just as they begin to play the "cat and mouse" game with Sgt. Smith:

The movie (and script) lead us to believe that their Sgt. Smith/lumberyard shenanigans are not a one-time occurrence. This is an ongoing, regular game. And it's also quite conceivable that Cru regularly shouts the phrase "Balls out!!!" to his fellow competitors as the start signal. So it's much more natural, then, to think that when the final race is about to start, Eugene isn't reaching that particular phrase just from the top of his head. He's showing that he's "down with the kids" by repeating Cru's own phrase back to him. It's encouragement and it's an inside joke at the same time.

So in light of the script, it doesn't feel so weird anymore. So then later, during the Hell Track race:

Hmm, nope, it just got weird again.

#7. Cru's Name Isn't Christopher

All throughout the movie, everyone consistently calls Cru, "Cru". There's only a single allusion to the fact that "Cru" is just a nickname. In the scene where Cru is trying to convince his mom that she should allow him to race Hell Track, he gives her the "Dad always said, 'When your gut talks to you, you listen.'" argument. To which she replies, "Aw, Christopher, that won't wash with me. Just because he's dead that doesn't mean that anything has changed."

Uh... well.... are you sure that his death hasn't changed anything?! Nothing at all? I'll be honest, it really should change some things... quite a few things, in fact.

Oh, anyway, from that small moment, a small bit of Rad trivia is born: Cru's real name is Christopher. Or is it? Here's what that exchange looks like in the script:

It's gone! And the name "Christopher" never shows up anywhere. Going from only the script, Cru's name is indeterminate. That line must have been added later - perhaps on the day of shooting.

If you ask me, there's a strange bit of symmetry going on. Sgt. Smith's name is ONLY in the script. Cru's name is ONLY in the movie. Perhaps both the script and movie are coordinated to be viewed as halves of a cohesive whole. Each is one piece of a greater puzzle. If you ask me, we are through the looking glass and there's no telling how far this thing goes.

#6. No Skull Kid

Rad experts agree that "The Skull Kid", as he's most commonly known, is the single most mysterious element in the entire movie "Rad". To see the Skull Kid, see this small moment here.

From the existing film footage, let's list exactly what we know:

1) An unnamed teenager approaches a desk.
2) He places a human skull on the desk.
3) He says, "Thank you."
4) He walks away.

That's what we know. That's ALL we know.

It's inexplicable. It's unexplainable. If you think about it too long, blood will come out of your ears. It's kept me up nights, that's the God's-honest truth. But it's all for naught. There's no way to rationalize it. It's an eternal mystery.

That is, unless the script can provide some sort of insight that can't be gleaned from the movie.... Here's that exact moment as described in the script:

SON OF A BUSINESS. That's it?! The script doesn't just echo the same information, it deletes information. That moment is not in the script at all. We have to assume, as elsewhere, that that moment was invented on the day of shooting (or at least sometime after the final script). But who would do such a thing and why?

Rad's greatest mystery remains just that...

Conan - Brian McCann Leaves

Thursday was the last show of writer Brian McCann who's been a mainstay of the show for 17 years.

Here, Conan says goodbye:


As he says, for legal reasons they can't play most of his highlights but they can link to them at teamcoco.com/mccann.

On a personal note, two of the characters Conan mentions on the show happen to be from youtube clips that I've uploaded. Yet, those are also not videos linked to on the official website. Dang.

Personal Favorites: Raisin, Preperation H Raymond and The Guy with Bulletproof Legs. But there have been so many over the years, that I feel if I thought about it for a while, I'd come up with a million of them. I think of him as the Chris Elliot of Conan's "Late Night". It's a big loss for the show.

Flight of the Conchords - Feel Inside

The Flight of the Conchords are tasked with creating a song for a children's charity. Awesomeness ensues.



I think "The kids that are sick can't do hip hop anymore" is my new favorite sentence. I want to begin every conversation that way. That, and I've started using the work "collusion" in everyday sentences. I can't stop watching.

Note Jemaine's "WHOAH" at 1:41 is perfect.

IMDB 250 8.1 - La Haine (1995)

La Haine (1995)

A French film, "La Haine" follows three inner-city youths over the course of a single day.

They buy drugs, they acquire a gun, they get hassled by the police, they argue, they steal. Recently, a guy from the neighborhood was beaten up by the cops so bad that he may die in the hospital. One of the guys says that if that happens, he may kill a cop in retaliation.

It's gritty, it's dirty, it's in your face, it's "street". You know what this movie is like? It's a French version of a Spike Lee film. It's extremely-well acted with characters that are completely believable and yet I don't care for them because they're all morons in different ways. Perhaps they serve as characters that I should look down on and feel sorry for. Unlikely, but conceivable. But over the course of an hour and a half or two hours, at some point, that's not entertainment anymore. The reason they're miserable isn't due to their circumstances or origins... it's because they're fools. They deserve their circumstances.

This movie is from the 90s so it's allowed to be dated. And like I said, it's very similar to a Spike Lee film and Spike Lee is an acclaimed director - so perhaps it deserves some acclaim. But not from me. Real talk.

5/10.
Total Top "250" Movies Seen: 362.

Movie Review: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)

Candy manufacturer Willy Wonka once said, "The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last." Sergio Leone's style could be described this way. Gun fights are naturally un-cinematic - they're over in a second or two. So what Leone does is extend the silence before the fight, drawing out the tension like a blade and then drawing it out some more.

Ennio Morricone's score is perfect - it's opera meets comic book. He doesn't just write a great score, he creates music with a sound unlike everything else that had come before. It's an orchestra, it's hyena yells, anvil clanks, gutteral yelps and electric guitar. It's fantastic and it's totally unique.

I liked this movie the first time I saw it but at 3 hours, I didn't like it enough to want to watch it again. But it's infectious - the whole style gets in the bloodstream. It's extreme closeups of fat, sweaty faces, wide panoramas, hands inching towards guns... and of course the music.

8/10.

Rob Burnett on Late Night

Rob Burnett was on Late Night last night. He started as an intern for Letterman in the 80's and worked his way up to the point where he's the head of Worldwide Pants Inc.

When Jimmy first got the job at Late Night, Conan O'Brien gave him a giant, fake pickle. Rob Burnett sheds light on where it came from and what it means as well as debuts long lost footage of Questlove on the Late Show with David Letterman. It's fantastic.

Part1:

Part2:


If I was going to name this blog today, "Comedy Pickle" wouldn't be a bad choice.

Summertime

This post comes just a little late. But I didn't think of it until recently. To me, the song "II BS" by Charles Mingus IS the summer. It's the musical form of the experience of a sun that's just too bright and a day that's just too hot and the only available options are a glass of lemonade and a car ride with the windows down.

Charles Mingus - II BS

Conan and Andy vs. Dream Team 2032

Conan and Andy decide to settle one of the classic sports debates - who's the better basketball team, Team Coco or the Dream Team of 2032?



"Do we let the wolf in?"
"No, don't let him in."
"Don't let him in."

Conan: Glengarry Glen Ross Auditions

Just a few days after I post a movie review of "Glengarry Glen Ross", Conan's made a new video which features Shaq auditioning for exactly that movie. Coincidence? Or could it be that I'm affecting the show?

You decide.



Oh yeah, Shaq, you're up a few and you think you're wearing the big boy pants? If you don't like my performance I walk across the street and talk to Jerry Graff... PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. You know what, no, screw that. I'm going... TO LEMKIN... you fairy.

The 100 Meters Track

As the Olympics are going on and as the Track and Field events have just started I was reminded of this gem from several years ago. "The Games" was an Australian mockumentary series about the fictional inner workings of the government as it prepares for the 2000 Sydney Games.

From this series, "The 100 Meters Track" is the most youtubable moment and it's a classic. Skip to 4:49.



Part 2.

I had this recorded on VHS for years and I'd of uploaded it to youtube myself if someone hadn't beaten me to it. By the way, if this looks familiar somehow, it's probably because you've already seen this.

Conan Reviews Video Games - Skyrim

Another edition of "Clueless Gamer". This week, Conan reviews the game "Skyrim" and searches for love/commerce.

Late Night - Fallon and Cosby Do A Routine

I get the feeling that Bill Cosby is Jimmy's favorite guest. He's old, he's slower, he rambles, some things he says don't make sense, he's unpredictable and he makes Jimmy sweat... a lot. But you get the feeling that Fallon loves every second of it because he knows he's in the presence of a comedy legend. Perhaps the comedy legend.

Perhaps for that reason, the interview is four parts long. I reccomend the whole thing but if, if you only watch one segment watch the fourth one where Bill and Jimmy work out a comedy routine that never quite happens.

Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3.
Part 4.

Part 4:

The Forrest Gump Feather

When I saw "Forrest Gump" for the first time, I considered the opening image (the feather floating in a breeze) to be just a flourish - almost showing off what they can do with special effects.

But one thing I learned about Robert Zemeckis (the director) from the Back to the Future commentary is he doesn't believe special effects are not an end unto themselves. Special effects are only a tool to further the story.

So what's with the opening to "Forrest Gump", then?

In the movie's climax, Forrest visits Jenny's grave and tells her his view of life:

"I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."


Lt. Dan believes we each have a destiny (pre-destination). Momma believes "we make our own destiny" and that "life is a box of chocolates" (free will). Forrest believes both.


The feather on a breeze flitters and floats this way and that. It's the very definition of random. But, with every twist of the breeze and every change of wind, the sum of all random chance, every possibility and every improbability is that it's exactly where it should be.

VCR Alert: Late Night Primetime Special

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon gets its first ever primetime special tonight.

Rather than the normal, "Best Of" clip show, it's actually a "Best Of Music Comedy" special. It'll feature all the songs you've seen on this blog. This includes both artist impersonations (Bob Dylan, The Doors, David Bowie), as well as comedic performances with actual artists (Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, The Roots, Justin Timberlake and so forth).

The special airs tonight at 10 PM EST.

Conan Reviews Video Games - Minecraft

Yesterday Conan started a new segment where he plays and reviews the latest video games. Of course,
Conan doesn't play video games...



One surprise: not a SINGLE comment about how it looks like "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits. I thought that was a given. And, on a personal level, that's the main selling point.

Rating System:
88 - Pretty Good
110 - Excellent
150 - Awful
3 - Not Bad

Rating: 26C

Movie Review: Glengarry Glen Ross

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

Four salesmen in a real-estate office are told that for the next two weeks they'll be competing to make the most sales. First prize is a car, runner-up gets a set of steak knives, third and fourth prize is... you're fired.

A screenplay written by David Mamet and basically an-all-Oscar cast: Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Kevin Spacey, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, Alec Baldwin. There is no forest among the trees - the movie yields no definable emotion (other than a general sense of dread and desperation) and no likable characters (per se). It is simply an assembled collection of amazing scenes and the enjoyment that comes from watching lowlifes in suits yell at each other.

The reason to watch this movie - the reason to re-watch this movie - is to see an all-star ensemble with a meaty script where every single actor knocks it out of the park. Watch a cast of legends and watch Jack Lemmon be even better.

7/10.

Late Night - Emmy Nominated

Congratulations to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon for being nominated for an Emmy award in the category "Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series".

Not nominated: "Conan" and "The Late Show".

Meanwhile, "The Daily Show" is also nominated and it's a good bet to win the award since it's won the award 8 years in a row. I'll always remember 2003 as the year comedy died.

The "Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series" category does not contain Conan, Letterman OR Fallon in order to make room for the likes of Bill Maher.

And this is why I stopped caring about the Emmys, Oscars and Grammys. They're too stupid to think or care about.

Batman : The Criminal Surmises

Blog Issue #398 - Batman: The Criminal Surmises

Summer Issue. 10¢.

Before I begin my remarks, I'd like to thank you all for coming here today. In addition to the Confederacy of Criminals, the Scofflaw Society and Ne'er Do Well Nation, we have joining us today, The Penguin, The Joker, Catwoman, The Riddler and Bane (who I've never heard of before but who, I'm assured by others, has some sort of significant history with Batman). We are honored to have you here.

[Polite Applause]

Gentlemen, you all know too well the problem of the Bat Man. He has foiled every plot, he's ruined every scheme and every attack against him thus far has failed. In short, he's been a thorn in our side for too long. And that is why I've come up with a plan to get rid of our problem permanently. That's right. I have a plan to kill the Bat Man.

[General Audience Surprise: "Rhubarb Rhubarb Hubbub Rhubarb".]

Settle down. It can't be that surprising. It really can't be. Gentlemen, the plan is simple. The plan is perfect. And the plan is...

[Clears Throat.]

We shoot him .... in the face.

[General Audience Disbelief: "Hubbub Rhubarb Rhubarb"]

Settle down, settle down. Please now draw your attention to the photo I have here - (Figure 1-A).

[Figure 1-A.]

As you can see, "Batman" wears a special suit that's of such advanced technology, it renders anyone wearing it totally bulletproof. However the suit design has one distinct flaw: uh, it's this giant area around his face. Generally, the more you cover yourself with special bulletproof material, the more bulletproof you become. Batman, for some reason, has decided that "100% invincibility" is too much. He's decided, instead, to make himself about 95% invincible.

[General "Impressed" Sounds]

[Under His Breath] Oh, geez. 

Yes, I agree, that is a very high percentage, gentlemen. But you might notice that as high a percentage as it is, it still leaves %5 of his body totally vulnerable to attack.... the 5% being his fat face.... His face is exposed..... You can hurt his face!  There's nothing there. All you have to do is shoot his face!

[...]

[A Long Sigh]

Look, in the past, we've tried every kind of attack from knives, to acid, to flamethrowers, mind control devices, genetic mutation, the ideas were virtually limitless. We've tried so many different types of attack that I've gotten the distinct impression - talking to you all - that the general consensus is "we've tried everything". In fact, I remember in the 60's it was a bizarre mixture of overly elaborate Rube Goldberg devices and just going straight at him with our fists. But the 60s were a confusing time for everybody and I digress...

A million methods tried and failed and yet all we had to do all this time was have someone, with any semblance of aim, balance or luck, point a gun and fire at the one part of his body that is totally vulnerable to virtually any harming thing. A gun is the best method but a bow and arrow will do. How about a blowgun? A rock in a sling would work. Ever heard of a laser sight? Heck, if you have a sniper rifle, you don't even need to be on the same block! It's so simple, it's absolutely unbelievable that no one's done this yet! You see?! We can defeat him and it wouldn't be that hard.

I'll now open it up for questions.... Yes, you in the hood!

.....Uh huh.... Yeah... Right, right.

Okay, in case you didn't hear, the question was "What about shooting him in the back?". The answer is No. That will not work. That falls under the "bulletproof" area that I talked about before. Thanks. Anyone else? Yes, you in the back!

.. Uh huh.....uh?....... ahh...... mmkay...

Okay, the question was "What about putting him in a machine that reflects and magnifies sound in ever increasing increments...." and then it went on from there, I don't know if I caught all of it but.... No. A million times, No. I can't tell you enough how much that plan is bound to fail. Really. Believe me. (Under his breath) This is getting sad. Anyone else?

...Mmm. ......Okay... Right.

Okay, the question was "What about a boomerang with some sort of attachment that shoots shrink-rays and has anyone tried that already?" Look, I don't know. It's certainly possible that someone has, I'm no historian... but I assure you without even thinking about it that it won't work. It hasn't worked, it won't work and I don't think you've heard a word I've said. Unless you meant to throw it at his face, was that the question?... No? Okay, then, no.

I'm wondering if this has all been a waste of everyone's time. I think this is a good time to break for lunch. Please enjoy the complimentary buffet and we'll meet back here at 1:30 to do some workshopping.

[A Smattering of Applause]

Conan - Campaign Slogans

Conan unveils some of the new campaign slogans that Joe Biden is floating:



I think "In the Long Run, We'll All Be Dead" has legs, baby!

Rad - Where Are The Deleted Scenes?

Prologue

"Rad" is a BMX racing movie made in 1986. The people who witnessed it generally divide their lives into two parts: pre-Rad and post-Rad. Critics and scholars have widely hailed it as man's greatest achievement. If you don't know what I'm talking about, stop now. Go rent it and then continue.

Backstory

In the early 2000s, me and a friend started talking about the movie "Rad". After going back and forth with dueling quotes and reminiscences of the movie, I remembered, "Yeah, and before the big race Cru gets the new Murray from the guy's store."
"No."
"What?"
"That's not in Rad". My friend was absolutely unequivocal.
"Yeah, sure it is. He's going into the big race and he gets a new bike for free."
"No. Trust me. I basically have the entire movie memorized and I'm telling you, that doesn't happen."

It had been years since I saw the movie so I relented. An additional watch of the movie revealed he had every reason to be so confident - there is no such scene in the movie. It was an open and shut case, yet if that's not in "Rad", what was I remembering?

Mystery Solved

Some time later, we looked up "Rad" on IMDB and the situation became apparent. IMDB has an  "Alternate Versions" entry for "Rad" which says the following:

"Scenes included in the final airing on the Canadian cable movie station Superchannel, but absent from the home video version; a short sequence, actually made up of three different scenes, right after the confrontation at the Rad Racing T-Shirt stand. These scenes are:

• Luke is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. His father tells him it isn't the end of the world. He excuses himself from the table.
• Amy is sitting in her room listening to music when her mother comes in. They have a short exchange where her mother scolds her for acting childish. An unnamed boy storms out of his house late at night.
• A drunken Bart Taylor stumbles into the restaurant where Cru works just as it's closing. Shouting, Bart challenges him to a one-on-one race, since Cru has been disqualified from HellTrack. Bart winds up falling over and doing a face plant into a piece of pie on the table where Sgt. Smith is sitting.
• Cru thanks Mr. Pratt for him and the town getting behind him and supporting Rad Racing. Mr. Pratt gives Cru a brand new bike from his store.

All of the characters from the deleted scenes are listed in the credits on the home video version."
[Erroneous "deleted" scene removed, spelling mistakes corrected, etc.]

Note: For what it's worth, I even remember an additional detail not listed on IMDB - the "bike" was a Murray.

The Missing VHS Link

That scene wasn't an invention of my imagination - I had simply seen a version of the movie with the "deleted scenes" still intact. Except the IMDB page says those scenes were only on Canadian Cable and absent from the VHS version. The problem is, I wasn't watching on Canadian cable. I've never seen Canadian cable. I've never been to Canada. I saw those scenes on a VHS copy from a local video rental store.

The key to tracking down the "extended" version of the movie would be to simply go back to that store. Unfortunately, like most small video rental businesses, it went out of business long ago.

But I have no reason to believe some local yokel video place is special (REAL special). If they had an alternate version of the movie, surely there are others out there? I'd think so but despite lots of searching, I've never found one. I've not found one, I've never even talked to anyone that saw one,  I've never even talked to anyone who knew anyone else that saw one. Nothing on youtube. No results even from Google There are entire websites devoted to the movie that don't have one word to say on the subject. The only source of information that a VHS version of "Rad" with the deleted scenes even exists is my memory.

A Call To Break The Ice

As a "Rad" fan, I really want to recover the lost footage and see those deleted scenes. I imagine every fan would. But randomly buying VHS copies of the movie and hoping to buy just the right copy (though awesome), would be ridiculously expensive. I don't know what the odds are (or even if there are any odds at all), but I have to imagine it's like playing the lottery. In short, finding this tape on chance alone would take a radical miracle.

Other than the aforementioned IMDB page, this blog is the only other page on the internet about this subject. So I'm throwing it out to anyone with any information. Have you ever seen the deleted scenes? Do you know someone who has? Do you have any information whatsoever about the existence of VHS versions with the deleted scenes included? Do you own a copy? Could I buy it? Do you have any information about this subject whatsoever?

Leave a comment. Let's find this sucker.

Gilligan's Island - Continuity

The phrase "I've found an error in 'Gilligan's Island'" is a difficult idea to parse. The show lives in a world where logic, reason and science break free from objective bonds and become loose, relative concepts. So for the purposes of this article, I could say that I've found a continuity error in "Gilligan's Island". Even though that would make more sense, it's still not exactly something to add to the old resume. So what about this: I've found a continuity error in every single episode of "Gilligan's Island". Still not good enough? Too bad, that's what I got.

The opening theme plays, of course, before every episode. If you're making a TV show, it's easy to see why it would be important to be meticulous with the opening theme - it's the one sequence that's going to be repeated every time an episode is on the air (which is hopefully quite a lot). You make a mistake here and the error gets compounded and multiplied. "Gilligan's Island" has just such an error and, as you're about to see, it's an obvious, glaring mistake and it's been right there all the time, right under your nose.

Everyone knows how the opening them goes, "Just sit right there and you'll hear a tale...". It's probably one of the most recognized themes of all-time. We're introduced to the character and the situation and the entire set up to the show in a short song. Within this sequence, the first time we see the boat, the S.S. Minnow, we see this:

Ah. The S.S. Minnow has "S.S. Minnow" written on the side. Clever. Note: it's on the front half, on the right (the starboard side of the bow). For confirmation, we next see this longer shot:

Bam. There it is. So far, so good. Next, they set sail for what we all hope will be a three hour tour. I hope they make it this time. Here's what it looks like:

Note that the boat has (for lack of a technical term) an "upper deck". There are people "below" and people "above". In "inaccurate" terms, it's got two stories. I'd guess (based on what we see later) that  the upper deck is where Gilligan and the Skipper control the ship, but, for our purposes, it doesn't really matter. Now, here's where things get a touch untidy. Look at what's shown literally two seconds after that shot:

That's a totally different boat. It's not even close. It's wide, it's got no upper deck, it's got several windshield "sections". It's totally different. And in order to not notice that it's totally different, we'd have to have forgotten all of our memories from about two seconds ago.

Next is the "... the Minnow would be lost." bit. I kinda think the Minnow was lost at this point (nn-hoy-hoy), but regardless, take a look at what's shown literally 7 seconds after the previous depiction:

OK, so the "upper deck" is back so we're obviously back to the same boat we had at the beginning, right? But the boat in the beginning had "S.S. Minnow" on the side and this one doesn't. Another boat? We went through three different boats in the span of just a few seconds. We're just expected to accept it and it's this way for every episode - these details of the opening sequence never changed in the entire run of the show.

So there you have it. Two continuity errors in every single episode of "Gilligan's Island". Granted, this is hardly world-breaking stuff. But the point isn't that I've found this and I'm so impressive (but thanks very much, by the way) but kind of the opposite: how has everyone missed it? The point is, how can you see a thing a million times (as I have with "Gilligan's Island") and still never truly see it? Here, your brain is presented with two very different visual inputs and told that they are the same object and it doesn't raise a flag that something's wrong with that. And it can't be a weird quirk that only you possess because it's the same with everyone else. Multiply the millions of reruns by the millions of people who've watched the show - from the people who made it in the 60s, to the kid who watched it for the first time recently - it's overlooked by just about everyone every time.

What else are we missing?

Movie Review: Glory (1989)

Glory (1989)


During the American Civil War, an all-black volunteer regiment is formed and leads the battle to take Fort Wagner.

 One of the main traits that identify movie "epics" is the ability to step away from dialogue and allow the pictures and music to convey an emotion. With all the weight of history, this movie features battle scenes that are both sweeping and brutally graphic and a score by James Horner that is, in my opinion, the greatest ever. The cast includes both Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington. Washington and Andre Braugher give career performances.

The largest criticism I've heard about "Glory" is Matthew Broderick's performance as Col. Shaw. At the time of filming, Broderick was about 26. At the time of the events depicted Shaw was 25. If Broderick appears to be too young and or simply out of his depth, I believe that is precisely the point.

There are so few perfect movies in the world. To me, this is one of them. This is the Nth time I've watched it but there are still very few scenes that don't make my hair stand on end - either from the fear of battle or the welling up of emotion. Transcendent.

10/10.

Movie Review: The Decalogue (1989)

The Decalogue (1989) 

A Polish mini-series, the Decalogue is 10 1-hour films, each dealing with one (or more) of the 10 Commandments. Far from cautionary tales, each film's association with a commandment is often loose and sometimes cryptic. The films explore the murky complexity of ethics in the modern world where "the right thing to do" becomes a slippery, sometimes contradictory, term. The point is not to answer questions, but rather to raise them.

It's been said that all the events of "Magnolia" take place within a square mile (10 blocks). All the main characters of all the films of the Decalogue live in the same apartment complex. Sometimes they cross paths. One character appears in almost all of them but his presence is never explained.

Kubrick felt The Decalogue was the only masterpiece made within his lifetime. Although it didn't affect me quite as much as that, there's no doubt it's expertly crafted. Ambiguity abounds, every minute is a subtle clue to something else, endings are usually not resolutions, most everything is subject to interpretation.

7-9/10.

Gilligan's Island - The Professor Can Make Radio; Can't Fix Boat.

"How come the Professor can make a radio out of coconuts but he can't fix a hole in a boat?"

It's the Second Great Question of "Gilligan's Island". It's the fallback of every lazy stand-up comedian ever. If you were living in the '80s, all you had to do was read this line in front of a brick wall at a comedy club and a gaggle of TV executives would carry you away, give you your own sitcom and shower you with piles of cash. If you added a "Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?" you were a superstar.

Though those glory days are long gone, the question rings down through the ages as one of the great unanswerable mysteries of life, the universe and everything. That is, until now. The question has an answer and I'm gonna tell you what it is and you're gonna sit there and listen, see! Mmrraaaah, see?

First things first, though. Although the question could be worded in any number of ways ("How come the Professor can make a generator out of coconuts...?", "How come the Professor can make a phonograph out of coconuts...?", and on and on) there appears to be a common agreement about the exact wording - "...make a radio...". In the incalculable fluctuations of human activity, this is slightly strange. But it's all the more puzzling when you consider the fact that the Professor never made a radio out of coconuts. He made a generator, he made a peddle car, he made a syringe, he made tons of stuff but he never made a radio. They only had one radio and it looked like this:

Ah, the good old Packard Bell AR-851. Not Pictured: telescoping antenna.

OK, OK, all of that is beside the point. The real question is: if he can make any complex invention, why can't he fix a stupid hole in a stupid boat?! The answer is simple: there is no boat.

In Season 1, Episode 8 - "Good-Bye Island" - Gilligan attempts to make pancake syrup. In the process of screwing it up, he discovers a plant-based waterproof glue that they can use to repair the hole in the boat. This they do and, in proper "Gilligan's Island" fashion, decide to give the whole boat a once-over, presumably to make it extra non-sinky.

As fate would have it, it turns out the glue is only temporary and loses its cohesive properties after a few days. In fact, it doesn't just lose its cohesive properties, like the chemicals we tend to find on planet Earth, it comes apart in such a way that basically causes the Minnow to explode. Board by solitary board. And so, from the eighth episode to the end of the series, the "boat" looks like this:

The S.S. Minnow: The Reality

And so you see, the Professor can not fix the boat because there's nothing to fix. There is no boat. Search your memory - can you think of a single time after the eighth episode where we ever see the castaways hanging by the boat, standing on the boat, pulling parts off the boat or do anything at all which causes us, the audience, to see the boat? Nope, neither can I. Never happened.

But even if there is no boat, perhaps the question could be: "If the Professor can make... why can't he  build a new boat?" Well, the building material of the island is bamboo and a boat made out of bamboo is usually called a raft and they did make a raft in a number of episodes throughout the series. See the individual episodes for the reasons why that didn't work (other than the fact that the writers of the show enjoyed their job and wanted the show to continue).

So the entire "Professor" question is BS. It's nonsense and the reasons why are in the show if you pay attention. So then why is it so widespread? Heck, almost half of the Professor's wikipedia article is dedicated to it. Sherwood Schwartz, the show's creator was asked about it his entire life and even he didn't have a good answer. Same with Bob Denver. Same with Russell Johnson. I think I know where the confusion is coming from. It might just come from the fact that they're showing this image at the beginning of Every. Single. Episode...

The S.S. Minnow: The Public Perception.

There's your problem. But then, that's not the only problem with the opening sequence. But that's another story...

Late Night - P&S Shout Out

If you blinked you missed it but he was true to his word: Jimmy Fallon shouts-out Preston and Steve.



Permanent link to the audio here.

VCR Alert: Late Night

Today Jimmy Fallon was a guest on the "Preston and Steve Show", a local radio show (and my favorite podcast). The interview was very good but too short as major celebrities have a million stations to get to and only so much time.

So anyways, at the end of the interview Jimmy promised something that I'd never heard on the radio before: he promised to give the show a shout out on tonight's episode. I'm sure it'll just be a quick mention at the beginning of desk chat but I'm still excited. Of course, if they're doing the "Shout Out" bit, it'll weave naturally into the fabric of the show. One of my favorite TV shows mentions my favorite radio show. Worlds are colliding!

Preston vs. Questlove - The Drum Off

Regis and Letterman

This interview has largely gone unnoticed and it's a trend that needs to be reversed. Recently Regis Philbin subbed for Piers Morgan on Piers' show and had has his guest - David Letterman. Hosts as guests is always interesting and even more so when it's Dave, who is quite camera shy when not on his own show.

As interviews go, they don't get much better than this. Regis is a master. He keeps it funny, smooth and conversational but still gets amazing insights into Letterman's life. They cover his quintuple bypass, 9/11, parenthood, politics and how he got into show business.

This is the only place you'll see names such as Johnny Carson, Jack Paar and Jack Benny dropped casually into conversation like they were Bob and Stan from the Bowling League.

It's about 40 minutes long but make the time, it's lots of fun.











"Please don't roll any tape. I'm coming across the table if you roll another tape. There's gonna be bloodshed right here. I can take you."

"You didn't seem certain when you said, 'I'm sure you have.' Like, 'How could this guy make friends?' That's what I picked up out of that. Am I being too sensitive? Because, here's how it sounded: 'Yeah, I'm sure you have.'"

Gilligan's Island - The Question

Recently I finished watching all the episodes of "Gilligan's Island" (98 episodes plus the unaired pilot) along with the four follow-up made for TV movies. I plan to write a few blog posts dedicated to the series and I'll probably post them in order of importance.

So, first up is the great philosophical conundrum that "Gilligan's Island" first presented and continues to plague mankind even today. I've been able to consider it quite a bit over the course of the hundreds of hours I've watched the show. And though I've come up with a conclusion, I have no illusions that it's an easy question or that a good case can't be made for either side. In fact, it's SO close that I spent half my life on the other side. Yes, it's only relatively recently that I've been able to firmly establish that I've "come around" to the totally opposing school of thought.

And so, as I've been split over the course of my life, it perhaps mirrors the nearly even split of our society. But, acknowledging that there are good people on both sides of the aisle and that it's a very difficult issue, nonetheless, after hours and hours of thought and consideration to all the issues and looking at the question from every possible angle, I have come up with my own definitive answer to the great question of "Gilligan's Island".

The answer is Mary Ann.

Conan in Chicago: Hot Dogs

Jack McBrayer and a guest (oops, I guess the preview gives away the best surprise in the bit) visit the "Weiner's Circle":



I love all the kooky and eccentric local oddities that freckle this great land of ours. They help define and reinforce local culture. However, this is one I don't understand in the slightest. It's one thing to have a place where people insult you in a fun, we're-playing-a-character type of way but I don't see that here. This is a straight-up "Boot Camp" episode of "Maury".

But I post it for the Triumphness and the chance to see Jack McBrayer play "mean".

1-800-588-2300 Empire. Today.

Conan in Chicago: The Lincoln Museum

Conan visits Springfield, Illinois - Lincoln Central.



It's weird to see a place you've been to on TV. I've visited the Lincoln museum. As Conan eludes to, the use of life-size replica statues is pretty corny but that aside, it's a really cool museum with very clever and interesting exhibits.

Of course, the number one thing I wanted to do was visit Lincoln's tomb because that is supposedly really cool and feels more "real" but that never happened.

Mary Todd Lincoln is hot.

Return of the Wolf Waker

[Broken Links Removed]

With the Wolfwaker to guide them, creatures of the Wolf Planet lived in peace and prosperity for thousands of years. They developed a complex system of government and arts and science flourished and a broad industrial base waked into existence in half a century. Within a millennium, the wolves ventured into space and became children of the stars. 

On a bright, clear day, 6000 years after landing on Lupen, the Wolfwaker was given their fastest vessel. Equipped with neutrino-pulse-disruptor technology, this massive star ship could tear through the very fabric of the universe, devour Class 9 stars and bring the Wolfwaker home at last. "Is this the end of my long journey?", he wondered. "Can I finally put down my harmonic spear?" 

As he sped through the outer limb of the galaxy, riding on a pillar of fusion flame toward a planet he called home - towards uncertainty - the Wolfwaker knew in his bones that the fight was not over. The iris to open the faster-than-light communicator embedded in the fat of his hand had sent one final coded message hurtling back through space to the wolves. 

It was his final goodbye, and it was a warning...

Conan in Chicago: The Blues

Conan meets with elementary school kids and teaches them the Blues:



It's been a long time since I've seen "Caps for Sale".

This post is dedicated to Olivia (2005-2012).

Conan in Chicago: Irish Stepdancing

Conan is in Chicago for a week of shows. Today he learned how to do traditional Irish stepdancing.


I think Conan's confusing a leprechaun finding a pot of gold with a prospector (Walter Huston in "The Treasure of the Sierre Madre") when he finds a vein of gold. You decide.

TAYYYYYTOOOOSS!

Movie Review: The Longest Day (1962)

The Longest Day (1962)

"We are witnessing something which historians will always say is completely improbable... and yet it is true."

The "Longest Day" depicts the events of D-Day from all sides (German, British, French, American) and at every level (civilians, soldiers, generals, soldiers, medics) and on all five beaches. Stars Richard Burton, Sean Connery, Henry Fonda, Robert Mitchum, John Wayne within a cast of thousands.

I was told that "The Longest Day" was a fantastic movie but had not given watching it high priority because I assumed that a movie from 1962 and starring John Wayne was bound to be laden with old Hollywood war cliches. I couldn't have been more wrong.

That realism is the goal is evident from the outset. Scenes depicting Americans end only to give way to scenes of the British. When those end, the focus turns to the Nazis - depicted as intelligent military men and speaking in actual German with subtitles at the bottom of the screen. Next the French Resistance, speaking French, again with subtitles. The movie has the audacity of not just introducing a cast of characters, but listing their name, rank and country at the bottom of the screen as they do it. Instead of just "based on true events", the movie attempts to be accurate down to the real individuals and demands  that viewers hold them to that standard.

Although there are innumerable storylines, the viewer gets the sense that there is only one storyline. The story is the day. The story is history unfolding. The constant changes of context from one group at one location in one aspect of battle, to another group at another location in another aspect of battle, gives the movie a sense of urgency and modernity. The vast number of characters/real people and situations depicted almost give it a documentary feeling. There are shots in this movie that involve so many men and so many explosions that you feel it must be actual footage of the landing. There is a long, continuous shot during the fight in Ouisterham that is as startling and amazing as you will see in any movie.

Perhaps my opinion is skewed by the day I watched it. Nevertheless, I found it as intense and adrenaline filled as any movie I've seen. The film does the only thing a war movie should do - and the thing that every great war movie ("Glory", "Saving Private Ryan") does - it strives for absolute realism, knowing that the reality of war is more exciting, more intense, more depressing, and more horrible than any fiction.

9/10.

IMDB 250 7.12 - The Artist (2011)

The Artist (2011)

George Valentin is one of the top silent stars in the world. But when the new "talkies" capture the imagination of the public, he goes from being on top of the world to hitting rock bottom. The twist of "The Artist" is that it tells the story of the death of silent pictures with a silent picture.

As an appreciator of the silent film genre, I've often wondered whether a modern silent could be made today. There's no doubt - in my mind - that visuals, lush orchestration and minimal dialogue (displayed on title cards, of course) can create a compelling and moving story. But would anyone believe that enough to actually make one? And even if they did would anyone go to see it?

Of course, when I thought about a "modern silent", I had in mind a color picture, set in the present day, using modern film making techniques. As "The Artist" is black and white, set in the '20s and '30s and styled after the silent pictures of old, it's a case of "so close but so far."

My own personal curiosities aside, "The Artist" is a good movie, full of laughs, drama, romance and some touching moments. It's not only a sweet homage to the silent picture era films, but also a flawless recreation. Every minute of the movie feels totally authentic to the period. Even as the acting mimics the slightly over the top style of the 30's, you can't help but be engrossed in the emotion.

Watching it, the thing that jumped out to me is how inaccurate the term "silent movie" is. When a movie has a larger than life classical score that's front and center all the time, there's nothing "silent" about it.

"The Artist" is a worthy homage to the pictures of the silent era but it doesn't surpass them. If you want to see a silent movie, and can find one, watch a movie by Buster Keaton or Harold Lloyd. If not, "The Artist" is not a bad choice.

7/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 361.

[End of Revision 7.]

IMDB 250 7.11 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows : Part 2 (2011)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011)

"The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. That much has always been clear to those of us who have studied wand lore."

So says Dingus Jinglegargle in "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2", the 91st installment of the Harry Potter series. Unfortunately this quote is one of the few times in the film that wand lore is mentioned or discussed. If there's one problem I had with HPatDH:P2 it's the stunning lack of wand lore discussion. There are so many Harry Potter movies, would it be so hard to devote one movie to wand lore? How about it, Hollywood?

The drama in action movies, is the tension between hoping the protagonist succeeds and fearing that he'll fail. If you know the protagonist will succeed, there is no tension. You know how I knew Harry Potter was going to be OK? Magic. It doesn't matter what happens to him, everything can be solved with magic. It's what makes magic so magical. Watch what happens to classic movies when you insert this one element.

Jaws
Fisherman: Uh oh, there's a giant shark in these waters.
Robert Shaw: Don't worry I'll banish it with a spell.
The End.

The Bicycle Thief
Antonio Ricci: Someone stole my bicycle and without it, I'll lose my job.
[Ricci conjures another.]
The End.

Back to the Future
Marty: I've disrupted the space-time continuum and now I'm in danger of never being born, Doc!
Doc Brown: This is indeed serious. Fortunately, I have a incantation which will make your mother and father fall in love and set everything right again!
Marty: That's great, Doc!
The End.

To its credit, the film counters this uphill battle in two ways. First, they put limitations on the magic. But as far as I can tell, the limitations are completely arbitrary and totally unpredictable. In one scene magic critically injures a man, but isn't used to heal him. Why one and not the other? I suspect it's that the writer wanted a powerful "deathbed" scene. People die all throughout the film but late in the film,  someone dies but then magically comes back to life. Why one and not the others? In another scene, a wizard has to run across a bridge before it collapses. Is there no spell for super speed or levitation or flying or holding bridges together? If I was on the board of wizard research, that would be a top priority.

The second way the movie counters the "magic problem" is to counter the good guys' magic with villains who also have magical abilities - that way they cancel each other out. But that's just as confusing and nonsensical. One guy's blue lightning throws someone back but someone else's blue lightning disintegrates someone, then blue lightning and orange lightning have a fight and orange gets overpowered. What? How exciting. It's just a good thing that when two people point magical wands at each other it looks cool and macho on screen.

Potter fans might argue that in order to appreciate HPatDH:P2 I'd need to watch all 90 previous Harry Potter movies. Hey, I may have more free time than anyone I know but life's too short for this wizards and warlocks crap.

4/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 360.

IMDB 250 7.10 - Throne of Blood (1957)

Throne of Blood (1957)

Between battles within medieval Japan, two warriors are lost in a mysterious forest. Suddenly an old man appears (possibly a ghost) and prophecies that one of the men will become Emperor and the other will be the father of an Emperor. Do you take this prediction seriously? And if so, what do you do?

The film deals with questions of fate, predestination, free will and Machiavellian politics. You almost feel that knowing the future makes life MORE confusing, not less. Even if you know your future and it's something good, can you screw it up? Do you do nothing and suppose it happens "magically" or should you act? The questions are delicious.

It's another example of East meets West as the story is based on Macbeth, replacing medieval Europe with medieval Japan. A pleasant surprise is the "special effects" (for lack of a better word). The final scene features a man under attack by a barrage of arrows and, in 1957, you know it's not CGI. But how?

Not Kurosawa's best but even on a bad day he's still excellent.

7/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 359.

IMDB 250 7.9 - The Intouchables (2011)

The Intouchables (2011)

When an extremely wealthy quadriplegic (played by French Dustin Hoffman) hires a black man from the inner-city (played by French Taye Diggs), an unusual friendship forms.

We've seen this movie many times before (though never from the French). The poor man moves into a mansion and lives the good life for the first time. The "regular guy" that brings new life to a stodgy household. The white guy introduces the black guy to classical music. The black guy introduces the white guy to Earth, Wind and Fire. The fact that they are so different makes their friendship that much more fun.

Still, it is done well. It's amusing, heartfelt, sometimes fun, light entertainment.

6/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 358.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

[Editor's Note: This is an old blog post from last Summer. For some reason, it was moved to the present time as if it were new but the post itself is unchanged... other than this note.]

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

It's pretty safe to say that the Western, as a genre, is alive and vital once again. With modern movies like "True Grit", "Red Dead Redemption" in the video game realm and on TV, the series "Deadwood", which I continue to rave about even though no one listens, the genre is, in a word, "back".

2007 ALONE saw the release of "No Country for Old Men", "3:10 to Yuma" and "There Will Be Blood". That's impressive. With that many quality Westerns in the same year, it wasn't surprising that the Brad Pitt vehicle "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" got overlooked. In terms of public opinion and critical acclaim it was barely a blip on the movie radar. For these reasons - and as dangerous and slippery as such statements are - it may be the most underrated movie of all-time.

The movie tells the story of the last days of the outlaw bank/train robber Jesse James and his gang. After more than a decade of running from the law, Jesse's brother Frank James decides to go on one last big score and retire. With various gang members being killed, arrested or leaving over the years, Jesse increasingly has to rely on untested, unknown recruits and he's becoming increasingly paranoid. With a hefty ransom on his head, a U.S. Marshall could be anywhere, any ally could be planning to shoot him in the back and any job could go wrong.

This movie has everything I could possibly want in a Western... or really everything I'd want in ANY movie for that matter. When you're in the old west and everyone is carrying a gun on their hip and you're surrounded by outlaws, any moment could mean life or death. This movie has a life, a brutality and a tension that's hard to match. This movie is dark, it's tense, it's brutal and violent and sepia-toned and beautiful. And it's dark. The only criticism I can lob at it is that I can admit that Brad Pitt is essentially too good looking and, as a period drama, it can take you out of the reality of the movie. But such moments are brief.

In fact, all the acting in the movie is excellent. Brad Pitt - great as always, Sam Rockwell plays Charley Ford and is good in everything and Casey Affleck is excellent as the Coward Robert Ford. I think this is one of his first roles (I know I'd never heard of him) and he completely embodies the character. There's also a small "cameo" type role from Zooey Deschanel and a tiny cameo from Nick Cave who did the score.

The thing that stood out immediately was the cinematography. The look, style and shots in this movie are, at times, incredible. Certain sections and shots in this movie are some of the best I've ever seen. The direction is top-notch, the sound is great, the music is great and obviously the writing is excellent.

I spend some time on this blog talking about overrated films and why they're sometimes not all that good. But this movie IS good. It's my favorite film of any I've watched in recent memory. It's a reminder that even after all these years, movies can still stress me out. And a movie can still make me afraid of the dark.

9/10.

The Watch Trailer on Conan

Vince Vaughn makes a surprise appearance on Conan to show the trailer to his new film "The Watch".



The thing I'm most excited about is not Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller or Jonah Hill. The most exciting thing is that Moss from "The IT Crowd" is in a movie with Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller and Jonah Hill. OK, his real name is Richard Ayoade but he's Moss.

Less exciting is the new aspect of the movie that I hadn't heard of before: aliens. A Neighborhood Watch movie is a funny concept... A Neighborhood Watch movie where they fight aliens is just puzzling. Still, I'm looking forward to it.

IMDB 250 7.8 - Warrior (2011)

Warrior (2011)

Tommy and Brendan are brothers. They haven't seen each other for years and they don't want to see each other. When their father's alcoholism finally broke the family apart, Brendan stayed with his dad and Tommy went with the mother. When each one independently decides to compete in mixed martial arts (MMA) fighting, it's only a matter of time before they meet up again.

I hate MMA fighting. It doesn't interest me in the least. Nevertheless, as a basis for a sports movie, one activity is as good as another. And this movie does exactly what it's supposed to: you get the training montages, you feel the suspense of each punch and counter-punch, you feel the roar of the crowd and cheer at the victories. The movie has two protagonists and also does a good job of not playing favorites. So although it's inevitable that they'll meet for a big fight at the end, it isn't obvious who's going to win.

Every fighting movie is going to be compared to "Rocky". It's not right necessarily, it just is. And so I have a small complaint about a specific moment in the film. The movie sets up a fight of the unknown Brendan going against an unstoppable machine from Russia known as Koba. Automatically my mind goes to "Rocky IV" but I'm thinking that's unfair. Then, surprise, Brendan's worrywart wife shows up at the match to cheer him on and provide plenty of concerned/excited reaction shots. Alright, I'll let that slide too. But then Koba makes his entrance and it goes too far. Koba and his whole entourage are decked out in Hammer and Sickle-themed clothing. Come on, the Cold War was two decades ago and that's "Rocky IV"! You're doing "Rocky IV"!

Although this movie is certainly not "great", in the "Top 250" sense, I do want to emphasize that it is good. It has exciting action sequences but, like "Rocky", the sequences are meaningful because we know about, and care for, the characters involved.

7/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 357.

IMDB 250 7.7 - Come and See (1985)

Come and See (1985)

"And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth."

During World War II, a boy in Belarus decides to leave his home and join a Belarusian resistance force. Sitting between Nazi German and the USSR, Belarus is a fierce battleground. He'll grow up quickly as he faces the realities of war.

The first third of the movie feels like a coming of age tale - the main character, a boy of about 14 fights with his mother, plays on the beach and meets a girl. In these scenes, and in some that follow, some of the acting is poor or overwrought and some of the direction seems amateurish. But these scenes will be overshadowed by what's to come.

Based on true events, the movie will descend further and further down into Hell on Earth. It depicts the horrors of war not in the usual sense of bullets, tanks and the heat of battle. Rather, in the sense of soldiers rounding up an entire town, locking them in a barn and setting it on fire. Or the scene of a man begging for his life as he's being dowsed in gasoline. It's the kind of movie that's so brutal in its subject matter and so matter-of-fact in its depiction, that it's difficult to talk about.

I don't know when you'd be in the mood to witness atrocity but it's undeniable that its depiction here is sobering and extremely powerful.

8/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 356.

Stefon Finale

Stefon stops by (for the last time?) to offer tourists some hot spot suggestions:



I was thinking that maybe this segment had jumped the shark. Maybe Hader's laughing at his own jokes more than the audience*. Perhaps. But then you get to a thing like "human R2-D2" and you realize that, like it or not, this is a brand of writing you won't find anywhere else.

* In his defense, certain jokes are hidden from him ahead of time so he ends up hearing them for the first time as he speaks. For better or worse, the whole thing is specifically designed to get him to crack.

IMDB 250 7.6 - Tokyo Story (1953)

Tokyo Story (1953)

A grandmother sits with her grandson and watches him play in the grass. "What are you going to be when you grow up? A doctor like your father? ... By the time you become a doctor, I wonder if I'll still be here."

In 1950's Japan, an elderly couple travel to Tokyo to visit their children and grandchildren. But their children lead busy lives and have little time to talk before the couple must be heading home.

These days, that wouldn't be enough to make a movie. "Tokyo Story" is Japanese, it's black and white, it's from the 50's. It's slow, it's quiet, it's reserved. The "dramatic" things that happen here are things like one of the young children becomes cranky or the dad gets called into work unexpectedly.

But if you can wrap your head around all of the above and see past it, there is beauty in its simplicity. It's extraordinary by being ordinary. The grandparents, the parents, the children, the siblings are all characters we know - we are these characters. And this movie allows us to sit with them and spend time with them and examine and observe.

The grandparents live far away so their time with their families is rare and brief. So what do they spend their time talking about? Train times, the weather, what they'll be eating. If any of these characters says ONCE out of every thousand opportunities, what they really feel, what they're honestly thinking or what any other person means to them, it's a major and dramatic surprise.

Are we any different?

7/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 355.

IMDB 250 7.5 - Ip Man (2008)

Ip Man (2008)

In 1930's China, the task of assigning computer internet addresses (IP addresses) was not trusted to a mere machine. Only a man - a master of counting at the highest level - could be charged with such an important task. This man is the Ip Man.

In the city of Fansho in the 1930's, Kung Fu schools are everywhere. But even with an abundance of martial artists, one man (Ip Man) stands above them all as the most unstoppable fighting machine. When the Japanese occupy during World War II, the Japanese general in charge of Fansho decides to settle the question of Chinese vs. Japanese martial arts. He sets up a(n underground?) fight club and, before long, forces Ip Man to participate.

Ip Man tells the story of a real man,Yip Man, who invented the martial art school of Wing Chung. And THAT sentence is the extent to which I trust "Ip Man" to be historically accurate. The rest portrays Yip Man as a saint, the Japanese as mustache twirling villains and implies that Yip Man was the rallying cry that allowed China to win World War II. I wondered if the U.S. had a hand in that war but the movie didn't say and I didn't have time to fact-check.

"Ip Man" is a Kung Fu movie through and through... with one twist. Remember the old Kung Fu movies from the 70's where all the dialogue is overdubbed? "Ip Man" does that... but it actually overdubs the Chinese dialog with Chinese. So even though there's fake-sounding speech, you still also have to read subtitles. Not that I mind subtitles, I just can't stand when all the dialogue is overdubbed - it's one of the surest ways of taking me out of the movie completely.

Speaking of languages, one of the central characters is a translator. This is because the Chinese and Japanese don't understand each other. That's a little troubling, then, in the scenes when the Chinese and Japanese characters - who needed his services just a few scenes before - speak directly to each other without him. Whoops!

The writing is weak, the directing is serviceable, the editing is average, the music is particularly cliched and, even if the acting is OK, the overdubbing makes sure that it appears weak. Where the movie excels is in the action sequences. The fighting is lightning-quick and meticulously choreographed at the highest level. In that sense, this movie follows in the vein of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" (though the physics involved is a little more down to Earth). And it plays all the hits (one vs. one, one vs. 10, 50 vs. 10, etc.) and all of them is complex and extremely well done. And that, and only that, is why this movie is in the IMDB Top 250.

If you're a Kung Fu fan this movie is a must-see. I am not. The only time a fight is interesting, for me, is when I care about the outcome.

6/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 354.

Anchorman 2 Teaser Teaser

Whammy.




2013?! WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Milk was a really bad choice.

IMDB 250 7.4 - A Separation (2011)

A Separation (2011)

A wife leaves her husband. The husband (Nader) hires someone to look after their child and his father (now suffering from Alzheimer's). When the woman is caught leaving the father unattended, a dispute erupts and she falls. As luck would have it, she was pregnant and says that the fall caused her to lose her unborn child. Now Nader is on trial for murder and she is accused of neglect.

This is the first Iranian movie to win an Oscar (Best Foreign Language Film) and could be the first Iranian movie I've ever seen (though I'm not sure). "A Separation" is thoroughly steeped in realism and gives an interesting insight into current-day life in Iran. Just about every character conflicts with just about every other character yet none of them are evil and there are no villains - only people. Everyone is trying to be good and live within the rules but the rules are inadequate to handle the full spectrum of human experience. There is no "villain". It's a fallen world in which truth is shades of gray and sometimes two wrongs make a right and sometimes two wrongs make three wrongs.

Like "The Bicycle Thief", this movie attempts to go big by going small - to comment on the general by focusing on the particular. It's subtle and stark without becoming dark and sullen. In the movie, as in everyday life, life is hard. People struggle and suffer and try to do their best to get by and do what's best for their families. And it's a difficult world. But I couldn't help but wonder (and many people will certainly disagree) whether it may be too real. If a movie looks just like real life, should one question why they're watching a movie and not just continuing to live real life? Can a movie be real enough to be ordinary?

This is a well made movie and a lot of people will love it but I can't.

6/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 353.

Conan on Letterman

Conan O'Brien made his fourth ever guest-appearance on the "Late Show" last night. The conversation was uncomfortable, razor-sharp, electric and very funny. It helped heal a nation. It could change the world!

Anyways, there is no way to embed the interview so you can watch the video here and skip to 14:30.

The one thing I was looking for (other than Leno bashing)- the second thing I was looking for out of this interview was to see if Dave would "make nice" and smooth things over. Instead, I don't know if he may have made things worse. The time when Conan lost the "Tonight Show" is the "golden age of broadcasting" for instance.

I was hoping for more insight into the events of a few years ago but time is so limited it just didn't happen.

Is it me or in those moments when Dave says Conan did a great job on the "Tonight Show" and the audience applauds, is Conan a little touched? It could just be my imagination but I see a a tear in his eye.