McMathematics

 

At my local McDonald's, the double cheeseburger is cheaper than the single cheeseburger. And the triple cheeseburger is the same price as the single cheeseburger.

Somebody call somebody.

Month #1: Taiwan Snacks

 Yes, the Japanese/Korean Snack series is over a year old and still hasn't completed, what is this nonsense? Well, this year for my birthday I asked for no gifts so obviously I got enrolled in a "snack of the month" club automatically guaranteed to last another year!

And what is the first month's collection? Taiwanese snacks, of course, so here we are. I didn't get what I wanted this year and I'm passing the suffering on to you. Let's get started...

Taiwan is home to 430 unique species of butterflies and is known as "Kingdom of Butterflies." On the first full moon of the year, people in North Taiwan celebrate the Pingxi Sky Lantern Festival where they send up paper lanterns into the sky. People in South Taiwan light fireworks in the street and getting hit by a firework is seen as a sign of good luck. 

In Taiwan, each receipt includes a lottery number; it's common for businesses to close for 2-3 hours after lunch to allow for naps; garbage trucks play Beethoven to announce they're in the area and no one gets married in August due to superstition.

1) Soft Yuzu Citrus Cake

Yuzu is a citrus fruit that began in China and spread to the rest of South East Asia.

This tastes a lot like a Fig Newton. It's like a Fig Newton that's bigger, thicker and has a twinge of citrus flavor to it. Not bad.

2) Soy Cracker (Korean Kimchi)

Kimchi is Korean pickled cabbage. And Kimchi is so popular in Taiwan that they made their own version that's less spicy and more sweet and sour.

As you can infer from the bag, these are like the Taiwanese Fritos. Fritos, with a little bit of BBQ, a little spice and some sesame. Not bad.

3) Black Truffle Fries

Point of order: I've never had black truffle. So I don't know what they're going for but I can still assess whether it's good.

As the bag suggests, they're chips shaped like french fries, not unlike your Andy Capp's and what not. And I think they've done well because there is a strong mushroom taste - definitely and powerfully.

And it's at this point, the thought occurs to me, "What if I'm deathly allergic to truffles?" There'd be no way of knowing, it's completely possible and I'm all alone. Is my tongue swelling up? I don't think my throat is closing but then, that's exactly what they want you to believe. Maybe my throat is closing. Maybe it's my imagination? It feels like it is - how do I know if it really is or I'm just panicking?

Living alone is scary. A slip and fall, a knife accident, a toxic truffle and that could be it. It depends on whether you can get to a phone in time, I suppose. I can't bring myself to get up on my roof. Suppose I'm up there and the ladder gets knocked over, then what? I could stay up there indefinitely. Will someone come by? Maybe. Maybe not. And then the alternative is to jump down. I don't want to imagine that but somehow it's hard not to.

Pretty good, overall. A nice salty, potatoey snack.

4) Pop-Smile Popcorn Bubble Tea

Bubble Tea (or Boba Tea) was invented in Taiwan in the 80s. The claim of ownership between Chun Shui Tang Teahouse and Hanlin Teahouse was fought over in the courts for years and eventually thrown out because no one had patented it. In 2019 the bubble tea market reached $2.4 Billion.

I, myself, have never had bubble tea and still don't know what it tastes like. You can think of this popcorn as like 70% of the way to Cracker Jack. The caramel taste is just lighter and there's another taste in there that I can only assume is the bubble tea part but doesn't taste like tea to me so... I don't know. This is the worst food review ever, I don't know what it's supposed to taste like, I don't know what it tastes like and I don't know how to describe it.

5) Taro Classic Wafers

Taro is a Taiwanese root and it's so big there that it has its own festival, the Taro Festival, held in October.

The genre of sugar wafer keeps coming up again and again with these Asian snacks. And here we are again. The look like this:

And they taste pretty much the way you'd expect. They're sugar wafers. Maybe they're less sweet than American sugar wafers but it's been a really long time since I had American ones so I can't say.

6) Taiwan Choco Ball

This one is labeled as containing/being "mochi" - glutinous rice paste. And though we usually associate mochi with Japan, it's apparently very popular in Taiwan.

The literature I have implies that it's the Taiwanese equivalent of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Coming up with the American equivalent is my job, literature. And, not being able to eat chocolate, I had to wrangle guest reviewers to eat it for me, "Mystery Diners," if you will. Here are their reviews:

"It's like gummy chocolate."

"It's not bad, it's just weird."

"It's springy... it's like a superball!"

So there you go. Take that for what it's worth.

Popcorn in Bed - It's a Wonderful Life

 

Christmas Music

 Someone recently posed the question, "Is Christmas Eve actually better than Christmas Day?" It's an impossible question. When I was a kid, we'd spend Christmas Eve celebrating with my grandparents on my father's side and those may be my favorite memories. I remember being caught between rooms hearing Christmas music ever so faintly. My grandparents would play the record player in a room all the way down the hall so in various locations you would hear it almost imperceptibly.

A few years ago I was able to track down the record that they played - that I'm pretty sure they played. And today I found someone had uploaded it to youtube.

If you're looking for Christmas music - even if only to play in the background - this is my recommendation.

Weird Soda Reviews #1

 1) Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum Soda

Actually, scratch that, there is no "Joe" in the name for some reason. Suspicious. And it should be noted that Bazooka Joe Soda does not come with a comic.

I applaud how accurate this is and yet it falls a little short for me. This is 95% Bazooka Joe flavor with just an aftertaste that feels like something else indescribable (but not good). Still, very close and impressive.

What's really interesting is the website description. They describe Bubble Gum flavor as the combination of "strawberry, banana, and fruit punch." Never in my life have I heard anyone breakdown what Bubble Gum Flavor actually means. I would love to experiment with that to see if I can recreate it. One problem is: "fruit punch" itself has a lot of wiggle room.

Why is bubble gum pink? Because pink was the only color that the inventor, Walter Diemer, had on hand.

2) Canadian Maple Syrup Soda

I initially ordered this thinking, "I wonder what Maple Syrup Soda tastes like." One sip and I realized how dumb that was. It tastes like maple syrup, of course. Just imagine Maple Syrup (Log Cabin for instance) but watered down and carbonated and that's it exactly. It's not bad but I don't think it's going to be a new staple for me.

3) Chocolate Soda with Banana & Real Cocoa

Though not eating chocolate currently, I'm a big fan of Banana Splits, historically speaking. When I was a kid I would sometimes cut up a banana and add it to a glass of chocolate milk. It seemed to me that, at its essence, that was the main taste of banana splits.

And that's exactly what this tastes like. They are not fooling around with the labeling - this is EXACTLY chocolate and banana in soda form. It tastes great. Holy moley and wow. It's so spot-on that I wonder if I run a risk drinking it - how much chocolate can a soda really contain? I have no idea.

4) Chocolate Soda with Strawberry

I don't know about you but I'm not a big fan of chocolate covered strawberries. Chocolate is great and strawberries are great but you combine the two together and I don't think the result is greater than the sum of its parts.

But what of the soda? Well, we already established that the chocolate part is strong, but the question is the chocolate/strawberry combo. I don't taste it. I'm not getting a strawberry taste. Maybe it's me but I'm not getting it.

If you want to try for yourself, I got all of these from Vat19.com. Not a sponsor.

Rich Little's Christmas Carol

 Are you down? Are you having trouble "getting into the 'Christmas spirit'" this year? Feeling boxed in by it all? Well, I know how to fix things. How about a version of "A Christmas Carol" where every character is played by Rich Little doing an impression of a different celebrity?

Yes, this production has it all... Rich Little as W.C. Fields as Scrooge, Rich Little as Richard Nixon as Jacob Marley, Rich Little as Groucho Marx as Fezziwig, Rich Little as Truman Capote as Tiny Tim and it just goes on and on from there. Are you a millennial? If so, you have no idea who any of these people are, do you? I guarantee you have never even heard the name Paul Lynde before.

Yes, this special is real and it's incredible (impossible to believe).

My top complaint about this production is that "A Christmas Carol" is, or can be, such an emotionally powerful story...it feels like such a waste for this kind of... whatever it is. If you want a comical parody of a story that everyone knows, do "The Wizard of Oz", Robin Hood, do Rudolph do... hold on... There was a Dana Carvey Show sketch where Dana Carvey was Rich Little in "All Rich Little One Man Easter"... Dana Carvey played Rich Little playing various celebrities playing various Biblical characters... that sketch makes complete sense now.

But anyways, I don't see the point in taking a powerful story and extracting all the heart from it so you can deliver the empty husk of a classic. Take out all the emotion and you're only left with an "I know what that is" skeleton. Just look at every "punk" cover of every popular song ever recorded.

The strangest thing to me about this special is the impetus for Scrooge/Fields to change. Instead of seeing that Tiny Tim dies prematurely, the ghost of Christmas Future (Rich Little as Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau) shows him Scrooge's grave and only his. So, in this version, Scrooge needs to change his ways in order to not die? I got news for you, that's not negotiable. It's also not very dramatic or powerful. Now, to be fair, Scrooge/W.C. Fields is an alcoholic and so it's implied that he's going to die of alcoholism unless he quits but this message is not given any of the weight that it deserves; and besides, what has that got to do with Christmas? Why would quitting alcohol equate to giving Cratchet a raise or celebrating Christmas with your nephew? The first thing that happens at the Christmas party is he's offered a drink and he drinks it and makes a funny face. The only connection I see between alcoholism and "A Christmas Carol" is that the first thing he does after going "cold turkey" is to buy a giant turkey. I'll see myself out. God bless us, everyone.

Mr. T - Man of the Year 1984

Dean Martin and Mr. T. Mr. T is the one on the right.

 "Mr. T, Man of the Year" sounds like a pretty bold statement, it sounds made up. But it's real and I can explain.

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts started as a replacement for the Dean Martin Show. Coming out weekly, the roasted person was labeled "Man of the Week." As time went on, broadcasts became more infrequent and the roastee was "Man of the Hour", etc. By 1984, when they decided to roast Mr. T, the title had become "Man of the Year" and so it is.

Mr. T is a great sport, his giggling fits are in stark contrast to his tough guy persona. On the dais, and one of the roasters is George Peppard. The word on the street is that Mr. T and George Pepard hated each other, though Mr. T has tended to dismiss those rumors. Peppard's "roast" of Mr. T is one of the strangest "roasts" I've ever seen - he just talks about how great Mr. T is. No jokes, no humor, just earnest sainthood. To some extent this kind of praise is part of the "roast" genre but even so, it's weird.

It's a star-packed show with some oddities... On the dais are Bob Hope, Ann Jillian, Gary Coleman, Nell Carter, Gavin MacLeod, Howard Cosell and Ricky Shroder.

Some highlights from the roast (from people other than George Peppard):

Dean Martin: His mother had 11 children - he was 4 of ‘em.

Red Buttons: The doctor who delivered Mr. T said, “He slapped me!”

Don Rickles: “We’re honoring this man… WHY?!”

Don Rickles: “And Howard Cosell, I say from the bottom of my heart, you’re annoying and you should go away.”

Band of Brothers Screenwriter Discusses the Show

Contains some spoilers, if you haven't seen the show. However, if you haven't seen the show, you really should.

Found this to be really interesting.

The Fake Chest Pains Lady and The Ewok Guy

 

I thought the last Norm Macdonald clip that went semi-viral would be my last ever. But I found that I couldn't find any reference to The Fake Chest Pains Lady or The Ewok Guy anywhere on youtube and then I found I had a clip with them in my archives (previously uploaded to youtube but blocked for copyright). So here it is.

How many people on youtube are searching for this? I'm hoping it's at least 1.

By the way, an update on experiences with The Algorithm. The Norm Macdonald clip got way more views way faster than any video I ever posted in the past. It got 300K views in something like a week. However, once it hit that point it hit some sort of brick wall and stopped getting many more views. I wish I knew what that mechanism was. It could be natural that everyone who was going to watch it already watched it but I have no way of knowing.

Best of the Worst - New York Ninja

 

The name of Vinegar Syndrome continues to ascend.

Game Grumps - Roblox Pizza

 

This Christmas Season, the hottest game is Roblox. It's the bleeding-edge, hot craze with next-gen graphics and massively multiplayer PvP office politics action.

Cringing Along with the Back to the Future Musical

 

There is a "Back to the Future" musical and the reviews are in: "That was painful to watch. There was a visceral feeling of like- I got anxiety, I got mad, embarrassment was peak... peak embarrassment for what was going on..."

The Wizard of Oz is All a Dream

 

I've always held the pedestrian view that whether Oz was all a dream or a real place was purposefully left ambiguous and up to each viewer to decide.

I've also always decided that Dorothy really went to Oz - just because that's the much more interesting movie in my opinion.

Everything that suggests it was a figment of her imagination can (very loosely) be explained. She wakes up in her bed because the magic of the ruby slippers sent her there. The Scarecrow, Tin Man, etc. all look strikingly like the people she knows in Kansas - well that's just coincidence. She is drawn up inside a tornado and, not only survives, sees other people in there. There's even two guys rowing a boat in the tornado... Well, it's a children's fairy tale kind of thing, I guess.

When you really think about it, it does start to sound crazy but children's movies often are.

But there is one aspect, in fact one shot, that indicates unequivocally that it is absolutely all a dream. Still within the cylinder of the tornado, there is a shot where Miss Gulch, riding on her bicycle, transforms into the Wicked Witch. 

This one shot, this brief moment, absolutely can not be explained away. In the real world, this can not happen and can not be reconciled. 

Well, let's see, maybe Miss Gulch was always the Witch and now we're just seeing her transform using her magic. But the Wicked Witch doesn't just show up in Oz the day that Dorothy does, she's pre-existed there for years. Well, maybe she's lived in both dimensions and lived parallel lives. But Miss Gulch knows Dorothy and the Wicked Witch has no idea who she is when the meet for the first time.

No, the image you see above is the kind of thing that only happens in a dream. It was all a dream.

Popcorn in Bed - The Empire Strikes Back

 

This is too fun. I can't think of anything else to say. I am speechless.

Elbow - Scattered Black and Whites

 

Popcorn in Bed - Rocky II

 

There is a glut of "reacts to" videos on youtube and they're terrible. The whole genre feels like a scam even though I can't prove it for any particular instance. You've never heard the Beatles before but now you're blown away and they're your favorite band? Ok.... sure...sure.

But against my better judgement, I've started watching these videos on "Popcorn in Bed" and also against my better judgement, I'll probably watch most of the channel. I don't know how to stop, why can't I stop? Don't answer that. This is probably why youtube keeps recommending reaction videos, it's my fault.

This kind of over-reaction/over emotionalization of "Rocky" is something I can get behind 110%. I do it myself, I'm just ever so slightly more stoic in my demeanor.

1980s Computer Proves Time Travel

 Halloween comes late this year.

A story in which a man believes he is communicating with the past and future through a personal computer from the 1980s...

Irish People Try Thanksgiving Pies

 

When I first saw the title I thought it was silly. There's only one Thanksgiving pie and it's Pumpkin. But, I have seen the rest of the video and I think their choices are acceptable.

The Irish people are difficult to impress, as a rule, and so I consider this a Win.

Rad in Theaters: An Addendum to the Retrospective

 Remember how I said that at my screening of "Rad" in theaters, I saw Justin Silverman of the Cinemassacre Podcast? Well, they talked about it today on that same podcast. And they mention that Kieran was also there. I was unable to confirm it was him because he was wearing a mask so I didn't mention it. This blog has journalistic integrity.

Hey maaaan, see how they discuss people seeing "Rad" with Rad t-shirts on? Maan, they're talking about ME, maaannnn!

Skip to 7:58.

Norm Macdonald Live - The Top 3 Episodes

 I just finished re-watching the entire run of "Norm Macdonald Live" and there's an episode that I thought deserved highlighting. 

First off, I suppose if I had to pick the top two episodes, it would be David Letterman followed by Dana Carvey. But, looking back at the blog, I found that I made posts recommending those two exact episodes. I thought it was interesting that my tastes would be so consistent.

But the #3 episode is also great and it's the Bill Hader episode. I don't think of Bill Hader as a "big star" but he's funny, he's interesting, he has great stories, he's a likable guy and the show just seems to come together well. So if you'd like, you can watch that episode here.

So, there you go, the Top 3 episodes of "Norm Macdonald Live" according to me.

Norm Is Having a No Bones Day

 

This is, I expect, my last youtube upload. While I can't predict the future and may have something to upload for some reason, at some point; I am completely through all my old VHS tapes and so that's the end of that.

It really is amazing. My last video got 28 views in 5 days. This video is at 10,000 views within 3 hours. And it's still going, obviously. 

A Duck Plays the Drums

 

Am I crazy in thinking that this is fake? I mean it's obviously real, but I can't help but sense that the audio of the drum is dubbed. What do you think?

RLM - Mike Names a Movie Trope

 

Late Show - Should Al Gore Run Again?

 How topical, how political...

This is another new upload. I just loved this response to a random Viewer Mail question.

One of the things that happened as the Late Show went on is the answers to the Viewer Mail questions had less and less to do with what was actually asked. It would be like "Dear Dave, do you like burritos?" and then Dave would say, "I don't really know but I saw an interesting thing on my way to work - did you see this? - I think we have footage of it...."

I only have one youtube upload left.

Rifftrax - Halloween Party

 Another short film with no purpose. It seems there was an era where professors from Arizona State College would make shorts that have no entertainment, artistic or educational value. Just wasting everyone's time.

Game Grumps - A Spooky Scary Story

 

Late Show - Dana Carvey

 

It seems like every Dana Carvey appearance on the Late Show was gold but perhaps this one is a little "above the norm" because Dana's got a bone to pick. In this appearance, Dana was recently eliminated from "Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and he wonders if there was a conspiracy afoot!

A conspiracy on ABC? Sounds a lot like Conan.

I wish I could say I'd never seen "Shakespeare in Love" but I caved a while back because I was trying to complete those Greatest Movie lists. I don't remember much (any) of it but I wish I had paid attention to the mention of the theater.

Drunk Irish People Solve a Murder

 

St. Crispin's Day

 Today is the feast of St. Crispin.

Late Show - Kid Scientists

 

Another of my videos and another video that has no "viral" potential. I doubt very many people are searching "Kid Scientists" and there's nothing about the title that equates to click bait. But even though I don't expect it to get a lot of views, it's the people's loss. That's because this is an excellent - even classic - segment - Dave is in a goofy mood and all the jokes land.

Game Grumps - Cruis'n Blast

 

This is so goofy, it's great.

Craig Kilborn Wants to be on a Soap Opera

 

Of the new batch of videos that I'm uploading this is my second favorite - second only to the Norm Macdonald interview. I've watched it many times and it doesn't get old, it always hits me the right way for some reason.

Even that thumbnail is spectacular.

The Rad/Full House Connection

Forgive me, I'm sure this is common knowledge to some people, but I recently learned that Becky (Marta Kober) from "Rad" actually went on to be a fairly successful actress. Her biggest credit (aside from "Rad" and "Magnum P.I.") is probably being one of the teens in "Friday the 13th Part 2." I had no idea.

But what I was most tickled by was that she appeared in an episode of "Full House." In the Season 6, Episode 1 episode entitled "Come Fly with Me," Marta appears very briefly as Brandy, a woman who Uncle Jesse mistakes for an autograph seeker.

Sorry, this is the best picture I could get - she's scowling throughout the entire shot.

And, of course, she appears in the same scene as Lori Loughlin:

So two cast members of "Rad" appearing together in the same episode, same scene of "Full House." Moreover in both cases one of them is playing a character named Becky. The imdb Trivia page for this episode makes no note of this, by the way.

Late Show - Biff Henderson's Fun with a Stopwatch

 Biff Henderson uses a stopwatch to time things. It's "a fascinating anthropological pursuit."

Japan Snack Reviews #4

Reaching the end of the Japanese snacks and it's a lot of small individual candy items...

1.

Name: Ame Chan Candy (Hello Kitty)

Review:

Ame Chan candy comes with various different characters on the wrapper - "Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Anpanman, maneki neko..." Obviously, I got Hello Kitty. This one is a lemon hard candy and it's a strong lemon taste. Lemon candy like this divides me slightly. On the one hand, I think it tastes great. On the other hand, it is a bit like eating Lemon Pledge (housecleaner). But overall, a thumbs up from me.

2.

Translation: Couple O' Lemons. Lemon soda candy.

Review:

These are basically like Smarties. They come in different flavors but this one is lemon and, let me tell you, if it didn't say "lemon" on the package, I would never have guessed. It has some sort of fruity taste but it's only lemon if I really strain my brain.

They also dissolve in a weird way, I imagine that's where the "soda" part comes in. They're very slightly effervescent. Not bad, ok.

3.

Name: Beh (Tongue) Gum

Review:

It's blue gum. You know the flavor "blue," don't you? It could broadly be blue raspberry but the way I would describe it would be blue lemonade.

Japanese gum seems to be fundamentally different in some way than American. Firstly, the texture is much softer, it feels like it's going to dissolve or break apart but doesn't. And then also the flavor doesn't last as long.

The reason this is called "tongue" gum is because the gimmick is that it turns your tongue blue. And it worked. I didn't photograph the result but it wasn't pretty. Not bad, overall, but nothing too great either.

4.

Name: Maken Mini

Review:

Well I'm not one for reading Japanese labels but the one thing I can guess is that it's the first candy with an expiration and I missed it. I'm taking my chances and living on the edge. If you don't hear from me again, it was the Maken Mini that did it.

These are gummi candies that come in the form of hands that show "rock, paper or scissors." I got scissors - it looks like this:

The red color made me expect strawberry or cherry but it seemed to me to be cola flavored. In fact, it tastes like Haribo Cola Bottles. It's small, I don't know if or how you play rock, paper, scissors with it, but it's candy and it's pretty good.

5.

Translation: Apple Foam

Review:

This is a spherical hard candy that doesn't taste like apple but I think I can be generous and say maybe "sour apple." It tastes exactly like one of the flavors of Fiji Fruits - I don't know if anyone remembers them, they were possibly an obscure candy from the 80s.

Well, looking it up, one of the flavors in Fiji Fruits was "Island Apple" so I guess I have to give them the benefit of the doubt and concede. Fine, it's a valid apple flavor. I don't have to like it though.

And that's all for now. Next Up: Korean Snacks #5. Look for that in 2022!

Rad in Theaters: A Retrospective

 I was pretty sure I wasn't going to make a post about going to see Rad in theaters - I was sure I wouldn't need to talk about seeing a movie - but there were so many interesting things that happened, I have to now...

Some thoughts:

• Going into the theater a guy held the door for me wearing the same Rad t-shirt that I was wearing. Nice.
• In the theater, before the previews, there was Rad Trivia. I have to say I was stumped on a few.
• There was a commercial advertising that bikes exactly like Cru's Murray will be available next year.
• Before the film there was a trailer for the new cut of "Rocky IV" which was peculiar because that movie and Rad are both from around the same time, both coming back to theaters in 2021 and both star Talia Shire.
• The original Fathom announcement advertised: "fans will see for the first time 'A Rad Documentary – Inside the BMX Movie That Changed Everything.' ...the documentary gives audiences an inside look into the making of the film that helped catapult the extreme popularity of the 1980s BMX fad." It's amazing how misleading that statement is and yet it's not false - every word matters and is probably calculated. After the credits, they did not show a special documentary per se, they showed a sneak-peek at a Rad documentary that is coming out at a later date. Bad news, good news...Yes, a full-length "Rad" documentary is coming.
• I was surprised at how many people were laughing at parts of the movie which were not intended to be comedic. The art of serious cinema is just not appreciated these days.
• One person (who wasn't me) remarked that they should have played "The Dirt Bike Kid" trailer before the movie. That was the line of the night.
• In the restaurant where Cru works, there's an advertisement for strawberries and I think that's it. Just strawberries.
• With the large picture size, the difference between Sgt. Smith and his stunt man was pretty apparent. In fact, all the shots of stuntmen are pretty easy to pick out but Sgt. Smith is the funniest.
• The Reynolds Twins' criticisms of Cochrane are even more stinging on the big screen.
• The woman who has to get through the parade because she has cakes in the oven appears to also be handing out small American flags even as she's panicking. Watch it again, it makes no sense at all.
• With the enlarged detail, it occurred to me that every Rad shirt I've ever seen is inauthentic. It makes sense, in the movie, the logo is stenciled so there can be no totally enclosed empty space. The "R", "a", "d", etc have breaks in the lines.
• Cru should not be riding his bike into the river before the big race, he's risking injury. That's very self-destructive!
• Right before the first qualifier, someone's wearing a Captain's Hat. Nice:
• It really is a perfectly constructed movie in the sense that every plot twist is foreshadowed.
• The guy who works at 7-11 is wearing a shirt that has a "7-11" print. On VHS it just looks like a green shirt.
• I never noticed before (again, greater detail) that during Hell Track Becky is wearing a...like, a Pith Helmet.

• The credits end with a warning about kids not trying stunts. Never saw that before.
• Sitting there, waiting for the movie to start, in walks this guy:

It's Justin, of Cinemassacre Podcast fame. If you want to hear his thoughts on "Rad," here they are:

Convenient.

Finally, the people in the theater were all a pretty similar bunch: people who looked like me. But walking out of the theater I spied a lovely woman in a lovely dress. Then, coming out into the parking lot, I noticed she was not accompanied by a middle-aged schlub, or any schlub at all. What I'm saying, assuming it wasn't a hallucination, is that an attractive woman went to see "Rad" alone. There's a story and a mystery there more interesting than anything projected onto the movie screen.

Rad - In Theaters Tonight

Camera, curtains, lights!

This is it, we'll hit the heights!

Oh what heights we'll hit!

On with the show this is it!

Just a reminder that Rad is back in theaters for one night only and it's tonight. Even if you have your SATs tonight, I say this is more important. 

Korean Snack Reviews #4

 The last time I did one of these it was July. In fact, we're coming up on the 1 Year Anniversary of the start of this. This is not how it was supposed to go.

Well, anyways...

1.

Translated Name: Whale Food

Review:

These are light crackers, about the size of Goldfish crackers. They look like this:

They have a taste that's hard to describe but I would best reckon it as "seaweed." They're not for me, wouldn't recommend.

2.

Translated Name: Roasted Grain <Something>

Review:

I have a sneaking suspicion that the photo above is upside down but there's nothing I can do about it. This is a very light, airy crust surrounding a very light cream. It looks like this:

It's hard to describe because I have nothing to compare it to. And it's so light, it's almost like eating nothing at all. There's some salt, some sweet, some cereal taste, some crunch. Ultimately I wouldn't recommend it but it's so light, I can't have a strong opinion.

3.

Translated Text: Juice Made from Ground Up Pears

Review:

This is one of the snacks I've been looking forward to the most. Within the large box of various snacks, the one can of soda stood out like a sore thumb. It's an exotic soda and I'm all about exotic sodas. 

Now, although it was made of pears, I really felt a strong Macintosh apple taste. Very sweet and good. And they really sell the "real pear" thing because when you get to the bottom, there's grit and pulp particles.

And although it's maybe a little strange that it's pear and I think it tastes like apples, here's where it gets stranger still. I tasted in this drink a lot of Fanta Grape. I would never have connected pear or apple to Grape Fanta before this but I'm telling you the overlap is there. Very strange. Good stuff, I say.

4.

Translated Name: Sand Ace

Additional Text: Yogurt Cream. More Soft.

Review:

Vanilla crackers sandwiching vanilla cream. They're a bit like Vienna Fingers except crackers rather than cookies/biscuits. In fact, the crackers have a bit of a salty taste. Quite good.

5.

Translated Name: Green Tea

Review:

Fun fact: I can't try Green Tea because I have a weird allergic (or something) reaction to it. The only symptom it causes that I really wish to talk about is it makes me dizzy, causing the world to spin slowly and makes it hard to walk a straight line. It's like being drunk, in short. I still remember walking down the hall at work and stumbling back and forth, trying to get my balance. Very strange.

Needless to say I didn't try this one but I'm going to go ahead and assume that the Green Tea tastes like Green Tea.

And that's it. Next Time: Japan Snacks #4.

The History of Super Mario Bros 3

 

A 50 minute video about Super Mario Bros 3 might be too much for some but I really enjoyed it. It's an excellent work and it's fascinating how a game could be so hyped and so built-up and yet deliver exactly what it promised.

Sometimes I can still see that bright yellow and re-live the excitement of that time.

Rad - The Bart Taylor Magazine Article

With the HD quality of the new Rad trailer, we can finally read the magazine article Cru reads about Bart Taylor:

HELL TRACK

COCHRAN, ORE.

BART,

The Man.

CAN HE BE STOPPED AT HELL TRACK?

He hasn't lost a race yet. Bart "The Man" Taylor has ripped up the pro class for the last three years. At the U.S. Open in Long Beach, California last month, Bart carted home a hefty $25,000 for the win, giving him an easy lead going into Hell Track in Cochran, Oregon, where the title of No. 1 Pro will be decided.

Of course, Bart will be the favorite to grab the glory at Hell Track, starting with the brand spankin' new '86 Corvette that goes with the pro win. His heavy pursuit of the No. 1 [place?] has given him very little free time for surfing or kicking back at his new condo right on Zuma Beach.

The blond-haired swoop master claims that his constant workout on his bike while on the road keeps him in shape for the national BMX circuit.

On and off the track, Bart's the dude to watch. No one comes close. You might remember last year's grandnational, when Taylor lapped half the pack -- that was KILLER. Also, rumor has it that he's been attempting countless swoops on this year's number one national girl and Mongoose teammate, Christian. No luck with her yet, but he's got groupies to spare. Ah, the spoils of being the best.

BMX ACTION

 A few thoughts. 

This one throwaway prop alters forever my perspective of the entire movie. Bart has been competing for 3 straight years and hasn't lost even a single race? Not even 2nd place? Every great athlete loses at least sometime. If he had merely been the best rider, I'd believe Cru could prove himself to be the superior rider but now I think that's very unlikely. Bart must have won too much, became too satisfied and lost his edge.

The other thing is: I love that they mention, in a magazine article, that Bart is hitting on Christian. If they're going out, that'd be one thing but if he's hitting on her and getting rejected, why does that make it into a magazine? And then they go the opposite direction and talk about how he's got "groupies to spare," geez. Would that really happen? Sure, it was a completely different era and I have no knowledge of BMX magazines but it seems wacky.

What is Malt?

 

It might sound dumb but I've always wondered what malt was. From "going to the Malt Shop" in old movies to the candy malted milk balls, I always had it in the back of my mind.

Rad Is Being Re-Released To Theaters

 

On October 14th In The Year of Our Lord 2021, "Rad" will be shown in theaters in celebration of it's 35th Anniversary!

  From the website:

"In celebration of its 35th anniversary, the 1986 BMX racing film, Rad returns to theaters for one-night-only. Featuring a new 35th anniversary restoration, the film stars Bill Allen (Cru Jones), Lori Loughlin (Christian Hollings), Talia Shire (Mrs. Jones), Jack Weston (Duke Best), and Ray Walston (Burton Timmer), along with 1984 Olympic gymnastics champion Bart Conner (Bart Taylor).

As part of the Rad 35th Anniversary event, fans will see for the first time “A Rad Documentary – Inside the BMX Movie That Changed Everything.” Featuring never-before-seen interviews with the cast and crew and behind-the-scenes footage, the documentary gives audiences an inside look into the making of the film that helped catapult the extreme popularity of the 1980s BMX fad."

The Trailer:

  I've already bought my tickets - $27,000 worth. Don't get left out! I'd run right over to that stand and buy as many as you can!

Late Show - The Dr. Phil Trilogy

 Over the past week and a half I've released my own "Dr. Phil Trilogy" to youtube. I don't expect it to perform well - I think people see "Dr. Phil" and think "who cares?"

But this was a fun era in David Letterman history. For months they isolated clips of Dr. Phil out of context and played them for comedy on the show (Video #1). And then Dr. Phil agreed to come on the show and implied that it may come to violence (Video #2). Then the actual interview (Video #3) was actually combative (in a playful, jokey way).

I have no particular opinion of Dr. Phil but the whole saga was fun and funny. I wish I had more "Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom" clips but it was a daily segment and I felt overwhelmed. Also, someone started a website where you could read through them all and I figured that was good enough, not thinking that anything like youtube would ever exist.

All of this was a stepping stone, I think, toward getting on Oprah - and, for all I know, it worked.

Sidenote: The youtube algorithm is an interesting thing. The Norm Macdonald clip that I posted 2 weeks ago has over 60,000 views. The Conan clip that I posted a week later is at 127 views.

GG - Improv Song Remixes

 Not Safe for Kids

Danny and Arnold listen to their made up songs with added production and instrumentation.

Arnold really has a limited range of topics...

GG - Updog and Grabon

Star Trek Acid Party

 

I have a goal. My goal is to watch the whole thing. I don't know if I'll make it but that's the goal.

Seinfeld Movie References

 

I consider myself to be pretty much a movie aficionado but I have to say there are tons of references that I didn't spot.

Levon Helm on Conan

 Levon Helm on Late Night performs "A Train Robbery" and "The Weight".

I thought for sure this was on the blog somewhere. Turns out it's from before the blog started.

More Shows That Don't Feature Mr. T

In a previous episode, I discovered that imdb mistakenly credited Mr. T as being in a show that he wasn't actually in. It seemed like a fluke, it seemed to be the first and last time that I'd see anything like that. But now there are more.

The vast majority of Mr. T's roles are small cameos in TV shows. He's been a regular cast member in just three series: "The A-Team," "Mister T" and "T and T." But, as of 2001, imdb (and much of the internet) lists a fourth: "Pecola." "Pecola" is a Japanese 3D animated show for kids that has been dubbed in English for a North American audience; it lasted for two seasons from 2001-2002 and supposedly Mr. T was in the cast for every episode. But he appears nowhere in the series. Don't believe me? Here are the actual credits:

Mr. T is also credited as doing a voice (the voice of Mr. T) in the video game "Celebrity Deathmatch) from 2003. And this one is the most embarrassing of them all. Not only is he not in it, the actual guy doing Mr. T is awful. It's not even close, it's so bad.

In 2010, Mr. T is listed as playing a gambler in the series "Finders Keepers" - the episode "Casino Night." "Finders Keepers" was a bargain basement youtube "series" filmed out of Philadelphia. It has no budget or acting and as you've probably guessed by now, Mr. T appears nowhere in the episode he's purported to be in. And good thing too, this show is so bad, I would have lost respect for him if he got anywhere close to it. However, interestingly and unlike the other shows, his absence can not be proven simply by looking at the credits - the episode credits do list a "Mr. T." So imdb is not entirely wrong but just confused about which Mr. T. I can assure you Mr. T is not in this show - I assume some random jabronie from Philly is calling himself "Mr. T" and wasting my time as a consequence.

Finally, we come to "The Comeback Kids" a "tv series" from 2014 - sadly Mr. T's most recent credit, according to imdb. The premise of this show is actually not bad - it's about former child stars trying to claw their way back into the limelight or at least cling to their fame. You can imagine the show has a built in gimmick - namely, they can have loads of cameos from former stars in every episode. Here's how imdb lists Mr. T in this show:

That's another first. I've never seen a credit for someone who's rumored to be in a show. The credit really is only a rumor. As far as I can tell, they made a pilot episode and then never made a single episode after that... even though there's an entire season of plot summaries on imdb. Well it's been seven years, I'm pretty sure the rumors aren't true.

Norm Macdonald on the Tonight Show (7/23/99)

 

It's against my religion to post anything that is any way related to - or even mentions - Jay Leno, but I found this segment on a VHS of mine recently (I don't know how it got there, I swear!) and I don't see it anywhere on youtube and then Norm passed away...

It's a fun interview and it's Norm. So here's a little additional material for the Norm Macdonald rabbit hole.

Norm Macdonald Dies at 61

https://deadline.com/2021/09/norm-macdonald-dead-obituary-comedian-saturday-night-live-weekend-update-anchor-was-61-1234833212/

The press says that he was battling cancer for 9 years. That's a long time without letting anyone know. According to my math, his touching tribute to David Letterman was within that time, "Norm Macdonald Live" and "Norm Macdonald Has a Show" were all within that span. Also within that span: Jimmy Fallon cancelling him from the "Tonight Show" because he said "Believe All Women" was bullshit. And, perhaps coincidentally, he also didn't appear on "Conan" after that, even when Conan was saying goodbye and having his favorite guests on. Well that bumper sticker slogan of non-thought has since been abandoned and today we have a whole new set of non-think catchphrases but I guess it's too late to invite him back now.

I found a Norm interview on one of my VHS tapes that I don't see on youtube. I'll probably post it in a few days. Little consolation, and all that.

RIP Norm.

Andy Richter on Celebrity Jeopardy

 

Mr. T in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009)

 

"Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" was probably my favorite book when I was a child. And ff you don't know, well now you know.

But "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"- the movie - has very little to do with the book. I suppose that's to be expected; the book's plot is minimal and could never fill up a feature-length film (though I would like to see an attempt). Nevertheless, just in case you were wondering, "I wonder how faithful the movie is to the book," the answer is: not much at all.

Book aside, if we judge the movie on its own terms, it's an excellent kids' movie. It's sharp, it's inventive, it's very funny. The visual gags are constant and the characterization is top-notch. And, no surprise, it was written and directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. The main character is voiced by Bill Hader and I need to note that Bill Hader has a perfect voice for animation.

My one complaint about the movie is the way it turns into an action movie towards the end - I'm fully on board for most of the movie but that's the only part where I start to lose interest. But that had me thinking: is there any animated movie made nowadays that doesn't devolve into an action film? Sad, but I can't think of a single example.

Mr. T voices Earl Devereaux, a balls-to-the-wall policeman who prioritizes his wife and kid above everything. Here, the usual Mr. T persona is given a new physicality - it's a nice blend of new and familiar. It's an excellent performance and a fun character.

This is a double recommendation. If you're looking for a kid's book, get it. If you're looking for a good family movie, this is a must-see.

Late Night - Anti-Astronaut Discrimination

 

I commend this as being one of the most bizarre sketches in the Conan era. Who knows, maybe it's the most bizarre.

Mr. T on The Simpsons (2003)

 What can one say about "The Simpsons?" It was one of the best shows ever made but then it jumped the shark ... and then it made another 20 seasons... and then it was never cancelled... and kept getting worse for eternity.

I have not made a full forensic audit of the show but judging by a single episode, it appears it was on the down slope in 2003. On the one hand, the episode has a never-ending string of gags and goofs and it's seeming smooth and effortless. And on the other hand, it's only jokes - the phenomenon of liking and caring about these characters is gone. It all seems soulless and empty.

Mr. T guests in the episode "Today, I am a Clown." In the episode, Krusty has never had a bar mitzvah so he gives himself one, turning the event into a TV special. Mr. T is one of the participants. Why Mr. T? Because jokes. Mr. T makes a bunch of Jewish jokes. Example: “I pity the fool who didn’t bring an envelope to this bar mitzvah.”

Still, it is two pop culture icons meeting each other and I am a sucker for Mr. T in cartoon form.

Game Grumps - Geoguesser

 

What a simple but interesting game.

Pro Tip: If you see a restaurant called "Bit O'Denmark," you are NOT in Denmark.

LGIO - The Airport of Suffering

 

Oddly, I think the airport specifically made to be painful is only marginally worse than a regular airport.

Mr. T (Not) on Teamo Supremo (2002)

 

Ever find an error on imdb?

According to imdb, Mr. T appears in one episode of the kids' cartoon "Teamo Supremo" playing the character "Mr. Gruff".

So I watched it - or, started watching it. It was clear as soon as the character of Mr. Gruff speaks that it's not Mr. T but someone doing a Mr. T-like voice. However, the plot of the episode involves a Batman-like scheme where Mr. Gruff's voice is stolen and put into the water supply such that all of the citizens in the city start talking exactly like Mr. Gruff. It seemed possible, then, that among all the Mr. Gruffs, they might sneak in Mr. T as someone sort of like an Easter egg.

But the show sucks and I lost patience and just skipped to the credits. I confirmed that Mr. T is not in the episode. 

Wikipedia confirms this. It credits Mr. Gruff as being voiced by Clancy Brown.

Here are the credited voice actors, in case proof be needed. No Mr. T.

Mr. T on House of Mouse (2002)

 

Disney has a slight conundrum where their most famous mascot is increasingly irrelevant to more and more generations of kids. Perhaps to counteract this trend, they gave Mickey his own show in 2002. 

Mr. T made an appearance on the show. It was a quick appearance, just a quick gag, but it was nice to see Mr. T in cartoon form again.

Rifftrax - Setting Up a Room

 It's finally here. I don't know how, but the folks at Rifftrax have somehow made "Setting Up a Room" available for free on youtube. Isn't that a major rights issue with the Hollywood production companies? Well, I don't care how they did it, the point is they did it.

Give in to the block-putting-away...

Mr. T in Pass the Courvoisier Part II (2002)

 Mr. T appears in the music video for Busta Rhymes' "Pass the Courvoiser Part II." Earlier, I mentioned that Emmanuel Lewis appeared in a Lil John video in 2002. Perhaps this was a mini-trend in the early 2000s - rappers featuring 80s TV stars in their music videos. These are the only two I know of so far, though.

So, yeah, Mr. T is in this music video and it's the standard disposable pop trash that's only popular for a few weeks. I wouldn't even be mentioning this except for one thing...

 As you can see, Mr. T is wearing a giant gold plate. When I saw him wearing this in "Suddenly Susan" I blamed the writers but this appearance shows that I was wrong, this is his "look" in this era. My apologies to the writers of "Suddenly Susan". This is not a good fashion choice.

Mr. T in Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

 

"Not Another Teen Movie" is an over-the-top parody movie of the Teen movies of the 80s and 90s. It's extreme, it's stupid and it's offensive - and I mean that in the best way possible. I am a sucker for these spoof movies, granted, but I put this in the "best of the best" category within the genre.

Why is this not considered a classic? My best guess is: it may have gotten lost in the shuffle. It would be around this time or a little later that all the horrible "Scary Movie" cash grabs would start up and I suppose this might have been lumped into the same category and forgotten.

Regarding Mr. T, this is a strange role for the T man. Or actually, it's a standard role but within a strange genre for him. Raunchy sex movies are not Mr. T's style but yet here he is. When he did "D.C. Cab" he was almost apologetic about its R rating and how it didn't agree with his values. With "D.C. Cab" you could make the case that he was just starting out and desperate for roles. But that isn't the case here.

As in "Spy Hard," it's a very small role - Mr. T plays the Wise Janitor Here to Impart Knowledge. And he also is dressed as a rather random homage to "I Know What You Did Last Summer".

Mr. T coaches Captain America

The joke that stood out to me most, watching it this time around, is the football coach. That actor commits to the bit. He acts with the fire of a thousand suns. The other joke - that got me this time but always gets me - is "Do it for Marty's torso!" Classic. The "cheertator" speech is great too. I could go on and on.