The Restored Original Cut of Dirty Work

As you may know,  "Dirty Work" was supposed to be an R movie but the executives intervened and made it PG-13. Now Vinegar Syndrome has re-created the original cut and released it.

I'm not much of a fan of "Dirty Work." As much as I love Norm, and I love Chris Farley, it's an "Ok" movie that doesn't live up to the talents of either. So my first instinct toward buying this is to pass. But then again, maybe that's exactly why I should buy it. Maybe I don't like it because I've only ever seen the wrong version.

What's Your Favorite Independence Day Movie?

"I came to America in 1914 by way of Philadelphia..."

 "What's your favorite Independence Day movie?" I thought it was a fair conversation-starter. I thought of it ahead of time but when I was around people, I forgot to ask it. There aren't many movies that revolve around July 4th. There are so few that one might add war movies to the mix. That's a discussion in itself - somehow "Saving Private Ryan" doesn't feel like an Independence Day movies but "Glory" does. And, is it me, or are there way too few movies about the Revolutionary War? You'd think there'd be a billion of them. But, narrowing the field as best I could, and having the advantage of advance notice, I determined my answer was "Avalon" (1990).

"Avalon" is my favorite type of movie: it's largely plotless, only revolving around the relationships between people and the passage of time. In this case it shows a grandfather immigrating to the United States, follows the second generation as they go into business for themselves and much of the action is seen through the eyes of the third generation played by child actor Elijah Wood. It's the kind of movie that hits me harder than any other but I can't share with anyone because it's "boring."

Roger Ebert postulates that "Avalon" is about the deterioration of familial ties and it's the contention of the film that the fault lies with the rise of television. What a harrowing tale when you consider that it's not just television anymore, it's internet, youtube, apps, video games and social media. Watching it now, it's clear that he's partly right: the television's effects on the family is a running motif, but it's also undeniable that the main fault of family break down is simple human fallibility - petty bickering, rivalry, stubbornness, and so on.

I think of "Avalon" as a meditation on the generational continuum we are all on. The grandfather tells his story to the grandchildren who listen with rapt attention. When he tells stories to his children, they've heard them all a million times and are tired of them. Consider the experience of the storyteller himself: "If I knew things would no longer be, I would have tried to remember better." He also sums up the entire film: "Jules, if you stop remembering, you forget."

Mr. T in Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

 

"Not Another Teen Movie" is an over-the-top parody movie of the Teen movies of the 80s and 90s. It's extreme, it's stupid and it's offensive - and I mean that in the best way possible. I am a sucker for these spoof movies, granted, but I put this in the "best of the best" category within the genre.

Why is this not considered a classic? My best guess is: it may have gotten lost in the shuffle. It would be around this time or a little later that all the horrible "Scary Movie" cash grabs would start up and I suppose this might have been lumped into the same category and forgotten.

Regarding Mr. T, this is a strange role for the T man. Or actually, it's a standard role but within a strange genre for him. Raunchy sex movies are not Mr. T's style but yet here he is. When he did "D.C. Cab" he was almost apologetic about its R rating and how it didn't agree with his values. With "D.C. Cab" you could make the case that he was just starting out and desperate for roles. But that isn't the case here.

As in "Spy Hard," it's a very small role - Mr. T plays the Wise Janitor Here to Impart Knowledge. And he also is dressed as a rather random homage to "I Know What You Did Last Summer".

Mr. T coaches Captain America

The joke that stood out to me most, watching it this time around, is the football coach. That actor commits to the bit. He acts with the fire of a thousand suns. The other joke - that got me this time but always gets me - is "Do it for Marty's torso!" Classic. The "cheertator" speech is great too. I could go on and on.

Mr. T in Spy Hard (1996)

 

Well here's a new one...

I watched "Spy Hard" because Mr. T is in it. That's obviously my purpose. And Mr. T literally dies within the first minute of the movie. He doesn't even make it to the opening credits.

Mr. T plays a helicopter pilot and that's somewhat ironic given that T is known for playing characters who are afraid to fly. His phobia may be well founded because the helicopter blows up with him inside.

So it's an 81 minute movie and T is gone and there are still 80 minutes left to go. "Spy Hard" is a Leslie Nielson spoof movie that sends up James Bond-type spy "thrillers." But then it also goes to weird extremes to also spoof movies like "Home Alone", "Jurassic Park" and "Sister Act." I mean "Sister Act?!"

I really have a soft spot for these cheap spoofs but this one is not quite up to par. Especially since the spy genre was so well covered "Get Smart" and later by "Austin Powers." There will be another spoof movie that WILL be up to par, and in fact be exceedingly good, but that's for another time...

Mr. T in Freaked (1993)

 

If you haven't seen "Freaked," I doubt I can adequatly describe it to you. It's a bizarre, surrealist, wacky comedy from the early 90s. It stars, and was made by, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and features cameos by "Ted" Theodore Logan AND the Grim Reaper. For a better understanding of the film, see the Freaked re:View.

The thing to note, for the purposes of this post, is that "Freaked" features Mr. T and, though I haven't seen them all yet (so I can't be sure), it's probably the weirdest Mr. T role ever.

In the movie, a man has created a collection of freaks - his own Freak Show - and is holding them all captive. Mr. T plays the Bearded Lady.

He wears dresses, he wears jewelry (I guess that's technically normal for him), he wears makeup. According to Alex Winters, Mr. T got fed up with cross-dressing and left the set three days before filming was complete.

And that's about it. So that's Mr. T in "Freaked."

Caravan of Garbage - The Lion King

"The Lion King" is so highly regarded that it sits at #34 on Imdb's Top 250. I revisited it recently and definitely hold the minority opinion. There's nothing wrong with the movie but I didn't care about anything that happens in it and I was just bored. I think even when this movie was new, I wasn't into it.

IMDB 250 - Underground (1995)

Underground (1995)

My first impression watching "Underground" was that it reminded me a lot of "Black Cat, White Cat" and it turned out that it has the same director. So that's a private victory for me.

"Underground" is a Yugoslavian film that follows a group of characters from the beginning of World War II, to the end of the war, through the Cold War until the Yugoslav Wars. It doesn't play the comedy as comedy or tragedy as tragedy, it simply presents life as a series of strange, chaotic and unpredictable events.

I feel I've been saying things like "it's not a bad movie, it just didn't do anything for me" way too often lately. So, I'll skip that. It doesn't help that as charming as some of this movie is, it's almost 3 hours long. I remember liking "Black Cat White Cat" though.

5/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 379.

IMDB 250 - Three Colors: Red (1994)

Three Colors: Red (1994)

"Three Colors: Red" feels like the quintessential foreign movie. It's slow, deliberate, nothing but conversation and it deals with weighty philosophical ideas. It's also a French language film set in Switzerland and has a Polish Director.

A model in Geneva hits a dog with her car and looks for the owner. She finds the owner is a retired Judge who now spends his time listening in to his neighbors phone conversations. She's disgusted but also clearly drawn to the man and attempts to know him.

Although this movie is from 1994, it looks like it's from 1984. It looks and feels like Director Krzysztof Piesiewicz's other work "The Decalogue". That's not a criticism exactly, just an observation. In fact, I liked "The Decalogue" so much that I enjoy it. It must be a particular camera or type of film he used.

"Red" is part of a trilogy in which some of the characters in one movie show up in the other two. There's also a suggestion that some of the characters are actually the same character, but at a different point in time. The "Three Colors" trilogy, and this film, are about the interconnectedness of all of our lives and about the way all of our lives are disconnected as well. And it's all up to chance, destiny or serendipity as to which lives touch which others.

8/10.
Total "Top 250" Movies Seen: 375.

The Super Bridges

As always, I have an ongoing project to boycott the Super Bowl as long as I don't have a rooting interest (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013). This year's Super Bowl replacement activity was..... watching "The Bridges of Madison County".

This movie came out in 1995 and got a lot of press as being a tremendous "chick flick". I had never seen it but was always curious about it so it seemed to be the right thing for the Super Bowl.

"The Bridges of Madison County" is about the bridges of Madison County. Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood star as bridges #1 and #2.

"The Bridges of Madison County" is about a housewife (Meryl Streep) who has an affair with a photographer (Clint Eastwood). She finds true love but must decide whether to follow it or stay with her family.... And that's pretty much it. It's a very simple story told in pretty tight confines - it's the type of movie that could have easily been a play (even though it really wasn't).

Meryl Streep is as excellent as always and Clint Eastwood is good too. There isn't a whole lot to say about this movie... it's a simple story, well told. It's somewhat sensual or erotic and it kind of becomes a tearjerker at some point. The whole movie depends entirely on the chemistry of the two leads and that works.

Conclusion: Definitely better than "The Notebook", probably not as good as "Steel Magnolias". Although, with that last one, it's kind of an "apples and oranges" situation.

7/10.

IMDB 250 8.4 - In the Name of the Father (1993)

In the Name of the Father (1993)

It is the seventies. MAN, is it the seventies, man. This movie is determined to establish THE HELL out of the fact that it is, indeed, the seventies - by any means necessary. In Ireland, the IRA is waging a war against the British government through riots and bombings. Gerard Conlon (Daniel Day-Lewis) is a, sort of, hippy drifter with little allegiance to either side. But after the bombing of two pub in England, he finds himself and his friends and family accused of creating and planting the bombs.

Under pressure from the government, the police suppress inconvenient evidence and obtain confessions through psychological torture. Several people including Gerard Conlon and his dad are sentenced to rot in prison for years until the case builds that the convictions should be appealed.

Based on a true story, this movie is part courtroom drama, part prison movie and part other courtroom drama. And when Gerard and his dad go to the same prison - even becoming cellmates - it adds a father-son plot-line.

Daniel Day-Lewis is (obviously) extremely good and the script has the gravity of a true story but there's something missing. Every single element of the movie is something we've already seen before in other movies. The police are corrupt baddies, the trial is a mockery of justice, life in prison is cruel and the lawyer who wants the case reopened sure is full of pluck and moxy.

It's a horrible injustice that really happened, and in modern times but, as cinema, it's a real problem when every aspect of a movie is a movie cliche. Drama turns to melodrama and its heavy-handedness in drawing out outrage from the viewer sometimes feels like a Lifetime movie of the week.


5/10.
Total Top "250" Movies Seen: 365.

IMDB 250 8.1 - La Haine (1995)

La Haine (1995)

A French film, "La Haine" follows three inner-city youths over the course of a single day.

They buy drugs, they acquire a gun, they get hassled by the police, they argue, they steal. Recently, a guy from the neighborhood was beaten up by the cops so bad that he may die in the hospital. One of the guys says that if that happens, he may kill a cop in retaliation.

It's gritty, it's dirty, it's in your face, it's "street". You know what this movie is like? It's a French version of a Spike Lee film. It's extremely-well acted with characters that are completely believable and yet I don't care for them because they're all morons in different ways. Perhaps they serve as characters that I should look down on and feel sorry for. Unlikely, but conceivable. But over the course of an hour and a half or two hours, at some point, that's not entertainment anymore. The reason they're miserable isn't due to their circumstances or origins... it's because they're fools. They deserve their circumstances.

This movie is from the 90s so it's allowed to be dated. And like I said, it's very similar to a Spike Lee film and Spike Lee is an acclaimed director - so perhaps it deserves some acclaim. But not from me. Real talk.

5/10.
Total Top "250" Movies Seen: 362.

The Forrest Gump Feather

When I saw "Forrest Gump" for the first time, I considered the opening image (the feather floating in a breeze) to be just a flourish - almost showing off what they can do with special effects.

But one thing I learned about Robert Zemeckis (the director) from the Back to the Future commentary is he doesn't believe special effects are not an end unto themselves. Special effects are only a tool to further the story.

So what's with the opening to "Forrest Gump", then?

In the movie's climax, Forrest visits Jenny's grave and tells her his view of life:

"I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."


Lt. Dan believes we each have a destiny (pre-destination). Momma believes "we make our own destiny" and that "life is a box of chocolates" (free will). Forrest believes both.


The feather on a breeze flitters and floats this way and that. It's the very definition of random. But, with every twist of the breeze and every change of wind, the sum of all random chance, every possibility and every improbability is that it's exactly where it should be.

Movie Review: Glengarry Glen Ross

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

Four salesmen in a real-estate office are told that for the next two weeks they'll be competing to make the most sales. First prize is a car, runner-up gets a set of steak knives, third and fourth prize is... you're fired.

A screenplay written by David Mamet and basically an-all-Oscar cast: Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Kevin Spacey, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, Alec Baldwin. There is no forest among the trees - the movie yields no definable emotion (other than a general sense of dread and desperation) and no likable characters (per se). It is simply an assembled collection of amazing scenes and the enjoyment that comes from watching lowlifes in suits yell at each other.

The reason to watch this movie - the reason to re-watch this movie - is to see an all-star ensemble with a meaty script where every single actor knocks it out of the park. Watch a cast of legends and watch Jack Lemmon be even better.

7/10.