Super Bowl 39 took place in 2005 and was the Philadelphia Eagles vs. New England Patriots. Being a huge Eagles fan, and Super Bowl 39 being the first Super Bowl the Eagles played in the era where I was conscious, Super Bowl 39 was a huge deal for me. And for that reason, it's very strange that I don't remember hardly anything about it - no plays, no moments, not a general outline of what happened - but the one thing I do remember never happened.
I was mostly happy to not remember anything from the game, it was a painful memory, who revisits the big losses? But I was bothered enough by it and thought that enough time had passed that I decided to re-watch the game today.
First off, it now seems understandable that I didn't remember. Despite being one of the closest Super Bowl games of all time, it's not a particularly good or memorable game. Both offenses start off slow and then get into a better rhythm but somehow the game lacks drama. But eventually, with 5 minutes to go, the Eagles are down by 10 points with possession of the ball, "looking" to make a comeback. At least, in theory. In actuality they are in no hurry to do anything, they appear to be unaware that they're playing the game of football and the point of football is to win. It may be the worst clock management in the history of football and it just so happens to be at the end of a Super Bowl. The Eagles lose by a field goal.
At the epicenter of the Eagles loafing around was the quarterback, Donovan McNabb. Whether he was out of gas, hungover or ill is a matter of controversy to this day, but no one can tell me something wasn't wrong. And, in fact, this brings me to the one thing I remember most distinctly from watching the game live: watching McNabb vomit on live TV. His sickness was probably the difference maker in the Super Bowl and so people have wondered about the cause ever since. And when asked about it, McNabb denied that he ever vomited at all - ludicrous, I saw it, I know what I saw.
Except it never happened. At least it appears that way. Re-watching the game, there is no point where McNabb vomits. Yes, he looks ill, yes he's lethargic in his movement, yes some of his teammates claim he vomited, all the circumstantial evidence supports him being sick, but the point is that the thing that I was sure I remembered seeing on TV in the live broadcast is nowhere to be found in the live broadcast. It was a completely false memory.
Unless someone has gone back and edited the video, that just doesn't exist and never did.
So that's super strange and I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around this reality. I guess that's it. Apologies for the structure and content of this post, I couldn't get it right. This "writing" mirrors the performance of the Eagles' in that fateful game and there's no fixing either.
The tradition of boycotting the Super Bowl when I have no rooting interest and instead participating in activities which are as far removed from football as possible. For my own records, here's the run-down of the previous 30 years...
Pre-2011 - Puppy Bowl I, Muppet Treasure Island, Follow That Bird.
And it's worth re-stating that I claimed this segment jumped the shark way back in 2021.
I grew up just slightly after the peak of the "Little House on the Prairie" mania. And yet, I don't remember ever watching even a single episode. I remember reading the book in school and really getting into it, and the standard at that time being that you always watched the movie/TV show after learning something, even THEN I don't think we watched the "Little House on the Prairie." Having heard about it all my life and having never, as far as I know, seen a minute of it, I was curious and decided to check it out.
According to tradition, my task now is to dress down the series in an overlong whirlwind of gaffes and bad puns. As fond as I am of tradition, I really enjoy this series. I love the Western genre, I enjoy the cinematic feel, I appreciate that it's told from the perspective of a child, I'm fascinated by the aspect of frontier life, I'm even willing to pretend that the small girl's echoing voice over is sweet and not at all reminiscent of some "Children of the Corn" horror movie.
The first episode - the 0th episode - the pilot - is an hour-and-a-half TV movie and it's by far the greatest of the 3 I watched. A family travels in a wagon west to the frontier and builds a house, a barn; digs a well, plants a field, encounters Indians and so forth. It completely works as a standalone movie and, for a TV movie from the 70s, it's a masterpiece - sweeping, pastoral, familial, harrowing, touching.
Not that there aren't flaws. There are some weak performances - the actress playing the mother seems to think she's in a 1950s stage play. There are some weak or confusing moments. At one point they caulk the wagon and ford the river. Halfway through Michael Landon's character gets out and slowly sinks below the water like he's easing into a hot tub. Then everyone freaks out. The scene is supposed to convey that he's in danger of drowning - drowning in 2 feet of water - but there's no telling that from looking at him. And the "Indians" are clearly white guys in makeup. I guess I don't know they're white but they're definitely not real Indians.
On to the second episode and there's a clear step into TV Series mode. The father has to work long jobs for a few weeks in order to make ends meet and it wears on him and the family. We're also introduced to the town and townspeople as he meets them. A giant step down but still an excellent show.
In the third episode, we focus more on the daughters - it's the first day of school and they don't know anyone. They are mocked for being unlearned and poor. Still emotional and sweet but definitely another step into the television series formula and another step away from the Western feel. Still, a well-told story with an emotional punch in the end.
So, as I said, I really loved this series, at least according to the 3 episodes I've seen. I highly recommend it, especially if you're looking for family entertainment. I may continue watching it, though I have to finish my current series first. You'll hear about that soon. I have heard that "Little House in the Prairie" jumps the shark most spectacularly somewhere in its 9 seasons and, furthermore, this leads to one of the most bonkers last episodes of any TV series ever made. These are exactly the type of things I should be writing about, but both require an honest watch through all 9 seasons, which I can't do in one day. Future posts, perhaps.
I once watched a documentary that told in great detail all the natural conditions that combined over thousands of years to create the ideal farming soil in the plains of the Mid-West. One thing I never learned was why the greatest soil in the world didn't turn into a forest. Why are do grasslands exist without the trees encroaching? According to my search, the plains are too arid - rainfall is low and erratic - so trees generally can't grow there. That's news to me, I thought trees would grow almost anywhere.
It occurred to me that this show is not so far removed from the Super Bowl as I would like it to be. What was the Super Bowl? The 49ers vs. the Kansas City Chiefs. For the second team, the Ingalls settle in Kansas and encounter an actual Indian chief. The first team refers to the 1849ers, the prospectors of the gold rush, and though the show doesn't take place in 1849, it's not far off. And anyway, "1849ers" and the show are both about westward expansion.
Have you ever noticed that every period drama fails to be authentic to the period and they all fail in exactly the same way? It's the hair. Take this series. They have the period clothing, the period props, the period everything, they're plowing a field with oxen and protecting themselves with muskets but you look at the hairstyles and you can tell it was made in the 70s. It's always the hair.
Incidentally, 49ers vs Bengals in 1989 is the first Super Bowl I remember. I was rooting for the Bengals but was completely distracted by what debuted during the commercials that year - The Bud Bowl.
The tradition of boycotting the Super Bowl and instead participating in activities which are as far from it as possible continues. (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2020, 2021). Last year I said this segment had jumped the shark. That must mean that post-shark we are venturing into uncharted waters.
For Year of Our Lord 2022, I settled on re-visiting the 1980's cartoon meant for little girls, "Jem." It seemed like a good choice given that it's 80's and nostalgia and about the farthest thing from the Super Bowl there is.
This is a series that I remember watching and really enjoying, even though I was a boy, even then. It should be noted that I had an older sister who was into it and I was probably tagging along. I tended to like the things she liked - I played with Barbies, etc. But, as much as I remember the nostalgic feeling of enjoying it as a child, I don't really remember very much about it. I vaguely remember a few details but absolutely no specific episodes or plot points. In fact, the most memorable thing about the series for me was....
The Theme Song
Starting the first episode, I was startled to not recognize the theme song even though I distinctly DO remember the theme song. No problem, Wikipedia explains that the theme song was changed midway through the series. So I remember a later theme song, not the original one. But the problem is, according to wikipedia, the theme I remember WAS first yet I never found any episode which contained it. When the theme was changed, did someone go back and change all the previous episodes to have the same theme? There's no telling how far this dastardly conspiracy goes.
Long story short. This sucks:
And this... this is rad:
Episode 1
I am overwhelmed and in over my head. Entire libraries could be written on the events and interpretations on just the first episode of "Jem." It could be a Doctoral Thesis on the perceived psychology of adolescent girls and I'm not joking. I think this post may go too long; I will try to be as brief as possible.
As the first episode begins, we meet a teenage girl, Jerrica Benton whose father has died. Starting off on a high note and very Freudian, I suspect. The girl's fantasy begins with father death. We could camp here for a while but we must press on.
Yes, her father has died and he has left her an inheritance of two items: 50% of the ownership of his record company and a home for foster girls. The foster home is short on cash so Jerrica turns to the record company only to find Eric Raymond, owner of the other 50% and acting executive, is rigging a Battle of the Bands to ensure a win for his/their label's band, The Misfits. It's at this point that they give The Misfits the most bad ass introduction possible: they charge into the office riding motorcycles styled as electric guitars:
Surrounding Jerrica with their indoor "hogs," The Misfits perform a song and we get the first music video of the series. More on that later if there's time.
After this Jerrica goes home to find she's been sent earrings in the mail from an unknown sender. Opening the box a magical spirit is released (no time to explain) and tells her to go to the drive-in movie theater that Jerrica's dad also left her (no time to explain). She goes there. She finds the "spirit" was really a computer:
It's Synergy a "holographic computer designed to be the ultimate audio visual entertainment synthesizer" and, on a personal note, I recognized this. I am nerd enough that I remember being a kid and liking the computer. But no time to talk about that.
Synergy can make realistic holograms appear anywhere, complete with sound and, through the use of "remote micro-projectors" can make these holograms appear anywhere in the world. Through the use of holographic technology, Synergy transforms Jerrica into Jem and transforms her friends into "the Holograms." Jerrica can communicate to Synergy through her earrings and then transform from Jerrica to Jem and then back again. Then Synergy reveals some other things Jerrica's dad left her: a giant closet full of all the most stylish clothes, a giant closet of musical instruments and equipment and a totally bodacious car. How long in advance did her dad know he was going to die? Was he constantly having to update the wardrobe? No time to think about it.
So you can see we're only at the premise of the show and yet there is so much going on here. We start with a dead dad, the show has not even bothered mentioning what happened to the mom (who cares, is it relevant? I think she must be dead too) and are given a heroine who is beautiful and a corporate executive (she's rich!) and taking care of a broke foster home (she's poor!) and she's a superhero with superpowers and a "regular girl" secrete identity, but she's also a star and the lead singer in a band, with an unlimited supply of clothes and has cutting edge rock instruments and drives a killer car. This is just everything - this is Everything: The Show. Plus her parents are out of the picture. Not to mention we have a protagonist that, for whatever reason, has earned nothing yet has been given everything. There is so much to digest here! But there's no time to get into any of this!
So Jerrica (acting as manager for Jem and the Holograms) challenges Raymond's Misfits for a Battle of the Bands - the winner get's 100% control of the Record Label. Then a movie producer comes out of nowhere and says that, not only that, but whoever wins gets a film contract and a giant mansion. Why? How? WHERE DID HE COME FROM?! Who is this guy? There's no time! People come forward to give Jem free stuff and that's all I can say about it given the time allotted!
The competition is set to take place in 6 months, so I'm guessing it will go like this: there will be many episodes of them competing and progressing as musicians and it will all culminate in a Season Finale showdown for all the marbles.
True to my prediction, the next thing that happens is: Raymond hires a thug to break into the foster house to steal Jem's equipment. There's also a sub-plot where the foster home is saving up money to buy a new refrigerator but one of the foster girls is tempted to steal from their refrigerator fund. We don't have time to cover any of that! There are many sub-plots about the foster kids. There is no time to address them! When the thug breaks into the house, he also sets it on fire and the episode ends!
Sorry, girls, no time to get into this right now.
You see, every episode (it seems) ends with a cliffhanger which is more common now in the days of netflix and binge-watching. But this is way before binge-watching; they're doing it back when kids had to wait a full week to find out what happened next! This is arguably very cool and ahead of its time but there's no time to talk about it! Every episode also has 3 original, recorded songs, complete with music videos and the little text in the corner that tells you the title of the song and the artist... 3 original songs for every episode is an insane amount of production value and it would be nice to get into the details but there's soo much to talk about, we don't have time for it!
Episode 2
So just as Episode 1 starts with the dad dying, Episode 2 starts with the foster home burning down. You might have thought that we'd come back from the cliffhanger to find the firemen put out the fire, but no, the foster kids (and Jem) are just homeless now.
Jerrica/Jem gets the idea to ask the movie guy, who came out of nowhere and I don't think even has a name, the guy who offered the mansion as a prize - she asks him if the kids could stay in the mansion temporarily until they find another home. And this moment provides some insight into the mentality of the heretofore unexamined Misfits (I'd like to talk about them but there's just no time!):
Jem: These kids are all foster children. They used to live in my house but it burned down last night.
Misfit #1: Aww, poor wittle baby!
Misfit #2: Bo-ring!
Nice.
The movie guy without a name says it's ok (more giving Jem free stuff) and one of the Misfits has a psychic break and does the logical thing: she hijacks a nearby bulldozer and goes on a rampage, attempting to bury Jem alive. That's real, that's an accurate description of what happens in the episode. Then Raymond hires a thug (the same thug as before) to plant a time bomb in the mansion. The episode ends with a yacht that's about to crash into a tanker. That's what happens in the episode, I'm sorry, there's just not enough time to go deeper on any of this.
Episode 3
In Episode 3, Jem is given the chance to shoot a music video in Paris. Who's funding this trip/music video? It's a random rich woman and it's another thing given to Jem for free. I don't understand what motivates the pattern but this is the pattern. Speaking of the pattern, in each of the first 2 episodes, Raymond hired a thug to do thuggery. In this episode he hires the same thug to ruin the music video. And although the instructions are pretty explicit that his task is just to ruin the music video, what he actually does is try to drop a gargoyle from a tall building onto the entire band to murder them all.
This show is only half an hour long but there are so many things going on... Oh yeah, there's also an ongoing plotline where Rio, Jerrica's boyfriend (I haven't mentioned Rio yet! There hasn't been time!) is in a love triangle with Jerrica and Jerrica as Jem. Jem is constantly wanting to reveal her identity to him but can't for some reason. It makes no sense - is it fulfilling a feminine fantasy to be at once secure in a relationship while at the same time being an object of seduction for a new lover? I just don't have time to talk about ANY of this. We have to move on, we have to...
Episode 4
In Episode 4, a rich Texas oil man comes along to give Jem more free stuff but at least this one is interesting.
He books Jem and the Holograms as headliners in a big Las Vegas concert. But it turns out that he's also booked The Misfits as the opener. But these two bands hate each other, why would he book two rival bands to play the same show? Well, he's a rich troll and it amuses him. This is canon, this is the explanation the show gives us. I would love to get into who this guy is and what he's doing in this episode but there just... isn't... time.
Remember the thing about Raymond hiring a thug? Well in this episode Raymond hires a thug. The thug robs the Las Vegas safe and plants the money in Jem's dressing room for the police to find. Everything turns out fine, no time to explain!
The Battle Episode
Alright, so far, in theory, this is the most interesting show ever devised, and yet each episode is following a similar formula. As I figured, we're just going to compete with each other back and forth for the first season until the big Battle of the Bands season finale climax. So let's just skip ahead to that and even though I'm not covering the entire series we can have a suitable conclusion. So for the Battle Episode, we need to skip all the way to.... Episode.... 5.
Oh. That's weird.
I'll be honest, by this time my brain was full, I was mentally exhausted and was finding it difficult to assimilate any new information. I'll be as succinct as possible given the abundance of the show.
The Battle of the Bands is taking place in a giant stadium. The entire series thus far has shown that the two bands performing don't really have much success or much following but now that they're battling the show needs them to be arena-fillers. Ok. And the contest will be decided by audience applause.
Can you guess what Raymond does in this episode? Does he pay off the crowd, does he rig the applause-o-meter? No. He hires a thug to kidnap one of the foster children. Why does he do that? So that he can demand as ransom for her return that Jem and band show up to a location of his choosing. Why? So that when they're there he can hire a thug to kidnap them and hold them. Why? So that they can't show up to the show on time and therefore will forfeit the competition. None of this makes any sense I wish I could try to make sense of it but we've got to keep going...
Jem and the band escape through the use of holograms or then actually that doesn't work so then by Rio saving them. They play the show, the crowd goes wild, they beat The Misfits and win 100% of the record label AND a film contract where they will star in films AND a giant mansion where they can live with the foster kids. They've won ALL of the THINGS and it's such a happy ending and the show is done, except this is the 5th episode and it lasted for 3 seasons. But I have no will to explore that.
And we're not done yet. The show ends with Jem/Jerrica going to her new office but finding Eric Raymond there. How is he not in jail for the many, many felonies he's committed (but in this episode, kidnapping)? Because lawyers. Then he, Raymond, hits Jem. The man hits the woman - I think it's a slap - in the show meant for children. And so then Rio punches Raymond. This is a shocking climax, every bit as worthy of analysis as The Red Wedding and it happened on a Saturday Morning Cartoon in the 80s and this topic would be worth thoroughly exploring and analyzing if I just.... had ... more ... time.
The Movie
In 2015 they made a movie adaptation of Jem and I watched it and I'm out of time and can't give a review. And that's the Super Bowl. Sorry this was so long.
As always, I have an ongoing project to boycott the Super Bowl as long as I don't have a rooting interest (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2020). And let's face it, this idea jumped the shark years ago and now it's just going through the motions.
This year I decided to do the hacky thing of revisiting a cheesy 80s sitcom that I remember watching as a kid. Due to the recent death of Cloris Leachman, "The Facts of Life" has been rolling around in my head lately and it also has the added advantage of having an all-female cast, perfect for Super Bowl counter-programming. So I went with it...
In case anyone doesn't know, "The Facts of Life" was a fairly popular sitcom that ran from 1979 to 1988. It centered around an all-girls' school dormitory, specifically centering around the same four or five students for the vast majority of the show's run. It sounds strange, looking back - how many all-girls' boarding schools were there in US in the late 70s? Is this one of those fake situations that only exists on television because I've never heard of such a thing ever in my life.
Coming into this thing I thought "The Facts of Life" was a rather unfortunate title for a show about an all-girl's school dormitory. I mean, it has an original meaning, I'm sure, but over the years it's taken on a euphemistic meaning that suggests this all-girls show is going to deal with adult themes week after week. And that would be impossible. The powers that be would never let that happen. And that is what is known as foreshadowing.
Season 1, Episode 1
Best to start at the beginning. This isn't technically the pilot episode, but let's not get technical for "Facts of Life" please.
The theme song. Although I remember it fondly, the theme song for "Facts of Life" has got to be one of the worst in the world. At least in this Season, it is an abomination. Hear it for yourself, I dare you. The theme in later seasons, will reveal itself to be fine, but in the earliest rendition they have Mrs. Garret singing on it and it sounds like something from "Sesame Street". In a weird way it really reminds me of the theme to "Too Many Cooks" and that's especially appropriate since, in the first season at least, the accompanying video hilariously introduces 30,000 smiling kid characters.
So as our story begins, I find that "The Facts of Life" is a spin-off of "Diff'rent Strokes" - Mrs. Garret who is the housekeeper(?) for Mr. Drummond (and the boys) has suddenly gotten a job as a Head Mistress(?) for a girls' school. The characters of "Diff'rent Strokes" are visiting and we're right in the middle of the Harvest Fair. The girls need to decide who will run for Harvest Queen, which is like a beauty contest or something. The tomboy girl is discouraged from running because she's really into sports, wears pants and really likes touching other girls. And then Blair insinuates that with the sports and the dress and with all the enjoyment of the touching of the girls, she's secretly a lesbian and THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. I am so uncomfortable. What is happening?! Isn't this a carefree 80s sitcom?! This is not how this goes. I should have watched "Knight Rider".
Out of Context Gary Coleman
At the dramatic moment where the tomboy girl declares that she is worried that she might be a lesbian, the audience claps and we go to commercial. I remember this kind of thing. It instantly identifies the show's era because that tradition is so utterly specific to that time. I can't imagine anyone doing such a thing today. And looking at it now, I'm sure it would strike the average viewer as so bizarre that the problem is set up and in the midst of the shock and despair, the audience just starts applauding like it's their favorite thing. I like to picture a full crowd of people who thrive on human suffering all gathered together to watch show tapings week after week.
If you want an idea for a funny youtube video, edit and compile together all the worst tragedies depicted in sitcoms with the ecstatic audience ovations that followed. One goldmine would be "All in the Family". I think it also happened in "Three's Company" but apparently it's an idea that was specific to, and originated in, Norman Lear shows - they wanted the first Act of the show to be like the first Act of a play and the audience applauds between each of the acts in plays. That's a connection that has since been severed and now the phenomenon just appears inexplicable. That's another youtube video: show it to Millenials and watch the confusion.
So anyways, the girl might be a lesbian and so what can you do but accuse Blair is accused of basically being a slut because this is a family show that I watched as a kid. So then the lesbian and the slut compete for Harvest Queen and after some sexual exploration, the girl determines she isn't a lesbian and Blair isn't really a slut and the girls are talking about puberty I am a 40 year old man watching this and I don't want to be and by the way I am very, very uncomfortable and this is not how this is supposed to go. I did not know what I was getting myself into, this was a huge mistake.
Season 1, Episode 2
In this episode, the parents are visiting and the whole dorm is celebrating France for some reason. The first two episodes both begin with visitors and both have a special "event" somehow. In this episode, we are really switching things up because now it's Blair's mom that's accused of loose morals - specifically having an affair with the married male parent. I would complain about how it's another serious episode but I'm thankful that it revolves around adults this time. Oh yeah, except... There's this one part of the episode that's utterly bizarre...
There's one point where Blair's mother introduces her to an adult male parent and tells her to kiss him. Blair refuses, citing the fact that she's a child and he's an adult and she just met him. Pretty sound logic, I think, hah hah hah, heh... But her mother is the boss and doesn't agree and forces her do it anyway. So that's not good for anyone. And do you suppose this awfulness is setting something up, you think this is part of the plot in any way? Nope. That's it. It just happens.
In the end, in the last few moments of the show, the mother redeems herself by wearing an apron and baking a casserole. This is the visual manifestation of the idea that she will not be sleeping around anymore. Did she really have an affair with the other parent? Forget that... apron + casserole = satisfying resolution.
Notable in this episode is how many "big joke" moments go by that are met with absolute silence from the audience. I'm still feeling the chilling awkwardness of the previous episode and the silence really plays on that nerve. They seem afraid and I can relate. By the way, Molly Ringwald is in this show.
Season 1, Episode 3
Okay, we are 3 episodes in and I want to die.
So we've got a creepy vibe going and this episode is going to keep that party going as it opens with an elderly man coming into the dorm where he is met with fawning and adulation from all the teenage schoolgirls. They fall over themselves because he's just so handsome...
Not much to say about this episode, I think my brain is actively blocking it out.
Season 1, Episode 4
Ok, this is the "dieting/anorexia" episode that you have to expect comes standard with every sitcom of the era. This is a serious subject but compared to what's come before, I will take it all day, every day.
In this particular week, every female in the place decides they're too fat and needs to lose weight. Dieting, healthy food, calories. But one of the girls takes it too far and stops eating altogether. At the end of the first act a little girl collapses from hunger and the audience claps thunderously. The site of an unconscious malnourished girl elicits cheers from the audience. I'm telling you, this is a thing.
Skipping Ahead...
This is not going well. But all hope is not lost for we live in the age of the Information Superhighway. This is where I can skim through the story line synopses and pick out the most lighthearted episodes yielding the most laugh-fruit for the chuckle harvest. 80s nostalgia do your magic...
Oh no...
I... um...
Well...
Ok, so it's not all despair, exactly. I mean, it's pretty much all despair but some of the descriptions of serious topics can sound strangely humorous...
I mean, I have to admit that I've read "Tootie refuses to believe she is suffering from hearing loss until she is in an accident" over 20 times and it still makes me laugh. This is my new Away Message if AOL IM is still around. Could that be my epitaph?
Interesting things happening at the beginning of Season 9, a two-part episode:
What were you thinking, Richard Moll? I am glad it has a happy ending and that justice was served.
At first I thought this was a mistake, referring to Richard Moll by his real name rather than his character's name in the show. But his character's name really is Richard Moll so I guess he's playing himself? Richard Moll lives in the FoL cinematic universe.
Nope. Nope. This can't be real. If this was real, I would have heard of it. Listen, I watched this show when I was a kid and I'm telling you there is no way they went to a male strip club. I will watch this one and definitely confirm that it is not what it's described to be.
So far we've gone through two genres of "Facts of Life" plot synopses - the horrifying and the hilarious - but there is yet a third genre... The Surreal.
Behold:
Why would you do this to us, Kevin? Who even is Kevin?
Granted it's a Halloween show but still, pretty strange... But there are no excuses for this one:
Okay, and this isn't the last episode of the series? Let's pretend for a moment that you're a writer on this show, what are you going to make happen after that? That's amazingly final.
Season 5, Episode 8
Alright so let's clear up the strip club episode confusion. Like I said, there's no way it is what it sounds like, it could not be real, so I had to watch it for myself.
And, it's real.
As the episode begins, Blair is happy with her boyfriend even though she's superficial and he's always broke. And - FOR SOME REASON - exactly as described, the girls take Mrs. Garret to a male strip club. This was a show aimed at kids (or at least teens) that aired in 1983 and they just go to the strip club.
Do you think they omitted what went on in the male strip club and just had a scene where they came back and said, "Wow, what a crazy night"? No, the setting of the show travels inside the male strip club.
Oh sure, they showed the interior but it's basically just a restaurant, they didn't actually show men taking off their clothes and gyrating, did they? Yes indeed, they showed the "male stripping". But the women of the show are put off by it somehow, right? Oh no, Mrs. Garrett hoots and howels and drools over the man meat on display. But the "stripping" part is relatively brief (no pun intended), right? No, no, no. It goes on for WAY too long. At this point in the episode, my notes just say: "The stripping is going on forever. So much stripping! Why won't it stop? I watched it. I watched all of it. Croatan."
And the point of the scene, this very long scene, is that one of the male strippers turns out to be Blair's boyfriend and this was a secret he was keeping from her and something about gender hypocrisy... I don't know, I'm not spending any time applying thought to anything, no object lesson is worth this.
Season 9, Episode 24
End it. Just end it.
We're down to the last episode of the series and it should appear strange to you that a show about a girls' school could last 9 seasons with the same cast. Somebody has to graduate sometime. This is one of the mysteries of the series - I don't know all the details but here's what I gather.
It appears that after they graduated high school (Season 4) they went to college for another 4 years and all lived together still somehow(?) and then after they graduated (Season 8) they all got jobs at the same place and all live together still somehow(?). It's not a great advertisement for their boarding school that all the graduates go on to college and end up working at a clothes store. Is it a clothes store? Eh, who cares.
At any rate, in the last two episodes Blair has bought the old school that they all used to go to and becomes the new Head Mistress. So you see, it's all come full-circle, she is now in the position that Mrs. Garrett was in and now there is a whole new cast of kids class of students. Only this time, the school has become co-ed but it's still a boarding school. So now I ask you, how many co-ed boarding schools were there in 1988? Drop a comment on this webzone if you've heard of a co-ed boarding school.
Blair is only in charge of the girls, so there is a man in charge of the boys and it looks like there's going to be a will-they-won't-they situation between Blair and the guy in addition to all the hi-jinks that the kids are going to get up to blah, blah, blah. It's basically setting up a whole new show in the next season that never happened so none of it matters. It's harmless 80s laughs with a school setting in 1988 - it all feels very "Saved by the Bell: The New Class". It's very canned and boring but at least I can watch it without fear sweat.
The only interesting thing about this episode is it has Juliette Lewis, Mayim Bialik and Seth Green as very young kids.
That's it. I should have watched the football. I regret everything.
Quarterbacks who lead the league in passing yardage during the regular season are now 0-6 in the Super Bowl.
This is a game where the losing team did not punt.
Coming into the game, Tom Brady's record in the playoffs when playing teams he did not play in the regular season was 15-0. The Eagles and Patriots did not meet in the regular season.
The Patriots won their first Super Bowl as underdogs in Bill Belichik's second year with a backup quarterback. Doug Pederson has won his first Super Bowl as an underdog in his second year with a backup quarterback.
The Eagles won more playoff games this season than the Dallas Cowboys have in the past 21 years.
The Philadelphia Eagles won their first Super Bowl the day after Brian Dawkins and Terrell Owens were selected for Hall of Fame induction.
The Eagles did not give up a rushing touchdown at home this season.
Nick Foles has been MVP of the Pro-Bowl and Super Bowl MVP and is currently a back up quarterback.
The Eagles are the first #1 Seed to be underdogs in all 3 playoff games.
The Eagles are the only team to defeat Vince Lombardi and Bill Belichik in championship games.
Nick Foles is the first player to throw and catch a touchdown in the same Super Bowl.
Foles is the only quarterback in history to earn a 100+ quarterback rating in each of his first 4 career playoff games.
The last time the Eagles reached the Super Bowl, they played the Vikings, Falcons and Patriots. This time, they played the same teams.
Doug Pederson is only the 5th coach in history to win the Super Bowl in his second year.
There was only one sack in the game by either team. The one sack was the Brady forced fumble.
The NFL Draft this year happens to take place in Dallas. That means that some variant of the phrase "With the 32nd pick, the World Champion Philadelphia Eagles select..." will be said in Dallas stadium.
The Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl on February 4th - Jerome Brown's birthday.
It seemed to me that a good manly way to commemorate the Super Bowl would be to have a nice steak for dinner. Unfortunately, I screwed up cooking it and completely ruined it. By "ruined" I don't mean that it wasn't very good, by "ruined" I mean it was completely inedible. In fact, eating it would have been dangerous.
Not Pictured: My steak's wellness.
So then I made some spaghetti and fortunately I didn't ruin that.
Next up was what to watch. For Christmas I received a DVD of the "Best Of" the Super Mario Bros. Super Show, so I thought I'd watch that. The fact that it contained the word "super" seemed too good to pass up. But it turns out, it's just the cartoon segments without the live-action segments with Captain Lou Albano. Come on, that was the best part!
Gotta have Lou. So then I turned it off. I could've watched a few episodes on Youtube but I didn't think of that at the time.
Of course, in the process of writing this I realized that Best of the Worst is what I did last year too. And I've used the word play of this post's title before as well. Bahhh! This whole thing is a giant sham.
This post is part of a continuing mission to boycott every Super Bowl in which I don't have a rooting interest and replace the watching of it with various very non-Super-Bowlish activities.
This year was kind of an off year. Firstly, I didn't really plan too much ahead of time - due to problems at work, I wasn't really fertile with imagination. Then, when the day came, I was stuck in bed, feeling the physical and psychological effects of some tainted ice cream I had eaten the day before.
In such a lowly state, the order of the day was simply finding something fun, something easy to watch, something low-key; finding the entertainment that best compliments a warm blanket and hot soup. For that purpose, what could be better than plowing through a "Best of the Worst" marathon on youtube?
In "Best of the Worst" the "gang" from RedLetterMedia watches three B-Movies (usually on VHS), discusses each one, analyzes them, breaks them down and then decides which movie is "Best of the Worst". If any movie is determined to be especially egregious, it will be destroyed in some creative manner.
In this episode, the gang watches movies from the dinosaur craze of the mid-nineties. This episode features Academy Award Winner Whoopi Goldberg and Academy Award Watcher Denise Richards.
There is also a sub-genre of "Best of the Worst" called "Wheel of the Worst". In "Wheel of the Worst", the guys put even worse and more bizarre VHS tapes on a wheel and spins it three times. The three movies that the wheel lands on are the three that they must watch.
This episode features the classic VHS "How Can I Tell if I'm Really in Love?" which stars Justine Bateman, Jason Bateman, Ted Danson and a step ladder. Or is there a step ladder? Either way, it's a star-studded affair. But even with that level of star power, it may not be enough to match "The Osteoporosis Dance" which features no stars (unless you count Tay Zonday) but does feature old people flailing about semi-randomly.
Part 2
Feeling slightly better, I was ready to take on some amount of excitement. So I watched Game 1 of the 1990-91 NBA Finals: Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls vs. Magic Johnson and the Lakers. Sometimes you just gotta relive the Michael Jordan glory days. Also the Marv Albert glory days, as he calls the game.
One of the great "bonus add-ons" that you get with this era is reliving the Chicago intro that featured "Sirius". From my memory, I thought the intro stopped at "Sirius" but I could have sworn I heard it transition fully into "Eye in the Sky" on this particular occasion. I THINK that's what I heard, I could be wrong.
The music fun didn't stop there. You know what music seriously dates the game? When "Hangin' Tough" played during a timeout. Man, oh man.
But then there were a lot of ways that 1992 has started to really look old. There were a large number of men in the crowd wearing pink shirts, for one. And the arena had a large banner ad for Winston Cigarettes. I wonder if those even exist anymore. Also, the cheerleaders were wearing the old-fashioned pleated cheerleader skirts that no one wears anymore. NBA cheerleaders these days wear... wait, what do they wear?
As for the game itself, it's a pretty good game. It was close, exciting till the end but the Lakers won. Oh well, the Bulls will hopefully bounce back. Game 2 takes place in a few days / 25 years ago.
As always, I have an ongoing project to boycott the Super Bowl as long as I don't have a rooting interest (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014).
This year, I didn't really think to do anything. At least, nothing themed. I read a little, watched some youtube videos and watched a movie. For Christmas this year, one of my gifts was "Driving Miss Daisy" on blu-ray. That would have been a good choice. But I didn't totally feel in the mood and I'm not going to ruin the chance at a sublime viewing experience by forcing anything.
I need a visual so here's last year's out of context:
What prize is love in life's Fall? Sans love, Winter's all. It's frost and gray and snow neverending And Super Bowl Sundays not worth spending.
Want to know who'll win the Super Bowl but don't feel like watching hours and hours of hype and commercials? The guys at "Continue?" have the answer for you. They play Patriots vs. Seahawks in Tecmo Super Bowl 2014 in order to predict the winner in just 20 minutes.
As always, I have an ongoing project to boycott the Super Bowl as long as I don't have a rooting interest (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013). This year's Super Bowl replacement activity was..... watching "The Bridges of Madison County".
This movie came out in 1995 and got a lot of press as being a tremendous "chick flick". I had never seen it but was always curious about it so it seemed to be the right thing for the Super Bowl.
"The Bridges of Madison County" is about the bridges of Madison County. Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood star as bridges #1 and #2.
"The Bridges of Madison County" is about a housewife (Meryl Streep) who has an affair with a photographer (Clint Eastwood). She finds true love but must decide whether to follow it or stay with her family.... And that's pretty much it. It's a very simple story told in pretty tight confines - it's the type of movie that could have easily been a play (even though it really wasn't).
Meryl Streep is as excellent as always and Clint Eastwood is good too. There isn't a whole lot to say about this movie... it's a simple story, well told. It's somewhat sensual or erotic and it kind of becomes a tearjerker at some point. The whole movie depends entirely on the chemistry of the two leads and that works.
Conclusion: Definitely better than "The Notebook", probably not as good as "Steel Magnolias". Although, with that last one, it's kind of an "apples and oranges" situation.
Of course I have an ongoing project to boycott the Super Bowl as long as I don't have a rooting interest (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012). This year, the theme I chose was "chick flicks". But which ones? I tried to think of the two most prominent "chick flicks" of all-time. I debated and discussed it at length with others - and thanks to everyone who contributed! My conclusion, controversial as it may be, was that the two movies at the very top of the list must be "Steel Magnolias" and "Beaches".
That was my decision. Then I called an audible... the third series of "Downton Abbey" and the new episode was airing opposite the Super Bowl anyway so "Beaches" was scrapped. "Downton Abbey" is a fantastic show but as much as I love it, it certainly qualifies for the "feminine" moniker. I feel no shame. As long as John Bates and Anna Smith end up together, everything will be just fine. Also, I hope Lady Edith Crawley finds someone - she's been so unlucky in love! Poor, poor, Lady Edith...
Alright....
Steel Magnolias (1989)
"Steel Magnolias" is about a group of women. These women love each other. They're there for each other - in good times and bad. They gossip, discuss clothes, do their hair and vent about their relationships. In this world, Men do exist - but only barely. Men are a net evil on the world but only marginally... and these women, supporting each other as they are, can persevere past these problems. Separately, life might be impossible... but together, they know they can make it through. I know everything with them is going to be A-OK... and, oh yeah, the script calls for just one more thing.... BRING ON THE TERMINAL ILLNESS!!!
Given that I've still never seen "Beaches" or "The Lake House", seeing and enjoying "Steel Magnolias" in the theater is my greatest "chick flick cred" achievement. If I listen to the conventional wisdom of society, I shouldn't really enjoy it. But, watching it again, I still really like it. I like dramas where the plot is completely character-driven. I like dramas that follow the characters over a period of many years - showing the full spectrum of life experiences. And the dialogue is real and smartly written. The Lifetime "melodrama" (such as it is) only comprises a small percentage of the movie - most of it is large portions of southern fried comedy - but even so, it is touching. The acting (Shirley MacLaine, Olympia Dukakis, Sally Field, Julia Roberts, Dolly Parton) is absolutely top-notch.
One of the few male actors in the movie is Tom Skerritt who has the unhappy task of informing "the ladies" that Goose died. That guy can't catch a break.
Overall, a really, genuinely good movie. Not earth-shattering, of course, but better than most.
I was talking to a friend and we got onto the topic of local tourist traps. We've lived in the same area all of our lives but still not seen the local sites that people MUST see. So we made a day of it, today.
Eastern State Penitentiary
Built in 1829, Eastern State Penitentiary is the first prison built in the United States and the prison that became the model for all prisons afterward. It revolutionized the penal system. For a year, it housed Al Capone. There were also several escapes although only one person evaded recapture. It was closed in 1971 and fallen into disrepair so it has the whole "rotting concrete and rusted iron bar / haunted mansion" thing going on.
Now, this is not my kind of thing. It was a compromise because the other guy wanted to see it. But I will say that I was pleasantly surprised how interesting it was. It was much more historical and educational and much less about general creepiness than I was expecting. It turns out it isn't a horror show, it was actually quite a revolutionary and enlightened way of treating criminals.
Here's the downside: it's 20 degrees out, the tour is an hour long and the prison isn't heated. Yikes.
Independence Hall
Independence Hall should need no introduction. It's the home of the Continental Congress, it's where the Declaration of Independence was signed, it's where the United States Constitution was ratified.
Now this is my kind of place. It speaks for itself. I love this stuff. The tour only lasted 20-30 minutes but about 15 minutes in, I saw people pulling out the cell phones to check facebook. That bothered me. If you don't want to be here, don't be.
The Liberty Bell
The Liberty Bell (according to legend but not actually) rang out and cracked when the Declaration of Independence was approved.
I'm kind of torn on the bell (much like the bell itself). It's a tremendous and iconic symbol but it's only a symbol. Seeing the bell is just seeing a bell. Still, it's the kind of thing I can cross off the list.
Here's the interesting thing about the bell that never occurred to me until today. The bell was cast to have Leviticus 25:10 written on it: "Proclaim LIBERTY throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof." That's where the name comes from, what's so interesting about that? The interesting thing is that it was cast in 1751 - way before the colonies had any thought about declaring independence. So why was it ordered to have that verse? No one knows. Not bad, huh?
Miscellaneous
In the same area as Independence Hall is Congress Hall. Congress Hall is the site of the first Congress. On the first floor is where the original House of Representatives met. The second floor was the first Senate.
Close by is the birthplace of Edgar Allen Poe. We skipped that. Also not far away is the Betsy Ross house. We skipped that too. We did drive past the birthplace of Larry Fine (of Three Stooges fame).
The day ended with a trip for cheesesteaks from Pat's and Geno's. Buying a cheesesteak from one of these places is something everyone's supposed to do. It's not just hype that the cheesesteak was invented at Pat's (there is a sign) but it's hype that they're better than other places. If you ask me, they're about the same.
The Super Bowl
The day of this trip happened to coincide with the day of the Super Bowl. I thought that might play to our advantage and perhaps there would be no lines or waiting. I was incorrect. It should have been obvious that the set of people who are interested in the Super Bowl does not intersect much with the set of people who are tourists. It wasn't terrible though.
The tradition is this: without a rooting interest in either team, spend the Super Bowl engaging in activities that are very un-Super-Bowl-ish (see: 2011, 2010). This year? A "Family Ties" marathon, babay!
Now, "Growing Pains" and "Family Ties" aired around the same time and were pretty similar in many respects. And although I've never seen a survey done, I'd guess that most people's favorite show was "Growing Pains". While I enjoyed both shows, I always preferred "Family Ties". "Growing Pains" was more purely comical, which is fine, but "Family Ties" had real heart - tackling head-on the important issues of the day. Plus, I'd rather watch Michael J. Fox and Meredith Baxter than anyone on the other show. Of course, "Growing Pains" had a character named "Boner" so it's not an entirely cut and dry issue.
So, get a spoon and some ice cream, it's time to run it down....
S01 E03: "I Know Jennifer's Boyfriend" - Jennifer becomes friends with a boy but after being teased and bullied, has second thoughts. Good, we're easing into things slowly with some standard 80's sitcom fare. Fair enough.
S01 E04: "Summer of '82" - A college girl appreciates Alex's economic views and sleeps with him. When she doesn't want a serious relationship, Alex feels cheap. Wow, that got out of hand quickly. It jumped up a notch, didn't it? Only episode 4 and already 17 year old Alex had pre-marital sex. I was NOT expecting that. We got 7 seasons to go, writers, pace yourselves. Save something in the tank for Season 7.
S01 E05: "I Never Killed for My Father" - OK, we tackled pretty heady stuff in the last episode. It's time to break up the seriousness with some comedic relief. Steven's (the dad's) father makes a visit and reveals he's going to die soon and there's nothing the doctor's can do.
S01 E06: "Give Your Uncle Arthur a Kiss" - With the fluff out of the way, it's back to serious mode. When a friend of the family, known as "Uncle Arthur", makes a pass at Jennifer, it leaves her hurt and confused. I can't believe my parents let me watch this show. "Family Ties" is not for the weak. Geeeeez. Let's move on.
S01 E07: "Big Brother is Watching" - An examination of both the role of a free press in exposing governmental corruption and the moral dilemma of whether truth should be sacrificed in the name of privacy to protect "the little fish".
S01 E08: "No Nukes is Good Nukes" - The Keaton family debates the topic of nuclear proliferation. When the parents' anti-nuclear weapon demonstration lands them in jail, will it ruin Thanksgiving dinner? Here's the thing. Regardless of your views on nuclear weapons (for or against), don't schedule a protest on Thanksgiving Day, please. That's just poor planning. It's just that kind of poor leadership from the left that makes me suspect a second term for Ronald Reagan is inevitable.
S01 E09: "Death of a Grocer" - Cue another fatal disease! Actually, despite what the title would have you believe, no one actually dies. Alex ditches his job at a friendly "mom and pop" grocery store to work at the monster corporation supermarket but soon regrets this decision. Unfortunately, I was fooled by the title and just waiting for the kindly old man to keel over at every turn. Then with one minute to go in the episode, he decides to close the store early to watch the sunset and I'm thinking, "Oh, here it is." but credits roll instead.
And that's it. We shared some laughs. We shared tears. We made cocoa in the middle of the night. dWe're all better people.
Observations
We all think of 80's sitcoms as fluffy bubble gum laughs of non-material saccharin frivolity. Even the "very special episodes", the thinking goes, were tackling the "tough" topics of littering or poor clock management. With just the first few episodes of "Family Ties" as proof, this notion could not be further from the truth. The key though is to be implicit not explicit. You gotta disguise everything using code. Here are some examples:
Elyse: Steven, what do you think your father would like with dinner - beer or wine?
Steven: Well definitely beer, Elyse. You know how my father feels about wine... it's OK for women and interior decorators.
"Women and interior decorators". Has anyone ever used this phrase ever? Still, message received.
Here's how Alex informs his father that he's had sex:
Alex: Well, you know what you think might have happened?
Steven: [Nods nervously].
Alex: That's what happened.
Clever. He says it but he doesn't actually say it.
See, apparently any taboo topic that everyone's covering these days could be an episode of "Family Ties", you just gotta be euphemistic. I didn't know that. I guess they were more 90's than 50's after all. At least, "Family Ties" was. I haven't revisited other shows of the era.
After a week of contemplation, trying to figure out how to fill my Super Bowl hours, I finally settled upon the idea of a "Joy of Painting" with Bob Ross marathon.
Using the power of the internet I was able to get a multitude of episodes and at 30 minutes each it was enough to cover the 8 hour (or whatever) span of overpriced commercials ("The Super Bowl"). The show was on the air for 30 years so there are A TON of episodes to choose from. I tried to sample one episode in each season across different seasons but even with that I didn't even get to Season 10.
And what a Super Bowl it was... there were almighty mountains, happy little trees, little rascal squirrels, clouds who had other cloud friends, trees that were sons of guns, bravery tests and plenty of happy accidents.
Some of the episodes were pretty unusual. One had a predominantly purple motif which I enjoyed and in another episode a woman came on and taught us how to paint saw blades. Turns out it's exactly the same as painting on a canvas... except on a saw blade. That's one of the great things about painting; it's your own little world. When you buy your first tube of paint, you get your Artist's License which allows you to do anything you want within the boundaries of your painting.
The whole experience added up to ultra-relaxation. It wasn't the most exciting Super Bowl ever, it was the most peaceful. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME CONTEMPLATIVE RELAXATION?! Yes.
It occurred to me as I watched the Pro Bowl today that this will be my last chance to see the NFL until next season. This made me sad for two reasons. 1) Nothing that happens in the Pro Bowl can really be described as "football" and 2) due to the current collective bargaining agreement, the wait will probably be longer than "next season". "Next season" will start at least a month late (my estimate) if there's even a season at all.
"But what about the Super Bowl?!", you say, quite harshly. A little too harshly, frankly. If I'm going to write a blog, I really don't need that level of sass and I'm not going to take it. Well, to answer the question, the Super Bowl annoys me. It barely has any more to do with football than the Pro Bowl does. Between the people watching just for the commercials, the halftime show where 'NSync does half a song with Aerosmith, the indifferent crowd and the fact that the public at large watches just because everyone else is, I couldn't care less. If my team were in the game, I'd watch and I'd watch harder than anyone else but until that happens, it's banned.
The question now is how to fill my time. I'd like to do something that stands out so that it can be remembered fondly in the future. Past Super Bowls I've:
And even though I had a blog during last years game, I don't remember what I did. If I had to guess, I think I was watching a movie of some sort.
So what to do this year? Not sure. It's something to think about this week. The only rules are that it has to be something slightly off the beaten path (or simply ridiculous) and has to be as "opposite" of the Super Bowl as possible. A couple of the frontrunners so far:
Storage Wars Marathon
Watch "Wayne and Garth's Music A-Go-Go" (if I can get it in time)
Read
Watch "Trading Spaces" (I'd have to find that as well)
8-bit Nintendo Night
That's really all I have so far but I have a week to think about it. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Suggestions welcome.
The good news is this: two weeks until aces and catchers.
Yesterday before the Top Ten List, Letterman announced - somewhat mysteriously - that he had called Conan O'Brien.
See the clip within this montage:
My best guess for asking "if everything is fine" refers to the Letterman/Leno/Oprah Super Bowl of Love ad. Based on Bill Carter's book "The War for Late Night", it seemed Conan was offended by the idea and/or that he was asked to participate. When word was passed to Conan that he was wanted for the piece, he reportedly said, "No fucking way I'm doing that. It's not a joke to me -- it's real."
However, it is total speculation that that was what this latest call was really about. Either way it would be silly to "feud" over something so trivial and hopefully this paves the way for Dave and Conan as guests on each other's show. Make it happen, science.
As plugged in to popular culture as I tend to be, the Super Bowl is a giant disconnect. If someone asks me, "Did you see that one play where that one thing happened?" the answer is automatically, "No."
"Did you see that singer do that thing during the halftime show?"
"Nope."
"Did you see X, Y and Z commercials? I liked Y best." "Don't know what you're talking about. Didn't see any of them. I can't decide if small talk about commercials is even more inane, tedious and annoying to me than small talk about the weather. Uh oh, did I just say that out loud?"
That's because I've imposed a strict ban* on the Super Bowl for probably about a decade. One year me and a friend, in lieu of watching the Super Bowl, watched "Muppet Treasure Island". Another year me and another friend, in lieu of watching the Super Bowl that year, watched "Puppy Bowl I" on Animal Planet (narrated by the great Harry Kalas). Two of my favorite Super Bowl (or non-Super Bowl memories) of all-time. Later, there was a plan to watch "Follow that Bird" on Super Bowl night but I can't remember if we actually did that.
Having said that, did you see the one ad that aired during the Super Bowl???? In case you're like me, here it is:
* The exact ban is: I don't care about the Super Bowl if my team isn't in it. If my team was in the Super Bowl, I would not only watch, but agree that it would be the biggest sporting event of the year. Without my favorite team to root for, the whole thing is an over-hyped mass-produced, dumbed down, overblown corporate crapfest in my opinion where the game of football comes secondary to everything else.
Edit: The title is "Super Bowl of Love II" because the first one aired last year and can be seen here. The title is not just derived from the fact that it airs during the Super Bowl. I mean, that's obviously part of it, but it comes from a long running gag on the Late Show which would take too long to explain here.
