Late Show - Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts

The full collection of Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts. Almost two hours of Oprah transcripts...


I tried to research how authentic the transcripts are. They are certainly using real quotes from the show although there is definitely selective editing and some embellishment, from what I can tell.

A tidbit from the video description: "The brainchild of Carter Bays and Craig Thomas, Late Show writers and later the creators of "How I Met Your Mother.""

Back when this was on I wrote down the address to write to and kept it on a text document on my computer. I always wanted to find out what happens when you write in for a transcript of Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts. I never followed through with it, but I do still have the text document on my computer.

Conan - Oprah's Lance Interview

Conan has the highlights of Oprah's Lance Armstrong interview and it looks like things got a little tense.

Dave Calls Conan

Yesterday before the Top Ten List, Letterman announced - somewhat mysteriously - that he had called Conan O'Brien.

See the clip within this montage:

My best guess for asking "if everything is fine" refers to the Letterman/Leno/Oprah Super Bowl of Love ad. Based on Bill Carter's book "The War for Late Night", it seemed Conan was offended by the idea and/or that he was asked to participate. When word was passed to Conan that he was wanted for the piece, he reportedly said, "No fucking way I'm doing that. It's not a joke to me -- it's real."

However, it is total speculation that that was what this latest call was really about. Either way it would be silly to "feud" over something so trivial and hopefully this paves the way for Dave and Conan as guests on each other's show. Make it happen, science.

Super Bowl of Love II

As plugged in to popular culture as I tend to be, the Super Bowl is a giant disconnect. If someone asks me, "Did you see that one play where that one thing happened?" the answer is automatically, "No."

"Did you see that singer do that thing during the halftime show?"

"Nope."

"Did you see X, Y and Z commercials? I liked Y best." "Don't know what you're talking about. Didn't see any of them. I can't decide if small talk about commercials is even more inane, tedious and annoying to me than small talk about the weather. Uh oh, did I just say that out loud?"

That's because I've imposed a strict ban* on the Super Bowl for probably about a decade. One year me and a friend, in lieu of watching the Super Bowl, watched "Muppet Treasure Island". Another year me and another friend, in lieu of watching the Super Bowl that year, watched "Puppy Bowl I" on Animal Planet (narrated by the great Harry Kalas). Two of my favorite Super Bowl (or non-Super Bowl memories) of all-time. Later, there was a plan to watch "Follow that Bird" on Super Bowl night but I can't remember if we actually did that.

Having said that, did you see the one ad that aired during the Super Bowl???? In case you're like me, here it is:

* The exact ban is: I don't care about the Super Bowl if my team isn't in it. If my team was in the Super Bowl, I would not only watch, but agree that it would be the biggest sporting event of the year. Without my favorite team to root for, the whole thing is an over-hyped mass-produced, dumbed down, overblown corporate crapfest in my opinion where the game of football comes secondary to everything else.

Edit: The title is "Super Bowl of Love II" because the first one aired last year and can be seen here. The title is not just derived from the fact that it airs during the Super Bowl. I mean, that's obviously part of it, but it comes from a long running gag on the Late Show which would take too long to explain here.

Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts

It's so simple but so ingenious. The Late Show sends away for actual "Oprah" transcripts from actual "Oprah" episodes and then has Late Show stagehands Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan act them out in dull monotone. One of the all-time great bits but only three episodes exist on youtube (two of the three recently added by a certain handsome devil). Woohoo, girl.

Oprah welcomes Celine Dion to her show:

Oprah welcomes Tina Turner to her show:

Oprah welcomes President George Bush to her show:

I've always wanted to actually send in for a transcript of "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts" but never have. Maybe someday.

Kimmel On Leno On Oprah On Kimmel On Leno

Or in other words, Jimmy Kimmel talks about the recent Oprah interview with Jay Leno where they discuss Jimmy Kimmel's appearance on Leno's show.

In some ways I feel bad for Leno because it really is NBC that's to blame for the entire mess but even if Jimmy Kimmel is going too far, it is entertaining to watch him go too far.

Not seen in this video: Oprah criticizes personal jokes Leno made about Letterman as being "beneath [him]". You go girl! I kind of disagree, I've watched Leno make unfunny offensive jokes for years. Leno's viewing audience doesn't complain (or perhaps register) that the jokes are offensive probably for the same reason that they don't complain that the jokes are unfunny.

Earlier on his show, Leno had said, "Letterman has been hammering me every night. You know the best way to get Letterman to ignore you? Marry him. He will not bother you. He won't look you in the eye." And then later said that Letterman's attacks surprised him because, "usually he's just taking shots at the interns."

The most surprising thing about the "counter-attack" is that Letterman didn't really attack him in the first place. He's been talking about the drama pretty consistently but has been very impartial and even defended Leno saying that Leno hadn't done anything wrong. He does, however, refer to him as "Jay 'Big Jaw' Leno" and imitate him in a high, whiny voice. But even so, that level of immature mockery doesn't call for personal, vitriolic attacks in my opinion.