NFL Films

Recently the idea came to me - perhaps in preparation for the Super Bowl - to watch all the Eagles' season recaps from NFL Films in chronological order. NFL Films loom large in my past and so I can't explain why I never thought of this sooner. Then, seeing that the Eagles season recaps reach all the way back into the 1940's I narrowed my own scope to start at 1983 and... well, I'm up to 2014 and I haven't decided where to stop. It's an idea I highly recommend if you're so minded (just substitute your own team, era or year).

NFL Films, particularly the NFL Films era from the 70's to 90's is a form of entertainment that will never be duplicated. The combination of the stentorian narrator, the classical music, incredible slow-motion footage and clever writing is unlike any other cinematic experience before or since. They are not just first in their genre, they are the pioneer of the genre.

The particular point of relish for me is the writing. Oh man, the writing. When is the last time you read (or heard) anything like this:

"It was under the hot summer sun of Camp Swamp Fox where the Eagles began to tread their comeback road, a path paved with a back-to-basics brand of fundamental football. The enthusiasm of assistant coaches... spread through the Eagles camp. There was an air of optimism filtering through the August heat. It sent the Eagles sailing through three pre-season victories and in September, it carried them to San Francisco's Candlestick Park where the 49ers' plans for a happy home opener were ambushed." - 1983

Or, consider the intro for the 1989 season:

 "There are moments in a lifetime which defy explanation, moments when the natural becomes supernatural and mere words cannot do justice to a man's deeds- deeds which spring from desperate circumstances."

There was one particular phrase that leaped from my screen and captured my imagination. It was from the 1991 season recap: 

"It was more grit than glitter, more spit than polish and it was the Eagles who sparkled."

I marveled and wondered, has professional writing deteriorated this much that, just a generation ago, we were getting this sterling quality from a football video? I couldn't comprehend it, except I considered maybe phrases like these were available cliches, plucked out of the ether of the time and since-forgotten. Then, as I progressed through further seasons the shroud of mystery lifted: 

1992 - "Even for a defense long established as more grit than glitter, more spit than polish..."

1994 - "Zordich was the classic strong safety - more grit than glitter, more spit than polish."

1995 - "They were more grit than glitter, more spit than polish; most of all, they were winners."

1996 - "And while Ricky Watters projected flash and dazzle, he was really more spit than polish, more grit than glitter."

1997 - "And Michael Zordich, the rugged safety who's more grit than glitter, more spit than polish."

Ok, so yeah, they have their saved templates, sticking them in when needed. It is still an admirable style. Even if there are cliches, they are wonderful cliches. 

It seems to me, the end of this classic writing style of the Golden Era coincides with the end of the 1990's when Pat Summerall takes over as narrator. Around this time, the narration is akin to the list of events you'll see written in a newspaper rather than the dime store novel panache of the past. It's prose rather than poetry, literal rather than literary. Ornate oratory was found old-fashioned, the mechanical was modern. The soaring spirit was discarded and faded - moving onward rather than forward, advance without ascension.

Yes, but NFL Films after that are still pretty great, though.

One of the goofy but endearing idiosyncrasies of the NFL Films season recaps is that they all end with victory. If a team wins the Championship, that's obviously a victory. If a team loses in the playoffs,it's a success and they've established that they're one of the elite teams in the NFL. If a team doesn't make the playoffs, they showed the heart of a champion. If a team only wins 3 games, they showed their courage and character through the adversity and never gave up. If every member of the team gets injured in the first game and they go 0-16, well, we look forward to next year when the players will be back and the ship will be righted. Every team for every season is victorious, either by actual victory or moral victory or looking ahead to a bright future. The narrative can never be: the team just stinks and watching them is a waste of time; the narrative is always: your team is bound for ever-increasing glory, glory, GLORY.

The Mandela Effect and Super Bowl 39

 

Super Bowl 39 took place in 2005 and was the Philadelphia Eagles vs. New England Patriots. Being a huge Eagles fan, and Super Bowl 39 being the first Super Bowl the Eagles played in the era where I was conscious, Super Bowl 39 was a huge deal for me. And for that reason, it's very strange that I don't remember hardly anything about it - no plays, no moments, not a general outline of what happened -  but the one thing I do remember never happened.

I was mostly happy to not remember anything from the game, it was a painful memory, who revisits the big losses? But I was bothered enough by it and thought that enough time had passed that I decided to re-watch the game today.

First off, it now seems understandable that I didn't remember. Despite being one of the closest Super Bowl games of all time, it's not a particularly good or memorable game. Both offenses start off slow and then get into a better rhythm but somehow the game lacks drama. But eventually, with 5 minutes to go, the Eagles are down by 10 points with possession of the ball, "looking" to make a comeback. At least, in theory. In actuality they are in no hurry to do anything, they appear to be unaware that they're playing the game of football and the point of football is to win. It may be the worst clock management in the history of football and it just so happens to be at the end of a Super Bowl. The Eagles lose by a field goal.

At the epicenter of the Eagles loafing around was the quarterback, Donovan McNabb. Whether he was out of gas, hungover or ill is a matter of controversy to this day, but no one can tell me something wasn't wrong. And, in fact, this brings me to the one thing I remember most distinctly from watching the game live: watching McNabb vomit on live TV. His sickness was probably the difference maker in the Super Bowl and so people have wondered about the cause ever since. And when asked about it, McNabb denied that he ever vomited at all - ludicrous, I saw it, I know what I saw.

Except it never happened. At least it appears that way. Re-watching the game, there is no point where McNabb vomits. Yes, he looks ill, yes he's lethargic in his movement, yes some of his teammates claim he vomited, all the circumstantial evidence supports him being sick, but the point is that the thing that I was sure I remembered seeing on TV in the live broadcast is nowhere to be found in the live broadcast. It was a completely false memory.

Unless someone has gone back and edited the video, that just doesn't exist and never did.

So that's super strange and I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around this reality. I guess that's it. Apologies for the structure and content of this post, I couldn't get it right. This "writing" mirrors the performance of the Eagles' in that fateful game and there's no fixing either.

Football on Film

 

Lately I've been watching old football highlights on youtube. There's this whole genre where they'll take a particular game from the 80s or 90s or what-have-you and condense it into 15-20 minutes of the deciding moments. It's great nostalgia as well as an interesting barometer to see how much has changed. A word to regular football viewers: football in the 1980s doesn't even appear to be the same sport as football now - and that's not a complement to the current iteration.

So anyways, posting football highlights here would be futile but here is an extremely well made "Football on Film" edit. That clips with no context can still affect the viewer emotionally is a very strange phenomenon.

Late Night - Picking a Super Bowl Team

 

Incidentally, 49ers vs Bengals in 1989 is the first Super Bowl I remember. I was rooting for the Bengals but was completely distracted by what debuted during the commercials that year - The Bud Bowl.

Late Show - Not John Madden

 

A semi-classic and an example of the ultra-rare fake interview on the "Late Show" - Dave interviews John Madden.

Continue - NFL Blitz

Ah NFL Blitz... the good old days.

Game Grumps - Madden '94

The Game Grumps play perhaps the worst game of football of all time on Madden '94.

This game has everything: low-to-nonexistant scoring, inept play, "oversides", man zones, audiobooks, 4th and 22, a full field of snow that melts at half-time, an alien wasteland and a sudden field of snow that appears from nowhere.




Here's a similar episode where they play Tecmo Bowl.

Continue? - The Super Big Game

Want to know who'll win the Super Bowl but don't feel like watching hours and hours of hype and commercials? The guys at "Continue?" have the answer for you. They play Patriots vs. Seahawks in Tecmo Super Bowl 2014 in order to predict the winner in just 20 minutes.

Super Bowl of Avoidance

It occurred to me as I watched the Pro Bowl today that this will be my last chance to see the NFL until next season. This made me sad for two reasons. 1) Nothing that happens in the Pro Bowl can really be described as "football" and 2) due to the current collective bargaining agreement, the wait will probably be longer than "next season". "Next season" will start at least a month late (my estimate) if there's even a season at all.

"But what about the Super Bowl?!", you say, quite harshly. A little too harshly, frankly. If I'm going to write a blog, I really don't need that level of sass and I'm not going to take it. Well, to answer the question, the Super Bowl annoys me. It barely has any more to do with football than the Pro Bowl does. Between the people watching just for the commercials, the halftime show where 'NSync does half a song with Aerosmith, the indifferent crowd and the fact that the public at large watches just because everyone else is, I couldn't care less. If my team were in the game, I'd watch and I'd watch harder than anyone else but until that happens, it's banned.

The question now is how to fill my time. I'd like to do something that stands out so that it can be remembered fondly in the future. Past Super Bowls I've:

• Watched "Follow That Bird"
• Watched "Puppy Bowl I" (play-by-play by Harry Kalas) (the winner was all of us)
• Watched "Muppet Treasure Island"

And even though I had a blog during last years game, I don't remember what I did. If I had to guess, I think I was watching a movie of some sort.

So what to do this year? Not sure. It's something to think about this week. The only rules are that it has to be something slightly off the beaten path (or simply ridiculous) and has to be as "opposite" of the Super Bowl as possible. A couple of the frontrunners so far:

Storage Wars Marathon

Watch "Wayne and Garth's Music A-Go-Go" (if I can get it in time)

Read

Watch "Trading Spaces" (I'd have to find that as well)

8-bit Nintendo Night

That's really all I have so far but I have a week to think about it. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Suggestions welcome.

The good news is this: two weeks until aces and catchers.

Do You Have an Aunt?

Do you have an aunt? Do you have a mother? Do you have a grand-mother? If so, you can be the first to send this clip to them and probably score extra points (It's the least you can do. I mean, you don't call, you don't write, you NEVER visit, sometimes I think you don't care at all.) They'll love it.

And even if you're not an old woman (older woman, sorry!) it's worth a watch. I found it quite entertaining.

The important thing with toddlers is to start education early so they'll be ready when school starts. If you're wondering what his voice reminds you of - it's Elmo.