When I was a kid there was a certain restaurant that sold Garbage Pail Kids and had a few arcade games and a pinball machine. I remember going there for breakfast and getting a quarter to play the arcade or getting money to buy Garbage Pail Kids. It was so much fun, so exciting.
So that's my memory of GPK. Now the movie on the other hand, I think I was unofficially not allowed to see it. At least that's my memory. So I have no nostalgic connection to the movie whatsoever.
The association of the He-Man movie and this movie is apt. They were both about things that I was obsessed with as a kid but I didn't see either movie until well after the magic had passed. And when I did see these movies, I was still excited for them but subtly or subconsciously aware that they weren't great.
I have The Garbage Pail Kids Movie officially rated as 2/10, which is extremely rare for me. I can't remember the last movie I rated so low. It's almost like it was their goal to make a movie with no redeeming qualities, for some reason. Yeah, I don't get it.
Mr. T on Mr. B?! How did I not see this sooner?! Well...
You may remember that one of the things I've complained about int the past is the confusion caused by imdb's categories for a person's credits. All the sitcoms and other fictional works are listed under the "Actor" category but Mr. T apparently plays himself on "Mr. Belvedere" so it's under the "Self" section. And that's where it got lost in the shuffle.
Mr. T is listed as being in the sixth episode of the sixth season, "Paper Mill." Wesley starts writing reports for other kids in return for money and favors but eventually learns a valuable lesson. Meanwhile, Mr. Belvedere has a stomach ulcer and struggles to modify his diet accordingly.
So I watched it... and it was a fairly interesting event for me because it just so happens I remembered this episode! I apparently was watching, and remember watching, it on November 11, 1989. Wow.
Hey, remember that other thing I've complained about is imdb's listings being inaccurate? Yeah, well here's Mr. T's "appearance" on the show.
The image quality ruins the obviousness a bit but in case you can't tell, it's Bob Uecker in a dream sequence. According to imdb this is the actual Mr. T, and don't you question it!
The tradition of boycotting the Super Bowl and instead participating in activities which are as far from it as possible continues. (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2020, 2021). Last year I said this segment had jumped the shark. That must mean that post-shark we are venturing into uncharted waters.
For Year of Our Lord 2022, I settled on re-visiting the 1980's cartoon meant for little girls, "Jem." It seemed like a good choice given that it's 80's and nostalgia and about the farthest thing from the Super Bowl there is.
This is a series that I remember watching and really enjoying, even though I was a boy, even then. It should be noted that I had an older sister who was into it and I was probably tagging along. I tended to like the things she liked - I played with Barbies, etc. But, as much as I remember the nostalgic feeling of enjoying it as a child, I don't really remember very much about it. I vaguely remember a few details but absolutely no specific episodes or plot points. In fact, the most memorable thing about the series for me was....
The Theme Song
Starting the first episode, I was startled to not recognize the theme song even though I distinctly DO remember the theme song. No problem, Wikipedia explains that the theme song was changed midway through the series. So I remember a later theme song, not the original one. But the problem is, according to wikipedia, the theme I remember WAS first yet I never found any episode which contained it. When the theme was changed, did someone go back and change all the previous episodes to have the same theme? There's no telling how far this dastardly conspiracy goes.
Long story short. This sucks:
And this... this is rad:
Episode 1
I am overwhelmed and in over my head. Entire libraries could be written on the events and interpretations on just the first episode of "Jem." It could be a Doctoral Thesis on the perceived psychology of adolescent girls and I'm not joking. I think this post may go too long; I will try to be as brief as possible.
As the first episode begins, we meet a teenage girl, Jerrica Benton whose father has died. Starting off on a high note and very Freudian, I suspect. The girl's fantasy begins with father death. We could camp here for a while but we must press on.
Yes, her father has died and he has left her an inheritance of two items: 50% of the ownership of his record company and a home for foster girls. The foster home is short on cash so Jerrica turns to the record company only to find Eric Raymond, owner of the other 50% and acting executive, is rigging a Battle of the Bands to ensure a win for his/their label's band, The Misfits. It's at this point that they give The Misfits the most bad ass introduction possible: they charge into the office riding motorcycles styled as electric guitars:
Surrounding Jerrica with their indoor "hogs," The Misfits perform a song and we get the first music video of the series. More on that later if there's time.
After this Jerrica goes home to find she's been sent earrings in the mail from an unknown sender. Opening the box a magical spirit is released (no time to explain) and tells her to go to the drive-in movie theater that Jerrica's dad also left her (no time to explain). She goes there. She finds the "spirit" was really a computer:
It's Synergy a "holographic computer designed to be the ultimate audio visual entertainment synthesizer" and, on a personal note, I recognized this. I am nerd enough that I remember being a kid and liking the computer. But no time to talk about that.
Synergy can make realistic holograms appear anywhere, complete with sound and, through the use of "remote micro-projectors" can make these holograms appear anywhere in the world. Through the use of holographic technology, Synergy transforms Jerrica into Jem and transforms her friends into "the Holograms." Jerrica can communicate to Synergy through her earrings and then transform from Jerrica to Jem and then back again. Then Synergy reveals some other things Jerrica's dad left her: a giant closet full of all the most stylish clothes, a giant closet of musical instruments and equipment and a totally bodacious car. How long in advance did her dad know he was going to die? Was he constantly having to update the wardrobe? No time to think about it.
So you can see we're only at the premise of the show and yet there is so much going on here. We start with a dead dad, the show has not even bothered mentioning what happened to the mom (who cares, is it relevant? I think she must be dead too) and are given a heroine who is beautiful and a corporate executive (she's rich!) and taking care of a broke foster home (she's poor!) and she's a superhero with superpowers and a "regular girl" secrete identity, but she's also a star and the lead singer in a band, with an unlimited supply of clothes and has cutting edge rock instruments and drives a killer car. This is just everything - this is Everything: The Show. Plus her parents are out of the picture. Not to mention we have a protagonist that, for whatever reason, has earned nothing yet has been given everything. There is so much to digest here! But there's no time to get into any of this!
So Jerrica (acting as manager for Jem and the Holograms) challenges Raymond's Misfits for a Battle of the Bands - the winner get's 100% control of the Record Label. Then a movie producer comes out of nowhere and says that, not only that, but whoever wins gets a film contract and a giant mansion. Why? How? WHERE DID HE COME FROM?! Who is this guy? There's no time! People come forward to give Jem free stuff and that's all I can say about it given the time allotted!
The competition is set to take place in 6 months, so I'm guessing it will go like this: there will be many episodes of them competing and progressing as musicians and it will all culminate in a Season Finale showdown for all the marbles.
True to my prediction, the next thing that happens is: Raymond hires a thug to break into the foster house to steal Jem's equipment. There's also a sub-plot where the foster home is saving up money to buy a new refrigerator but one of the foster girls is tempted to steal from their refrigerator fund. We don't have time to cover any of that! There are many sub-plots about the foster kids. There is no time to address them! When the thug breaks into the house, he also sets it on fire and the episode ends!
Sorry, girls, no time to get into this right now.
You see, every episode (it seems) ends with a cliffhanger which is more common now in the days of netflix and binge-watching. But this is way before binge-watching; they're doing it back when kids had to wait a full week to find out what happened next! This is arguably very cool and ahead of its time but there's no time to talk about it! Every episode also has 3 original, recorded songs, complete with music videos and the little text in the corner that tells you the title of the song and the artist... 3 original songs for every episode is an insane amount of production value and it would be nice to get into the details but there's soo much to talk about, we don't have time for it!
Episode 2
So just as Episode 1 starts with the dad dying, Episode 2 starts with the foster home burning down. You might have thought that we'd come back from the cliffhanger to find the firemen put out the fire, but no, the foster kids (and Jem) are just homeless now.
Jerrica/Jem gets the idea to ask the movie guy, who came out of nowhere and I don't think even has a name, the guy who offered the mansion as a prize - she asks him if the kids could stay in the mansion temporarily until they find another home. And this moment provides some insight into the mentality of the heretofore unexamined Misfits (I'd like to talk about them but there's just no time!):
Jem: These kids are all foster children. They used to live in my house but it burned down last night.
Misfit #1: Aww, poor wittle baby!
Misfit #2: Bo-ring!
Nice.
The movie guy without a name says it's ok (more giving Jem free stuff) and one of the Misfits has a psychic break and does the logical thing: she hijacks a nearby bulldozer and goes on a rampage, attempting to bury Jem alive. That's real, that's an accurate description of what happens in the episode. Then Raymond hires a thug (the same thug as before) to plant a time bomb in the mansion. The episode ends with a yacht that's about to crash into a tanker. That's what happens in the episode, I'm sorry, there's just not enough time to go deeper on any of this.
Episode 3
In Episode 3, Jem is given the chance to shoot a music video in Paris. Who's funding this trip/music video? It's a random rich woman and it's another thing given to Jem for free. I don't understand what motivates the pattern but this is the pattern. Speaking of the pattern, in each of the first 2 episodes, Raymond hired a thug to do thuggery. In this episode he hires the same thug to ruin the music video. And although the instructions are pretty explicit that his task is just to ruin the music video, what he actually does is try to drop a gargoyle from a tall building onto the entire band to murder them all.
This show is only half an hour long but there are so many things going on... Oh yeah, there's also an ongoing plotline where Rio, Jerrica's boyfriend (I haven't mentioned Rio yet! There hasn't been time!) is in a love triangle with Jerrica and Jerrica as Jem. Jem is constantly wanting to reveal her identity to him but can't for some reason. It makes no sense - is it fulfilling a feminine fantasy to be at once secure in a relationship while at the same time being an object of seduction for a new lover? I just don't have time to talk about ANY of this. We have to move on, we have to...
Episode 4
In Episode 4, a rich Texas oil man comes along to give Jem more free stuff but at least this one is interesting.
He books Jem and the Holograms as headliners in a big Las Vegas concert. But it turns out that he's also booked The Misfits as the opener. But these two bands hate each other, why would he book two rival bands to play the same show? Well, he's a rich troll and it amuses him. This is canon, this is the explanation the show gives us. I would love to get into who this guy is and what he's doing in this episode but there just... isn't... time.
Remember the thing about Raymond hiring a thug? Well in this episode Raymond hires a thug. The thug robs the Las Vegas safe and plants the money in Jem's dressing room for the police to find. Everything turns out fine, no time to explain!
The Battle Episode
Alright, so far, in theory, this is the most interesting show ever devised, and yet each episode is following a similar formula. As I figured, we're just going to compete with each other back and forth for the first season until the big Battle of the Bands season finale climax. So let's just skip ahead to that and even though I'm not covering the entire series we can have a suitable conclusion. So for the Battle Episode, we need to skip all the way to.... Episode.... 5.
Oh. That's weird.
I'll be honest, by this time my brain was full, I was mentally exhausted and was finding it difficult to assimilate any new information. I'll be as succinct as possible given the abundance of the show.
The Battle of the Bands is taking place in a giant stadium. The entire series thus far has shown that the two bands performing don't really have much success or much following but now that they're battling the show needs them to be arena-fillers. Ok. And the contest will be decided by audience applause.
Can you guess what Raymond does in this episode? Does he pay off the crowd, does he rig the applause-o-meter? No. He hires a thug to kidnap one of the foster children. Why does he do that? So that he can demand as ransom for her return that Jem and band show up to a location of his choosing. Why? So that when they're there he can hire a thug to kidnap them and hold them. Why? So that they can't show up to the show on time and therefore will forfeit the competition. None of this makes any sense I wish I could try to make sense of it but we've got to keep going...
Jem and the band escape through the use of holograms or then actually that doesn't work so then by Rio saving them. They play the show, the crowd goes wild, they beat The Misfits and win 100% of the record label AND a film contract where they will star in films AND a giant mansion where they can live with the foster kids. They've won ALL of the THINGS and it's such a happy ending and the show is done, except this is the 5th episode and it lasted for 3 seasons. But I have no will to explore that.
And we're not done yet. The show ends with Jem/Jerrica going to her new office but finding Eric Raymond there. How is he not in jail for the many, many felonies he's committed (but in this episode, kidnapping)? Because lawyers. Then he, Raymond, hits Jem. The man hits the woman - I think it's a slap - in the show meant for children. And so then Rio punches Raymond. This is a shocking climax, every bit as worthy of analysis as The Red Wedding and it happened on a Saturday Morning Cartoon in the 80s and this topic would be worth thoroughly exploring and analyzing if I just.... had ... more ... time.
The Movie
In 2015 they made a movie adaptation of Jem and I watched it and I'm out of time and can't give a review. And that's the Super Bowl. Sorry this was so long.
Yes, this is an actual episode of Webster, edited down to only the Star Trek parts.
Mythbusters really missed a golden opportunity at a great myth here. Can a lightning strike while playing a computer game really beam one to the Star Trek Next Generation? And does pushing Up too far on the joystick really make a difference, as Webster claims?
I'm exploring the early works in Mr. T's oeuvre and it's all pretty much "of a piece." Mr. T plays the Mr. T persona and, even then, his acting is sometimes rough. But, unexpectedly, there is a sterling standout appearance and it's his episode of "Silver Spoons."
"Silver Spoons" was another show I really liked as a kid but don't have any idea how it holds up now. If you're unfamiliar, you need to know 3 things: 1) It's about a rich kid - so he has a rideable train in his house. So child-me was sold immediately. 2) Erin Gray is in the cast. And 3) I forgot the third thing after Erin Gray was mentioned. Maybe it was that this show was where Alfonso Ribeiro got his start. It might also have been that it has one of my favorite TV themes of all-time (is it yacht rock?). Call it 4.5 things.
In the episode, little Ricky is getting bullied at school so they hire Mr. T to be his bodyguard. He sits in an elementary school classroom, the teacher asks a question, Mr. T looks around, looks around the other way, no one knows the answer, he slowly raises his hand.
I was pleasantly surprised. If you're not averse to cheesy eighties sitcoms, this is actually genuinely funny. It's weird to say, but this is wittier and more subtle humor than both of Mr. T's appearances on Saturday Night Live. Check out the episode (S01E04) if you're into this sort of thing.
Trivia: In the episode, Mr. T confronts the bully "Ox" played by John P. Navin Jr. The two would meet again in very similar circumstances when Navin plays a gang member who Mr. T takes under his wing in the made for TV movie "The Toughest Man in the World."
According to imdb, there are 30 episodes of "Mister T" and, also according to imdb, Mr. T is a part of the cast of 15 episodes. How? How can there be "Mister T" episodes without Mr. T? How is that possible?
Edit: I think I figured it out... IMDB has episodes that have no credits associated so it doesn't count Mr. T as having been in them. Another mystery solved, gang.
As always, I have an ongoing project to boycott the Super Bowl as long as I don't have a rooting interest (Pre-2011, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2020). And let's face it, this idea jumped the shark years ago and now it's just going through the motions.
This year I decided to do the hacky thing of revisiting a cheesy 80s sitcom that I remember watching as a kid. Due to the recent death of Cloris Leachman, "The Facts of Life" has been rolling around in my head lately and it also has the added advantage of having an all-female cast, perfect for Super Bowl counter-programming. So I went with it...
In case anyone doesn't know, "The Facts of Life" was a fairly popular sitcom that ran from 1979 to 1988. It centered around an all-girls' school dormitory, specifically centering around the same four or five students for the vast majority of the show's run. It sounds strange, looking back - how many all-girls' boarding schools were there in US in the late 70s? Is this one of those fake situations that only exists on television because I've never heard of such a thing ever in my life.
Coming into this thing I thought "The Facts of Life" was a rather unfortunate title for a show about an all-girl's school dormitory. I mean, it has an original meaning, I'm sure, but over the years it's taken on a euphemistic meaning that suggests this all-girls show is going to deal with adult themes week after week. And that would be impossible. The powers that be would never let that happen. And that is what is known as foreshadowing.
Season 1, Episode 1
Best to start at the beginning. This isn't technically the pilot episode, but let's not get technical for "Facts of Life" please.
The theme song. Although I remember it fondly, the theme song for "Facts of Life" has got to be one of the worst in the world. At least in this Season, it is an abomination. Hear it for yourself, I dare you. The theme in later seasons, will reveal itself to be fine, but in the earliest rendition they have Mrs. Garret singing on it and it sounds like something from "Sesame Street". In a weird way it really reminds me of the theme to "Too Many Cooks" and that's especially appropriate since, in the first season at least, the accompanying video hilariously introduces 30,000 smiling kid characters.
So as our story begins, I find that "The Facts of Life" is a spin-off of "Diff'rent Strokes" - Mrs. Garret who is the housekeeper(?) for Mr. Drummond (and the boys) has suddenly gotten a job as a Head Mistress(?) for a girls' school. The characters of "Diff'rent Strokes" are visiting and we're right in the middle of the Harvest Fair. The girls need to decide who will run for Harvest Queen, which is like a beauty contest or something. The tomboy girl is discouraged from running because she's really into sports, wears pants and really likes touching other girls. And then Blair insinuates that with the sports and the dress and with all the enjoyment of the touching of the girls, she's secretly a lesbian and THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. I am so uncomfortable. What is happening?! Isn't this a carefree 80s sitcom?! This is not how this goes. I should have watched "Knight Rider".
Out of Context Gary Coleman
At the dramatic moment where the tomboy girl declares that she is worried that she might be a lesbian, the audience claps and we go to commercial. I remember this kind of thing. It instantly identifies the show's era because that tradition is so utterly specific to that time. I can't imagine anyone doing such a thing today. And looking at it now, I'm sure it would strike the average viewer as so bizarre that the problem is set up and in the midst of the shock and despair, the audience just starts applauding like it's their favorite thing. I like to picture a full crowd of people who thrive on human suffering all gathered together to watch show tapings week after week.
If you want an idea for a funny youtube video, edit and compile together all the worst tragedies depicted in sitcoms with the ecstatic audience ovations that followed. One goldmine would be "All in the Family". I think it also happened in "Three's Company" but apparently it's an idea that was specific to, and originated in, Norman Lear shows - they wanted the first Act of the show to be like the first Act of a play and the audience applauds between each of the acts in plays. That's a connection that has since been severed and now the phenomenon just appears inexplicable. That's another youtube video: show it to Millenials and watch the confusion.
So anyways, the girl might be a lesbian and so what can you do but accuse Blair is accused of basically being a slut because this is a family show that I watched as a kid. So then the lesbian and the slut compete for Harvest Queen and after some sexual exploration, the girl determines she isn't a lesbian and Blair isn't really a slut and the girls are talking about puberty I am a 40 year old man watching this and I don't want to be and by the way I am very, very uncomfortable and this is not how this is supposed to go. I did not know what I was getting myself into, this was a huge mistake.
Season 1, Episode 2
In this episode, the parents are visiting and the whole dorm is celebrating France for some reason. The first two episodes both begin with visitors and both have a special "event" somehow. In this episode, we are really switching things up because now it's Blair's mom that's accused of loose morals - specifically having an affair with the married male parent. I would complain about how it's another serious episode but I'm thankful that it revolves around adults this time. Oh yeah, except... There's this one part of the episode that's utterly bizarre...
There's one point where Blair's mother introduces her to an adult male parent and tells her to kiss him. Blair refuses, citing the fact that she's a child and he's an adult and she just met him. Pretty sound logic, I think, hah hah hah, heh... But her mother is the boss and doesn't agree and forces her do it anyway. So that's not good for anyone. And do you suppose this awfulness is setting something up, you think this is part of the plot in any way? Nope. That's it. It just happens.
In the end, in the last few moments of the show, the mother redeems herself by wearing an apron and baking a casserole. This is the visual manifestation of the idea that she will not be sleeping around anymore. Did she really have an affair with the other parent? Forget that... apron + casserole = satisfying resolution.
Notable in this episode is how many "big joke" moments go by that are met with absolute silence from the audience. I'm still feeling the chilling awkwardness of the previous episode and the silence really plays on that nerve. They seem afraid and I can relate. By the way, Molly Ringwald is in this show.
Season 1, Episode 3
Okay, we are 3 episodes in and I want to die.
So we've got a creepy vibe going and this episode is going to keep that party going as it opens with an elderly man coming into the dorm where he is met with fawning and adulation from all the teenage schoolgirls. They fall over themselves because he's just so handsome...
Not much to say about this episode, I think my brain is actively blocking it out.
Season 1, Episode 4
Ok, this is the "dieting/anorexia" episode that you have to expect comes standard with every sitcom of the era. This is a serious subject but compared to what's come before, I will take it all day, every day.
In this particular week, every female in the place decides they're too fat and needs to lose weight. Dieting, healthy food, calories. But one of the girls takes it too far and stops eating altogether. At the end of the first act a little girl collapses from hunger and the audience claps thunderously. The site of an unconscious malnourished girl elicits cheers from the audience. I'm telling you, this is a thing.
Skipping Ahead...
This is not going well. But all hope is not lost for we live in the age of the Information Superhighway. This is where I can skim through the story line synopses and pick out the most lighthearted episodes yielding the most laugh-fruit for the chuckle harvest. 80s nostalgia do your magic...
Oh no...
I... um...
Well...
Ok, so it's not all despair, exactly. I mean, it's pretty much all despair but some of the descriptions of serious topics can sound strangely humorous...
I mean, I have to admit that I've read "Tootie refuses to believe she is suffering from hearing loss until she is in an accident" over 20 times and it still makes me laugh. This is my new Away Message if AOL IM is still around. Could that be my epitaph?
Interesting things happening at the beginning of Season 9, a two-part episode:
What were you thinking, Richard Moll? I am glad it has a happy ending and that justice was served.
At first I thought this was a mistake, referring to Richard Moll by his real name rather than his character's name in the show. But his character's name really is Richard Moll so I guess he's playing himself? Richard Moll lives in the FoL cinematic universe.
Nope. Nope. This can't be real. If this was real, I would have heard of it. Listen, I watched this show when I was a kid and I'm telling you there is no way they went to a male strip club. I will watch this one and definitely confirm that it is not what it's described to be.
So far we've gone through two genres of "Facts of Life" plot synopses - the horrifying and the hilarious - but there is yet a third genre... The Surreal.
Behold:
Why would you do this to us, Kevin? Who even is Kevin?
Granted it's a Halloween show but still, pretty strange... But there are no excuses for this one:
Okay, and this isn't the last episode of the series? Let's pretend for a moment that you're a writer on this show, what are you going to make happen after that? That's amazingly final.
Season 5, Episode 8
Alright so let's clear up the strip club episode confusion. Like I said, there's no way it is what it sounds like, it could not be real, so I had to watch it for myself.
And, it's real.
As the episode begins, Blair is happy with her boyfriend even though she's superficial and he's always broke. And - FOR SOME REASON - exactly as described, the girls take Mrs. Garret to a male strip club. This was a show aimed at kids (or at least teens) that aired in 1983 and they just go to the strip club.
Do you think they omitted what went on in the male strip club and just had a scene where they came back and said, "Wow, what a crazy night"? No, the setting of the show travels inside the male strip club.
Oh sure, they showed the interior but it's basically just a restaurant, they didn't actually show men taking off their clothes and gyrating, did they? Yes indeed, they showed the "male stripping". But the women of the show are put off by it somehow, right? Oh no, Mrs. Garrett hoots and howels and drools over the man meat on display. But the "stripping" part is relatively brief (no pun intended), right? No, no, no. It goes on for WAY too long. At this point in the episode, my notes just say: "The stripping is going on forever. So much stripping! Why won't it stop? I watched it. I watched all of it. Croatan."
And the point of the scene, this very long scene, is that one of the male strippers turns out to be Blair's boyfriend and this was a secret he was keeping from her and something about gender hypocrisy... I don't know, I'm not spending any time applying thought to anything, no object lesson is worth this.
Season 9, Episode 24
End it. Just end it.
We're down to the last episode of the series and it should appear strange to you that a show about a girls' school could last 9 seasons with the same cast. Somebody has to graduate sometime. This is one of the mysteries of the series - I don't know all the details but here's what I gather.
It appears that after they graduated high school (Season 4) they went to college for another 4 years and all lived together still somehow(?) and then after they graduated (Season 8) they all got jobs at the same place and all live together still somehow(?). It's not a great advertisement for their boarding school that all the graduates go on to college and end up working at a clothes store. Is it a clothes store? Eh, who cares.
At any rate, in the last two episodes Blair has bought the old school that they all used to go to and becomes the new Head Mistress. So you see, it's all come full-circle, she is now in the position that Mrs. Garrett was in and now there is a whole new cast of kids class of students. Only this time, the school has become co-ed but it's still a boarding school. So now I ask you, how many co-ed boarding schools were there in 1988? Drop a comment on this webzone if you've heard of a co-ed boarding school.
Blair is only in charge of the girls, so there is a man in charge of the boys and it looks like there's going to be a will-they-won't-they situation between Blair and the guy in addition to all the hi-jinks that the kids are going to get up to blah, blah, blah. It's basically setting up a whole new show in the next season that never happened so none of it matters. It's harmless 80s laughs with a school setting in 1988 - it all feels very "Saved by the Bell: The New Class". It's very canned and boring but at least I can watch it without fear sweat.
The only interesting thing about this episode is it has Juliette Lewis, Mayim Bialik and Seth Green as very young kids.
That's it. I should have watched the football. I regret everything.
If I've ever posted a better phrase on this blog than "1985 Mini-Golf Championship", I don't remember it. But who can remember anything at a time like this?
This video is my new favorite thing. In the back of my mind I always thought professional mini-golf could exist but I never saw evidence for it one way or the other. And now it's here in all its glory.
This is the kind of concept you'd expect to see on Adult Swim these days. Except you can't parody it because it's already perfect.
Random thoughts:
"Rookie of the Year", "Former Champion", discussion of the mental and physical battle, mini-golf - it's all here.
The "color commentary" is by Billy Packer - I think that's the same Billy Packer who commentated for college basketball.
One of the contestants has been working out in the off-season to add muscle mass. Perfect.
The girl who follows them with the scoreboard! Oh my flavors.
No windmills? No waterfalls? No nothing? I wonder if that's just how they do it in professional mini-golf or if it just happens to be the most boring course on Earth.
In the world of college football there are many fight songs. But until now there have not been any 80's power ballads.... until now. Oh yeah, I already said that.
