Greatest Event in Television History #4

In the newest Greatest Event in Television History, Paul Rudd and Adam Scott recreate the opening to "Bosom Buddies."

The Bradys

 

It is the 90's and there is time for... Bradys.

In 1988, CBS aired a Brady Bunch reunion called "A Very Brady Christmas" and it was a big hit. I remember, not so much seeing it, exactly, but learning about it as a myth. "Did you know they made a Brady Bunch movie where they're all adults?" was passed from kid to kid as we watched TMNT or played Nintendo, which was the style of the time.

From that success, TV executives realized they could make Brady specials every few years to allow audiences to check in on the Bradys and see how things are going, and also to keep milking the cash. From that idea, someone said, "Why not a regular series?" "Fine," they said. And at some point - I don't know who or why or how - someone said, "Let's make it a drama."

Yes, the Brady Bunch show of the 90's was a serious drama, for some reason.

It's pretty nuts but this Brady Bunch show went up against "Family Matters" and "Full House" in its time slot. It also failed badly and was axed after only 5 episodes.

Here's the rundown (spoilers to follow for this crappy show):

Bobby Brady became a racecar driver in the Christmas special. In this series he crashes and is paralyzed in the first episode. Throughout the rest of the series he will hope to, and work to, get out of his wheelchair. It's fun, silly, Brady Bunch action.

Also, Bobby meets and marries a woman played by former MTV VJ Martha Quinn, which is notable.

Jan is married and is having sex. Her and her husband are trying to conceive (and having trouble) and the show makes it abundantly clear that Jan is having ALL OF THE sex. So much sex. I will never look at Jan the same way again.

Cindy is a radio DJ and dates her boss.

In the Christmas special, it is revealed that Peter is engaged but in the first episode of this series, he calls it off. Peter is a ladies' man and the joke is he basically dates a new girl every night. The only person having more sex than Peter is Jan.

Greg doesn't have much to do. He's a doctor and married to a beautiful wife (the new Gidget) and is just... kinda... he's just winning at life. That's pretty much his story.

Marsha is an odd situation. Marsha is the only case where the original actor didn't want to be in the show and had to be replaced. Which is too bad because... everyone loves Marsha and I am everyone. The Marsha character is married to a whiny loser for some reason. Her husband's main skill in life is to get fired from as many jobs as possible, leaving his family homeless. It's annoying.

Marsha slips into alcoholism. Why? It seems the show's explanation for her alcoholism is that she's bored one day and just starts drinking. And then she admits she has a problem, says she's going to get professional help and she never does. By the end of the show she is cured of alcoholism merely by deciding not to drink anymore. It's a serious topic, handled with skill and nuance.

Alice is basically comic relief and is just hangin' out. She's still married to Sam the butcher.

Mike Brady gets so fed up with his local government that he runs for office and wins. The Bradys help him with his campaign. Carol is there too.

One other note about "comic relief." The show is a terrible attempt at a serious drama, like I said, but the ratings were so bad that a few episodes in they start adding a fake laugh track to try to tap into the old Brady magic but it just makes things worse. A bad drama with a laugh track is just bonkers.

Top 25 David Brent Moments

Ricky Gervais counts down the Top 25 David Brent moments on "The Office" and gives some behind-the-scenes insights.

Why Are You Laughing? - The Life and Times of Tim

"Why Are You Laughing" the history of comedy podcast, talks about the HBO animated series "The Life and Times of Tim."

And since you, and I, have never seen or heard of the show, it becomes a case of "Eh? You want to check it out, right?"

And I do want to check it out because he uses the magical phrase "the most underrated show of all time." Any show with that descriptor is a show I want to see. Of course, I think the most underrated show of all time is the Canadian show "The Newsroom" - which nobody has seen and when you suggest it people think you're talking about a different show and dismiss your opinion, and even if they don't, and in the 1-in-a-million chance that try to check out the show, they won't find it anywhere; but even if they did find it and watched it, they'd shrug and say "meh, it was just 'ok'" and not see where I was coming from at all, maybe you just had to be there, man - but that's neither here nor there.

Or maybe my pick for most underrated show of all time is "Hogan's Heroes."

Oye Listen AIDS is a Killer

This PSA aired in my area so often, it's not ingrained in my mind and gets stuck in my head often. This, despite the fact that I don't know 90% of the lyrics and never have.

For whatever it's worth, I think this youtube version is sped up and the proper playback speed is 0.90.

Oye! Listen! AIDS is a killer!

Watching Every Episode of MST3K

Somewhere around 2000-2003 (college) I resolved to watch every episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." It was the heyday of file-sharing, in those days, and such a thing was just, at that precise moment, theoretically possible. Big, special shout-out to eDonkey and eMule. "Possible" but not necessarily easy.

To illustrate the effort of watching every MST3K episode, I used to say that it was harder than watching every episode of "The Simpsons" (or basically pick any long running series you want). The reasoning is simple: there were (at that time) about 200 episodes of MST3K and each one was about 1.5 hours long, so that's about 300 hours of viewage. Compared to "The Simpsons", I'll even include all the episodes made since then, the math is: 805 episodes, at 0.3 hours each episode that's about 250 hours of viewage. Note: it's a pretty good metric for comparison because download effort and file availability are generally proportional to the length of material. This metric, of course, doesn't take into account how bad "The Simpsons" has become, though.

Given the disorganized nature of file-sharing, I created a spreadsheet to act as the source of truth, each episode listed, each had a "watched" or "not watched" status. I even added percentage calculation and a countdown to 0 because I had a lot of time on my hands and it seemed cool. But on that spreadsheet there were always 4 blank spots: 4 "lost" episodes that did not exist publicly in any form.

After 1 or 2 years (perhaps more, it was a long time ago), I finished the goal - I had watched every available episode and, by that time, I simply made peace with the idea that there were 4 episodes that just did not exist.

Then, in 2008 the "Pilot Episode" ("The Green Slime") (not really an episode) was shown at a convention and bootlegged on Youtube. Check. Down to 3.

Then, in 2016 two more "lost" episodes ("Invaders From The Deep" and "Revenge of the Mysterions from Mars") were found by the MST3K Producers in their archives and were released to backers of the 11th Season Kickstarter. Check and check.

That left ONE unreleased, "lost" episode.... One episode that no fan has turned up. One episode that even the creators of MST3K confirmed they had no access to.... What are the chances that someone somewhere taped it, kept the tape, held on to it for 38 years and never told anyone?

A few days ago, arthurputie on Reddit posted that his cousin had bought a load of old VHS's at a garage sale in the Minneapolis area and that one of them was labeled with the episode name ("Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"). Arthurputie confirmed it to actually be the lost episode and it has now been uploaded it to Youtube. 

Lost no more.

This is not posted as a recommendation. If you are not a MST3K fan, avoid the early episodes at all costs. If you are a MST3K fan, still avoid this at all costs. This is only posted for Completionists like me with a 25 year old score to settle. That, and it's also a fascinating archeological discovery.

So here's the final word. I have now watched all the episodes of MST3K, it is still difficult and the spreadsheet has not been updated to 0 because it was lost in a hard drive crash 10 years ago. Oh, and new episodes are in the works.

The Cinematic 90s Diner

Cigarettes & Coffee - 1993

Look at the entire aesthetic of "Cigarettes & Coffee" and compare to...

High and Dry - 1996

That's extremely close.

Of course "Cigarettes & Coffee" is Paul Thomas Anderson's short film that was later made into...

Hard Eight - 1996

And there's also...

Pulp Fiction - 1994

and 

The Big Lebowski - 1998

And if you're worried that we've jumped from the booth to the counter, I promise this is the only time. And anyways you can cover that here.

And now that we're in Comedy there's...

Can't Hardly Wait - 1998

And...

Swingers - 1996

And then if we go over to Television...

Seinfeld (1989-1998)

Why, Charlie Brown, Why?

 

One of the things I love discovering and posting about is pop-culture surprises and oddities. A while back I looked at the history of Peanuts TV Specials and noted the oddity of the live-action "It's the Girl in the Red Truck, Charlie Brown." There is another Peanuts oddity that I have been avoiding posting anything about but I may as well just get it over quickly and move on.

I'm just going to say it. The plot of "Why, Charlie Brown, Why?" is: a little girl in Charlie Brown's class gets cancer. And.... that's not what you expect when you want to watch Snoopy.

I can't do a beat-by-beat breakdown of how wacky and crazy it is - it's well executed, I suppose. The noteworthy thing is just the very concept is shocking and unusual. So it exists, I watched it, it doesn't make sense to me but perhaps that's due to the nature of Peanuts - it's watched by kids but wasn't intended to be solely for kids; it's not afraid to get serious among the jokes, and so forth.

Evidently it was well received and was praised for helping educate kids on this subject.

The Complete History of It's Always Sunny

The Blind Mike Project tells the complete history of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

Fonzie Fights Tom Hanks

 

No, "Fonzie Fights Tom Hanks" is not the latest AI slop, it's the slop from the 80's known as "Happy Days."

In this episode, "A Little Case of Revenge," Fonzie's nemesis from 3rd Grade has been harboring a grudge since then and shows up wanting to fight him using the art of "karate." The karate nemesis is, of course, played by Tom Hanks.

The scene is played for laughs so, unfortunately, it's not as wild and whacky as it sounds. 

This role helped launch Tom Hanks' career. Ron Howard used to be the star of "Happy Days" but had moved on to directing. He saw the episode and that led to him casting Hanks in "Splash." This is also the first time anyone hits Fonzie.

Transformers: The Movie - The Apology Tour

 

Hasbro is apologizing for traumatizing you when you were a child by killing off Optimus Prime in "Transformers: The Movie."

The natural consequence of this is that they'll be re-releasing it to theaters this May for its 40th anniversary.

I was a huge Transformers fan and was at the exact age to get hit by it as a phenomenon. I remember exactly where I was when I first saw the scene where Optimus dies. I have to say, of all the things that traumatized my childhood, this wasn't one of them. I can't explain why, and it did hit me, it just didn't hit me hard.

The Super Bowl Honeymoon

 

The continuing tradition of doing decidedly non-Super-Bowl things instead of watching the Super Bowl... the historical exception being that I'd watch if the Eagles were playing but even that is inconsistent. For my own records, here's the run-down of the previous 30 years...

Pre-2011 - Puppy Bowl I, Muppet Treasure Island, Follow That Bird.

2011 - Bob Ross Marathon

2012 - Family Ties Marathon

2013 - Steel Magnolias

2014 - The Bridges of Madison County

2015 - Various, Poetry

2016 - Best of the Worst, Da BullS

2017 - Cooking, Super Mario Bros. Super Show

2018 - Super Bowl

2019 - I don't know, did I forget?

2020 - How Green Was My Valley?

2021 - Facts of Life Marathon

2022 - Jem Marathon and Film

2023 - Super Bowl (boooo!)

2024 -  Little House on the Prairie Marathon

2025 -  Super Bowl

And I'll repeat, of course, that this recurring tradition jumped the shark in 2021.

So this year, no real idea came to me. No gimmick, no hook, no high concept. Then this week I went a little crazy with work and when the weekend came, I didn't feel like doing anything.

It occurred to me that not watching The Super Bowl gave me a great opportunity to go grocery shopping during the game and have the store to myself. There were still some people around, and I don't usually shop on a Sunday night, but it was basically successful. A "pro tip" if any of you are in the same situation.

Another thing that occurred to me: with today's high being about 18 degrees Fahrenheit, it was a good day to make a fire, which I did.

And now for the main thing...

Some time back, I heard Jean Shepherd recounting a Honeymooners episode and opining that the show was much more sophisticated than it gets credit for - and a show worth remembering. As far as I can tell, the plot he describes was made up by him, for what purpose I don't know, but there's no time for that mystery now. That story, plus the fact that I never saw much of "The Honeymooners," plus the fact that it only lasted one season and "only" had 39 episodes planted the seed that I might, someday, watch the full series.

So tonight's experiment was watching "The Honeymooners." Only 3 episodes, by the way. Here is where I might usually go through the episodes in depth but I don't think I can do it justice. Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton are one of the great duos in comedy history, of course. And at the same time, Ralph Kramden and Alice Kramden are also one of the great duos in comedy history. It's a classic early American sitcom. For a long time I thought it was the earliest sitcom still rerun on TV but here's the trivia on that: "I Love Lucy" premiered in 1951 and "The Honeymooners" didn't go on the air until 1955. It was the cheaper sets and the rougher video quality that fooled me into thinking it must be much older.

A few interesting pieces of trivia from imdb:

• Two episodes were filmed per week instead of the usual one per week for weekly shows.
• Gleason, a veteran live performer, chose to deliberately stage the show as a play using a live audience, something that was still a very new concept in television in 1955. As such, Gleason eschewed rehearsals as he wanted the performances to capture the feel of a live show, even though all episodes were taped and aired later. Due to under-rehearsing, almost all episodes contain a mixture of dropped lines, missed entrances, actors correcting or covering for another's lines, and moments of general confusion. Gleason did not re-shoot or try to conceal these flaws as he wanted the audience to feel like they were watching a live broadcast.
• The show was shot "as live" (filmed before an audience, edited, and shown later). If you ever notice Jackie Gleason patting himself on the stomach, it was a sign that he had forgotten his line.
• CBS and Buick, the show's sponsor, wanted a second season. Jackie Gleason refused because he felt that the quality of the scripts wouldn't sustain it for another season.

The bit about eschewing rehearsals is incredible. The scenes are looonnnnggg and filled with tons of dialogue. How they remembered it all and performed first-time, is beyond my understanding. And then two episodes per week?! What? Amazing.

Having watched the first three episodes, I plan to keep watching. In addition to being a timeless classic, the show has a certain nostalgic feel that defies explanation. I never lived in the time of the show and I didn't grow up watching the show on reruns but somehow it feels cozy and comfortable, like it's from my past, somehow. And no, I'm not making allusion here to "The Flintstones."

Making a 90s Cable Simulator

Just recently I discovered a new site that simulates 90s television. Now, completely unrelated, someone sent me this video where a guy creates a 90s cable television simulator, complete with an actual cable box. It's quite involved.

Growing up, I didn't have cable so I have no nostalgia for the cable box and only some nostalgia for the channels. MTV is a big one, Nickelodeon obviously and then Comedy Central later in the decade.

I Love the 90s

 The website:

https://www.ilovethe90s.app/

Is in Beta. It's meant to simulate watching television in the 1990s using Youtube as its database. Check it out, if that's you're thing.

It's similar to http://www.my80stv.com/ and http://www.my90stv.com/ which appear to be offline or permanently shut down.

It's the Girl in the Red Truck, Charlie Brown

According to the internet there are over 50 Peanuts TV Specials and movies. Although I'm a big fan of Peanuts, I have made no attempt to watch them all. My impression is that they're mostly cash grabs by TV execs, rather than genuine creations from Charles Schulz.

Having said that, when I heard there was a Peanuts special that tried to blend animation with live-action footage, I had to see it for the bizarre "this can't be real" aspect of it.

I'm not going to say it's terrible... I'm not going to say it's terrible... For some reason it centers on Snoopy's brother Spike - despite the title clearly referring to Charlie Brown as if he's involved - and it's very boring. The key take away is that in this special almost nothing happens at all. I don't know who they thought this was going to appeal to. The main conflict is: a boyfriend signs his girlfriend up for an audition and she's mad because she wasn't consulted. Is that really going to draw in the kids? I'm an adult and can't care less. If you don't want to go to the audition, don't go. Nobody cares, get over yourself.

As I mentioned before, I would like to chalk this up as a cash grab with little input from Charles Schulz but that's not the case. He wrote and produced it. One of the things he most wanted people to know was that it was in production before "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" came out. In other words, the idea for mixing animation with live-action wasn't lifted. Noted. He also said of this film, "I wanted this to be my Citizen Kane, but it's not."

Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration

 

I saw "Claymation Christmas Celebration" once, when it aired for the first time in 1987, and not a single time since then until today. Now I can't figure out why this isn't a Christmas classic that gets aired year after year throughout the generations.

It's colorful, it's whimsical, it's got great music. It's smart without the whiff of being "educational" - it doesn't talk down to its audience. It's playful without being disrespectful - either to the holiday or the traditions. It's the kind of entertainment that kids and adults can enjoy, pretty much, equally. And they were even able to get the California Raisins on to add some celebrity shine (yes, the California Raisins were already stars at this point and came on for a guest spot.)

Special shout-out to the recurring "What is wassail?" segments which were my favorite part, as a kid; and also to the "Carol of the Bells" segment, which is just perfectly executed goofiness.

The special isn't available in its entirety on youtube; you can get see it on archive.org.

And I didn't know how much of a legend Will Vinton was. You can see his work in the music video for "Moonwalker," "Return to Oz," "Captain EO" and invented The Noid and The California Raisins. That's amazing. He died in 2018.

The Last Episode of American Chopper is a Meditation on Life and Man

 This post will contain spoilers for "American Chopper - The Last Ride."

There have been a few "last" episodes of "American Chopper" but I just watched one that is currently, and may turn out to be, the last last episode. According to the calendar on the wall, the previous last episode was 5 years ago but it feels like a different age. Coming back to the series, a little older, a little wiser (hopefully), it starts out screaming as pure fakery.

"Pure fakery" is a bit strong perhaps. But it seems like a show in the "Curb" or "Spinal Tap" model where the scenes and situations are written but dialogue of each scene is improvised. When they were doing a series, you could imagine that cameras come into the shop 9 to 5 and, like security cameras picking up a bank robbery, are naturally there to capture a reality that includes moments of particular interest. Now, with a one-off special episode, it's clear that this is all made up. It seems that way. It must be that the only way cameras "happen" to be there to capture important moments is because it was all planned.

The situation of the episode is this: Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. have previously ruined their familial relationship because they were so combative in their professional relationship; now they want to get back in the old shop and see if they can build a bike together - they'll remember the good times and perhaps make amends and heal the damage done. Sr. agrees and, good news, he has a client lined up, a large construction company, looking to buy a bike themed around their corporate identity. Do you remember the old days when you were a kid and you'd get together with your dad and go into the garage and fulfill a corporate contract? Gee, this all sounds very reality-based. Perhaps I've overrated this series via my own nostalgia.

But then things take a twist.

Having agreed to build a bike together, Jr. finds that his father has already finalized the design and doesn't want to hear any suggestions. Jr. argues that it is pointless to work on a project "together" if the design is not a team effort. Suddenly, strangely, they are going back down the same road they've always gone down - increasingly heated discussions that one hopes are not leading to a fight. Suddenly there is real tension with real humans in real life. Sure, the situation may be setup, the location may be a plan but the people are real and the fear is real. For better or worse, they've instantly come back to what made the show great... and their lives miserable. This heat rises and culminates in a scene in which they each plead their case to the customer, essentially seeking a third-party ruling. They're airing their dirty laundry in public, and in a business meeting, but the mania of their urge to "win" is such that they can't stop. This is why the show was great, this scene is so intense and uncomfortable it eclipses anything on "The Office."

But, ok, the show was these two knuckleheads screaming at each other. But this is where things get interesting.

With Sr. still adamant that the basic design is final, Jr. relents. When Sr. decides that Jr. can't even make suggestions, Jr. accepts it. When Sr. goes behind Jr.'s back and redoes the small contributions that Jr. has made, Jr. doesn't mention it. The "father and son" build leads to Jr. working with Sr.'s underlings while Sr. attends to other matters - the show doesn't say what he's doing. Then, when Sr. finally shows up to "work" on the bike, Jr. greets him with a smile. The theme of the series was always two stubborn people butting heads over and over. not learning or changing, and growing further and further apart. After 20 years of this, now that the dad is 70 years old and the son nearly 50, someone has actually learned something... at least one person has progressed.

As the show and the series ends, we're served up the usual "happy ending" that's pure cognitive dissonance against the underlying reality. For the millionth time, there is the bike "unveil" - the customer is impressed by the soulless cookie-cutter bike in a style from 60 years ago. The audience has been robbed of seeing just one more crazy, unique OCC bike design. And a father has finally succeeded in stifling all of his son's creativity and individuality - finally getting the just-another-worker-in-the-shop drone that he's wanted for the entire run of the show. The contest is finally over and "villain" has won - and an entire room of people is applauding him for it. Says Junior, "The most important thing is: we got to spend time together... Any time that my father was focused on working on the bike... those were the moments that I walked away feeling like a million bucks about. That was it... It was the little things that... meant the most to me." 

Junior has found the truth in all the cliches - life is short, you only get one father, make amends, let go of self. After so many lost years, he's living out the principle that "love does not insist on its own way." Is this a happy ending? A few more cliches: the damage is done, they're not getting those years back. Is it a "happy ending" when among two grown men, only one of them has changed, has learned anything, and even that one thing took several decades of strife? Consider the nature of man and the world around you and decide for yourself whether any better ending is probable... or possible. That's what separates reality TV from real life.

Thoughts on the Little House on the Prairie Series Finale

The following post contains spoilers for a 40 year old tv show.

The stories I heard about "Little House on the Prairie" ending with a BONKERS finale were true.

After the end of the TV series, 3 made-for-tv movies were made, as an unofficial "Season 10." The first of these movies features a teenager contracting a terminal illness and dying. The third of these movies, the last one to air, is about a woman who loses a child during birth, goes crazy and kidnaps another child to substitute as her own. It should be noted that this is a Christmas episode. And even though it takes place in Minnesota, at Christmastime, the weather is sunny and hot and all the leaves are green... it looks suspiciously like California. Ho ho hoooo.

The second movie, "Little House: The Last Farewell," was the last filmed and the last chronologically within the world of the show, so it is, for all intents and purposes, the series finale.

As the story begins, it's discovered that a land development tycoon owns all the land of Walnut Grove, the little town around which the entire series has taken place. Yes, all the years in which we've seen them buying and selling deeds, farming the land, building upon their land, leaving deeds in their wills as they contract terminal illnesses... it was all somehow in error, none of it was legitimate. There was even that one episode (S09E09) where a large train company wanted to take the land to build a railroad and they had a conflict with the residents over who can use the land... No, no, forget all that, those lawyers didn't look at THE REAL records, someone else owned the town all along, it's just that nobody was noticing the real, real, real.

So upon that insane rock is built a story in which the rich real-estate tycoon tries to take possession of the land from the everyday townsfolk who've built their lives there. They're not going to give up without a fight. They gather guns, band together and refuse to leave. It's at this point of the story where it is most effective - though somewhat out of character, the show has become a fairly convincing Western and there is real tension.

The rich railroad tycoon enlists the help of the government (the Union army) and there is a tense standoff. The people of the town do the moral calculus and stand down.

Finally, resolved to abandon their homes and livelihoods - their entire lives, really - they decide that the railroad company may take the land but they will not give up the buildings. They dynamite the town and blow it up.

The town preacher gives a eulogy for the buildings of the town as tears flow from his face. And as each citizen, in turn, takes the plunger detonator to blow up their own structure, they all cry and react as if watching a massacre. It is insanely executed. It is such incredible schlock.

It's hard to convey what a complete non-sequitur this finale to the series is. In case you're not aware of "Little House on the Prairie," this show is about (was about) a family trying to survive on the frontier, trying to do what's right in a harsh world and bring their children up to have that same moral backbone. The morals of the show were hard work, determination, honesty, respect, forgiveness, courage and especially community. And the ultimate end of all this... blow up the community. Nine seasons of the family show were just building up to pyrotechnics. Do you want heartfelt emotions or do you want to see some 'splosions?!

At a loss for words, I'm also at a loss for how to conclude this. I don't understand and have not seen anything to help me understand. Yes, the show arguably jumped the shark a while back but nothing has ever prepared anyone for anything like this. 

The idea of the town banding together to fight the powerful, combined with the rigging (and setting off) of the explosives, feels somewhat like an "A-Team" plot. This movie aired in 1984 and "The A-Team" had become a big hit in 1983. Is it possible that some dopey corporate executive saw the sagging ratings of "Little House" against the massive ratings of "The A-Team" and said, "I know what will draw in the viewers... Here's what the people of the 80s want to see..."? I have no proof or evidence that anything like that happened but it's the only thing I can think of to make sense of what I just watched.

Thoughts on Little House on the Prairie

In various conversations among people, and on this blog, I had mused that "Little House on the Prairie" was a very popular show but I somehow had never watched it. Finally, repeating this same thought before my family, I suddenly heard my older sister exclaim, "'Little House on the Prairie' was SOOOO DEPRESSING!" Instantly, in just that moment, I time-traveled 30, maybe 40, years into the past to when I first heard that same phrase ringing in my ears, said in the exact same way by the exact same person. It was suddenly clear why I had no history with this show. My sister had seen it, had formed a very decidedly negative opinion of the show and then had wielded much more power over the TV.

Another mystery solved.

Now, back in our own time, having watched the entire run of the series, I consider it to be one of the great TV shows of all-time. But even as I enjoyed the show very much, I had to contend with the thought, all throughout, that, "Well, my sister wasn't exactly wrong." The two things can be true at the same time. "Little House" was a "family drama" and how does one generate drama week-in and week-out for years? There is only one way: create likable characters and then hurl an unceasing barrage of tragedies at them until their lives are a Hellish nightmarescape.

The "family" template is best illustrated by a thumbnail sketch of "Family Ties." "Family Ties" was something of a sitcom but generally you'd watch an episode and it would be, for instance, Uncle Bob is visiting from out of town and he announces he has terminal cancer. That's one week. But then the next episode, they're visited by Uncle Ned but it is revealed that Uncle Ned is hiding the secret that he has become an alcoholic. We're up to episode 3 now and in this episode, they'd throw a curve-ball - in this episode, a black family moves into the neighborhood and suddenly the suburban Ohio town of the 1980s turns into a Deep South KKK stronghold because, it turns out, racism is everywhere.

"Little House" is a lot like that but without all the laughs.

Early on, there are two main themes of the show: the man-versus-nature struggle (the harshness of living on the frontier) and the cruelty of children towards their fellow children. The former is one of my favorite aspects of the show and, as a plot device, it's abandoned pretty early on. The latter continues throughout and it's nuts. I mean, these children are monsters to each other - I would say they're demon children but that's being too kind. Words fail me to describe it, I can only say it's hard to watch.

As for the rest of the episodes, every pregnancy is a potential complication, every baby is going to get sick, every building is in danger of burning down, every dear friend can die, every loved one presents a potential for irredeemable grief and don't forget - never forget - that sometimes children with bright futures can suddenly contract an illness that brings on permanent blindness...  The onset of blindness will be slow, of course, but it will be sure and it will be permanent. Yes, it's a "delightful Bambi romp through a flowery fairy land of happy, harmless, froufrou family fun for the whole family of all ages."

To that point, an imdb trivia note from S01E18 is illustrative:

Matt Clark appears in this episode as "Eric Boulton", a man whose wife and son die after contracting Typhus after eating rat-infected cornmeal. He would return in Season Five's "Mortal Mission" as a character whose family die from Anthrax infected meat.

That actor just can't catch a break.

That said, I will defend the show's position in the Pantheon of Television with 3 semi-counter-points. 

1. It is a family drama and this is the core of drama. You know this is what you're getting into (like I said about "Family Ties" above.) 
2. It rarely feels forced. The hardships may seem a little overwrought in that 70s style, but they're rarely gratuitous - the quality of the writing is so high, it mostly earns its awful extremity.
3. The show seeks to depict not just frontier America but actual people who lived on the frontier. These were hard times and certain tragic events did happen to these real people. Another imdb trivia note from S08E18 is illustrative here:

The real Almanzo and Laura Wilder contracted diphtheria in 1888; then in August 1889, Laura gave birth to a son who died two weeks later, and in the same month they lost their house to a fire and their crops to drought. These circumstances, along with Almanzo's inability to do physical work, led the Wilder's into debt and poverty.

So that's fun. "Hey kids, what do you want to watch tonight?!"

I've covered the quality of the show in general terms - generally it's excellent - but there is a great variance in quality across the hundreds of episodes, spread across 9 seasons. There are weaknesses, aspects I hate, episodes I loathe and it is arguable that the show jumps the shark at a point. Along with the great episodes destined for the TV Hall of Fame, there are certainly terrible episodes also. My complaints and criticisms of this series could be an entire post of their own but I'll spare you that. Suffice it to say that the series has high highs and low lows but, for any given season, the ratio of excellent episodes to bad episodes never goes below 2:1. That is, until Season 9 when the series settles into a heat death of mediocrity; Season 9 is just unremarkable, tired and pointless.

There's just one loose end left. My biggest reason for pursuing the series was how impressed I was by the amazing pilot episode/movie. But, following that, I was spurred on by the rumor that the show ends with one of the most bizarre finales in any television show ever. The last episode of the series, true to the 9th season, is not bizarre or unusual in any way. But I have not been rugpulled yet. For there have been 3 "Little House" made-for-tv movies made after the series ended and I will be watching those next. We shall see...

Safe Sunscreen

 Dateline: Baywatch Season 6, Episode 15.

[Stephanie and her boyfriend are enjoying a picnic. The boyfriend's beeper goes off.]

Stephanie: I thought you had the whole day off.

Boyfriend: No, days off for a doctor are a fallacy. As long as there are medical emergencies, there are no days off.

Stephanie: Well I think I'm having a medical emergency right now - it's my heart, it's beating dangerously fast.

[They make out. It's important to note that as they make out, and for the rest of the scene, someone is probably dying.]

[Doctor Boyfriend feels up her leg and notices she has a suspicious mole. He suggests she should get it checked out.]

Stephanie: I use sunscreen, I tan safely.

Boyfriend: There's no such thing as a safe tan, you know.

And that's the key takeaway here. You can practice safe tanning but there's no such thing as safe tan.

The B-Story to Stephanie's cancer scare is Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage wrestling against Ric Flair and Vader to determine the fate of a beach-side weightlifting center.

Not a joke. Wooooo!