Best of the Worst - Christmas or Chance

Buckle up, this year's Best of the Worst Christmas episode is nearly 2 hours long. But it's worth it, I think.

The Shoji Tabuchi Christmas Rap

From the description: "Rap may have been born in the Bronx but it was perfected in Branson."

A few notes. I believe the backing melody is "Humpin' Around." That's Christmasey.

Secondly, the shaking dance at 1:25 seems to be a reference to Dane Parker, a break dancer who appeared in the "Beat It" music video. See Andy Richter Spends a Day with Dane Parker.

Christmas Music From Another Room

You might find this useful: "Christmas Music From Another Room - Relaxing Christmas Ambience with Muffled Christmas Music." I suggest putting it on in the background as you wrap gifts or cook or generally go about your day. I'm loving it.

Christmas Cola

A while back, I mentioned that I found Vanilla coke to be increasingly more difficult to obtain. Now Coca-Cola has released a new limited edition "Holiday Creamy Vanilla" flavor. Is this taking a "discontinued" item and making it a special event - a McRib situation? Well first off, Vanilla Coke still hasn't officially been discontinued though I continue to not see it around. Secondly, an online review claims this isn't Vanilla Coke re-packaged, it's distinctly different. I am both skeptical and keeping an open mind - I don't detect anything significantly different such that it warrants a new flavor but I acknowledge I could be in the wrong.

What I want to know is: what is Holiday Creamy Vanilla? This is not a thing. Do you remember spending time with friends and family in the Christmas Days of yesteryear, sitting around enjoying some Holiday Vanilla? What are we talking about? My mind goes immediately to Egg Nog but I don't think that's what they intend.

What is the real official soda of Christmastime? Who is the real hero?

While admittedly there is no such thing as a Christmas soda, I have one suggestion: Fentiman's Curiosity Cola. It tastes like Coke mostly - classic cola taste - but it adds a heightened cinnamon flavor that's just right. If you're looking for a soda for Christmas (quite a niche), that's my pick for the Official Soda of Christmas 2025.

You can get it on Amazon (not a sponsor).

Radiohead Sings Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Yeah, I don't know.

Obviously this AI, but Radiohead did perform "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" which you can find here. This was part of a livestream before there were livestreams. I was listening live, which is to say, I was in a buffering loop and getting 1 second of video every minute or so.

Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration

 

I saw "Claymation Christmas Celebration" once, when it aired for the first time in 1987, and not a single time since then until today. Now I can't figure out why this isn't a Christmas classic that gets aired year after year throughout the generations.

It's colorful, it's whimsical, it's got great music. It's smart without the whiff of being "educational" - it doesn't talk down to its audience. It's playful without being disrespectful - either to the holiday or the traditions. It's the kind of entertainment that kids and adults can enjoy, pretty much, equally. And they were even able to get the California Raisins on to add some celebrity shine (yes, the California Raisins were already stars at this point and came on for a guest spot.)

Special shout-out to the recurring "What is wassail?" segments which were my favorite part, as a kid; and also to the "Carol of the Bells" segment, which is just perfectly executed goofiness.

The special isn't available in its entirety on youtube; you can get see it on archive.org.

And I didn't know how much of a legend Will Vinton was. You can see his work in the music video for "Moonwalker," "Return to Oz," "Captain EO" and invented The Noid and The California Raisins. That's amazing. He died in 2018.

The Late Show Traditions

The official David Letterman channel has released a compilation of the various Late Show Christmas traditions in one handy video. Watch it and pretend it's a new episode, I guess. Darlene Love is omitted but there's a separate compilation just for that.

Today's Mood in Gif Form

 

Jan Terri - Excuse My Christmas

This is the hit single. When this is the top of the charts and everyone's feeling the glow of Christmas warmth, you remember that you heard it hear first.

Popcorn in Bed - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Another classic.

Growing up, we never had advent calendars. I remember my friend had one in 1st or 2nd grade but that was it. Whenever I would watch this movie, the thing that would fill me with Christmas awe and wonder was the advent calendar. As the date of the calendar increases, childlike joy and excitement build inexorably.

It's good... it's good... it's good.

What are Sugar Plums?

It's Christmas time, basically, so naturally I've been wondering what sugar plums are and how to get hold of some. If you do a search on amazon you'll get sugar coated plums for sale, which are not the same thing at all. Then talking to a friend, he sent me a recipe but wikipedia warns:

"Another 21st-century take on the sugar plum instructs home cooks to combine dried fruits and almonds with honey and aromatic seeds (anise, fennel, caraway, cardamom), form this mixture into balls, then coat in sugar or shredded coconut.[8]"

... which is what the recipe was. I'm not looking for the 21st-century anything.

So this video explains what they are and how to make them and I guess I won't be trying sugar plums.

Except.

They mention jordan almonds are technically sugar plums and he also refers to some brand of coated pine nuts as being sugar plums; but he doesn't mention or link to whatever he's specifically talking about. Jordan almonds that fit the criteria are all over amazon, so that's obtainable. Pine nuts are trickier. With some work, I was able to track down the pine nuts he's referring to as being "1880 Candy Coated Pine Nuts." They appear to be obtainable but not from any place convenient to me. To be continued perhaps.

Creed - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

John Malkovich Voices Cartoon Santa

John Malkovich voiced Santa in a Christmas Special from 1987. It's as startling as it sounds.

Source.

Popcorn in Bed - White Christmas

 

Perfection.

Best of the Worst - Christmas Plinketto

 

For this year's Christmas episode, it's Plinketto! And the results are weird but you already knew that. 

Why they skip over the introduction to "Silent Night Deadly Night 4" I don't know.

Christmas with Dennis II: Electric Boogaloo

 

It's been 5 years now since I first celebrated Christmas with Dennis and I have celebrated Christmas with Dennis, perhaps not every year, but many times since.

Well, there is a sequel - canonically entitled "Dennis Awe: An Awesome Christmas." And this edition has a number of guest stars including Pat Boone and Donna Douglas (Elly May from "The Beverly Hillbillies") as well as a giant Shoji Tabuchi-size audience.

The organ playing is excellent, the special has all the quality you'd expect from Dennis. But early on it becomes apparent that there is a strict separation between the performance and the giant applauding crowds. The game within the game is this: will there ever be a shot that establishes the performers and the audience are in the same place? Spoiler alert: it never comes.

At 46:00, it's time for Dennis' sister DyAnne to shine. You don't need me to tell you that her playing charges the special's atmosphere with eroticism.

At 1:35:30 the special completely gives away the game as it tries to pass off a split-screen gag as taking place in front of the "live" audience. There's no question anymore.

Finally, you might go to 1:47:15 to see Dennis do a comedy double-act with someone other than himself. And I won't give it away, but at this point the special sinks to new lows. I was hoping, "Surely, they're not going to do this." But they did it. Oh, they did it.

The Oldest Known Recording of Jingle Bells

 From 1898.

People back then had a much "freer" notion of rhythm, I guess.

Calling Out Josh Groban

 Or: "Partially Ruining a Christmas Classic"

Driving to my parents house with the Christmas music on the radio and Josh Groban's rendition of "O Holy Night" comes on. I noticed something askew.

It's a high quality rendition of a classic song for the most part but I couldn't stop noticing something absolutely inexplicable about it.

The first two minutes, everything's as it should be. Once we get to 2:00 Groban sings "O Knife Divine." Thereafter, almost every instance of "night" is replaced by "knife." The only exception is at 4:15 where there's a legitimate "night" but even that is followed up 2 seconds later with another "knife." So it's "O night / O knife divine."

And now I will never un-hear "O Holy Knife." This is the biggest lyrical scandal since "Poker Face."

It Happened One Christmas (1977)

 

In Season 3, Episode 21 of "Mystery Science Theater 3000," the crew are forced to watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and are understandably depressed. To help recover, Joel announces that he's gotten a hold of some good Christmas movies. When he proclaims they'll be able to watch "It's a Wonderful Life," the bots are ecstatic... But then he adds, "Don't get too excited, it's the lame Marlo Thomas version." Another version? Yes, the "lame Marlo Thomas version" is a made-for-tv movie entitled "It Happened One Christmas."

In this version, Marlo Thomas (who is a woman) plays the George Bailey character (basically) only they've swapped sexes so the main character is Mary Bailey. She saves her brother from the ice, she has big plans to see the world but gives them up to run her father's Savings and Loan, she keeps her head during the Great Depression and later, facing ruin, she wants to die until her guardian angel Clara saves her.

The film only partially fails in execution but completely fails in concept. People complain that the sequels and reboots of classic movies have gotten out of hand (and they have), but why would ANYONE think they could remake "It's a Wonderful Life"?! It begs belief. It's insanity, it's an insult to film lovers everywhere. And why would you? The original fell out of copyright, it's cheap to broadcast, why spend lots of money to make it again?

Aside from the problem that, you know, the entire concept of the movie is wrong, it isn't a fun disaster - the movie is competently made in every aspect. The film even boasts some great actors. Most notable is Orson Welles as Old Man Potter. How did they get Orson wrapped up in this? His performance is emblematic of the entire problem of the movie. His Potter is smoother and more subtle, more thoughtful, than Lionel Barrymore's but it's to no effect - Barrymore's performance is definitive. Clara, the guardian angel, is played by one of my favorites Cloris Leachman. Her performance in "The Last Picture Show," is one of the all-time greats. In this movie, she's okay. And Mary's brother is played by Christopher Guest, another forgettable performance. In this version, the old man who loses the S&L's money is played by Barney Martin (the dad from "Seinfeld").

Whether this movie should be true to the original or make its own path is a no-win situation. In this case, they chose to be pretty faithful to the original and lost. This exposes the main weakness of the movie: the lead, Marlo Thomas. She's going through all the same actions and making all the same impassioned speeches as Jimmy Stewart did and she has none of the punch, none of the power. I'm not very familiar with Marlo Thomas' body of work but she appears to be a competent actress, she just doesn't compare to Jimmy Stewart. Likewise, a great deal of the movie hinges on the romance between her and her husband, Wayne Rogers, and these two appear to me to have no chemistry. None. It's pretty amazing. Compare that to Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed - one of the most iconic onscreen couples of all-time. 

This movie is the very definition of a mistake, though it is an interesting experience in one way. Watching the emotionally hollow scenes, I was constantly reminded of the parallel scenes from the original movie and how I feel watching those. It's a rather rare phenomenon to watch a movie that's boring, that's dull, that's flat and which is also, nonetheless, emotionally affecting. This is such an experience.

Game Grumps - Terror in Christmas Town

 

I think it's fair to say this one goes off the rails... and that's a good thing!

Where have you gone Michael Zerbo? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.