Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration

 

I saw "Claymation Christmas Celebration" once, when it aired for the first time in 1987, and not a single time since then until today. Now I can't figure out why this isn't a Christmas classic that gets aired year after year throughout the generations.

It's colorful, it's whimsical, it's got great music. It's smart without the whiff of being "educational" - it doesn't talk down to its audience. It's playful without being disrespectful - either to the holiday or the traditions. It's the kind of entertainment that kids and adults can enjoy, pretty much, equally. And they were even able to get the California Raisins on to add some celebrity shine (yes, the California Raisins were already stars at this point and came on for a guest spot.)

Special shout-out to the recurring "What is wassail?" segments which were my favorite part, as a kid; and also to the "Carol of the Bells" segment, which is just perfectly executed goofiness.

The special isn't available in its entirety on youtube; you can get see it on archive.org.

And I didn't know how much of a legend Will Vinton was. You can see his work in the music video for "Moonwalker," "Return to Oz," "Captain EO" and invented The Noid and The California Raisins. That's amazing. He died in 2018.

The Late Show Traditions

The official David Letterman channel has released a compilation of the various Late Show Christmas traditions in one handy video. Watch it and pretend it's a new episode, I guess. Darlene Love is omitted but there's a separate compilation just for that.

Today's Mood in Gif Form

 

Jan Terri - Excuse My Christmas

This is the hit single. When this is the top of the charts and everyone's feeling the glow of Christmas warmth, you remember that you heard it hear first.

Popcorn in Bed - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Another classic.

Growing up, we never had advent calendars. I remember my friend had one in 1st or 2nd grade but that was it. Whenever I would watch this movie, the thing that would fill me with Christmas awe and wonder was the advent calendar. As the date of the calendar increases, childlike joy and excitement build inexorably.

It's good... it's good... it's good.

What are Sugar Plums?

It's Christmas time, basically, so naturally I've been wondering what sugar plums are and how to get hold of some. If you do a search on amazon you'll get sugar coated plums for sale, which are not the same thing at all. Then talking to a friend, he sent me a recipe but wikipedia warns:

"Another 21st-century take on the sugar plum instructs home cooks to combine dried fruits and almonds with honey and aromatic seeds (anise, fennel, caraway, cardamom), form this mixture into balls, then coat in sugar or shredded coconut.[8]"

... which is what the recipe was. I'm not looking for the 21st-century anything.

So this video explains what they are and how to make them and I guess I won't be trying sugar plums.

Except.

They mention jordan almonds are technically sugar plums and he also refers to some brand of coated pine nuts as being sugar plums; but he doesn't mention or link to whatever he's specifically talking about. Jordan almonds that fit the criteria are all over amazon, so that's obtainable. Pine nuts are trickier. With some work, I was able to track down the pine nuts he's referring to as being "1880 Candy Coated Pine Nuts." They appear to be obtainable but not from any place convenient to me. To be continued perhaps.

Creed - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

John Malkovich Voices Cartoon Santa

John Malkovich voiced Santa in a Christmas Special from 1987. It's as startling as it sounds.

Source.

Popcorn in Bed - White Christmas

 

Perfection.

Best of the Worst - Christmas Plinketto

 

For this year's Christmas episode, it's Plinketto! And the results are weird but you already knew that. 

Why they skip over the introduction to "Silent Night Deadly Night 4" I don't know.

Christmas with Dennis II: Electric Boogaloo

 

It's been 5 years now since I first celebrated Christmas with Dennis and I have celebrated Christmas with Dennis, perhaps not every year, but many times since.

Well, there is a sequel - canonically entitled "Dennis Awe: An Awesome Christmas." And this edition has a number of guest stars including Pat Boone and Donna Douglas (Elly May from "The Beverly Hillbillies") as well as a giant Shoji Tabuchi-size audience.

The organ playing is excellent, the special has all the quality you'd expect from Dennis. But early on it becomes apparent that there is a strict separation between the performance and the giant applauding crowds. The game within the game is this: will there ever be a shot that establishes the performers and the audience are in the same place? Spoiler alert: it never comes.

At 46:00, it's time for Dennis' sister DyAnne to shine. You don't need me to tell you that her playing charges the special's atmosphere with eroticism.

At 1:35:30 the special completely gives away the game as it tries to pass off a split-screen gag as taking place in front of the "live" audience. There's no question anymore.

Finally, you might go to 1:47:15 to see Dennis do a comedy double-act with someone other than himself. And I won't give it away, but at this point the special sinks to new lows. I was hoping, "Surely, they're not going to do this." But they did it. Oh, they did it.

The Oldest Known Recording of Jingle Bells

 From 1898.

People back then had a much "freer" notion of rhythm, I guess.

Calling Out Josh Groban

 Or: "Partially Ruining a Christmas Classic"

Driving to my parents house with the Christmas music on the radio and Josh Groban's rendition of "O Holy Night" comes on. I noticed something askew.

It's a high quality rendition of a classic song for the most part but I couldn't stop noticing something absolutely inexplicable about it.

The first two minutes, everything's as it should be. Once we get to 2:00 Groban sings "O Knife Divine." Thereafter, almost every instance of "night" is replaced by "knife." The only exception is at 4:15 where there's a legitimate "night" but even that is followed up 2 seconds later with another "knife." So it's "O night / O knife divine."

And now I will never un-hear "O Holy Knife." This is the biggest lyrical scandal since "Poker Face."

It Happened One Christmas (1977)

 

In Season 3, Episode 21 of "Mystery Science Theater 3000," the crew are forced to watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and are understandably depressed. To help recover, Joel announces that he's gotten a hold of some good Christmas movies. When he proclaims they'll be able to watch "It's a Wonderful Life," the bots are ecstatic... But then he adds, "Don't get too excited, it's the lame Marlo Thomas version." Another version? Yes, the "lame Marlo Thomas version" is a made-for-tv movie entitled "It Happened One Christmas."

In this version, Marlo Thomas (who is a woman) plays the George Bailey character (basically) only they've swapped sexes so the main character is Mary Bailey. She saves her brother from the ice, she has big plans to see the world but gives them up to run her father's Savings and Loan, she keeps her head during the Great Depression and later, facing ruin, she wants to die until her guardian angel Clara saves her.

The film only partially fails in execution but completely fails in concept. People complain that the sequels and reboots of classic movies have gotten out of hand (and they have), but why would ANYONE think they could remake "It's a Wonderful Life"?! It begs belief. It's insanity, it's an insult to film lovers everywhere. And why would you? The original fell out of copyright, it's cheap to broadcast, why spend lots of money to make it again?

Aside from the problem that, you know, the entire concept of the movie is wrong, it isn't a fun disaster - the movie is competently made in every aspect. The film even boasts some great actors. Most notable is Orson Welles as Old Man Potter. How did they get Orson wrapped up in this? His performance is emblematic of the entire problem of the movie. His Potter is smoother and more subtle, more thoughtful, than Lionel Barrymore's but it's to no effect - Barrymore's performance is definitive. Clara, the guardian angel, is played by one of my favorites Cloris Leachman. Her performance in "The Last Picture Show," is one of the all-time greats. In this movie, she's okay. And Mary's brother is played by Christopher Guest, another forgettable performance. In this version, the old man who loses the S&L's money is played by Barney Martin (the dad from "Seinfeld").

Whether this movie should be true to the original or make its own path is a no-win situation. In this case, they chose to be pretty faithful to the original and lost. This exposes the main weakness of the movie: the lead, Marlo Thomas. She's going through all the same actions and making all the same impassioned speeches as Jimmy Stewart did and she has none of the punch, none of the power. I'm not very familiar with Marlo Thomas' body of work but she appears to be a competent actress, she just doesn't compare to Jimmy Stewart. Likewise, a great deal of the movie hinges on the romance between her and her husband, Wayne Rogers, and these two appear to me to have no chemistry. None. It's pretty amazing. Compare that to Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed - one of the most iconic onscreen couples of all-time. 

This movie is the very definition of a mistake, though it is an interesting experience in one way. Watching the emotionally hollow scenes, I was constantly reminded of the parallel scenes from the original movie and how I feel watching those. It's a rather rare phenomenon to watch a movie that's boring, that's dull, that's flat and which is also, nonetheless, emotionally affecting. This is such an experience.

Game Grumps - Terror in Christmas Town

 

I think it's fair to say this one goes off the rails... and that's a good thing!

Where have you gone Michael Zerbo? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Christmas Comes to Pac-Land (1982)

 

Not a standalone movie, but rather the Christmas episode of the Saturday Morning Cartoon "Pac-Man," within the first 5 minutes of "Christmas comes to Pac-Land", the four ghosts are chasing Pac-Man, then he's cornered, then he eats power pellets and then the tables are completely turned and he chases down the ghosts to eat them. This may be the most faithful video game adaptation of all-time. It doesn't matter that it makes no sense, that's the way the game is so we're just literally going to play out the things that happen in the game!

Pac-Man has a wife, Mrs. Pepper Pac-Man who is Ms. Pac-Man but they don't call her that. Together they have Pac-Baby and a dog and cat. The Pac-World version of a dog seems to have been created in a lab by scientists tasked with achieving maximum cuteness. The dog is my favorite character:

The Pac-Family lives in a world with no Christmas, so the title checks out, and this episode sees Santa coming to this other planet/land to introduce the Holiday. My only question is why. If they don't celebrate Christmas, why go to the bother of delivering presents to every house? And where was this idea last year? This special is in direct conflict with the many Christmas specials that make it absolutely clear that YOU MUST BELIEVE IN SANTA or he won't come.

But anyways, Santa is there for some reason and crashes his sleigh, so it's up to Pac-Man to repair his sleigh and re-acquire the presents lost in the crash. Unfortunately, the ghosts are working to stop him from accomplishing his mission. But the meaning behind the Pac-Man vs. Ghosts eternal struggle is another question mark. When Pac-Man eats the ghosts, they become sets of eyes and go somewhere else to regroup. When the ghosts eat Pac-Man he just becomes really tired. So what's the point of any of it? What are the stakes, why do anything at all? Somehow the absolute worst fate that can befall Pac-Man is that he becomes like me? Ouch.

So, yeah, it's clear that Pac-Man needs to save Christmas and he is opposed by the ghosts trying to stop him. Except in the climax of the film, he explains the concept of Christmas to them and why it's important that they not oppose him in this and so they agree to call a truce and go peacefully on their separate ways. It is quite a subversion of cartoon expectations, I don't remember any other cartoon conflict that was resolved by just calmly explaining things to the villains.

But even without ghostly opposition, Santa is still in trouble because he's run out of time somehow. He can go to billions of houses in one night but he can still run short on time. But fortunately, Pac-Man takes him to the Power Pellet Forest and gives power pellets to Santa and the reindeer and that's the answer. There's that old standup bit about how Pac-Man caused an entire generation to do drugs and here we have the moral of the Christmas special: if you need increased performance, just take some pills.

This is a strange concept for a Christmas special (obviously) but in execution it's just you're average Saturday Morning Cartoon episode. Nothing great, nothing terrible. Except there is a part where Pac-Man gives a surprise gift to all of his ghost enemies and I kind of choked up a little. It's very touching.

Game Grumps - Nostalgic Toy Memories

 

If you grew up between the 70s and 90s, you may remember these top childhood gifts.

There is a Christmas Version of the Macarena

 Do you need me to tell you it's an abomination? How long can you listen?

To quote Norm Macdonald, "Happy birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!"

Popcorn in Bed - It's a Wonderful Life

 

Christmas Music

 Someone recently posed the question, "Is Christmas Eve actually better than Christmas Day?" It's an impossible question. When I was a kid, we'd spend Christmas Eve celebrating with my grandparents on my father's side and those may be my favorite memories. I remember being caught between rooms hearing Christmas music ever so faintly. My grandparents would play the record player in a room all the way down the hall so in various locations you would hear it almost imperceptibly.

A few years ago I was able to track down the record that they played - that I'm pretty sure they played. And today I found someone had uploaded it to youtube.

If you're looking for Christmas music - even if only to play in the background - this is my recommendation.