Black Out Sick

Today I woke up with my hand in the toilet.

It was Monday morning when a friend messaged me and said he may have had a cold when we were hanging out earlier. I saw that as trouble because I already knew I was feeling a bit "off." All day Monday, I felt a fever rising, a growing weakness and achy muscles.

By the end I could no longer concentrate on anything. I crawled into bed and tried to sleep. Sleep wouldn't come, in fact my fever grew, my heart raced and every muscle in my body was in pain.

Sometime in the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom. I woke up lying on the bathroom floor with my right hand in the toilet. I had evidently passed out while peeing and tried to brace the fall, landing in the space between the toilet and the bath. Funny thing about me: I had never stuck my hand in the toilet before so this was a new experience. I was as as disgusted as I could be given that my brain was almost completely numb.

I got up to wash my hand. I woke up again lying on the floor, staring up at the bathroom ceiling. I had passed out again and landed sitting somewhat upright with the back of my head propped up against the wall. Unable to move, I sat there for an unknown amount of time. Two sensations predominated: firstly, I was astonished with how much I could feel the back of my head pouring sweat and secondly, I became aware of a loud swooshing sound of unknown origin, and it wasn't going away. It could be something going on outside my house, I considered the remote possibility that it was from inside my house. I thought there was a good possibility that it was a hallucination, brought on by this fierce unique disease.

When I overcame the nausea enough to stand up again, I found the swooshing noise was simply the faucet still running from my failed attempt to wash up.

Given that I fell unconscious, one time falling forward, one time falling backward and given that everything in the bathroom is solid rock, I'm very fortunate that I did not smash my teeth or break my skull. I seem to have fallen on my elbow and knee - those seem to be new injuries - in the first instance and in the second instance, I don't know if there was any serious head injury because I felt concussed anyway.

Late Show - Harold Larkin's Favorite Moments

 

Head Carpenter Harold Larkin recounts his favorite moments working on the Late Show.

Late Show - Dave Calls Out CNN For Lying

 

This is another video that I had on youtube that was struck for copyright and has now been officially uploaded. I called it "Dave vs. The White House vs. CNN" - is this title better? I don't know. "Dave Calls Out CNN for Lying" is more confrontational, it does have a certain clickbait flair, but still I liked that I captured the fact that it was a Mexican standoff where there were 3 parties involved and one of the was the President.

But also, this version is the full saga whereas I only had the middle portion.

And how hard is it to determine whether you've received a call from the White House? I've lived for thousands of days and for each of those days, I can DEFINITIVELY say FOR SURE whether I received a call from the White House or not. It really isn't that hard.

Rocket Man - Who Did It Best?

 

Whose rendition of "Rocket Man" is superior? It's obviously not Elton John's, I think we can all agree,  but besides that, I can't decide between Shatner and Chris Elliot.

Film Flam - Humble Abose?

 

Abose.

Dave Letterman Hosts The Starland Vocal Band Show

 Don't watch this unless you want to watch something dull.

For some reason there was an entire TV show based solely on The Starland Vocal Band. Surprisingly, it only lasted for 6 episodes in the summer of 1977. But even more surprisingly (and more notably) one of the writers, and the host of the show, was David Letterman.

In 1977, The Starland Vocal Band had one hit with "Afternoon Delight" which you probably only remember from "Anchorman." Having accomplished the feat of a #1 hit on the radio, which presumably no one had accomplished before, the Universe took the natural next step and decided they should have a TV show. I mean, just look at the frontman of the group, he has charisma and star power:

Rock Star or the dad on ALF? You decide.

This is when network television was at the height of its powers. There was no cable, no internet, no podcasts, and I presume (since it was the 70s) that no one was reading books. This is the time when it should have been the most impossible to get a TV show and yet they were throwing them out to passersby, seemingly. To quote the MST3K episode "Riding with Death," "Whatever, I don't get the 70s."

The show consists of a ton of TSVB live performances of songs you've never heard of. I give them full credit for that - they committed to the premise. But in between, there are non-sequitur "skits" and "comedy." That's where David Letterman comes in - Dave and Jeff Altman and a few others. You can see a few of the seeds that would eventually grow to become Dave's legendary career but - I'll be honest here - the "comedy" is mostly, almost entirely horrific.

The comedy is so bad, I don't have the will to explain it. If you're brave enough to want a quick gauge,  here is the best comedy piece of the entire run of the show (keep expectations low). And here is a comedy piece to represent the average or the worst, they're kind of the same thing. You know you're in trouble when the slogan of the show is "It's a Sunday night, what do you got to do, anyway?"

To top it all off, Mark Russell is in this show and he's a regular. What is Mark Russell doing in this show? I suppose it's unlikely anyone reading this in Current Year knows who Mark Russell is. He's a comedian who made a career of doing safe political song "parodies," mostly on PBS. This will give you the idea.

The Starland Vocal Band never replicated the success of "Afternoon Delight." The band was made up of two married couples and both couples divorced in the early 80s. The divorce rate of celebrities is so depressing. In Episode 5 of the show, Letterman suggests the two women of the band break off and start their own group which is a little strange considering that that sort of came true - the band is broken up and, according to imdb, the two women of the group still write music together. Also, according to wikipedia, April Kelly was a writer on this show and she would go on to co-create "Boy Meets World."

Ok, I don't get the 70s, but I'm going to give my best effort. I was recently watching some old MTV solely for the sake of time travel. [Someone uploaded to Rumble a 6 hour recording of MTV from 1986, if that kind of thing interests you. Actually, that's the bigger story here, why am I wasting my time on this garbage?] Anyways, before MTV perhaps there was a huge pent-up demand for popular music on television, perhaps the ridiculous nature of the show is simply an attempt to fill that demand. Perhaps it only seems strange because I'm removed from that time and don't know what it's like. But still, the Starland Vocal Band?