Mr. T in Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

 

"Not Another Teen Movie" is an over-the-top parody movie of the Teen movies of the 80s and 90s. It's extreme, it's stupid and it's offensive - and I mean that in the best way possible. I am a sucker for these spoof movies, granted, but I put this in the "best of the best" category within the genre.

Why is this not considered a classic? My best guess is: it may have gotten lost in the shuffle. It would be around this time or a little later that all the horrible "Scary Movie" cash grabs would start up and I suppose this might have been lumped into the same category and forgotten.

Regarding Mr. T, this is a strange role for the T man. Or actually, it's a standard role but within a strange genre for him. Raunchy sex movies are not Mr. T's style but yet here he is. When he did "D.C. Cab" he was almost apologetic about its R rating and how it didn't agree with his values. With "D.C. Cab" you could make the case that he was just starting out and desperate for roles. But that isn't the case here.

As in "Spy Hard," it's a very small role - Mr. T plays the Wise Janitor Here to Impart Knowledge. And he also is dressed as a rather random homage to "I Know What You Did Last Summer".

Mr. T coaches Captain America

The joke that stood out to me most, watching it this time around, is the football coach. That actor commits to the bit. He acts with the fire of a thousand suns. The other joke - that got me this time but always gets me - is "Do it for Marty's torso!" Classic. The "cheertator" speech is great too. I could go on and on.

Who Is Satoshi Nakamoto?

 A three-part, 1.5 hour long series about trying to piece together who Satoshi Nakamoto (the inventor of Bitcoin) really is. If you don't care about the mystery, skip it. If you have any interest, I found this fascinating.

Late Night - Dave Goes to Dunkin' Donuts

 

I love the utter derision in "Uh, not really a donut, is it, sir?"

Mr. T on Malcolm and Eddie (1999)

 

I'm watching all these old sitcoms and having a bit of an existential crisis. I go in thinking, "This is going to be mediocre" and am constantly (pleasantly) surprised. Case in point: "Malcolm & Eddie" - this is considered to be scraping the bottom of the barrel of television entertainment, and yet I basically enjoyed it. I'm trying to explain why this is the case. Perhaps it's just nostalgia, maybe it's just going in with such low expectations, perhaps TV has degraded so much over the years that "bad" sitcoms then would be "good" today. It may be that the saving grace is that I'm only watching one episode and can't get too sick of it in that time.

Whatever the case, "Malcolm & Eddie" starred Eddie Griffin and Malcolm Jamal-Warner as two average guys who own a restaurant in Kansas City while also sharing an apartment.

In this episode, a star for the Kansas City Chiefs visits the bar and when Eddie accidentally injures him, Malcolm and Eddie become the #1 enemy of the entire city's fanbase. It's not a bad storyline. And, bonus: the football star is played by Reginald Ballard who you might remember as Brother Man.

In the episode, Mr. T plays a Chiefs superfan:

His Chiefs face-paint faintly recalls his world-famous role in "Goldy 3." 

Mr. T's character is just the standard Mr. T persona done for comedy. You probably know how it goes... For instance he wants the fans to cheer on the team but the fans aren't into it, Mr. T adopts a threatening tone and the entire section immediately stands to their feet, cheering with great enthusiasm. That kind of stuff.

Later, Mr. T unluckily shows up at the same restaurant as Malcolm and Eddie with his girlfriend/wife:

Ouch. That's hot.

RLM - The Jay vs. Mike Trivia Rematch

 

Not a single question about "The Straight Story"...

Mr. T on Suddenly Susan (1996)

 

If you look up "average sitcom" in the dictionary, it's just a picture of "Suddenly Susan". No one remembers it, no one cares about it, but at the time, it was mildly successful. What I recall of it is that it has a conflict, the conflict is resolved and there are jokes.

Mr. T appears in two episodes, both in the first season - and plays two different characters. No one cares about any of this, so let's get to it...

In the first episode ("Hoop Dreams"), Susan joins a basketball team and is so successful that she forgets her friends and has to learn the value of teamwork or how not to be an awful person or something like that. What does this have to do with Mr. T? Nothing. Mr. T has nothing to do with the plot.

In a cutaway scene, Jack Richmond (Judd Nelson) - who is feuding with his mother in law - goes to get a massage. Instead of the normal masseuse, in walks Mr. T (courtesy of said mother in law) and we can tell by his demeanor that it will not be a soothing session.

It's a funny gag but that's all it is - it has nothing to do with the story and it's a scene that lasts a few seconds. And despite the mohawk and gold jewelry, Mr. T is not playing himself, he's playing the character of "Arnie".

In the second episode, Jack attends a high-stakes poker game with some high rollers. The other people at the game include Willie Brown (then Mayor of San Francisco), John McEnroe, President Donald Trump and Mr. T. These are all the real celebrities playing themselves.

Mr. T wearing a giant plate is unsettling. As far as I can tell, it's invented by the writers in order to set up a joke about looking at Mr. T's cards by reflection. It makes no sense and I can't figure it out. But more than that, he's barely recognizable with no hair or beard. This would be a complaint except we can deduce he probably lost all his hair in chemo treatments at this point. So, fair enough.

The star-studded table makes for some good gags. At one point someone makes a "I pity the fool!" joke and Mr. T barks, "That's not funny, that's old and hackneyed!"

The main oddity that gets me is that Mr. T has two appearances on "Suddenly Susan" and the one where he looks exactly Mr. T, he's Arnie and the one where he looks nothing like Mr. T, he's playing Mr. T.

But there is an even greater oddity in this second episode.

In the show, Jack loses his magazine in the poker game and the workers at the magazine don't like the new owner. So a contingent, led by Kathy Griffin, propose to create their own magazine. So they go to Donald Trump to raise funds (?) and try to woo him with this magazine cover:

 The caption reads "Our Next President?"