Late Night - The Smothers Brothers

 

RIP Tommy Smothers. Dick is still alive.

Game Grumps - Ice Hockey Returns 2

Yet more Ice Hockey.

Dave's Video Collection

 Before the Wheel of the Worst, before Plinketto, before Black Spine, there was Dave's Video Collection.

Uh, and before that, there was Dave's Record Collection. I guess that doesn't matter.

Popcorn in Bed - White Christmas

 

Perfection.

Stuttering John vs. Phones

 

John is at his mom's house when the fans start calling on the phone. Is John smart enough to figure out how to get the ringing to stop?

The Last 100 Years of Steak

 Guga cooks and tests 100 years of steak:

Best of the Worst - Christmas Plinketto

 

For this year's Christmas episode, it's Plinketto! And the results are weird but you already knew that. 

Why they skip over the introduction to "Silent Night Deadly Night 4" I don't know.

Game Grumps - Ice Hockey Returns!

 

The 2023 edition is less manic and therefore not as good as past versions. Still, it's Ice Hockey.

Film Flam - Freddy's Fridays

 

Bad news: no Dylan 'Bruiser' King. Good news: karate!

Christmas with Dennis II: Electric Boogaloo

 

It's been 5 years now since I first celebrated Christmas with Dennis and I have celebrated Christmas with Dennis, perhaps not every year, but many times since.

Well, there is a sequel - canonically entitled "Dennis Awe: An Awesome Christmas." And this edition has a number of guest stars including Pat Boone and Donna Douglas (Elly May from "The Beverly Hillbillies") as well as a giant Shoji Tabuchi-size audience.

The organ playing is excellent, the special has all the quality you'd expect from Dennis. But early on it becomes apparent that there is a strict separation between the performance and the giant applauding crowds. The game within the game is this: will there ever be a shot that establishes the performers and the audience are in the same place? Spoiler alert: it never comes.

At 46:00, it's time for Dennis' sister DyAnne to shine. You don't need me to tell you that her playing charges the special's atmosphere with eroticism.

At 1:35:30 the special completely gives away the game as it tries to pass off a split-screen gag as taking place in front of the "live" audience. There's no question anymore.

Finally, you might go to 1:47:15 to see Dennis do a comedy double-act with someone other than himself. And I won't give it away, but at this point the special sinks to new lows. I was hoping, "Surely, they're not going to do this." But they did it. Oh, they did it.

The Oldest Known Recording of Jingle Bells

 From 1898.

People back then had a much "freer" notion of rhythm, I guess.

Late Night - Diane Sawyer's Expose

 

The Letterman channel has been uploading segments from Dave's Film Festival lately. It's an interesting concept and new to me but there are more misses than hits.

I like this Diane Sawyer piece, partly because I miss Diane Sawyer. I'm going to send this to my parents, I think it's especially for the Boomer crowd.

Late Show Staff - Will Forte

 

Former writer Will Forte talks about his experience working on the Late Show.

I'm amazed. Firstly, I didn't know Will Forte was a writer on the Late Show. Secondly, I didn't know there was a MacGruber TV show.

Calling Out Josh Groban

 Or: "Partially Ruining a Christmas Classic"

Driving to my parents house with the Christmas music on the radio and Josh Groban's rendition of "O Holy Night" comes on. I noticed something askew.

It's a high quality rendition of a classic song for the most part but I couldn't stop noticing something absolutely inexplicable about it.

The first two minutes, everything's as it should be. Once we get to 2:00 Groban sings "O Knife Divine." Thereafter, almost every instance of "night" is replaced by "knife." The only exception is at 4:15 where there's a legitimate "night" but even that is followed up 2 seconds later with another "knife." So it's "O night / O knife divine."

And now I will never un-hear "O Holy Knife." This is the biggest lyrical scandal since "Poker Face."

Living in Cyberiad

 "The Cyberiad," by Stanislaw Lem, is a whimsical collection of science-fiction fairy tales, in a similar style as "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." It's episodic but it generally follows two intelligent machine rivals who try to outdo each other with their own invented machines. My favorite story in "The Cyberiad" is "The first sally (A), or Trurl's electronic bard."

The following contains spoilers for "The Cyberiad."

Through much hard work and countless hours of toil, Trurl has created a machine that, he hopes, can write poetry. He invites his rival Klapaucius over to test it (or to show off.) Klapaucius accepts, and after some false starts and tweaks, recites a short poem. Klapaucius is not impressed - the poem was just a pre-recorded message written by a person. Trurl invites him to make a request as a real test. Klapaucius thinks, trying to figure out the hardest request he can imagine. Finally he suggests:

"Have it compose a poem - a poem about a haircut! But lofty, noble, tragic, timeless, full of love, treachery, retribution, quiet heroism in the face of certain doom! Six lines, cleverly rhymed, and every word beginning with the letter s!!"

Trurl begins to object...

But he didn't finish. A melodious voice filled the hall with the following:

Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.

She scissored short. Sorely shorn,

Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,

Silently scheming,

Sightlessly seeking 

Some savage, spectacular suicide.

The story goes on from there with other bizarre requests and other poems but I'll focus on just this one, as it's my favorite. I was so used to seeing this story as a wonderful, whimsical flight of fancy (I first read this story in 1998-1999) that I completely failed to see that it's now a reality. Or is it? I was wondering, if I give this same prompt to ChatGPT, what would be the result?

Here is the experiment.

In truth, I usually see ChatGPT as just a more advanced search engine. I was fully expecting it to just lookup and return the poem from "The Cyberiad," at which point I would have had to try a similar prompt. But no, it simply went straight to its own attempt. Also surprising is that it doesn't follow the "only s" rule, for some reason. I mean, if a computer program doesn't write great poetry, we can all understand why but I absolutely do expect it to understand and follow basic, concrete rules.

I don't want to lose sight of the fact that I am astonished by the sophistication of ChatGPT. Still, it definitely falls far short of the goal.

Let's try Bing:

Arguably better; it at least follows the 's' requirement, but still wanting.

And You!:

Terrible.

We live in a science-fiction future but the world of "The Cyberiad" still retains its mystique and fascination.

Finally, a small factoid that I just learned from Wikipedia: "The Seventh Sally was also an inspiration of the game SimCity." According to the New York Times, "In the Lem story a banished tyrant returns to his despotic ways after being given control over a simulated city."

Popcorn in Bed - Sneakers

 

The people in the Pocorn in Bed community say "Sneakers" is "so underrated" and a "hidden gem". The community is correct.

Recalling the Luleelurah

 

Listening to a vanilla, adult, mainstream radio station and this song by Fall Out Boy comes on. I guess we're in that point of time where music from this era stops being out of fashion and comes back around as nostalgia. And listening to this song, I couldn't help but remember the lyric video that goes with it.

I think Emo was an interesting phenomenon for me in that it was the (pretty exact) point at which I fell out of fashion. I was the young guy who knew the current trends in music implicitly and then one day I hear there's this new genre I've never heard of. Where did it come from? Who's listening to it? It all had to be explained to me.

To be honest, I don't fully understand to this day. But none of that matters. This video is a classic of the pre-youtube days and everyone should see it.

So... Why a Leg Lamp?

 

The Leg Lamp from "A Christmas Story" is one of the great gags of the movie and in recent years has become iconic. The movie explains that it's an award but never explains why anyone would award a leg lamp to anyone.

A few weeks ago I accidentally stumbled upon the explanation and feverishly began researching a full article. I looked up primary sources and began to buy reference books, but in my searches I found tons of trivia sites which already had the answer. My full scholarly article is cancelled.

Still, not everyone knows so here is the short version.

The company running the contest/sweepstakes was supposed to be the Nehi soda company. At one point, their logo was a single woman's leg (Nehi = Knee High) so the prize for their contest was a lamp of the company's logo.

"A Christmas Story" is based on the radio show/writings of Jean Shepherd. Shepherd reveals the Leg Lamp-Nehi connection in the TV movie "Phantom of the Open Hearth" which was made 7 years earlier, in 1976. Shepherd also talked about it in interviews.

Introduced in 1924, Nehi was bought by Royal Crown, which was bought by Dr. Pepper and is actually still made today. You can actually buy it.

"A Christmas Story" will be re-released to theaters December 10th and 13th for its 40th anniversary.

I quite like that the origin of the lamp is left unexplained. It reinforces the theme of childhood - the world is a strange place and rarely makes sense.

Film Flam - Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Dylan 'Bruiser' King's cameo, it seems, is all too brief.

Pocorn in Bed - Little Miss Sunshine

 Delightful as always.

Colton Dunn of Dudez A-Plenti

 An interview with Colton Dunn, better known as Dan/Lorraine/Samantha, of Dudez A-Plenti. 

One of the sneaky good qualities of the Dudez-A-Plenti pieces was how realistic it was. It seemed to me that the "band" might not even be in on the joke. But after repeated viewings, where I've concluded they must have, I then wonder how much of it was improvised.

Thoughts on Saving Private Ryan

Went to see "Saving Private Ryan" in the theater tonight and here are some thoughts.

One thing I've usually done in these posts is identify visual elements on the sides of the screen or usually out of focus that are clearer in a large screen presentation. I only have one thing for that - "Saving Private Ryan" is pretty plain in its visuals, pretty much "what you see is what you get." But when Mrs. Ryan is about to be informed of the death of her sons, she opens the door and to the right of the door is a photograph of all 4 boys together. It's plain enough that I'm not sure this even counts but it stuck out, watching tonight.

But I also want to note an element of the audio. As the final battle approaches, we hear the low rumble of the German tanks grow louder and louder. A special theater experience is that eventually the roar becomes so loud that it shakes everything inside you. It's a great touch.

One moment that stuck out especially, to me, is the scene early on when the movie becomes quiet for the first time and Giovanni Ribisi (Medic Wade) has a quiet monologue. He tells the story from his childhood, how he would try to stay up late at night to speak to his mom when she came home. He loved talking to his mother except sometimes she wouldn't get to talk to him because he would pretend to be asleep. He wonders why he would do that.

Film 101 tells you that this memory must have some higher meaning, some greater significance to the plot but I have never found it. My best guess is that it's a subversion - the memory is just a typical memory that all of us have. If you have any theories, let me know. But notice this: this meaningful memory is all about his mother which connects later to him bleeding out and dyeing - his last words are a call to his mother. These were men but these were kids.

As he's telling the story, the company who had been joking around up until now, becomes completely silent and still. There is a sense in which his memories from home are hallowed and holy, no one dares encroach on them. This is a motif that reappears throughout the film - talk of the life before, talk of home stops everyone, freezes everyone. In one of these moments Captain Miller opines, "I just know that every man I kill the farther away from home I feel." If each kill is a further descent into Hell, then could it be that everything about their life before the war becomes sacred? And it is perhaps significant that when Ribisi delivers his monologue, the setting is a church.

In the penultimate scene, there is another repetition of the motif. A memory too sacred to even be uttered.

Private Ryan: Tell me about your wife and those rosebushes?

Captain Miller: No, no that one I save just for me.

MovieJoob - Rocky

I'm not telling you to watch this video...

But this once again proves my theory: WOMEN LOVE ROCKY.

Ethics in America - Episode 1

 A panel group from the 1980s debates the question of what each person owes, if anything, to a fellow person. The episode is "Do Unto Others."

I got hooked on late night PBS television in the late 90s and early 00s. Around that time, my local station decided to fill the dead hours - the really dead hours - with college courses. I forget if there was a name for it but you'd watch episodes on TV in the same way that you would normally attend a lecture and then presumably get assigned homework and then take a test. It was a way of geting college credit from home.

"Ethics in America" was one of my favorites, it's so deliciously watchable. It's so watchable that it seemed to be a "no brainer" that something like this could be a hit on television. "Ethics in America" or something like it, didn't deserve a 3 AM timeslot, put it on in primetime! It never happened but there are a few bizarre ways in which this premise bubbled up, leaked out and became a big hit anyway.

In some ways I think the trashy daytime talkshows filled that gap - almost every episode was examining the question of "what is right?" The conflicts between the people on stage were due to disagreements of ethics, philosophy, morality and then that wasn't enough so all the people in the audience got to argue likewise. Even Fred W. Friendly's monologue at the end of this program, summing everything up and putting it all into perspective, reminds one of Jerry Springer's "Final Thought" at the end of each show.

And there was no bigger TV show in the 90s than "Seinfeld." Eschewing "lessons" and "issues" it only concerned itself with comedy and comedy alone. And yet it was a "smart" show precisely because much of the conflict arose from different ethics and much of the episodes revolved around arguing (justifying) different sides. It's a spin on Seinfeld's (and Larry David's) Abbott and Costello influence: "[T]hey had a remarkable knack for presenting both sides of a silly argument and making both points of view seem perfectly logical."

JERRY: So what happened to you yesterday? We were supposed to go to the auto show, I waited for you, you never came.

ELAINE: I'm sorry, I got really busy. How long did you wait?

JERRY: Five minutes.

ELAINE: Five minutes? That's it?

JERRY: What's the difference? You never showed up.

ELAINE: I could've! I mean, last week we waited for that friend of Kramer's for like, forty minutes.

JERRY: Well, we barely knew the guy.

ELAINE: So, the longer you know someone, the shorter you wait for 'em.

JERRY: That's the way it works.

And it occurs to me now that much of the gap in ethical discussion on TV is filled, for most people, by cable news shows. That's not my thing but I suppose that's another outlet through which this desire is pacified just enough that we never get anything really substantive.

The spiritual successor to "Ethics in America" and the closest thing to the show I proposed was "Justice: What is the Right Thing to do?" and that provided clear evidence that I was way off because no one watched it.

You can watch the entire "Ethics in America" series online here. The best episodes are episodes 6 and 7 ("Under Orders, Under Fire" parts 1 and 2), by the way, but I embedded episode 1 simply because that's the only on on youtube.

More Special Effects From Old Movies

Earlier this year I posted a great youtube video that examined how special effects were done with primitive technology.

Well, it was successful enough to become a series. As with most things film related, the sequels are not as good as the original but still really interesting and worth watching, I think.

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Late Show - Ryan Williams Favorite Moments

 

Talent Coordinator Ryan Williams recalls his favorite moments working at the Late Show.

Let's face it, it's all about the beagle playing dead.

Trying the Best Instant Ramens

 First, there was this "10 Minute Power Hour:"

And from this, I thought the idea of the "best" instant ramen was intriguing and decided to seek out the top ones. Unfortunately, in their slapdash, "random" aesthetic, they make it impossible to follow along and therefore are guaranteed to provide no actual benefit to the viewer - that's a guarantee.

But thanks to this post, from u/FluidModeNetwork on Reddit, who took the time to painstakingly break  down the film frame-by-frame and determine the results, I have a source of truth and so I bought and tried the top handful. Now that the expensive multiple deliveries from Japan are complete - who said instant ramen was cheap? - and now that I've more or less recovered from my salt coma, I've put together the results.

#8 - Nongshim Shin Black

I skipped over Shin Black because it's the only one I've had before. In fact, I've had it many times. Shin Black has a good umami flavor and a crazy amount of spice, to the point that I recommend it to people who eat hot stuff as if life is a dare. 

In the video they say of one Shin Black as "this is burning me alive from the inside out" and then say of another Shin Black "not spicy." I don't know how to differentiate the two for your reference, I just know I have had the first one.

The key takeaway I want to communicate is this: the spicy spice is included in a packet which allows you to fully customize the amount you want. With this knowledge, you can experiment to hit the level just right for you. Once you do that, this is fantastic. Coming into this list, this was my #1.

#7 - Nissin Chili Tomato

As you can see, Nissin is just the official name of "Cup Noodle" here in the U.S. Starting from the Cup Noodle perspective, you know what you're getting in terms of size, quality and noodles. This is unlike the other ones in that it's a red/orange broth. The gold standard of red broth soup, in my opinion, is Campbell's Vegetarian Vegetable and this is no Vegetarian Vegetable. The tomato takes a back seat to the other flavors, but what are the other flavors? I'm no chili expert so I have to assume from the name that the dominant flavor is chili. 

Also notable: there are little squares of chicken. I'm not sure I want to know what grade of meat Cup Noodle is using in their instant ramen but it's not great - and how could it be?

It has the noodles you already know, and it's salty, a little tomatoey and a little spicy. Ultimately, I like this soup, I think it's pretty good, but wouldn't recommend it because... it's Cup Noodle... and it just is what it is.

#6 - Nissin Curry Ramen

I'm not a cultured man, I don't have a lot of experience with curry. The main thing I know about curry is that it's Indian in origin and British people love it. There is an interesting parallel where British are obsessed with Indian food and we don't understand their obsession, but in the same way, Americans are obsessed with Mexican food and the British don't understand that. Can't explain it, it just is.

So I can't speak much to the authenticity here, but it's Cup Noodle again so I assume it's not too authentic. It has the normal noodles, it's a brown broth and, just like the last one, also contains meat! This time it's little bits of sausage. My worries about the quality of the meat apply double here.

Cup Noodle with sausage is unusual but it's also unusual in the vegetables it has. It has chunks that I think are potato, as well as carrots and onions. I've never seen a potato in Cup Noodle before. And it's spicy.

Conclusion: all my previous comments about Cup Noodle apply here. But it tastes good, it has a complex spicy flavor and I like the inclusion of potato in the soup.

#5 - Nissin Cheese Curry Ramen

On receiving this, the first thing I noticed is that there's a little cheese packet glued to the lid. This is for you to add your delicious cheese flavor to your delicious curry. Why include the packet, why not just include the cheese in the product? Do you suppose this product is the exact same Curry flavor as before but with one additional add-on? I think so.

The additional cheese mutes the spice of the curry and adds a little richness. I suppose I will agree with the official rankings that this is preferable to the regular curry flavor... ever so slightly.

#4 - Pokemon Noodle Onion Consume

I decided it was beneath me to try any food associated with Pokemon. Fight me.

#3 - Menzukuri Chicken Shoyu Ramen

As you can see, we're not in Cup Noodle Land anymore.

This ramen is large and comes with 3 packets - a brown gravy, a packet of greens and a packet of seaweed. Within the packet of greens is a spiral piece that I've shown above. What is it? I don't know - it tastes like fish.

I don't like the fish flavor, I don't like the seaweed even a little but this is the first instant ramen to justify this post's existence. You are getting something at home which tastes of authenticity - it is literally instant... ramen. This is the one in the video where they say, "This is the best so far."

In subsequent tries, I didn't add the seaweed and skipped the spiral. It still isn't perfect, but it is large, it's complex and I can't stress enough how authentic it tastes.

#2 - 7-11 Premium Sumire Tokuno Rich Miso

It should be noted that the "7-11" is the convenience store chain but the Japanese 7-11s are doing a whole different thing there. Apparently the food at Japanese 7-11s is excellent.

It should also be noted that I wasn't able to find this one, as such. What I found was "Sumire Sapporo Rich Miso Ramen." Not the exact wording but I couldn't find the exact wording. The labels looked the same and I consulted someone who knows Japanese and my best guess is that it's the same.

This comes with 3 packets - 1 powder, 1 gravy, 1 herbs. The herbs are Japanese herbs/vegetables that I can't identify (similar to #3.)

This has a rich miso, umami taste. I think the richest of the lot. It's also very authentic tasting without the seafood downsides of #3 and it's a large size. It's very hard to make confident judgements because I'm only getting a few (or sometimes 1) shots with each but I think this is my #1. The richness is the thing, for me.

#1 - Ichiran Tonkotsu Ramen Instant Noodles

The first thing that stands out is the size. Check this out:

How about them apples?

This is the one where they state in the video, "You know what that has that the other ones don’t - umami." And, while others do have umami, they are correct that this has it also.

I had trouble coming up with anything to describe this with. It has thin noodles, a good salty flavor, a nice umami flavor, some hot spice but nothing predominates. Why is this #1? My best guess is that this is the SweeTango Effect where the thing that achieves #1 is the thing that no one can complain about, where everything seems right and in proportion. Highly recommend, for sure, but I think/I guess I like #2 better.

End

Feel free to try for yourself. All of these are inconvenient to try to obtain but not impossible. I found a few on Amazon, a few on various Japanese mart sites (be careful with scams) and a few on Ebay. But the prices are crazy, especially when you factor in shipping and the fact that it's noodle soup that takes a few cents to make.

Jen Murray - Rocky

 Watch this or don't.

The point is, it once again proves my theory: WOMEN LOVE ROCKY.

Follow ALF on Instagram?

Remember ALF? He's back... in Instagram form. If you want to follow ALF for the latest reviews in popular culture and lifestyle, check out the account:

https://www.instagram.com/alf_reviews/

 [My first ever and last ever post concerning Instagram]

Overlong Thoughts from The Last Waltz

 

Today I went to the 45th anniversary re-release of "The Last Waltz." Here are some unorganized thoughts.

With all of these "see it on the big screen" releases, I try to find visual details that weren't apparent before. Here are some things I noticed for the first time. 

• During the "Old Time Religion" piece, Rick Danko is wearing a black hat but I never noticed that it appears to be plastic. Shiny plastic, like it's a party favor. Is it a joke, is it a 70s style that I don't understand?
• Scorsese made it a special point to not show the audience much. But various shots throughout the movie, I noticed, out in the audience, there's someone displaying numbers that keep incrementing. My guess is that's the cue for the brass section that they're on "song 38", "song 39," etc. Or maybe it's for everyone, not sure.
• When "Bet Your Balls" Neil Diamond comes on to do "one song but do it good" there's also a second drummer. Who is that? Why?
• 70mm vs. 35mm film were previously meaningless terms to me. This is the first concert film to be recorded in 35mm film and you can see there is a fuzziness to it with a pronounced grain.
• Laszlo Kovacs worked on this film as "additional director of photography."

So those are some visual things, let's talk about what I didn't notice visually. "The Last Waltz" is famously a concert film with a special effects budget. During his performance, Neil Young had a visible piece of cocaine in his nose which had to be optically removed (which wasn't easy in 1978 - I believe it was a frame-by-frame job). While watching the movie on the big screen, I forgot to look up his nose to see if anything looks photoshoppy about it. Oh well.

I always skip Lawrence Ferlinghetti on the DVD but had no choice here. Garbage. And what is The Canterbury Tales doing in this movie? Neil Diamond's presence in this concert/movie is (rightfully) controversial but at least it's music. Cut out the poetry.

In "This Wheel's on Fire," Levon Helm recalls that somewhere in the middle of the concert (after Joni Mitchell), the energy of the audience seemed to flag but once Van Morrison was done high kicking he had breathed new life into everyone. There is some (weak) evidence in the film to support this. Toward the end of "Further on up the Road" the camera zooms out to reveal the audience in the lower left cheering, fist pumping and hopping. Then during Van Morrison's performance (pre-kickoff) we get a head-on shot of the audience, not very animated, fairly subdued. Thin evidence but it's there. I think with a 5 hour concert and a full-course turkey dinner, it would be impossible to not have some lulls in the action.

The most interesting thing that struck me on this viewing is the way Scorsese makes a point of making obvious the artificiality of documentary-making. This is established by the very first sounds of the movie - technicians rolling sound and Rick Danko saying "cut-throat." This is followed by Scorsese asking (off camera) "Ok, Rick, what's the game?" to which Rick replies "cut-throat." Usually, you cut the first part and leave just the "real" part. But starting a few seconds earlier reveals that the question and answer are not casual conversation happening in real life, they are part of a movie. After explaining the rules of the game, Danko gives a look that suggests his hyper awareness of being filmed. This is all staged.

Then look at the first few seconds of Robbie Robertson's first interview of the film. Robbie answers the question, asks if Scorsese wants him to rephrase and then answers again. All of it is left in.

Later on in the film, Martin starts his awkward, pointless interview with Rick Danko at "Shangri La." The shot starts a few seconds before "action" as if it's an amateur film.

It would be apparent to everyone that these flaws should be edited out. Scorsese is a perfectly competent filmmaker so the only conclusion that can be drawn is that this is a choice. The film is an artificial construct and he's deliberately pointing out the artifice. He's purposefully taking you out of the "reality" of the scene to remind you that it's not real. But why? What is he saying?  The only thing I can guess at this point, is that it's merely for "style."

And if you're looking for an idea for a research paper, you could try exploring this "revealing the artifice" as a continuation of the ideas of Antonin Artaud and his "Theatre of Cruelty", through to Jack Hirschman's UCLA career in the 60s who then influenced Jim Morrison. And if you can make it work, this thread would continue later, reaching a climax in the 1990s on MTV. You may recall that MTV would, for instance, film a person talking into the camera but suddenly cut to a second shot that shows the person, the camera filming them, and the overhead microphone (preferably in black and white.) Why did they do that? As far as I know, it was merely "style." It's a thought. But there is a Criterion release of "The Last Waltz" with a director's commentary and so the real explanation is probably there.

In a few songs, most powerfully in "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," the crowd applauds at the climax of the song rather than wait for the song to be over or nearly over. I think that was a 70s trend but I'm not sure. It's definitely not just this concert, the example that comes to mind for this is Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets" (though that one is simulated, still the same idea). Like I said, I think this was a thing in the 70s but I don't know for sure. Was it? Did it happen in other eras? For what it's worth, I like it, it makes the crowd another element in the song and seems to take the emotion over the top.

Last thing: watching it again I was struck, as I'm always struck - to the soul - by the perfection of "It Makes No Difference" so I'll end with that.

Late Show - Psychic Sandwich

 A peak into the magic of the Late Show. You can't write a segment like this. A breakdown of what makes this funny would be impossible, it just seems like magic. It's 3 people who don't belong on television, none of them are charismatic, only 1 is a comedian and yet it totally works.

"It's called 'DJ's Sex Club'"

"What?! What is that all about?!"

"Corned beef... Provolone..."

Psychic Sandwich was always one of my favorite minor bits. I don't recall her ever getting a correct answer.

Late Night - Broken New Year's Resolutions (1999)

 

Apropos of nothing, Conan and Andy (and Max) regret their broken New Year's resolutions from 1999.

A Better Now and Then Video

 

Much, MUCH better.

That AI program is very impressive. The "Free as a Bird" and "Real Love" tracks had the exact same problem with Lennon's voice quality, I wonder if they'll revisit those. Doesn't sound like it but seems like they should.

Swiss Chocolate Tier List

 A while back when I was reviewing chocolate, I heard someone say that the Swiss make the best chocolate in the world. So I undertook to review it. I was immediately helped by finding a post by u/Effective_Caregiver on Reddit who had made his own Swiss chocolate tier list.

A word of warning: this post isn't going to be great. But it did cost me a large amount of money and took several months to complete - most of these had to be shipped from Switzerland and that takes some time. Plus, chocolate is the closest thing I have to Halloween content, so let's enter the mediocrity...

Keep in mind that I'm doing my own reviews but I'm following the Tiers given to me from Reddit.

S Tier - Läderach

Getting Läderach chocolate required ordering on a Swiss website and cost all of $45 for one box. It turns out the high price is for good reason. The chocolate came packed with dry ice that was still frozen by the time it made it to my doorstep. It is/was the summer and you can't have that chocolate melt in delivery so you deliver it with its own refrigeration. That's impressive.

Not only was it refrigerated, it came in a reusable shopping bag that I've been using ever since. And further, it came with some extra "free" chocolate thrown in. They did it up real classy.

As for the chocolate itself, it was a chocolate assortment like you would get on Valentine's Day. I very quickly determined nothing. You get your chocolate with nuts, you get your chocolate filled with weird stuff, you get the really good ones. It was very good and I was not complaining but it wasn't amazing. You can see in the picture above, some pieces were dusted with baker's chocolate on the outside. I like that.

I would like to try some more, if I can get the funds, but overall, like I said, not much to say in either direction, just "normal chocolate." So you can see how this is going to go...

A Tier - Camille Bloch

Camille Bloch - "Torino"

The particular Camille Bloch I got was Torino - "fine swiss milk chocolate with truffle filling." As you can see in the picture, the top is arced and the middle has a different flavor and texture. 

The milk chocolate is very milky - you might say it's very buttery - and the filling is an interesting contrast (different flavor/texture). But the filling has the taste of hazelnut, which is a detraction. I'm very much a purist, I want my chocolate to be of the purest form, no nuts. Others will of course disagree.

In short, not bad but not my thing.

B Tier - Cailler

Cailler is the first one on the list that didn't require shipment from Switzerland, I think... At least I'm sure it's the first one I was able to buy on Amazon. And so I was able to snag 3 varieties.

Cailler Milk - "Chocolat au lait des Alpes Suisses"

The bucket of milk on the wrapper tells the story. This is very milky milk chocolate. In fact, I don't mean to offend anyone but I am going to say something shocking. This chocolate tastes very good but it isn't far off from Hershey's.

Cailler - "Lait Frigor"

I don't know the translation but this is the same general idea as the previous one but it's more chocolatey and less milky.  As of this point in the list, this is my favorite. My favorite, but there's not much to say, it's that pure chocolate feeling with nothing to complain about. It also has something in the middle that's slightly different but I believe it's just a different type of chocolate. Like, they contrast chocolate with chocolate. Thumbs up.

Cailler Cremant - "Chocolat Noir"

I know enough about language to know they're indicating dark chocolate and I would know anyway by tasting it. Being a chocolate purist, this should be my favorite but it just falls flat. The chocolate bitterness is there but it lacks the smoothness of the other two. Of the three, the Lait Frigor is the sweet spot where everything is just right.

B Tier - Ovomaltine

Not a typo. "Ovomaltine." Does Ovomaltine have anything to do with Ovaltine? Why yes, Ovomaltine was invented by a Swiss chemist, was exported as Ovaltine to Britain and subsequently also exported to the U.S. as Ovaltine.

This is straight milk chocolate but with a "gritty" filling. One could either say "gritty" or "crunchy." I'll tell you what this is like, and I'm going to upset some people again, but this is not far off from a Nestle's Crunch Bar but maybe a step fancier and probably not made with rice. And it's one of my favorites.

B Tier - Frey

Frey - "Giandor"

Frey Giandor is similar to some of the other ones - normal squares of chocolate but a little something different in the center. The center flavor is almond but that means that it tastes like artificial cherry to me. Not bad at all, I quite like an artificial cherry flavor but it can't be great because, once again, I'm a purist who prefers unadulterated chocolate.

Frey - "Giandor Noir"

If you're as handy with the language as I am, you'll predict that these are the same as above but just with dark chocolate. They are. Not only does the dark chocolate taste better, it mutes the almond even more. These are superior to the previous.

Frey - "Truffles Noir"

Chocolate balls around a liquid center. What is the liquid? I couldn't really tell but guessed alcohol and I was right. What type of alcohol? I have no clue. These are excellent, the chocolate is dark (obviously) and smooth and melt in your mouth.

These may be the top item on this list but I'd need to revisit some of them to be sure. It's hard to rate things consistently over many months. But definitely recommended.

The Rest of the Tier List

I cut it off at B Tier. For the sake of completeness, C Tier is Lindt and Toblerone. Lindt is the most widely available Swiss chocolate in America, and I do enjoy it but haven't had it lately. Toblerone, I have also tried and isn't for me. I see no reason to go to D Tier and below who knows what the future holds?

Conclusion

For better accuracy, it would have been great to try more variety of chocolate and more times. My ratings compared to the Reddit user's are somewhat random.

I do not conclude that Swiss chocolate is the best in the world, but neither do I claim to know. My favorite is still a particular type of French chocolate. And I definitely have nothing against Swiss chocolate, they were all very good.

One thing that this has made clear to me is: I love truffles. If I could do it all again, I would get every type of truffle and compare those apple-to-apple. If there's ever a reason to rate chocolates again, that's what I'll do.

Um, Happy Halloween?

Film Flam - Spider in the Attic

Another classic from Jagged Edge Productions.

Popcorn in Bed - The 'Burbs

 What an amazing scary-but-not-too-scary October. First "Clue,"then "Arachnophobia" and now "The 'Burbs." 3 of my favorite underrated classic movies.

I can't imagine any October will top this. So many great lines cut out though...

New Beatles Single to be Released November 2

 Travel back with me to the mid-nineties. The (remaining) Beatles announced that they would release 3 double albums of outtakes and demos/unreleased songs. In addition to that, each double album would contain one "new Beatles" song - using vocals from John Lennon's private collection of unreleased songs, the other 3 Beatles would go into the studio together and make them into proper tracks.

The first Anthology had the new song "Free as a Bird." The second Anthology had "Real Love." And then the third Anthology didn't have a song.

Word on the street, back then, was that George Harrison was unhappy with the quality of the entire project and nixed it so as to stop the bleeding.

But now 27 years after the release of Anthology 3 (which was 26 years after their last album) the third song "Now and Then" will be released November 2.

Nothing to do with the fact that George has died, the clarified (or revised) history is that George wasn't unhappy with the quality of the songs but with the quality of the production. That is, the band was using old, low-quality tapes from Lennon and there was no technology to separate the original recording into tracks or get rid of hissing or noise. Now that AI is available that can clean these things up, the track can be properly engineered and released.  

Tom Selleck at Bat (1991)

 

Presented without comment.

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop Commentary Track

 

"Conan O'Brien Can't Stop" with commentary from Conan, Andy, Sona Movsesian, the Director of the movie, Mike Sweeney.

This upload has been up for 2 years so I'm assuming it's legal.

To read my full review of the movie see here.

Happy Feast of St. Crispin!

 

You know, St. Crispin's Day is also referred to as The Feast of St. Crispin. I've never considered the feast aspect. Probably won't do it. My heart isn't in it.

A Youtube Channel of WOTW Movies

 There is a youtube channel devoted to full videos featured on the Wheel of the Worst.

Link.

Matthew McConaughey as Larry on Unsolved Mysteries

 [Youtube doesn't allow embedding, Link]

As an actor, how do I communicate that the weather is hot?

Late Night - Making Pizza with Martin Scorcese's Mom

 

Martin Scorsese, David Letterman and Bill Murray... you know, this is a show.

What other show has Martin Scorcese's mom baking a pizza? I ask you.

I really like Scorsese on a personal level. He's enthusiastic, he's passionate about films, he has funny anecdotes, he seems like a great guy... I don't like his movies though. There's nothing I can do about that. He's considered one of the greatest directors of all-time and his movies do absolutely nothing for me.

"Did you ever see Nick Nolte sneakin' around like a monkey?"

"...I've been banned from the hobo potluck for goin' on a decade now for fixin' the bum fights. I don't know how they could prove I took a dive - the chimp referee I tried to pay off in Camel Cash must have squealed." - The Naked Clone, A Nick Nolte Mystery

The Stuttering John Roundtable Discussion

 

I still mourn the loss of Tim Russert, I still miss tuning into "The McLaughlin Group" on Sundays, there is a persistent sense of loss when it comes to hard-hitting, serious discussion shows.

But now there is a weekly point/counterpoint show dedicated specifically to discussing "Stuttering" John to fill that void. The first episode was a waste of time, the second episode I think I didn't watch but I'm not sure, but now we're up to the third episode and this is something. This episode has #drama.

2 hours for a possibly niche topic is a big ask. Let's say I'm mostly posting this just in case and to celebrate that it exists. I love the concept.

Late Show - Mike McIntee's Favorite Moments

 

It's wild that we get an explanation as to what happened during the "Mistaken Ribs" debacle. I never imagined we would get that.

I really like Mike, he seems like a great guy.

And now a personal note and a question.

When the Late Show was still on the air they had a section of their website known as The Wahoo Gazette. The Wahoo Gazette was kind of a blog (or maybe a newsletter?) which was basically a synopsis of every episode of the Late Show with some behind the scenes stuff plus anything else the writer wanted to talk about. As it happens, the writer of The Wahoo Gazette was Mike McIntee and I communicated with him (through email) a few times. Once or twice, I was even mentioned in the feature, which was nice.

So that begs the question: is communicating with Mike McIntee a more tenuous brush with fame than my Bloodhound Gang Connection? You make the call.

The Charismatic Voice - On My Own

 

Is this my favorite Les Miserables song? I don't know, stop bothering me. I'm not crying, you're crying!

40 Minutes of Oddly Satisfying

 

The title of the video is specifically "Satisfying Videos Of Workers Doing Their Job Perfectly."

The Dumbest Plot in Baywatch Nights

 

I know what you're thinking: "'Baywatch Nights' is a famously bad show and the second season dealt with mummies, time travel, ghosts werewolves.. how do you determine a dumbest plot?" Well, regardless of what anyone may think of Sci-Fi/Horror tropes, they have their own internal logic, what I'm going to talk about now is a Baywatchian plot that defies all logic.

The dumbest "plot," is actually a B-Story and is found in Season 1, Episode 22 "Heat Rays." The first time we see her, Donna Marco (Donna D'Errico) is driving over a bridge at night in her sports car and comes across ruffians, seemingly in distress. Being a Good S'Maritan, she stops to help.

"I need to use your carphone before they go out of style!"

They say a woman's boyfriend has just jumped off the bride and is in the water. They need to use the carphone to call the emergency services. Donna, being a former lifeguard (or becoming a lifeguard in the future, I forget) jumps in the water to help.

Once she's in the water, they inform her that there was no boyfriend and they steal her car. It's a confusing plan, to say the least. They make it clear that they didn't expect her to jump in the water herself and yet that's the only way it works. If the plan was to simply get her out of her car and take the keys, they could have done that moments earlier. Instead there was all this fake tv drama where they were faking a phone call while trying to "show" her where the drowning boyfriend was. And after that, they'd still have to physically overpower her and she could have a gun. If that was the plan, they simply need her out of her car and then the pretense stops. 

On the other hand, if her jumping into the water was the plan (and they seem to make it clear that it was not) then she could have jumped off with her keys on her and they'd come away with nothing.

Donna is left in the water kicking herself for being a good person.

Here's where it gets worse. She says, "Oh that tide is strong!" and we as the viewer can tell that the strong tide is a Hollywood soundstage. Then she adds, "What do they say, go with the flow?" and starts floating with the "flow" of water (pretty still in that Hollywood soundstage). After about two seconds of "floating" (standing in the soundstage tank), a luxury cruise ship is going to hit her(?) and she has to swim out of the way(?!)

Look both ways: those Carnival Cruise Ships jump out of thin air.

She presumably must swim out of the way of the oncoming cruise ship - the visual storytelling is not very good - and the cruise ship is presumably about to crash into the bridge because that's where she was... spatially nothing about this makes sense. Nothing makes sense but it's all, I think, obfuscation for what's about to happen. And this is the worst part. 

Here is Donna the next time we see her:

It's now daytime and she's still swimming in the water/soundstage. Not content to merely be swimming, she's actually in the middle of the ocean and her best bet is to try to flag down a boat.

I don't know if you know much about how bridges work or if you remember that there was a bridge (it feels like an eternity ago) but they generally have a piece of land they connect to on each side. In other words, bridges are usually fairly close to land. I mean, when you think about it, it's fairly rare that a Nation or business tycoon will choose to build a bridge in the middle of an ocean.

Let's recap, because I know this is a lot to take in. Donna jumped off a bridge at night, floated for 2 seconds, swam for two seconds and it's now daytime and she's in the middle of the ocean with little hope of rescue. This is the nail-biting drama we are presented with.

Kudos to her for being able to tread water for 8 hours but does any of that make sense? If you jump off a bridge, you just swim to shore. If you float for a few seconds and then are attacked by a Disney Cruise gone rogue, you still just swim to shore. If we map out the whiteboard of possibilities and decisions, all possibilities point back to one of the two ends of the bridge or maybe the pile (one of the legs). And if she swam to one of the piles, she could rest a bit, maybe take a nap and then swim to land at her leisure.

At this point in the episode even I'm saying "this is insanely stupid" and bear in mind that I'm a person choosing to use my life to watch "Baywatch Nights."

The next time we see Donna, she's still treading water and not struggling at all but she is worried about sharks. I think it's the treading water that's the danger. What's the world's record for treading water? According to Brave Search, the World Record for treading water while balancing a football on their head is 18 minutes and 2 seconds. Have you noticed that search engines are becoming less helpful?

Fortunately a fishing boat spots her and brings her in. Or is it a fishing boat?

"Wow, Donna D'Errico is hot!"

Yes, she's saved but hold on... The more she learns about the guys she's with, the more suspicious their story sounds. It just so happens they're actually drug smugglers on their way to a deal. The deal goes bad and a large black man with sunglasses mows them down with an uzi. Donna dives back into the water - first to dodge the bullets and secondly to rescue the shooting victims. It seems a big ask - to rescue people in the water after treading water for several hours but she does it all easily and then  radios for help.

The next time we see her, she's coming out of a taxi. She's safe and sound. She needs someone to pay the taxi fare because she "lost her wallet." One of the other characters is taken aback but obliges. Making conversation, he asks, "So, how was your day?" She flashes back to the carjacking, the jumping off the bridge, the imaginary sharks, the druglord battles and then replies, "Interesting."

Get it? Because she survived multiple felonies and almost died from not knowing how bridges work! It's the classic action movie one-liner. Oh, we do have fun, don't we?

And that's the dumbest "Baywatch Nights" plot. 

Quick Side Note: I started writing this article in January. How has my year gone? Not at all interesting.

Popcorn in Bed - Arachnophobia

 

Scary-but-not-too scary October continues with "Arachnophobia" from 1990.

A personal note.

I don't like horror movies, I don't understand horror movies; I'm not scared by them and, when I've tried to get into them on a "camp" or comedy level, haven't found them to be fun. I just cannot be scared by a movie it seems, though with the following exceptions: creepy documentaries and obviously movies I saw when I was a kid.

In the latter category is "Arachnophobia" which I saw in the theater when it came out. It was intense and it's probably the scariest movie (to me) that I've ever seen. I don't recall the experience of watching it so much as the experience for days afterward where I would constantly be afraid there was a spider on me. Sudden itches or various fabrics meant a sudden feeling of a phantom spider under my shirt on in a sock, etc. Trying to sleep at night, sitting in the dark, wrapped in covers was a nightmare.

As Cassie mentions, she also watches The Thing, you can see that reaction here.

A Little More Tom Myers!

 

What I like about Tom Myers' comedy is: it makes you laugh but you get the news at the same time. It's entertaining AND informative.

Late Show - Dave Rakes Leaves

 

It's a classic... it's a semi-classic.

The Last Waltz to be Re-Released in Theaters

Martin Scorcese's "The Last Waltz" will be re-released to theaters in November for its 45th anniversary.

Article.

Conan's Version of Rocktober

 I know I've posted this before but I recently went on youtube and searched for these videos and found they're completely buried by the algorithm. In fact, they're so buried, even when I do an exact search from knowing the titles, there are hundreds of results that come first.

So I'm getting the word out here. A look back at the time Conan celebrated his own version of Rocktober for Late Night.

Happy Spocktober, Kelly LeBrocktober or Jaques Chiractober to all who celebrate!

WATP - Tom Myers, The World's Worst Comedian

 

And not only is Tom Myers the World's Worst Comedian, this video purports to relay the worst joke ever. It's a bold claim, Cotton.

Popcorn in Bed - Clue

 

It's Scary-But-Not-Too-Scary October and ironically, I've never seen "Clue" taken as such a horror/suspense before. I mean, I'm scared of it but I generally assume that's because I remember seeing it as a kid. And almost all the jokes are edited out, perhaps to match the reaction? Oh well, art is subjective.

"There wasn't a Mr. Boddy in the game, was there?"
"I don't think so."

Heh.

Happy Golden Ticket Day!

 

Today is Golden Ticket Day - the prop used in the movie and the dialogue in the movie both agree that the day of the tour of Willy Wonka's factory takes place on the first of October.

Unfortunately, we live in an era where we can't celebrate any day without some sort of controversy and Golden Ticket Day is no exception, so let's address it.

Firstly, the book has the aforementioned events taking place on February 1st. But since "Willy Wonka" is one of the only cases where the movie is better than the book, I go with the movie.

Secondly, while the tour of the factory is October 1st, it's made clear that the day Charlie finds the golden ticket is September 30. Perhaps that's the better object of commemoration. 

Celebrating on September 30 would also make sense because of the ways you could celebrate that day. Golden Ticket Day could be a day for looking into sewers for coins and eating bars of chocolate. Celebrating the next day, what can you do? It would be difficult to schedule a tour of a chocolate factory for that day.

I could be convinced for either one and wouldn't mind celebrating both, but I think the weight of the printed object with the specific date means October 1st makes much more sense. So Happy Golden Ticket Day!

Re:View - Pee-wee's Big Adventure

 

I may re-visit "Big Top Pee-wee." It was always my favorite of the two but this seems to imply it's not very good. I really liked the Rube Goldberg device in "Big Top" and remember really liking the 80s babe love interest. Those two things were the only things that mattered so maybe that's throwing me off.

My favorite joke in "Pee-wee's Big Adventure" is this one:

It's clever, it's goofy, it's perfectly setup but still a surprise. So good.

The Charismatic Voice - Heart

 

How about a little Heart?

What about me, vocal coach, did I have heart?

BrutalMoose - Bass Pro Shop Food #2

 

See the first installment here.

David Letterman's Scrambled Eggs Recipe

 

Dave Letterman's Scrambled Eggs Recipe

Ingredients

• Eggs - As many as desired.
• Half and Half - 1 Tbsp
• Butter - 1/2-1 Pat
• Mustard (Plochman's) - As much as you can get out of the thing. [Substitute French's if necessary]

Instructions

1. In a large bowl, beat eggs to a homogenous consistency, whilst making "tsk" sounds with your mouth. 
2. Add half and half and mix into eggs (as above). 
3. Heat a pan to medium heat. Add butter. Once the butter has melted, add the egg mixture to the pan. As the eggs cook and solidify, massage with fork until fluffy.
4. Once eggs are done, pour onto plate and add mustard. Serve.

Review

So I tried this recipe, following the instructions completely, with the exception that I assumed the "as much mustard as you can get out of the thing" thing was an exaggeration. I'm no Julia Child, I'm no Gordon Ramsey, but that's my guess. I found that Plochman's Mustard is available on Amazon, I bought that. I even bought a pint of half and half even though I only needed a tablespoon.

A few things that I found confusing...Firstly, I'm confused by the complete mixture of the eggs. I always thought when you're making an omelet, you beat completely but that if eggs are scrambled, you would keep some marbling, some heterogeneity. I also don't know what "massaging" the eggs is in this context because, again, the way he describes it sounds like an omelet and I'm not making an omelet. The final thing I found confusing was: I was left to my own devices as to how much mustard to use. Given the charge to add the entire full, new bottle, I didn't make that disaster but simply added more than I was comfortable with.

The result? The eggs are fine but the taste of mustard dominates and it's unpleasant. That's going to differ completely from person to person but I personally don't like the strong mustard taste. I may try again with a different massaging technique and less mustard. When Dave mentions mustard, the audience gasps. I also was not familiar with scrambled eggs and mustard so I could relate. But I was trying to think why it's weird and can't find a reason. After all, I normally like scrambled eggs with ketchup so I don't have an objective leg to stand on.

Update: I tried again with the following modifications:

• Less egg mixing
• Added salt/pepper.
• Used my own method of "scrambling" rather than "massaging."
• Used a smaller amount of mustard - like "essence of mustard."

Result: Much better. Although it still seems like an acquired taste that I haven't acquired, still they're good and it seems at least possible that I could acquire the taste.