What Was the Deal with Dukes of Hazzard?

 

This might be a question for a non-existent audience - people that remember "Dukes of Hazzard" probably know the deal, and most of the kids today probably have never heard of the show and don't care. But in case this is a public service to at least 1 or 2 people in the world... Let's answer the question, "What was the deal with "Dukes of Hazzard?""

The enigma that needs solving goes like this:

"Dukes of Hazzard" was about outlaws trying to escape the police. But they had a home and the police knew where they lived. So... how? How is this not a contradiction and how does it continue week after week?

This was bothering me for a while so I watched the first few episodes and, while not a thorough exploration, I think I get the picture enough to satisfy the question.

Let's go episode by episode.

Episode 1. In episode 1, we get the backstory: the Duke Family are moonshiners, they were arrested and let out on probation on the condition that they never again run moonshine. In this episode they steal a shipment of slot machines and resell them around town. Daisy Duke is arrested but escapes jail. Through a scheme of chicanery, by the end of the episode, the Dukes are completely let off the hook.

Episode 2. Episode 2 is not relevant to the topic except they do blow up a cop car with no repercussions.

Episode 3. The Duke boys (accidentally) run moonshine and get away from the police. There is no acknowledgement that the police have positively identified them and their license plate, the fact that the car outran the other car means there can be no legal action, apparently.

Episode 4. The Duke Boys buy a car, flee the police, bust through a barn (property damage) and are arrested for supposedly stealing the car they bought. Though being accused of a crime they didn't commit, they still resisted arrest and damaged property. Then things get much more complicated and the end doesn't make sense.

Episode 5. Skipping this one.

Episode 6. The Dukes get caught running guns but they run from the arrest and ditch the truck in a lake. In the end, they can't be charged because there's no evidence... Except for the guns in the truck in the lake... but out of sight, out of mind??? 

Conclusion:

So I think I've seen enough to understand the idea of the show. The Dukes are constantly on thin ice with the law and the reason they can simultaneously be outlaws and have a steady residence is that by the end of each episode they've gotten away with it somehow. The show can be fairly summarized by the phrase "They see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin' and tryna catch me ridin' dirty."

The show is somewhat reminiscent of "Hogan's Heroes" in the way the plot usually revolves around getting a job done while evading the authorities. Except that "Hogan's Heroes" is a smart show and "Dukes of Hazzard" is quite dumb. Don't get me wrong, the show has a lot of charm and I still have great nostalgia for the car, the sweet car chases and the sweet car jumps (yes, those 3 things deserve to be listed individually) but there's no getting around the fact that it's not a show that ever engages the mind. And to the extent that you do engage your mind, it will probably hurt.

WATP - Stuttering John in Detroit

 

WATP does a live show in Detroit and shows disgusting clips of Stuttering John. Same old, same old.

St. Crispin's Day Is Today

 

Once again, celebrating The Feast of St. Crispin, this time in the Year of Our Lord 2024. Last year I considered celebrating the Feast aspect. Not sure. Perhaps a Succulent Chinese Meal is in order. Probably not.

Now, soldiers, march away: And how thou pleasest, God, dispose the day.

The Night Before (1988)

 

Did you know there's an 80's romantic comedy with Aunt Becky and Keanu Reeves as the two leads? This was news to me.

In "The Night Before," a guy (Reeves) wakes up on the street in the bad part of town, with no memory of what's just happened. He seems to be disheveled, though wearing a tuxedo, and has no money and no car. How did he get here? Steadily, memories of the night's events come back to him. He's supposed to be at the prom with a date (Aunt Becky) who doesn't like him, she's dating him because she lost a bet. He recalls that he and his date took a series of wrong turns which lead them both to the ghetto where their innocence gets them into increasingly more trouble.

This is one of those comedies where things go from bad to worse, to even worse, up until the end where things magically end happily. This is "After Hours" meets "Judgment Night" meets "The Hangover." It's not bad but not my cup of tea. The main high point of the movie is that Keanu is still in his "Ted 'Theodore' Logan" phase of acting, which is just the best.

The Comedy Stylings of Jerry Banfield

WATP laughs along with Stand-up Comedian Jerry Banfield's  stand-up comedy. And it's about hurricanes... because disaster.

Top 10 Best Tasting Tomatoes According To 360,000 Viewers

Are you really into tomatoes? Of course you are! That's why Midwest Gardener is here to shoot tomato recommendations straight to into your face! EXTREEEMMMEEE!

I only heard about this video from Game Grumps. You can hear them joking about it here.

The Last Episode of American Chopper is a Meditation on Life and Man

 This post will contain spoilers for "American Chopper - The Last Ride."

There have been a few "last" episodes of "American Chopper" but I just watched one that is currently, and may turn out to be, the last last episode. According to the calendar on the wall, the previous last episode was 5 years ago but it feels like a different age. Coming back to the series, a little older, a little wiser (hopefully), it starts out screaming as pure fakery.

"Pure fakery" is a bit strong perhaps. But it seems like a show in the "Curb" or "Spinal Tap" model where the scenes and situations are written but dialogue of each scene is improvised. When they were doing a series, you could imagine that cameras come into the shop 9 to 5 and, like security cameras picking up a bank robbery, are naturally there to capture a reality that includes moments of particular interest. Now, with a one-off special episode, it's clear that this is all made up. It seems that way. It must be that the only way cameras "happen" to be there to capture important moments is because it was all planned.

The situation of the episode is this: Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. have previously ruined their familial relationship because they were so combative in their professional relationship; now they want to get back in the old shop and see if they can build a bike together - they'll remember the good times and perhaps make amends and heal the damage done. Sr. agrees and, good news, he has a client lined up, a large construction company, looking to buy a bike themed around their corporate identity. Do you remember the old days when you were a kid and you'd get together with your dad and go into the garage and fulfill a corporate contract? Gee, this all sounds very reality-based. Perhaps I've overrated this series via my own nostalgia.

But then things take a twist.

Having agreed to build a bike together, Jr. finds that his father has already finalized the design and doesn't want to hear any suggestions. Jr. argues that it is pointless to work on a project "together" if the design is not a team effort. Suddenly, strangely, they are going back down the same road they've always gone down - increasingly heated discussions that one hopes are not leading to a fight. Suddenly there is real tension with real humans in real life. Sure, the situation may be setup, the location may be a plan but the people are real and the fear is real. For better or worse, they've instantly come back to what made the show great... and their lives miserable. This heat rises and culminates in a scene in which they each plead their case to the customer, essentially seeking a third-party ruling. They're airing their dirty laundry in public, and in a business meeting, but the mania of their urge to "win" is such that they can't stop. This is why the show was great, this scene is so intense and uncomfortable it eclipses anything on "The Office."

But, ok, the show was these two knuckleheads screaming at each other. But this is where things get interesting.

With Sr. still adamant that the basic design is final, Jr. relents. When Sr. decides that Jr. can't even make suggestions, Jr. accepts it. When Sr. goes behind Jr.'s back and redoes the small contributions that Jr. has made, Jr. doesn't mention it. The "father and son" build leads to Jr. working with Sr.'s underlings while Sr. attends to other matters - the show doesn't say what he's doing. Then, when Sr. finally shows up to "work" on the bike, Jr. greets him with a smile. The theme of the series was always two stubborn people butting heads over and over. not learning or changing, and growing further and further apart. After 20 years of this, now that the dad is 70 years old and the son nearly 50, someone has actually learned something... at least one person has progressed.

As the show and the series ends, we're served up the usual "happy ending" that's pure cognitive dissonance against the underlying reality. For the millionth time, there is the bike "unveil" - the customer is impressed by the soulless cookie-cutter bike in a style from 60 years ago. The audience has been robbed of seeing just one more crazy, unique OCC bike design. And a father has finally succeeded in stifling all of his son's creativity and individuality - finally getting the just-another-worker-in-the-shop drone that he's wanted for the entire run of the show. The contest is finally over and "villain" has won - and an entire room of people is applauding him for it. Says Junior, "The most important thing is: we got to spend time together... Any time that my father was focused on working on the bike... those were the moments that I walked away feeling like a million bucks about. That was it... It was the little things that... meant the most to me." 

Junior has found the truth in all the cliches - life is short, you only get one father, make amends, let go of self. After so many lost years, he's living out the principle that "love does not insist on its own way." Is this a happy ending? A few more cliches: the damage is done, they're not getting those years back. Is it a "happy ending" when among two grown men, only one of them has changed, has learned anything, and even that one thing took several decades of strife? Consider the nature of man and the world around you and decide for yourself whether any better ending is probable... or possible. That's what separates reality TV from real life.

Rob Lowe in Austin Powers (The First One)

 Was watching "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" (the second in the series, in case you forget) and noted this imdb trivia:

Rob Lowe (Young Number Two) and Michael McDonald (N.A.T.O. Soldier) appeared uncredited in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) as different characters from this movie. Lowe appeared in the scene where a group of friends waiting at a henchman's bachelor party hear of his death. A similar scene showed McDonald's family being informed of his death.

In case it's not clear, they're saying it's strange that Rob Lowe has a part in Austin Powers 2 because he already played a different role in Austin Powers 1. The only problem is, I know the movie pretty well and I was pretty sure that scene doesn't exist.

The answer to the riddle is that it does exist, in the international version, not in the American version. It was deleted for time, or so I've read. If you're like me and never heard of this scene in your life, here it is:

And here is the scene it would have followed. RIP John Smith, his death was a heady moment.

And here is the second deleted scene connected with the second repeat actor, also cut for time from the version we all saw:

Late Night - Dana Carvey

Dana Carvey is one of the few surefire talk show guests. This was released today apropos of nothing, as far as I know... wait a minute, did Dana Carvey die? No, Dana is still alive. Phew.

Pineapple Lumps

 

Pineapple Lumps are a snack/candy from New Zealand. They're pineapple-flavored marshmallow(?) covered with a thin layer of chocolate.

As far as snacks-of-the-world go, they're pretty good and they may be the only snack I've tried native to New Zealand.

So all of that is all well and good. But here's the twist part...

It turns out that when you mix pineapple, marshmallow and chocolate it tastes like bubble gum. I would never have guessed it in a million years and it makes no sense to me, but it is absolutely true. Weird, right?

Guy Beats Tetris

Did you ever see someone beat Tetris? Well apparently not because this video claims to be the world first. "Beating Tetris" means here that you get to Level 255 and move to the next level and it goes back to Level 0. They're calling this a "Rebirth" which seems confusing to me, but whatever.

A few notes of no interest to anyone... The highest digit of the Lines Count goes 0-9 and then A-Z and then hyphen, comma, apostrophe, right arrow, exclamation point, question mark and left parentheses. The highest digit of the Score goes 0-9 and then A-F (hexadecimal) and then back to 0. The Level, as said, goes to 255 to 0. That's 3 different "numbering systems" on one screen.

I can't understand this video. My mind cannot process this quickly. And he even seems to be monitoring the chat and responding in real-time. Crazy. Just crazy.

Solo in Rural Pennsylvania

A bit of a word of warning: this is not going to be everyone's cup of tea. It's a guy with a camera going around central Pennsylvania, eating, filming the scenery and talking to the locals. It's not for everyone but I love it. 

This is something I would love to do, if I could. I admire this guy's ability to do it. It's an amazing idea that you can just pick someone out at random, interview them and get something interesting. But not just getting something of interest, it's amazing how people chosen at random can all be so likeable.

I even had a life goal to visit Centralia but it looks like I missed my chance, in a way. Centralia has really gone downhill.

BrutalMoose - More Mystery Tapes

Larry Appleton sighting at 36:10.

By the way, I was in the era to experience both the Sunkist vitamins and the kids' toothpaste. They were both awesome. I used to want to eat the vitamins like candy and then I'd wonder if that meant I was addicted to drugs.

Actors Who Got Their Start on Little House on the Prairie

"Little House on the Prairie" was about children about as much as it was about adults. The only problem was that, throughout the 9 seasons, the children just kept growing up, creating a constant demand for even more children. And so the children came out of the woodwork - children born, children adopted, children picked up off the street, orphaned children whose parents die, and so forth. In addition, there were children who were new to town or had been in town for a long time but we're just now seeing them for the first time, somehow, and will never see them again, somehow.

Here are some of the actors who got their start on "Little House..."

Jason Bateman

Jason Bateman shows up in S07E21. His parents die in a wagon crash and he's adopted by Charles Ingalls, thereby making Jason a cast member for a few years. "Little House" was his first role.

Shannen Doherty

In S09E01 Shannen Doherty shows up as Jenny Wilder. Her father dies and she is left with her Aunt and Uncle, becoming a cast member for the next 2 seasons.

Peter Billingsly

Peter Billingsly arrives in S08E12 as a kid with a stutter who has trouble making friends. This is about a year before "A Christmas Story."

Sean Penn 

Sean Penn shows up in "The Voice of Tinker Jones" (S01E11 or S01E12 depending on the source) as just a random kid in the background. He was included in the show because his father directed the episode.

Robert Loggia

Robert Loggia.

And finally, not a child actor like the others, but I should include this somewhere... Jonathan Banks, who played Mike Ehrmantraut on "Breaking Bad," shows up in S06E16 as an outlaw.