Month #2: Poland Snacks

I know you've probably heard it before and you're probably still not happy hearing it again, but this is what the ideal blog looks like.

Alright, if you're bored with the endless snack reviews at this point, I apologize. We're in the mouth of madness and I'm merely trying to get through the snacks as quickly as they're coming in. If I can just ge through Japan and Korea, there will still be another year of snack reviews but it'll only be one per month. I'm treading water over here.

Before we get started, let's learn a little about Poland.

The famous astronomer Copernicus was Polish. 

In Poland, your "name day" is a more significant day than your birthday. Every day of the year commemorates a male and female saint and when the name of that saint matches yours, it's your name day.

The phrase "Na zdrowie" means both "bless you" and "cheers."

Though we don't know where cheese was invented, the earliest known traces of it (strainers from 5500 BC) were discovered in Kujawy, Poland.

Finally, when the Polish city of Gdansk was ruled by Prussia from the late 18th century to the early 20th century it was called Danzig. YOW!

1) Beskidzkie Pretzel Sticks (Cheese and Onion Flavored)

Review: 

"Pret-zel?" Who ever heard of a "pretzel?" Can you believe these foreign foods?!

Well I'm a pretzel fan so I'm okay with it. Here's the crux of the issue: the "cheese and onion" aspect. Apparently this is meant to echo the Polish tradition of pierogies. I would describe the taste as pretzels with a slight "funk" to them. I'm not saying they taste like cheese or onion but I'm not saying they don't either. 

There's nothing crazy or "exotic" here, just reviewing the food, these are inoffensive but I don't like them - I would have so much preferred plain pretzels. Slow start.

2) Monster Munch (Original)

Review:

It's a step forward in the "familiar to exotic" direction. Sure, I've never heard of or tasted these before but they are "Crispy Potato Snacks" which is not so foreign a concept.

These are thinnish but fried and airy. They look like pork rinds or Munchos and both the texture and feel is not very different either.

The initial taste is like that Muncho/rind taste and it's not great. But as it progresses, there is a definite potatoey aftertaste which is really good and savory. Not amazing but a satisfying snack and a class above the pretzels.

3) Milk Fudges

Review:

I was surprised by this one. I admit I don't know much about fudge. In my mind, it's associated with chocolate but a type of chocolate that's maybe thicker or chewier. These are "milk fudges" but don't taste like chocolate at all. To my tasting, this is caramel and my googled knowledge of the subject reveals that this is legitimate "fudge."

Personal confusion aside, this is a win. In all of the snacks in all of the countries, this is one of my favorites. It's been a long time since I had a good caramel candy and this hits the bullseye. The picture above is very enlarged - these are about the size of a Werther's Original. I wish there was more; I'll try to buy some. Wonderful.

4) Beskidzkie Gingerbread Sticks - Cocoa Glaze

Review:

These have the exact same structure and form of Pocky. But as the name implies, they're chocolate and gingerbread. The resulting taste is pumpkin pie/pumpkin spice/gingerbread plus chocolate. It tastes great.

Like Pocky, if you're hungry for a snack, this will not fill you up but the taste itself is tremendous. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.

The box says "Limited Edition." So that's good. It's always nice to find something new that you like only to find that you can never have it again.

5) Chocolate Covered Pierniczki Gingerbread

Review:

"Chocolate covered gingerbread cookies" is more or less self-explanatory. One thing I will say is that the gingerbread is very soft and cakey. And I don't think it works. How can I love the chocolate covered gingerbread pocky and not like the chocolate covered gingerbread cookie? I don't know, I just can. I don't like it. I don't care what Chopin thought, I don't like it.

6) Ptasie Mlecsko Batonik Waniliowy

Review:

This is a marshmallow bar with a chocolate shell. That's it. It tastes exactly the way it sounds. Not my thing, for sure. I don't think I've ever liked marshmallow and chocolate candy. If it was a toasted marshmallow that might be a game changer.

7) Bajeczny

Another chocolate bar, this is chocolate-covered chocolate crunchy. There are also some nut chunks in there, I believe. I'm going to say something possibly controversial: I think it tastes almost exactly like a Nestle Crunch Bar. So if you like those, maybe try one of these.

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And that's it. Month #2 is in the books. Thank you, Poland. Na zdrowie.

Let's Game It Out - Mining Crypto at an Internet Cafe

 

Japan Snack Reviews #5

Will this ever end?! 

1)

Translation: "Strawberry Candy"

Review:

A pink, roundish hard candy. It has a light strawberry flavor and it's delightful.

2.)

Name: Mini Bottle Sherbet

Review:

Inside the bottle is little white spheres of mostly sugar. Tastes like Pixie Sticks with most of the sour removed and some of the sweetness. They also taste like Smarties (in sphere form). Not sure where "sherbet" comes in. Maybe there's a hint of creaminess? There's a hint of something, something slightly strange but I can't put my finger on it. I think the best way I can describe it is it smells like that point in building a new house when the drywall has just been put in. It's okay.

I took the "bottle" as maybe a clue so I poured a few into some water to see what that would taste like. They didn't dissolve, they just sat there.

3)

Name: Strawberry Daifuku

Review: 

This is a strange one. This is a strawberry-filled marshmallow. The marshmallow is made with mochi and the strawberry is bean paste. The marshmallow is like a normal marshmallow that's old and become tough and chewy. When they say that it's mochi or supposed to taste like mochi makes sense - there is something there that is reminiscent of that.

It's not bad but it's pretty weird and it's hard to get my head around it.

4) 

Name: Transport, Animal or Number Chocolate

Review:

There are some varieties of these that are shaped like transports and some shaped like animals. What I found interesting is that a camel is both.

They taste exactly like Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. You know the delicious chocolate syrup that you add to your milk to make your delicious chocolate milk? They taste exactly like that.

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So, next up is Korea again but I have to say Japan is just about done; all that's left is the verified chocolate snacks. For that I'm going to have to scrounge up guest tasters from somewhere or something. Not sure how that's going to go.

Popcorn in Bed - Mr. T in Rocky III

 In the Venn Diagram of this blog, there is the circle for posts with Rocky over-reactions and there is the circle for posts about Mr. T. This post is the intersection of the circles.

Really can't wait for the Rocky IV episode.

Mr. T, The 50th Presidential Inaugural Gala and Apache

 

In 1984 Ronald Reagan was re-elected as president and in 1985 there was a Presidential Inaugural Gala broadcast on TV and Mr. T was there.

The program was organized by Frank Sinatra and featured a diverse group of entertainment. Not only did Sinatra organize the event, he also introduced Mr. T. At this point Mr. T takes over:

Thank you, Mr. S.

It's a thrill for me to be back in the nation's capitol. Last time I was here I played Santa Claus at the White House. Where else but in America can a black man from the ghetto play a white man from the North Pole and live to tell about it? Now I'd like to introduce another performer who is used to playing many parts including the President of the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Rich Little...

So it all comes full circle, Mr. T hung out with Dean Martin, now he's with Sinatra... I was just talking about Rich Little, now Mr. T is introducing him. It's all part of God's plan.

The two highlights of the evening, in my opinion, as if anyone cares, are Ray Charles singing "America the Beautiful" which is always great and Don Rickles roasting the room.

I mentioned the diversity of the entertainment... Mr. T is introduced by Frank Sinatra, Don Rickles is introduced by Emmanuel Lewis (14 years old at this point)... but my favorite is when Jimmy Stewart introduces a breakdancing troupe - The New York City Breakers.

The New York City Breakers, a group of 8, come out and dance to - what else - "Apache." One of my favorite memories is one time when I was watching TV with a friend and "Apache" comes on and I spontaneously stand up and do the hip-thrusting Apache Dance. It was so unexpected, he couldn't stop laughing. But as the Breakers were dancing I thought to myself, "'Apache' is by Sugarhill Gang, right?" Well it's interesting.

Amazingly, "Apache" is a British song and was released as a rock instrumental in 1960!

The song was then covered in 1973 by the Incredible Bongo Band to make a hip-hop classic. And this is the version danced to by the New York City Breakers.

But I was not wrong about it being a Sugarhill Gang song because they then covered the Incredible Bongo Band version and added lyrics:

And that's the version I remember.

Oh, and by the way, after the New York City Breakers the next entertainer was an opera singer. Seriously.

Tonight on NBC...

It's May 31, 1993 and tonight on NBC we have:

 

That took a pretty hard turn at the end there. It's "Must See!"

BrutalFoods - Ranking Boston Market Frozen Dinners

I have tried the Chicken Parmesan and thought it was quite good, for what it's worth.

Korean Snack Reviews #5

In the previous segment it was October and I joked that the next time I finished one of these it would be coming out in 2022. Well, the jokes are real. Let's get started...

1.

Translated Name: "Ace"

Additional Text: Ace

Review:

These are crackers, you can see what they look like by the picture on the wrapper. They're crackers that are slightly sweet and fairly buttery. If you want to know what they taste like, they're very similar to Ritz Crackers - they're like Ritz Crackers with 10% less flavor. Very good but Ritz are better.

2.

Translated Name: "Yuja Cheesecake" (spelled phonetically)

Additional Text: Yuja Cheesecake

Review:

The main thing is: they're very good but I want to make it clear that the word "cheesecake" is being abused here. It's a soft, cakey bread cookie with orange-colored fruit filling. "Cheesecake" has nothing to do with anything. 

These have a very close American analogue - they taste almost exactly like Fig Newtons. I kid you not. The filling is orange but I'm telling you that's what they taste like. Pretty good.

3.

Translated Name: "Crown Sando Sweet Milk"

Additional Text: Sweet Milk

Review:

These are vanilla biscuits sandwiching vanilla cream. They're very light, very airy. The biscuits are almost crackers. It's all pleasant but everything is so light and airy that it's hard to have any reaction. Not bad.

4.

Translated Name: "Post" (In French)

Additional Text: Adorable Cracker Sand - Cheese Tarte

Review:

Looks like this:

Where do you get off calling this "adorable?" I see no adorableness anywhere.

In our culture, seeing two crackers like these in a sandwich, you're expecting a Ritz cracker with either peanut butter or cheese in the middle. The wrapper even says "cheese tarte." But the crackers don't taste like Ritz and the cheese doesn't taste like anything. This food review thing is hard. How do you react to things that don't taste like anything? I should review bottled water.

5.

Translated Name: "Butter Waffles"

Additional Text: Have a good time with the Butter Waffles of Crown.

Review:

These are "waffles" and it occurs to me now that "waffle" likely has the same root as "wafer." 

The general theme of all these Korean snacks seems to be "light and airy." And so I went into these "Butter Waffles" with little hope. Fortunately my expectations were subverted - it's a Rian Johnson snack. These are dense and crunchy and have a more obvious sweet flavor. They look like this:

The strong sweet flavor and the texture are a win here. One of the best snacks in this bunch.

And that's it. Next up is Japanese Snacks #5.

Weird Soda Reviews #2

 1) Rocket Fizz - Cotton Candy Soda

Let's start out with the fact that making a soda that tastes like cotton candy is an impossible task. Cotton candy is pretty much all texture and sodas don't do texture. So with that out of the way, what do we got? We got nothing.

There is a certain "softness" here. They did try, I can see what they were going for. The taste is like the Bazooka Joe Gum Soda from #1. Not good, not bad, not recommended.

2) Duff (Soda)

Duff soda is not made to taste like beer, but rather is Orange (titled "A L'Orange"). And so although you don't really feel you're in the world of The Simpsons, it's pretty great.

I couldn't figure out why Orange, but now I see they wanted it to look like beer when poured in a glass.

The taste is almost as good as a Sanpellegrino but lighter. And the lightness can be explained or excused by the fact that it's only 20 calories. They're doing a semi-La-Croix kind of thing. They've also added B-Vitamins for some reason. I would highly recommend it for everyday drinking if it was more widely available.

3) Rocket Fizz - Marshmallow Soda

Most of what I said about Cotton Candy Soda still applies here. Marshmallow is mostly about texture but I will give this one respect in that it's a little closer - I see where they're going with this one even more than the last.

There's a taste of - not raw marshmallow - but slightly burned, roasted marshmallow. That's pretty good. So I give this the edge above the Cotton Candy. This one is not bad, some goodness in there. Still, in the flavor there is somehow a commonality between this, the Cotton Candy and the Bazooka Joe... which is weird.

4) Flaming Moe (Energy Drink)

The main thing I wish to do with this is light it on fire. Realistically, I accept that that's off the table. The second thing I wish is that it would have the taste of cough syrup. That also didn't happen.

So what are we left with? Well, it's an energy drink so I can't drink it. But, I need something to review so I took one or two sips and that was as far as I could safely go. It tastes bad. I don't it's bad at all within context of energy drinks though. I can't be be entirely sure. It's slightly fruity and fizzy but also bitter and way too much caffeine for me. 

I wouldn't recommend it unless you're an energy drink person and then I don't know how it ranks. It's fun for the branding, obviously.

All of these are available at Vat19.com.

Game Grumps - Bad Ben

 

Is "Bad Ben" the greatest game they've ever played?

Watching this, it sounded to me like someone with a Western Pennsylvania accent trying to do a Chicago accent and (being not very good) slipping into a Wisconsin accent. Is there any possibility I'm right? Well, I did some mild research and the guy appears to currently live in New Jersey so I'll take that something approximating a win.