Wild Horses (2015)

 

"Wild Horses" sucks, Craig.

Continuing my exploration of Robert Duvall movies and I cannot be definitive here - I haven't watched them all, nor will I - but I may have hit upon the worst movie Robert Duvall ever made.

With such a legendary actor in such a lousy movie, what scapegoat can I blame for this outrage?

Written By: Robert Duvall

Directed By: Robert Duvall

Starring: Robert Duvall.

DANG IT.

"Wild Horses" stars Robert Duvall, James Franco and Josh Hartnett (remember Josh Hartnett?). Three fine actors, and yet none of these people plays the protagonist of the movie. The protagonist of this movie is, apparently, played by one of the worst actors in the history of film. I say "one of the worst" but cannot say that she is "the worst" for I have seen Rod in "Birdemic" ....but she's clearly one of the worst. The main plot is a crime investigation of sorts - Luciana Pedraza is an Argentinian playing a Native American cop with no emotion and a Texan accent; she is paired with a cop partner (not worth looking up) who is coincidentally played by another insanely awful actor. Whenever there are scenes of these two people interacting, it's incredible, it's like staring into infinity mirror of emotionlessness.

How did this happen? How does the best American actor of his generation not weed out terrible actors when casting his own movie? Well, I can only explain the terrible lead - the terrible lead is played by his real-life wife, a woman 41 years younger than himself.

Bad acting from main characters is huge in this movie but isn't the entire problem. There's also bad acting from the minor characters - and in pivotal scenes. Very pivotal and very emotional and very terrible scenes. But also, the cinematography of this movie varies between on-par-with-Walker-Texas-Ranger and dreadful. There are moments with bad sound. These moments could have easily been fixed in ADR but weren't, somehow, for some reason. The editing is weird and awkward. The pacing is weird. The movie is lifeless and not believable - it's simply boring. At many points, this movie doesn't even feel like a movie. 

If you've ever wondered what would happen if you dropped a great actor into a terrible movie, here's your experiment. I would like to say that Robert Duvall transcends his surroundings but I can't say that. This movie is so empty and unconvincing it even makes Robert Duvall's acting seem questionable.

I looked on youtube for a scene or compilation of the bad acting in "Wild Horses" to share for demonstration, but I see nothing. That seems strange. Maybe, as bad movies go, this flew below the popular radar.

A New Commodore 64 is Out

 The Commodore 64 is an important part of computer history as well as the best selling computer model of all-time. It's now being re-released for sale.

Actually, it was re-released a year ago but I only found out today so I'm passing the info along.

The new version has USB and WI-FI.

The Commodore 64 was a huge part of a lot of people's childhoods, though I don't know that I ever came across one, personally. Strange how that works.

RIP Chuck Norris

The Cinematic 90s Diner

Cigarettes & Coffee - 1993

Look at the entire aesthetic of "Cigarettes & Coffee" and compare to...

High and Dry - 1996

That's extremely close.

Of course "Cigarettes & Coffee" is Paul Thomas Anderson's short film that was later made into...

Hard Eight - 1996

And there's also...

Pulp Fiction - 1994

and 

The Big Lebowski - 1998

And if you're worried that we've jumped from the booth to the counter, I promise this is the only time. And anyways you can cover that here.

And now that we're in Comedy there's...

Can't Hardly Wait - 1998

And...

Swingers - 1996

And then if we go over to Television...

Seinfeld (1989-1998)

Why, Charlie Brown, Why?

 

One of the things I love discovering and posting about is pop-culture surprises and oddities. A while back I looked at the history of Peanuts TV Specials and noted the oddity of the live-action "It's the Girl in the Red Truck, Charlie Brown." There is another Peanuts oddity that I have been avoiding posting anything about but I may as well just get it over quickly and move on.

I'm just going to say it. The plot of "Why, Charlie Brown, Why?" is: a little girl in Charlie Brown's class gets cancer. And.... that's not what you expect when you want to watch Snoopy.

I can't do a beat-by-beat breakdown of how wacky and crazy it is - it's well executed, I suppose. The noteworthy thing is just the very concept is shocking and unusual. So it exists, I watched it, it doesn't make sense to me but perhaps that's due to the nature of Peanuts - it's watched by kids but wasn't intended to be solely for kids; it's not afraid to get serious among the jokes, and so forth.

Evidently it was well received and was praised for helping educate kids on this subject.

A Family Thing (1996)

 Robert Duvall's passing has given me impetus to revisit his filmography. Some movies are re-watches of his classics, some I'm watching for the first time. Among the "new" movies, it's a mixed bag, of course. But I have found one so far that I would consider a "hidden gem" - "A Family Thing."

Duvall stars as an older man whose mother dies and reveals in a letter that she was never actually his mother. His mother was a black woman and, oldey Southerney times being what they were, he was taken away to be raised by his white father and was never told of his heritage.

The corollary of finding his mother was black is that he has black kin who he's never met, including a black brother (James Earl Jones). Duvall sets out to meet his brother and events evolve from there.

This movie is very much a product of the 90s (both good and bad but mostly good) and it's just a very nice, fairly mundane character-study-slash-buddy-movie. It has the feel of  a play. The premise (or the casting, really) is ridiculous Robert Duvall doesn't look mixed race in any respect, but if you get past that hurdle, it's excellent. I considered it like "Back to the Future" - you just have to accept that a DeLorean was made into a time machine and then you move on. The true highlight of the movie is simply seeing two great actors - Robert Duvall and James Earl Jones - acting together.

A few more notes: the script was written by Billy Bob Thornton - this is after he'd made the "Sling Blade" short but before "Sling Blade." Secondly, James Earle Jones was a lifelong stutterer though I never saw it in any form and I doubt you did either, but in this movie he uses it as part of his character. Finally, I just to have to get out that the title is terrible. It's so uninteresting and unmemorable - it may be the sole reason this movie is so obscure.

So there you go, I'm not saying this is a classic, it is not perfect, but it's a solid, charming movie from another era with two legendary leads and I really enjoyed it.