The Worst Impression In the World Or: Why Is Ashton Kutcher Famous?

Want to see the worst impression ever done on national television? Sure, we all do. It happened during a "The View" sketch in this week's SNL. Ashton Kutcher comes on as Mel Gibson...

And so here it is... Ashton Kutcher's "Mel Gibson impression" (if you feel the need to get right to it, skip to 3:40): [Embedding disabled so click here.]

.....

There it is. The worst impression by anyone ever.

But why is Ashton Kutcher hosting Saturday Night Live to begin with? If you feel you can justifiably answer that question, I invite you to watch the rest of the show and prove yourself to be 100% wrong in every way. He can't act. He's not funny. He can't deliver a joke. He can't dance, he can't sing, he exhibits no special talents of any kind whatsoever. I would question whether he can even read except that's the only way I can explain what he was doing in the sketches - staring at a cue card and reading the words he sees as he sees them. So there's no possible reason for him to be on SNL, but much more importantly there's no reason he should be famous at all. If my uncle had been the host of SNL this week, he'd of done a horrible job but it would still have made more sense than Ashton Kutcher.

The most annoying answer to the question, "How is Ashton Kutcher famous?" is that it's because he's married to Demi Moore. Is that really how it works though? If you marry someone famous you get to be in commercials, in movies, on tv or hosting SNL? Steven Spielberg's really famous, would it be a good idea for her to host SNL? I can do even better... Jamie Kennedy had a short-lived hidden camera show and is dating Jennifer Love Hewitt; Jamie Kennedy would make a great SNL host. How 'bout it?!

Super Bowl of Love II

As plugged in to popular culture as I tend to be, the Super Bowl is a giant disconnect. If someone asks me, "Did you see that one play where that one thing happened?" the answer is automatically, "No."

"Did you see that singer do that thing during the halftime show?"

"Nope."

"Did you see X, Y and Z commercials? I liked Y best." "Don't know what you're talking about. Didn't see any of them. I can't decide if small talk about commercials is even more inane, tedious and annoying to me than small talk about the weather. Uh oh, did I just say that out loud?"

That's because I've imposed a strict ban* on the Super Bowl for probably about a decade. One year me and a friend, in lieu of watching the Super Bowl, watched "Muppet Treasure Island". Another year me and another friend, in lieu of watching the Super Bowl that year, watched "Puppy Bowl I" on Animal Planet (narrated by the great Harry Kalas). Two of my favorite Super Bowl (or non-Super Bowl memories) of all-time. Later, there was a plan to watch "Follow that Bird" on Super Bowl night but I can't remember if we actually did that.

Having said that, did you see the one ad that aired during the Super Bowl???? In case you're like me, here it is:

* The exact ban is: I don't care about the Super Bowl if my team isn't in it. If my team was in the Super Bowl, I would not only watch, but agree that it would be the biggest sporting event of the year. Without my favorite team to root for, the whole thing is an over-hyped mass-produced, dumbed down, overblown corporate crapfest in my opinion where the game of football comes secondary to everything else.

Edit: The title is "Super Bowl of Love II" because the first one aired last year and can be seen here. The title is not just derived from the fact that it airs during the Super Bowl. I mean, that's obviously part of it, but it comes from a long running gag on the Late Show which would take too long to explain here.

Jordan Schlansky - House Buyer

With the move of the show to LA, Late Night Producer Jordan Schlansky is/was in the market to buy a house. In the first of these segments he discusses with Conan what he's looking for. In the second, he meets a Realtor and goes looking. There should be more of these but this was it. Perhaps he bought a house, perhaps they just decided to stop. Who knows what will happen now that the show is in complete limbo.

Both are hilarious and feature an increasingly rare phenomenon: Conan hangs out with Jordan and doesn't get drunk.

Jordan Discusses His Needs:

[Video Deleted by NBC]

Jordan and Conan Go House Shopping:

[Video Deleted by NBC]

I've been thinking of this post for a while as it's one of the great highlights of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. But now that I started, it seems NBC has deleted all Tonight Show content from Hulu. Is this a smart television practice? When Johnny Carson "left" the Tonight Show did NBC hire an intern to go around and erase every Johnny Carson tape in the archive so that no one would ever see them again?

I do at least have the clips on my computer. However that does nothing for my blog. It's also nice that clips from Hulu account for almost the entirety of my blog. I have to rethink the whole thing.

NBC makes free money off of online viewings of its already "bought and paid for" content so they're essentially - as a business, mind you - choosing to not make money. Why didn't NBC leave the videos, collect the money and quickly set fire to it? Because that wouldn't screw over their viewers.

Classic Roots Choice #16

Michael Strahan is a guest on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. For him, The Roots play "The Space Between" by Dave Mathews Band. The lyrics were slightly tweaked however so that "the space between" refers to the gap in Strahan's teeth. Clever. The smooth song was punctuated with a shouted ending of "E-A-G-L-E-S! EAGLES!!!"

[Michael Strahan walks on and notices the Eagles logo bass drum]

Strahan: You know what, I see the Eagles drum Jimmy and I know that you're a big Jets fan. I respect the eagles, man, they were good for about five sacks a season.

Crowd: Oooooooooooooh!

Questlove: Kinda like your sitcom, huh?

Crowd: OOOOOH!

Strahan: We were good for about thirteen episodes! About as many albums as you sold last time.

Crowd: Ooooooh!

On a side note, how much crack do you have to inject directly into your brain to think that a sitcom starring Michael Strahan is a good idea? I mean, it's friggin Michael friggin' Strahan on the friggin' frig! My word. Bad language aside, they're still doing better than NBC.

They're a Garage Band... They Suck

For being geniuses in the studio, it does look like Radiohead are having a little trouble with their live set:

The best part is "Don't Stop Believing".

Apparently this is a new series/meme where [Band] Shreds [Song Title]. In my day "shredding" was good but I guess the new "hip" thing amongst all the kids is that it's bad. I don't understand the kids these days, what with their "8 tracks" and their "Leo Sayers".

See also: John Williams Shreds, Toto Shreds, The Mars Volta Shreds, Led Zepplin Shreds.

Happy Groundhog Day

It was yesterday but short of posting a clip from "Groundhog Day" (one of the most perfect movies ever made) there was nothing to say.

However, Captain Kirk of The Roots has apparently written a song about Groundhog Day. Jimmy is a bit wary because he thinks all of Kirk's songs are only about sex but I think it's all a matter of interpretation.

Incidentally, six more weeks of winter apparently.