Popcorn In Bed - Rocky V

 

Do they love it? Do they agree with the general consensus that it's the worst one? You decide.

Spoiler Alert: "Rantlers" didn't make the cut. Seems to me it's the best part.

At one point I started thinking about a "Favorite Moments in Film" post and couldn't follow through. But on the list was the Mickey flashback scene in Rocky V. 

Month#4: Russia Snacks

Oh the timing! The snacks for the month of March are from Russia! I get that companies plan these things out months in advance, perhaps years in advance, so this is just one of those things but it is funny.

Let's learn about Russia.

Faberge Eggs originated in Russia when Czar Alexander III commissioned Peter Carl Faberge to make a decorative egg for the Czar's wife. The most valuable one is $33 million today.

Russia has more land area than Pluto.

It wasn't until 2011 that the Russian government recognized beer as an alcoholic beverage.

The coldest inhabited town on Earth is Oymyakon in Russia. Temps in Winter are generally around -58° F. The record low there is -96° F.

Out of every 5 Nazis killed in World War II, 4 were killed on the Russian Front.

Finally, the statue The Motherland Calls in the city of Volgograd is 128 feet taller than the Statue of Liberty and is the world's largest statue of a woman.

1) Kamchatka Crab Potato Snack

Review:

When I think of Russian food, one thing that doesn't come to mind is crab. But apparently that's my own ignorance. The North-Eastern edge, being next to Alaska, is obviously crab territory.

And what of these snacks? They remind me of the various "seafood" Japanese snacks. The "seafood" taste added to potato-chippy snacks is disgusting to me. I can't take it. These are at least an improvement in that the "crab" taste is not very crab-forward. These are slightly potatoey, slightly crabby but mostly salty. It's a "pass" from me.

2)

Review:

Mushroom Croutons. I will reveal my bias right off the bat - I am someone who doesn't like mushrooms and doesn't like croutons so you can probably guess what I'm going to say.

But you're wrong! The opinion I just attributed to you is wrong!

The surprising thing about these is they taste exactly like chicken-flavored ramen in cracker form. It's weird. Exactly. It's good though. Not something I'd eat regularly but I like chicken-flavored ramen so I'm calling it a win.

3) Yarche! Roasted Peanut and Caramel Candy Bar

Review:

The name pretty much tells you everything: chocolate, peanuts, caramel. It's like a Snickers Bar but with way less caramel and way more peanuts. Other candy bars tell you they're packed with peanuts but THIS is packed with peanuts. In fact, my first impression was that it's too many peanuts. But then it grew on me. Once you get the caramel and peanuts mixing in your mouth, it's pretty pleasant.

I'm not big on Snickers to begin with, but a lot of people are so maybe check this out. A marginal thumbs up for me.

4) Boiled Condensed Milk Waffles

I'm a big fan of Stroopwafels. If you haven't had Stroopwafels, you must try them. On first glance, this would appear to be the same kind of thing and so I was excited.

You get two waffles and my first instinct was to pull them apart and eat them seperately but I was unable to - theirs a brown substance holding them together indicating they're supposed to be like a sandwich. I assumed the substance would be maple syrup flavored but it's actually brown like caramel... but it doesn't taste like caramel either. I'm unable to determine what it is or what it's supposed to be but it's some sweet syrup stuff.

So, like I said, I'm a fan of Stroopwafels, but whereas Stroopwafels are crispy, these more closely mimic actual waffles, being soft and spongey bread substance. And I don't know about you, but eating spongey bread from a pack that's been sitting on the shelf doesn't really appeal to me. It doesn't help that I don't even like real waffles to be too spongy, I go for more of the "crisp" spectrum. So I don't like these but your opinions may vary.

[Note: After this review was complete, I noticed some people suggest you toast it for a few minutes. I didn't see that until it was too late.]

5) Bon Time Vanilla Ice Cream Nougat Choco Bar

Review:

Now, for us in the States, "ice cream" is not a flavor so this whole thing is an intriguing proposition. What does a candy bar filled with "ice cream nougat" taste like? Well, "ice cream" is a translation of "plombir" which is a special rich type of Russian ice cream that I've never had. So it supposedly tastes like plombir.

This is a chocolate coating over a fluffy nougat. Texturally it's very similar to a York Peppermint Patty. 

The inside doesn't taste like ice cream but that was impossible anyway, it seems to me. It is good though. It's a sugary, vanilla-ey, gooey filling. Very good but too small.

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So that's it for this month's snacks. It was a middling field but I think the winner is probably the Yarche! chocolate bar. I hope you enjoyed it, please hit the Like button, please bell the Notification button and subscribe to the comments!

An Excerpt From Heretics

An excerpt that speaks to our time especially... 

Suppose that a great commotion arises in the street about something, let us say a lamp-post, which many influential persons desire to pull down. A grey-clad monk, who is the spirit of the Middle Ages, is approached upon the matter, and begins to say, in the arid manner of the Schoolmen, "Let us first of all consider, my brethren, the value of Light. If Light be in itself good—" At this point he is somewhat excusably knocked down. All the people make a rush for the lamp-post, the lamp-post is down in ten minutes, and they go about congratulating each other on their unmediaeval practicality. But as things go on they do not work out so easily. Some people have pulled the lamp-post down because they wanted the electric light; some because they wanted old iron; some because they wanted darkness, because their deeds were evil. Some thought it not enough of a lamp-post, some too much; some acted because they wanted to smash municipal machinery; some because they wanted to smash something. And there is war in the night, no man knowing whom he strikes. So, gradually and inevitably, to-day, to-morrow, or the next day, there comes back the conviction that the monk was right after all, and that all depends on what is the philosophy of Light. Only what we might have discussed under the gas-lamp, we now must discuss in the dark.

-- GK Chesterton, Heretics 

Popcorn in Bed - The Usual Suspects

 

Another thing I like about these is the Cliffs Notes nature of it. I can't tell you the last time I re-watched "The Usual Suspects" but it's nice to revisit it now without having to set aside a few hours.

Painting Time Lapses

 

There are a million of these. I don't plan on watching them all but it is an incredible phenomenon and worth sharing.

A 4th Grader Makes a Budget in 1991

When I moved out of my parents' house they gave me the archive of all mementos they saved from my schooling - report cards, essays, art, etc. I recently went through it all and the result was super depressing. Let me tell you, I won awards, I got my picture taken for the newspaper, I got straight A's much of the time and it's all terrible. Whatever the assignment was, whatever the result was, reading it now is shockingly bad.

I remember in 2nd Grade, everyone complimented me on my stories. I was a star writer when it came to fiction in 2nd Grade. That's my memory. Look at the actual work and it's "I like dogs. Dogs are cute. Yay dogs!" Well, 2nd Grade is rudimentary by definition, but I was fairly sophisticated in High School at least, right? No, my high school papers are: "I'm fond of dogs. Dogs are meticulous. The future looks bright for dogs." printed on the computer, with a cover page and "works cited" enclosed in a plastic sleeve thing. Oof.

But anyway, within the pile of junk I did find one assignment which I found interesting enough to be worth sharing. In 4th Grade, we had an assignment where we planned a possible life from a current newspaper. First we were told to go through Want Ads and pick a job. Then we had to look through the House/Apartment listings to pick somewhere to live. Then we were told to look through the Car listings for a car. The purpose of the exercise was to do complex math with multiple digit numbers in order to arrive at a personal budget but its genius side-effect is the way it gets kids thinking about the value of a dollar, planting seeds in their mind about the importance of planning the rest of their lives. 

Beyond that, the nature of inflation gives it some humor these days. So here we go, here's how it went:

Day 1

You have just been graduated from  Temple  . You now need to find a job, a place to live, a car to drive. Let's begin:

1. Do you have a High School Diploma or a College Diploma?

College Diploma

2. Have you had any part-time jobs during the Summer in which you were trained in any specific skill?

No.

3. What qualifications do you have which would be of interest to an employer?

Masters Science Degree, Social Services Degree

[Editor's Note: I know I changed my mind about my job, so perhaps I meant to cross out the Social Services.]

4. Using the above qualifications, go through the Want Ads and find a job.

5. 

Job: Pharmaceutical. [Editor's note: In my memory, I remember my choice was to become a Reporter for the newspaper. I think I found it didn't pay enough and went back and switched to "pharmaceutical" based solely only on salary. I have no memory of this. I have no idea what the specific job for "pharmaceutical" was.]

Salary: $33,000 [per year]

Subtract 20% for taxes: $26,400.00

6. Subtract $20 per week if your employer does not pay 100% of your health benefits.

$25,360.00

7. You have reached an approximate Net Salary. Congratulations!

8. If you finish this before the end of class, start looking for an apartment. Your parents will give you $500 toward the Escrow Account.

Rent=$325 [per month]

Net Monthly=$1788.00 [Net Salary]

Net Weekly=$653.00 [Net Salary]

Day 2

Congratulations! You have found your apartment. You now need to calculate your current spending money per month after taxes, insurance, and rent.

1. You need to find transportation. Let's look for a  1980 Fiat Convertible .

[I remember my dad laughed at choosing to buy a Fiat, he said Fiats were notoriously unreliable. He said, "'Fiat' stands for 'Fix It Alot.'" I thought, "I'm 11 years old."]

[Car Sale Price=$1538.00]

2. Plan on 10% down. How many weeks must you wait?

$153.00 - 0 [Weeks]

Figure out the cost of the car with 6% sales tax for Pennsylvania and miscellaneous costs. Add this to the cost of the car after you have figured out one tenth of its cost. Tax money must be paid up front.

Tax=$92.00

Car Cost with Sales Tax: $1630.00

$1538-$153.00 = $1385.00

3. Let's figure out simplistic loan payments. (It will cost more than this actually) Take the cost of the car with the down payment subtracted. Multiply that amount by 12%. (Don't tell me you can get it for less.) [I'm 11 years old] Add that amount to the cost of the car less the down payment. Figure out whether you want to pay for it in 36 months of 48 months. (You need to divide by these amounts to do this.) What is your monthly payment?

$1385.00*.12 = $166.00

$1385.00+$166.00 = $1451.00

$1451.00 / 36 months = $40.00 [monthly car payment]

[Editor's Note: The wording of that question looks insane to me now.]

4. With what you have left over you need to buy car insurance. Subtract two hundred dollars a month if you bought a new car, one hundred fifty if you bought a used car.

$1863.00-$40.00-$150.00= $1673.00 [Monthly salary remaining]

5. Smile you can now worry about gas for the car's tummy and food for yours. That's part three. Start thinking about how far you live from your job and how much you like hotdogs.

Gas costs $1.05 per gallon.

Distance from job to house (Willow Grove [PA] to Springfield [NJ]) - 40 miles.

Mileage per month = 2,600.

Gas cost per month=$91

[Editor's Note: I see no way to make these calculation make any sense whatsoever but it's what I have written on the paper.]

Summary - June 4, 1991

1) Gross Salary: $33,000 [per year]

2) Less taxes: $26,400.00

3) Less health insurance: $25,360.00

4) Net Salary: $25,360

5) Fiat Car costs: $1,538

6) Car cost with sales tax: $1,630

7) Financing costs: $166.00 [per month]

8) Total cost of car: $3,596.00

9) Salary after car costs: $1582

10) Other expenses: [per month?!]

Food: $160

Toiletries: $30

Clothing: $200

Entertainment: $125

Furniture: included with apartment $200.

[I would love to know where these numbers come from. How does one spend $200 in 1991 dollars on clothing every month? I'm spending more on clothes than on my car payments. I see no corresponding calculations so maybe these were supplied by the teacher(?)]

11) What is left: $12,983.00 [per year]

Net salary: $25,360

Yearly car costs: $1,198

Yearly housing costs: $2,599

Yearly misc. costs: $8,580

[In the end, I didn't go to Temple, didn't get a Master's Degree or a Social Science Degree, didn't buy a Fiat, never lived in an apartment, didn't get a Pharmaceutical job, never lived in Willow Grove or worked in New Jersey.

Parts of the exercise are duplicated with different numbers from different calculations. I tried to merge the two into a "correct" version to make everything easier to follow but anomalies persist. I got an A+ on this assignment but looking at it now, the math clearly has errors. You see how every school accomplishment is hollow? I'm depressed again. Time to buy more clothes.]

Ralph Machio vs. Steve Vai in a Guitar Battle

 

The first time I saw this scene, I basically saw it the way you are now. There used to be a local station that played cheapish movies late on Sunday nights and one time I tuned in late and saw this scene. I don't think I saw any context of the rest of the movie, I was just presented with this... and I was transfixed. It was so insane but I loved it.

Since then I've seen the movie and I can give it some explanation even though it will still make no sense. This is a scene in the movie "Crossroads" where Ralph Macchio has gone down to the crossroads to duel with one of Satan's minions for the ownership of someone's soul. See how that works?

It's the "WWF Wrestling" nature of it that's so delicious. Every note of the guitar is translated into full-body expression so the people in the back row can really see every nuance. And, yes, when one is vanquished via guitar solo, he doesn't just say "oh, I can't play that", no, he drops to the floor, collapses, in utter defeat.

A bit of trivia: in reality, Steve Vai is playing both parts.

The Winnebago Man

 Contains strong language, not suitable for kids.

Strange Kitchen Gadgets

 

Game Grumps - Power Wash Simulator

 Arin and Dan step into the world of Oddly Satisfying. I don't play video games but if I did, I think I'd buy this.

Wheel of the Worst #23

 Ah the joys of video randomization: New Look Delegate Keep Fit Ill.

Does Anybody Remember Sitcoms?

 

And yet, wouldn't "The Ocean" have been more appropriate?

Late Show - The "Next Time Bring Your Sister" Saga

 

I had completely forgot the structure of this segment but I definitely remembered the way it ends. It's interesting the way memory works.

I would like to know who came up with this as a premise for a comedy skit. Whoever it is, they have a very different concept of comedy than I. I can't conceive of any way this was ever going to be funny, other than how it actually unfolded.