Building a Mini Hyrdroelectric Plant

 

Not much to say about this, the title is self-explanatory, except I envy this guy. This is what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Charismatic Voice - Interstate Love Song

 

The Charismatic Voice reacts to "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots. I never knew the backstory to this song nor do I recall ever seeing that beginning to the music video. 

Charlie Chaplin is not involved in any way.

If you're unfamiliar, TCV is a former Opera singer who now does these kind of youtube videos. She's done a series of Grunge songs and her fondness for the genre has been one of the pleasant surprises of the channel.

Robert Plant - 29 Palms

 

In theory, early-to-mid nineties adult contemporary is one of my least favorite musical genres. I was a teen and thought "This has none of the energy of rock nor is it slow enough to be beautiful." It's caught in a muddled no-man's land of commercial product.

But "29 Palms" by Robert Plant is one of the only exceptions, though I can't explain exactly why. This song takes me back to Summer of 2007 and now it's synonymous with Summer for me.

But the thing I wanted to point out was the brilliant lyric corruption it contains. In the first instance(?) of the chorus, Plant clearly says "29 Parm" - an instant classic that goes in the Hall of Fame of Lyric Corruption right up there with "Caribou Queen" by Billy Ocean and "Shamone" in "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson.

The song was secretly about Italian food this whole time. Who knew?

A Digression on Carpet Cleaning Videos

Carpet cleaning (or rug cleaning) videos is another genre of youtube videos in the same vein as Restoration videos. It ticks both the "things going from disorder to order" and the "oddly satisfying" boxes; it's also ASMR according to the channel tags. Unlike the restoration genre, however, it doesn't seem to be as advanced and there are a number of channels that don't "get it." In fact, as far as I'm concerned, the entire genre mostly comes down to just one channel - the one above.

I have a number of questions about the nature of the cleaning. You'll note that he's constantly working side-to-side. You'd be constantly transporting dirt from the rug to another part of the rug. Wouldn't you want to work from the center outwards to get the dirt out of the rug as soon as possible? Similarly, dirt is constantly going from the surface, sinking downward to the bottom of the rug. Therefore, I would think that there should be constant flipping. Even more important than that, dirt, going downwards is hitting the tile and getting trapped. It seems to me you'd want to put the rug on top of something that allows the water to freely flow out - perhaps a screen. Do the professionals know best? Are there good rebuttals to these questions? I don't know.

One of the weaknesses of this genre, it seems, is that you really want the carpet to get clean to have that dramatic before and after contrast but that never really happens the way it "should." A carpet never gets fully clean, it only gets cleanER. It gets cleaner and cleaner and cleaner but at some point you just have to arbitrarily stop. As an ignorant newcomer, that diminishes the enjoyment... Though, you get used to it after several hours.

Month #6 - United Kingdom Snacks

Britain, eh?! Let's throw another shrimp on the barbie!

A few random UK facts:

The United Kingdom includes England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Once we subtract Northern Ireland from the 4, the entity is known as Great Britain.

Wales has more castles per capita than any other country in Europe.

In Northern Ireland, it is technically illegal to go to the movies on Sunday without a license.

The dish Chicken Tikka Masala was invented in the UK.

Geology was most popular in the UK in its early years and geological terms would often be named after British locations. Hence "Devonian" is from the English county of Devon and "Cambrian" refers to "Cambria" the Latin name for Wales.

And now to the snacks...

1) Millions - Blackcurrant

Review:

"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something." - Mitch Hedberg

"Blackcurrant" is interesting in that it is simultaneously very big in British cuisine and hardly at all heard of in the U.S. Funnily enough, it WAS popular in the U.S. but was banned in the early 1900's which is why you've never heard of it. The Federal ban has since been lifted but Statewide bans still exist. Blackcurrants basically look like a blueberry and are high in Vitamin C.

Owing to previous experience of exploring British foods, I have had Blackcurrant, technically. But since I have no memory of it, I can't judge the accuracy of the Blackcurrant flavor.

These, as you can see in the picture, are tiny purple pellets. They are hard and sweet but after a while, they're chewy. 

I can't decide with these. They're sweet and chewy candy but there are tons of such candies available and there's nothing about these that gives me any particular pleasure. Verdict: I don't know.

2) Grandma Wild's Chocolate Flapjack

Review:

America and England - two peoples separated by a common language. We both have "flapjacks" but, whereas in America a flapjack is a pancake, in England a flapjack is a cereal bar. Basically it's what we would call a granola bar - the texture is more moist and cakey but the flavor is the same. With its sugar, butter and chocolate topping, I would add that it's a granola bar only less healthy but let's face it, we already made granola bars less healthy. You go into a store and get a granola bar, you're getting fat and sugar, let's face it. Who's with me? This guy knows what I'm talking about!

So, yeah, the closest thing I can compare it to is a granola bar and it's good but it's not exotic or interesting, exactly.

3) Johnny's Picked Onion Rings

Review:

You may recall that the general theme of the Japanese and Korean snack reviews was "like American X but less strong." Well here, perhaps for the first time, we have a snack that is the other swing of the pendulum. These are STRONG. They're crunchy brown rings and they kick your mouth with pickle flavor. I don't know what a pickled onion tastes like - I think I've had one but don't remember it - so authentic or not, I can't say but I can say the pickle flavor is an 11 in strength.

I want to point out the disingenuous of shaping them into onion rings as well as calling them "onion rings" when they're really made of corn but, as America basically invented this type of thing, I can't complain.

I don't know if I' really like these enough to buy them again but I applaud the audaciousness to make such a bold choice.

4) Kent Crisps - Lamb & Rosemary

Review:

I don't think I've ever in my life said the phrase "These potato chips are a little gamey." Lamb and rosemary is another bold choice from the Brits.

Once again, I don't know how to judge the accuracy of the flavor but I will approximate it thusly. I definitely taste the rosemary and beyond that there is another complex flavor. Since they got the first one right, I will give them the benefit of the doubt on the other.

Are they good? I say yes. Make no mistake, they can't hold a candle to the average Dorito, but on the Good-Or-Not-Good scale, they are tasty and almost sophisticated. Have you ever eaten chips and said to yourself, "This needs more lamb"? Well, then these are for you!

5) Rhubarb and Custard Flavour Bon Bons

Review:

I saved this for last because it was the one I was most interested in trying. And WOW, you can really taste the rhubarb!

They look like this:

I don't know that I detect any custard flavor; it's possible that it exists but it's just overridden by the strong rhubarb.

In general terms, they're chewey, almost like a Laffy Taffy type thing and they're super sweet and super sour. They're another snack with an extreme flavor - they sting with flavor. It's actually too much but I'll give a marginal thumbs up, overall.

---

The cliche is that British food is bland and yet here we have the irony that this is the most un-bland collection so far.

However, there's nothing spectacular in the bunch. As I have a history of trying British foods, I can say, "They're not sending their best!"

If you want the best UK foods, in my opinion, they are:

1. Cherry Bakewells, 
2. A Curly Wurly, 
3. Penguins (soaked in Tea*)
4. Shortbread House Of Edinburgh Original Shortbreads, 
5. Custard Creams

And then you want to try Spotted Dick just so you can say you did (it tastes like Fruit Cake sorta).

Note: This list is not definitive, not only because I haven't tried all UK snacks but also because I've had a lot of British chocolate bars and enjoyed them but don't remember what the rankings were.

* You bite off one corner of one side, then bit off the opposite corner. Then you suck tea through it like a straw, then eat.

Late Show - Foo Fighters "Everlong"

 

This has been on youtube since it aired but now we have an "official" version and I thought it was worth re-watching anyway. Makes me emotional every time. Taylor Hawkins' death is so strange.

Slot Machine Restoration

 

So, everything I said about the Cash Register Restoration also applies here. I've always been fascinated with the mechanics, I'm in awe of any person's ability to understand all the parts and seeing it fixed is very pleasing.

Based on this video, I tried to find a youtube video that explained how slot machines work so I could solve the mystery, once and for all. It was surprisingly difficult and I didn't come up with anything definitive. When you search the subject, a million results of videos come up trying to teach you how to WIN at slot machines. It's just loads of Jimmy "The Scott" Jordan wannabes as far as the eye can see. 

But even though I didn't find a great video explaining the mechanism of slot machines, if you're interested, you can watch the best video I was able to find here.

I wish there was a Build Your Own Slot Machine Kit. Lockpicking kits are popular, legos are popular, you should be able to send away for a box full of metal parts and step-by-step instructions for the amateur person with too much time and no hobbies to build their own metal slot machine.

Popcorn in Bed - Creed

 

A "Creed" reaction felt like an anti-climax to the Rocky franchise at first. But it's been a long time since I had watched it and was reminded how many great moments it had. Is "Creed 2" going to be the same? I don't really remember that one either.

"Upper cuts really hurt me... they hurt my feelings."

New Norm Macdonald Standup Special to be Released on Netflix

 Norm Macdonald taped a standup special in his living room before going in for an operation (just in case). The footage was never released but will be on Netflix May 30th.

Read more here.

Old Timey Cash Register Restoration

 Continuing the trend of restoration videos, this I found fascinating. I've always loved the aesthetics of the old mechanical cash registers.

I'm amazed by the work here. I don't understand how someone can know every single gear, spring, part - remember it, what it does and where it goes. Will we reach a point eventually where this kind of knowledge dies out forever?

Stuttering John Goes to Washington

 

"Stuttering" John Melendez tries to reboot his glory days - he's going to go to Washington D.C. to ask stupid questions to politicians. And, uh, it's not going to go too well, if you know what I mean.

Late Night - James Downey's Favorite Moments

 

If you're not familiar with James Downey, you probably are but just don't know it. In addition to being head writer for Late Night, he's been a long time writer for SNL, particularly Norm Macdonalds' "Weekend Update." He was also the star of "Grayson Moorhead" on SNL, he's the best part of "Billy Madison" and the best part of "Dirty Work."

Restoration Videos are Hypnotic

 

After I watched one restoration video, my stream was flooded with a million more suggestions just like it. This alone is not surprising. But what I noticed was that of the myriad other suggestions, no two were from the same channel. That was a shock.

And you can tell that someone, somewhere, at some point in the past cracked the code because they're all following the same formula. Firstly, no talking. At no point in the video should you hear a human voice. If something needs to be communicated, it must be by text or gesture. Secondly, no humans (other than hands and arms). Secondly, no music, even for montages. The only sounds we hear are, first and foremost, the sound of the parts and tools and then secondly, occasionally, the ambient environment.

The effect is obvious. This is ASMR, this is the tranquility of Bob Ross meets the power tools of Norm Abram, this is oddly satisfying. This is that genre of videos that I don't know the name of which are pleasurable because they go from disorder to order. If you know the term for that, let me know.

One of the ways you can divide children (or people) is between those who are more interested in people and those who are more interested in things. Those who are more interested in people become nurses, teachers, social workers, etc. The people interested in things become engineers, inventors, mechanics. It's clear these videos appeal to the thing people in the extreme.

The most magical part of these videos is the sandblasting. You take the cruddiest, most decayed rusted metal and you think it's only fit for the trash and then you wave the sandblaster over it and it's like new - exactly like a magic wand. It's oddly satisfying, it's hypnotic. The second best part is the compliment to the sandblasting - powder coating (painting) the new, bright, shiny color.

The genre goes is a few directions. Most I've seen are old toys like the video above but there are also plastic toys from the 80s and 90s, electronics restorations (playstation, nintendo, etc) antique restorations (sowing machines, harvesters, cash registers), general machines (parking meters, intercoms, slot machines) and, of course, car restorations.

The Charismatic Voice - Kashmir

 

If you're not familiar with The Charismatic Voice, the official story is that it's a youtube channel where a vocal coach technically analyzes the vocals of various singers. The viewers are watching to learn more about the art of singing. That's the official story. In actuality, viewers are watching because she may be the most expressive person in history and every other person in the world is a lifeless robot by comparison.

I look upon the rash of youtubers watching/listening to classic pop culture "for the first time" with complete suspicion. The Charismatic Voice supposedly grew up listening to classical music and so she's never heard "Kashmir" (or Jethro Tull, or Rush, etc). Is it a scam? Is she faking? Is she on drugs? You decide for yourself, I choose to believe she's simply one of God's most wonderful creations.

Happy Don Beveridge Day!

 

Happy Don Beveridge Day. It's the 24th anniversary, this year, of his famous Customerization Seminar. 

Among the choices of celebration - getting into bagels, eating Dunkin' Donuts, getting smoothies or ice cream, I will probably push the Whopper Button. It's also how I celebrated last year, I'm pretty predictable.