Britain, eh?! Let's throw another shrimp on the barbie!
A few random UK facts:
The United Kingdom includes England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Once we subtract Northern Ireland from the 4, the entity is known as Great Britain.
Wales has more castles per capita than any other country in Europe.
In Northern Ireland, it is technically illegal to go to the movies on Sunday without a license.
The dish Chicken Tikka Masala was invented in the UK.
Geology was most popular in the UK in its early years and geological terms would often be named after British locations. Hence "Devonian" is from the English county of Devon and "Cambrian" refers to "Cambria" the Latin name for Wales.
And now to the snacks...
1) Millions - Blackcurrant
Review:
"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something." - Mitch Hedberg
"Blackcurrant" is interesting in that it is simultaneously very big in British cuisine and hardly at all heard of in the U.S. Funnily enough, it WAS popular in the U.S. but was banned in the early 1900's which is why you've never heard of it. The Federal ban has since been lifted but Statewide bans still exist. Blackcurrants basically look like a blueberry and are high in Vitamin C.
Owing to previous experience of exploring British foods, I have had Blackcurrant, technically. But since I have no memory of it, I can't judge the accuracy of the Blackcurrant flavor.
These, as you can see in the picture, are tiny purple pellets. They are hard and sweet but after a while, they're chewy.
I can't decide with these. They're sweet and chewy candy but there are tons of such candies available and there's nothing about these that gives me any particular pleasure. Verdict: I don't know.
2) Grandma Wild's Chocolate Flapjack
Review:
America and England - two peoples separated by a common language. We both have "flapjacks" but, whereas in America a flapjack is a pancake, in England a flapjack is a cereal bar. Basically it's what we would call a granola bar - the texture is more moist and cakey but the flavor is the same. With its sugar, butter and chocolate topping, I would add that it's a granola bar only less healthy but let's face it, we already made granola bars less healthy. You go into a store and get a granola bar, you're getting fat and sugar, let's face it. Who's with me? This guy knows what I'm talking about!
So, yeah, the closest thing I can compare it to is a granola bar and it's good but it's not exotic or interesting, exactly.
3) Johnny's Picked Onion Rings
Review:
You may recall that the general theme of the Japanese and Korean snack reviews was "like American X but less strong." Well here, perhaps for the first time, we have a snack that is the other swing of the pendulum. These are STRONG. They're crunchy brown rings and they kick your mouth with pickle flavor. I don't know what a pickled onion tastes like - I think I've had one but don't remember it - so authentic or not, I can't say but I can say the pickle flavor is an 11 in strength.
I want to point out the disingenuous of shaping them into onion rings as well as calling them "onion rings" when they're really made of corn but, as America basically invented this type of thing, I can't complain.
I don't know if I' really like these enough to buy them again but I applaud the audaciousness to make such a bold choice.
4) Kent Crisps - Lamb & Rosemary
I don't think I've ever in my life said the phrase "These potato chips are a little gamey." Lamb and rosemary is another bold choice from the Brits.
Once again, I don't know how to judge the accuracy of the flavor but I will approximate it thusly. I definitely taste the rosemary and beyond that there is another complex flavor. Since they got the first one right, I will give them the benefit of the doubt on the other.
Are they good? I say yes. Make no mistake, they can't hold a candle to the average Dorito, but on the Good-Or-Not-Good scale, they are tasty and almost sophisticated. Have you ever eaten chips and said to yourself, "This needs more lamb"? Well, then these are for you!
5) Rhubarb and Custard Flavour Bon Bons
Review:
I saved this for last because it was the one I was most interested in trying. And WOW, you can really taste the rhubarb!
They look like this:
I don't know that I detect any custard flavor; it's possible that it exists but it's just overridden by the strong rhubarb.
In general terms, they're chewey, almost like a Laffy Taffy type thing and they're super sweet and super sour. They're another snack with an extreme flavor - they sting with flavor. It's actually too much but I'll give a marginal thumbs up, overall.
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The cliche is that British food is bland and yet here we have the irony that this is the most un-bland collection so far.
However, there's nothing spectacular in the bunch. As I have a history of trying British foods, I can say, "They're not sending their best!"
If you want the best UK foods, in my opinion, they are:
And then you want to try Spotted Dick just so you can say you did (it tastes like Fruit Cake sorta).
Note: This list is not definitive, not only because I haven't tried all UK snacks but also because I've had a lot of British chocolate bars and enjoyed them but don't remember what the rankings were.
* You bite off one corner of one side, then bit off the opposite corner. Then you suck tea through it like a straw, then eat.
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