Conan - Due Buffoni

Molto bene!

Conan - Horse with Magic Johnson

I think if the advertising was a little more bald-faced and jarring, it could almost be comedic in itself. We're living in strange times.

Conan - Jordan Schlansky and Italy

Conan plans a trip to Italy with his "friend" Jordan Schlansky...

Bitcoin Explained

Pinch Me, I'm Dreaming

I woke up one day recently to find that something amazing had happened. Something had happened to me that was so amazing, I'd have to describe it as "miraculous".

In shock, I found myself trying to figure out what to do with myself, trying to decide what to do. Should I dance? Should I call someone? Can I just send out a mass email? On the one hand, when a miracle happens, this is not the time for emails. On the other hand, I really would prefer email...

But then the celebration was tinged by a creeping doubt: what if I was dreaming?

I've had this kind of thing happen to me before and every time it has, it turned out to be a dream. What a let down it'd be for that to happen again. I looked around and everything seemed real, I looked inside my thoughts, I was fully conscious and awake. How can one tell whether you're asleep or awake?

I remembered that in TV and movies whenever anyone wants to do this test they pinch themselves. Sadly, I regret to report that I couldn't think of any better idea than what I had seen in TV and movies.

But what is this test, really? Is it that a pinch that's painful will wake you up if you're dreaming? Or is it that a pinch that isn't painful means you must be asleep? I'm now a few levels down the rabbit hole in the confusion department but lacking anything else, I decided to try. I pinched myself and I felt an uncomfortable sensation but I definitely wouldn't go so far as to describe it as pain. Hmm.

Some time later I woke up. It had all been a dream and I had been fooled into a false hope once again. Even in my not-fully-awake state I knew it was time for a control test. I pinched myself and found a somewhat uncomfortable sensation but certainly not painful. This is due to the "I couldn't find a name for it on the internet effect" where hand muscles are weak immediately upon waking up.

So the Pinch Test, which I still don't really understand, is useless anyway because it yields the same results in both situations... unless I'm asleep now... And my life hasn't drastically changed for the better recently either.

Sumo Wrestling with Conan and Kevin Hart

Best of the Worst - Black Spine Edition

In this episode, the folks at Best of the Worst step up their usual randomness to have even MORE randomness...

They watch tapes with no cases or side labels and uncover video information that has lain dormant for decades...



I want Don Beveridge's job. I want to be the next Don Beveridge.

Conan - Kevin Hart and the Trophy

The Greatest Scene in Television History

I like to think I resist clickbait better than the average guy but I decided to click on the youtube suggestion "The Greatest Scene in Television History". I was not disappointed.



Take that, Oscars!

Oscars 2018

It doesn't feel like it, but it's that time of year again. If you're like me, you spend 364 days a year wondering what Hollywood's political opinions are and now, on Sunday we'll finally find out. It's so exciting. Where would we be without their leadership?

I thought the movies this year were generally better than last year but it still feels like another "down" year. I have to wonder though, with so many "down" years in a row, maybe it's just me. In the words of Mike Stoklasa, "movies make me want to be dead."

ON WITH THE SHOW!

Best Actress

Nominees:

• Sally Hawkins in “The Shape of Water”
• Frances McDormand in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
• Margot Robbie in “I, Tonya”
• Saoirse Ronan in “Lady Bird”
• Meryl Streep in “The Post”

This is the only category this year where I have a real clear winner.

First off, I'm a sucker for Meryl Streep. I know people complain about how she always wins awards but I'm one of the people that finds her great in everything. I think the difference this year is that her part in "The Post" doesn't really require any particularly extraordinary talent. It's a very pedestrian role in a very pedestrian movie.

A special note on "I, Tonya" - it's the worst movie of any nominated this year. It's a movie that portrays its characters as idiotic, psychotic, stereotypical morons and then has the audacity to expect you to care about what happens to them. What garbage.

Saoirse Ronan is great in her role as is Frances McDormand.

My Pick: Sally Hawkins in "The Shape of Water". So much of acting (most of acting) is in the voice and so it's so interesting that someone playing a mute woman could be so effective. Such is Sally Hawkins. I'm a fan of Frances McDormand so I won't be too disappointed if she wins but Sally Hawkins was by far the most moving.

Best Actor

Nominees:

• Timothée Chalamet in “Call Me by Your Name”
• Daniel Day-Lewis in “Phantom Thread”
• Daniel Kaluuya in “Get Out”
• Gary Oldman in “Darkest Hour”
• Denzel Washington in “Roman J. Israel, Esq.”

Lots of parity here. Aside from Chalamet, it's all great acting and fine performances from everyone. It's a coin flip race... I've arrived at a winner but perhaps through bias...

My Pick: Denzel Washington in "Roman J. Israel, Esq." I mentioned how I'm a sucker for Meryl Streep, well I'm a sucker for Denzel Washington too. I can't say I've seen all of his movies but I'm always impressed by his performance. This movie is no exception. 

My pick, among all the performances, may even come down to a single scene - it may be that close. I won't spoil it but there is a scene where Denzel's character is interviewing for a job and during a dry monologue about his experience he breaks down. The speech is delivered so naturally, so subtly but so powerfully that I feel I can't pick anyone else. Make no mistake, the movie itself is very mediocre... but Washington shines anyway.

Best Picture

Nominees:

• “Lady Bird”
• “Dunkirk”
• “The Shape of Water”
• “Get Out”
• “Darkest Hour”
• “Phantom Thread”
• “The Post”
• “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
• “Call Me by Your Name”

This category is a tough one. All I needed was one movie to rise slightly above the rest but it didn't happen. That's not to say they're bad, it's more that there are a handful that are pretty equally good.

First, a note about "Call Me by Your Name". In the year of #MeToo, in the year of sexual scandals in Hollywood, that same Hollywood has seen fit to nominate a movie for Best Picture which involves a sexual relationship between a 30-something man and a 17 year old boy. This is brilliant. Aside from the fact that it's not a great movie, I almost hope it wins for the amazing irony. I'm told that within the logic of the story, the older man is supposed to be 24 but the actor portraying him is in his thirties for sure.

So with that out of the way, "The Shape of Water" is a beautifully made movie but I was not on board with the premise. "Get Out" is an extremely well made movie but it's a horror movie and I've never seen the point of horror movies. "The Post" is unremarkable. I'm a huge fan of Paul Thomas Anderson but "Phantom Thread" is ultimately pointless. "Three Billboards..." has all the makings of a Best Picture but it goes out of its way to make sure that every character is unlikable. I can get into a movie where all the characters are flawed but you can't make them so flawed that I hate them all and the only difference between them is the reason to hate them.

My Pick:

This year it was between "Lady Bird" and "Dunkirk" and I basically couldn't decide.

"Dunkirk" is a movie that does only one thing but does it extremely well. It builds incredible tension and maintains that tension for 100 minutes. It's an absolutely astounding action movie that literally does nothing other than that.

"Lady Bird" is a very simple slice-of-life story about a young girl going through high school and preparing for college. She fights with her mom a lot, she aspires to be great but hates school, she has trouble with boys. It's extremely narrow in its scope but it has good heart and there is a certain universality to it - everyone remembers that age, etc.

And so the problem is deciding which one is better. On the one hand, I'd want my Best Picture to have more light and shade than "Dunkirk", on the other hand, I'd want my Best Picture to be about something more than "Lady Bird". One is too big, one is too small. One has only action and no characters and the other has only characters and almost no action. It's so close and I've flip-flopped a few times but my pick, since I have to pick, is "Lady Bird".