Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration

 

I saw "Claymation Christmas Celebration" once, when it aired for the first time in 1987, and not a single time since then until today. Now I can't figure out why this isn't a Christmas classic that gets aired year after year throughout the generations.

It's colorful, it's whimsical, it's got great music. It's smart without the whiff of being "educational" - it doesn't talk down to its audience. It's playful without being disrespectful - either to the holiday or the traditions. It's the kind of entertainment that kids and adults can enjoy, pretty much, equally. And they were even able to get the California Raisins on to add some celebrity shine (yes, the California Raisins were already stars at this point and came on for a guest spot.)

Special shout-out to the recurring "What is wassail?" segments which were my favorite part, as a kid; and also to the "Carol of the Bells" segment, which is just perfectly executed goofiness.

The special isn't available in its entirety on youtube; you can get see it on archive.org.

And I didn't know how much of a legend Will Vinton was. You can see his work in the music video for "Moonwalker," "Return to Oz," "Captain EO" and invented The Noid and The California Raisins. That's amazing. He died in 2018.

The Last Episode of American Chopper is a Meditation on Life and Man

 This post will contain spoilers for "American Chopper - The Last Ride."

There have been a few "last" episodes of "American Chopper" but I just watched one that is currently, and may turn out to be, the last last episode. According to the calendar on the wall, the previous last episode was 5 years ago but it feels like a different age. Coming back to the series, a little older, a little wiser (hopefully), it starts out screaming as pure fakery.

"Pure fakery" is a bit strong perhaps. But it seems like a show in the "Curb" or "Spinal Tap" model where the scenes and situations are written but dialogue of each scene is improvised. When they were doing a series, you could imagine that cameras come into the shop 9 to 5 and, like security cameras picking up a bank robbery, are naturally there to capture a reality that includes moments of particular interest. Now, with a one-off special episode, it's clear that this is all made up. It seems that way. It must be that the only way cameras "happen" to be there to capture important moments is because it was all planned.

The situation of the episode is this: Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. have previously ruined their familial relationship because they were so combative in their professional relationship; now they want to get back in the old shop and see if they can build a bike together - they'll remember the good times and perhaps make amends and heal the damage done. Sr. agrees and, good news, he has a client lined up, a large construction company, looking to buy a bike themed around their corporate identity. Do you remember the old days when you were a kid and you'd get together with your dad and go into the garage and fulfill a corporate contract? Gee, this all sounds very reality-based. Perhaps I've overrated this series via my own nostalgia.

But then things take a twist.

Having agreed to build a bike together, Jr. finds that his father has already finalized the design and doesn't want to hear any suggestions. Jr. argues that it is pointless to work on a project "together" if the design is not a team effort. Suddenly, strangely, they are going back down the same road they've always gone down - increasingly heated discussions that one hopes are not leading to a fight. Suddenly there is real tension with real humans in real life. Sure, the situation may be setup, the location may be a plan but the people are real and the fear is real. For better or worse, they've instantly come back to what made the show great... and their lives miserable. This heat rises and culminates in a scene in which they each plead their case to the customer, essentially seeking a third-party ruling. They're airing their dirty laundry in public, and in a business meeting, but the mania of their urge to "win" is such that they can't stop. This is why the show was great, this scene is so intense and uncomfortable it eclipses anything on "The Office."

But, ok, the show was these two knuckleheads screaming at each other. But this is where things get interesting.

With Sr. still adamant that the basic design is final, Jr. relents. When Sr. decides that Jr. can't even make suggestions, Jr. accepts it. When Sr. goes behind Jr.'s back and redoes the small contributions that Jr. has made, Jr. doesn't mention it. The "father and son" build leads to Jr. working with Sr.'s underlings while Sr. attends to other matters - the show doesn't say what he's doing. Then, when Sr. finally shows up to "work" on the bike, Jr. greets him with a smile. The theme of the series was always two stubborn people butting heads over and over. not learning or changing, and growing further and further apart. After 20 years of this, now that the dad is 70 years old and the son nearly 50, someone has actually learned something... at least one person has progressed.

As the show and the series ends, we're served up the usual "happy ending" that's pure cognitive dissonance against the underlying reality. For the millionth time, there is the bike "unveil" - the customer is impressed by the soulless cookie-cutter bike in a style from 60 years ago. The audience has been robbed of seeing just one more crazy, unique OCC bike design. And a father has finally succeeded in stifling all of his son's creativity and individuality - finally getting the just-another-worker-in-the-shop drone that he's wanted for the entire run of the show. The contest is finally over and "villain" has won - and an entire room of people is applauding him for it. Says Junior, "The most important thing is: we got to spend time together... Any time that my father was focused on working on the bike... those were the moments that I walked away feeling like a million bucks about. That was it... It was the little things that... meant the most to me." 

Junior has found the truth in all the cliches - life is short, you only get one father, make amends, let go of self. After so many lost years, he's living out the principle that "love does not insist on its own way." Is this a happy ending? A few more cliches: the damage is done, they're not getting those years back. Is it a "happy ending" when among two grown men, only one of them has changed, has learned anything, and even that one thing took several decades of strife? Consider the nature of man and the world around you and decide for yourself whether any better ending is probable... or possible. That's what separates reality TV from real life.

Thoughts on the Little House on the Prairie Series Finale

The following post contains spoilers for a 40 year old tv show.

The stories I heard about "Little House on the Prairie" ending with a BONKERS finale were true.

After the end of the TV series, 3 made-for-tv movies were made, as an unofficial "Season 10." The first of these movies features a teenager contracting a terminal illness and dying. The third of these movies, the last one to air, is about a woman who loses a child during birth, goes crazy and kidnaps another child to substitute as her own. It should be noted that this is a Christmas episode. And even though it takes place in Minnesota, at Christmastime, the weather is sunny and hot and all the leaves are green... it looks suspiciously like California. Ho ho hoooo.

The second movie, "Little House: The Last Farewell," was the last filmed and the last chronologically within the world of the show, so it is, for all intents and purposes, the series finale.

As the story begins, it's discovered that a land development tycoon owns all the land of Walnut Grove, the little town around which the entire series has taken place. Yes, all the years in which we've seen them buying and selling deeds, farming the land, building upon their land, leaving deeds in their wills as they contract terminal illnesses... it was all somehow in error, none of it was legitimate. There was even that one episode (S09E09) where a large train company wanted to take the land to build a railroad and they had a conflict with the residents over who can use the land... No, no, forget all that, those lawyers didn't look at THE REAL records, someone else owned the town all along, it's just that nobody was noticing the real, real, real.

So upon that insane rock is built a story in which the rich real-estate tycoon tries to take possession of the land from the everyday townsfolk who've built their lives there. They're not going to give up without a fight. They gather guns, band together and refuse to leave. It's at this point of the story where it is most effective - though somewhat out of character, the show has become a fairly convincing Western and there is real tension.

The rich railroad tycoon enlists the help of the government (the Union army) and there is a tense standoff. The people of the town do the moral calculus and stand down.

Finally, resolved to abandon their homes and livelihoods - their entire lives, really - they decide that the railroad company may take the land but they will not give up the buildings. They dynamite the town and blow it up.

The town preacher gives a eulogy for the buildings of the town as tears flow from his face. And as each citizen, in turn, takes the plunger detonator to blow up their own structure, they all cry and react as if watching a massacre. It is insanely executed. It is such incredible schlock.

It's hard to convey what a complete non-sequitur this finale to the series is. In case you're not aware of "Little House on the Prairie," this show is about (was about) a family trying to survive on the frontier, trying to do what's right in a harsh world and bring their children up to have that same moral backbone. The morals of the show were hard work, determination, honesty, respect, forgiveness, courage and especially community. And the ultimate end of all this... blow up the community. Nine seasons of the family show were just building up to pyrotechnics. Do you want heartfelt emotions or do you want to see some 'splosions?!

At a loss for words, I'm also at a loss for how to conclude this. I don't understand and have not seen anything to help me understand. Yes, the show arguably jumped the shark a while back but nothing has ever prepared anyone for anything like this. 

The idea of the town banding together to fight the powerful, combined with the rigging (and setting off) of the explosives, feels somewhat like an "A-Team" plot. This movie aired in 1984 and "The A-Team" had become a big hit in 1983. Is it possible that some dopey corporate executive saw the sagging ratings of "Little House" against the massive ratings of "The A-Team" and said, "I know what will draw in the viewers... Here's what the people of the 80s want to see..."? I have no proof or evidence that anything like that happened but it's the only thing I can think of to make sense of what I just watched.

Thoughts on Little House on the Prairie

In various conversations among people, and on this blog, I had mused that "Little House on the Prairie" was a very popular show but I somehow had never watched it. Finally, repeating this same thought before my family, I suddenly heard my older sister exclaim, "'Little House on the Prairie' was SOOOO DEPRESSING!" Instantly, in just that moment, I time-traveled 30, maybe 40, years into the past to when I first heard that same phrase ringing in my ears, said in the exact same way by the exact same person. It was suddenly clear why I had no history with this show. My sister had seen it, had formed a very decidedly negative opinion of the show and then had wielded much more power over the TV.

Another mystery solved.

Now, back in our own time, having watched the entire run of the series, I consider it to be one of the great TV shows of all-time. But even as I enjoyed the show very much, I had to contend with the thought, all throughout, that, "Well, my sister wasn't exactly wrong." The two things can be true at the same time. "Little House" was a "family drama" and how does one generate drama week-in and week-out for years? There is only one way: create likable characters and then hurl an unceasing barrage of tragedies at them until their lives are a Hellish nightmarescape.

The "family" template is best illustrated by a thumbnail sketch of "Family Ties." "Family Ties" was something of a sitcom but generally you'd watch an episode and it would be, for instance, Uncle Bob is visiting from out of town and he announces he has terminal cancer. That's one week. But then the next episode, they're visited by Uncle Ned but it is revealed that Uncle Ned is hiding the secret that he has become an alcoholic. We're up to episode 3 now and in this episode, they'd throw a curve-ball - in this episode, a black family moves into the neighborhood and suddenly the suburban Ohio town of the 1980s turns into a Deep South KKK stronghold because, it turns out, racism is everywhere.

"Little House" is a lot like that but without all the laughs.

Early on, there are two main themes of the show: the man-versus-nature struggle (the harshness of living on the frontier) and the cruelty of children towards their fellow children. The former is one of my favorite aspects of the show and, as a plot device, it's abandoned pretty early on. The latter continues throughout and it's nuts. I mean, these children are monsters to each other - I would say they're demon children but that's being too kind. Words fail me to describe it, I can only say it's hard to watch.

As for the rest of the episodes, every pregnancy is a potential complication, every baby is going to get sick, every building is in danger of burning down, every dear friend can die, every loved one presents a potential for irredeemable grief and don't forget - never forget - that sometimes children with bright futures can suddenly contract an illness that brings on permanent blindness...  The onset of blindness will be slow, of course, but it will be sure and it will be permanent. Yes, it's a "delightful Bambi romp through a flowery fairy land of happy, harmless, froufrou family fun for the whole family of all ages."

To that point, an imdb trivia note from S01E18 is illustrative:

Matt Clark appears in this episode as "Eric Boulton", a man whose wife and son die after contracting Typhus after eating rat-infected cornmeal. He would return in Season Five's "Mortal Mission" as a character whose family die from Anthrax infected meat.

That actor just can't catch a break.

That said, I will defend the show's position in the Pantheon of Television with 3 semi-counter-points. 

1. It is a family drama and this is the core of drama. You know this is what you're getting into (like I said about "Family Ties" above.) 
2. It rarely feels forced. The hardships may seem a little overwrought in that 70s style, but they're rarely gratuitous - the quality of the writing is so high, it mostly earns its awful extremity.
3. The show seeks to depict not just frontier America but actual people who lived on the frontier. These were hard times and certain tragic events did happen to these real people. Another imdb trivia note from S08E18 is illustrative here:

The real Almanzo and Laura Wilder contracted diphtheria in 1888; then in August 1889, Laura gave birth to a son who died two weeks later, and in the same month they lost their house to a fire and their crops to drought. These circumstances, along with Almanzo's inability to do physical work, led the Wilder's into debt and poverty.

So that's fun. "Hey kids, what do you want to watch tonight?!"

I've covered the quality of the show in general terms - generally it's excellent - but there is a great variance in quality across the hundreds of episodes, spread across 9 seasons. There are weaknesses, aspects I hate, episodes I loathe and it is arguable that the show jumps the shark at a point. Along with the great episodes destined for the TV Hall of Fame, there are certainly terrible episodes also. My complaints and criticisms of this series could be an entire post of their own but I'll spare you that. Suffice it to say that the series has high highs and low lows but, for any given season, the ratio of excellent episodes to bad episodes never goes below 2:1. That is, until Season 9 when the series settles into a heat death of mediocrity; Season 9 is just unremarkable, tired and pointless.

There's just one loose end left. My biggest reason for pursuing the series was how impressed I was by the amazing pilot episode/movie. But, following that, I was spurred on by the rumor that the show ends with one of the most bizarre finales in any television show ever. The last episode of the series, true to the 9th season, is not bizarre or unusual in any way. But I have not been rugpulled yet. For there have been 3 "Little House" made-for-tv movies made after the series ended and I will be watching those next. We shall see...

Safe Sunscreen

 Dateline: Baywatch Season 6, Episode 15.

[Stephanie and her boyfriend are enjoying a picnic. The boyfriend's beeper goes off.]

Stephanie: I thought you had the whole day off.

Boyfriend: No, days off for a doctor are a fallacy. As long as there are medical emergencies, there are no days off.

Stephanie: Well I think I'm having a medical emergency right now - it's my heart, it's beating dangerously fast.

[They make out. It's important to note that as they make out, and for the rest of the scene, someone is probably dying.]

[Doctor Boyfriend feels up her leg and notices she has a suspicious mole. He suggests she should get it checked out.]

Stephanie: I use sunscreen, I tan safely.

Boyfriend: There's no such thing as a safe tan, you know.

And that's the key takeaway here. You can practice safe tanning but there's no such thing as safe tan.

The B-Story to Stephanie's cancer scare is Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage wrestling against Ric Flair and Vader to determine the fate of a beach-side weightlifting center.

Not a joke. Wooooo!

Re:View - Andor

 

I'm posting this with complete ignorance - I haven't seen any of this show, I have no opinions of it. But it's an interesting hour-long discussion about the Star Wars.

The Prequels ambitiously attempted to tackle two very big subjects. 1) How the Republic (or any Republic) devolves into tyranny. 2) How a Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader. And, again, it's like poetry, they rhyme - it's the Fall on the micro scale and the Fall on the largest macro scale.

But the attempt at great themes is a very minor credit, as the execution is terrible. And most of the most terrible movies are the most terrible movies because they are similarly ambitious. "Plan 9...," "The Room," "Birdemic." The humor is in the gap between what the movie tries to be and what it turns out to be.

The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross

 

Last February, almost exactly a year ago, I found that every episode of The Joy of Painting was available online. I noted that it might be crazy to watch them all but hedged my bets, saying that I might do it. I did. Starting from April 11 and watching, usually, an episode per day, I finished the series a few days ago. I have come back with the results of the voyage.

The Bob Ross Avatar

In the early days of the internet when I searched Alta Vista for Bob Ross, I found a graphic similar to the one above. It's Bob Ross' main photo on imdb, it's the photo they use on Amazon, it's the official photo used on the Bob Ross website. Given the ubiquity of the image, I figured it would be fun, as I go through the series, to find the episode where he paints that particular picture.

That painting never exactly shows up but Season 2 Episode 12 is the closest. In retrospect, that painting has too much detail to fit into the half-hour format but Season 2 Episode 12 might be the 30 minute version/variant of that original model.

The Theme Song

Nobody ever talks about the "Joy of Painting" theme song, the documentaries about Bob Ross don't even mention it. It's one of my favorite theme songs of all-time. I just love it.

Here is the never-before-heard full 3 minute song. Is it Yacht Rock? I say almost

Bob's Afro Through The Years

It is now widely known that Bob Ross grew to dislike his afro hair style but felt he had to keep going with it because it was a trademark of his brand. Going through every episode, I figured I'd track the size of the afro through the seasons.

Here is the graph of the progression over time:

Afro radius is an estimated best guess by myself. I'm not confident in the numbers - I just have no experience in measuring afros.

You can plainly see in both graphics that something happened in Season 9. It was 1986, someone thought it was now the late 80s and it was time for a new look for an updated crowd, I theorize. Short hair and bright colored shirts for the hip almost-90s. That was my working theory but if that was what happened, it is then inexplicable how the early 90s saw perhaps the longest lengths of the series!

As for the exact season with the largest afro, that's a judgment call, you can decide for yourself. But special note should be made of the Special "The Grandeur of Summer" where the especially giant afro size is anchored by the addition of a slight afro mullet.

The Oddest Quote

Bob Ross was a character, full of sayings and stories. But a particular line, is worthy of note as it is perhaps the oddest of the series. From Season 12 Episode 2:

“There’s nothing wrong with making friends with nature… One day nature’s gonna take over again and you’re gonna need a friend.”

Bob Ross, there, right in the middle of the peaceful valley of happy trees, just letting you know that the animal uprising (or else some other natural apocalyptic event) is on its way. I appreciate that Bob alone knows the certainty of things to come and is already in possession of the only remedy.

Unusual Paintings

Bob Ross obviously had a very well defined style of painting. I thought I would note a few paintings that deviated most from that style.

In Season 3 Episode 10, Bob paints a campfire and then adds the silhouette of a person sitting next to it. If I recall correctly, this is the only time he puts a human being in any of his paintings in the series.

But the most unusual painting, the one that actually almost veers into pop art is Season 26 Episode 7:

Those colors - bright blue fading into fluorescent yellow - is hypnotic. And it's (to me) the most abstract and the most "pop art" that Bob ever gets.

The Dark and the Light

There is aBob Ross clip/quote about the dark and light in painting being like the dark times and light times of life. It goes viral occasionally and I see it a lot on reddit but if you haven't seen it, here it is:

That was another thing I kept an eye out for. He says it a few times, I believe, but this particular moment is from Season 23 Episode 3. The fans have wondered what "darkness" he's referring to and the thing that goes around is that his wife died shortly before the taping of the episode. That's a myth. This episode aired September 17, 1991 and must have been recorded some time before that. Bob's wife died of cancer in August of 1992. It's possible that she had been diagnosed or was sick at this time, however, that is pure speculation as I don't know anything about it.

The Most Emotional Moment

So people justifiably like the "dark/light" moment because it's an inspirational quote, applies to everyone and is vaguely sad; but the most emotional moment in the series comes a little later. Season 26 is dedicated to Bob's recently deceased wife (through a graphic at the end of the credits) and then at the end of Season 27 Bob thanks everyone in the audience for their sympathies. Bob is usually guarded with his personal life and this moment falls like a bombshell as he very noticeably chokes back tears.  This is the most emotionally stirring moment of the series.

Happy Little Trees

If you asked the average person if they knew who Bob Ross was, probably most would know him as the "guy who paints happy little trees" or "the happy little tree guy." It's all over t-shirts, posters, mugs and everything. The ironic thing is that this phrase is not original to Bob Ross. The "happy little" objects phrasing as well as the other Bob Rossism "almighty mountains" were both coined by Bill Alexander, Bob's mentor. 

Assessing The End

"The Joy of Painting" has 31 seasons, each with 13 episodes. That's a total of 403 episodes and I watched them all. There is an hour long "special" on youtube, and I watched that. There are two documentaries about Bob and I watched those. But Bob also sold 10 instructional VHS tapes and DVDs, of which I was only able to find 2. The rest could be obtained second-hand on ebay and such but I couldn't bring myself to start shelling out the cash for them. Perhaps some day I will, but the initial goal was to watch every episode of the series and that is complete.

Conclusion

Speaking of Bob Ross merchandise, there is a lot of it these days in addition to successful youtube and twitch channels (as well as the episodes available to stream on Amazon.) But sadly, the people profiting off his likeness are not Bob or his family. In fact, the people making all the money fought against him in his life and betrayed his final wishes after his death. The story on that can be found in the documentary "Bob Ross: Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed (2021)."

At the end of each season, Bob always made the announcement that it was the last show of the season but rest assured they'll be making another season. But at the end of the 31st series, Bob replaces that promise with "I hope to see you again very soon." About a year later, Bob would be dead from cancer. 

I have completed a number of television and internet series over the years and almost always there comes a time when you're "over it" and "let's just get this done." This is when I may start watching episodes while eating, watching at 130% speed, getting as many done in a day that as possible, all that stuff - just get it done and out of the way. That never happened with "The Joy of Painting." In fact, as the end approached, I slowed down, I didn't want it to end. I even put off making this post. The format of the show is the very definition of limited and repetitive... but it never got old, exactly. The reason is Bob Ross. Bob Ross was a good man and every moment spent in his presence was an honor.

The Dumbest Plot in Baywatch Nights

 

I know what you're thinking: "'Baywatch Nights' is a famously bad show and the second season dealt with mummies, time travel, ghosts werewolves.. how do you determine a dumbest plot?" Well, regardless of what anyone may think of Sci-Fi/Horror tropes, they have their own internal logic, what I'm going to talk about now is a Baywatchian plot that defies all logic.

The dumbest "plot," is actually a B-Story and is found in Season 1, Episode 22 "Heat Rays." The first time we see her, Donna Marco (Donna D'Errico) is driving over a bridge at night in her sports car and comes across ruffians, seemingly in distress. Being a Good S'Maritan, she stops to help.

"I need to use your carphone before they go out of style!"

They say a woman's boyfriend has just jumped off the bride and is in the water. They need to use the carphone to call the emergency services. Donna, being a former lifeguard (or becoming a lifeguard in the future, I forget) jumps in the water to help.

Once she's in the water, they inform her that there was no boyfriend and they steal her car. It's a confusing plan, to say the least. They make it clear that they didn't expect her to jump in the water herself and yet that's the only way it works. If the plan was to simply get her out of her car and take the keys, they could have done that moments earlier. Instead there was all this fake tv drama where they were faking a phone call while trying to "show" her where the drowning boyfriend was. And after that, they'd still have to physically overpower her and she could have a gun. If that was the plan, they simply need her out of her car and then the pretense stops. 

On the other hand, if her jumping into the water was the plan (and they seem to make it clear that it was not) then she could have jumped off with her keys on her and they'd come away with nothing.

Donna is left in the water kicking herself for being a good person.

Here's where it gets worse. She says, "Oh that tide is strong!" and we as the viewer can tell that the strong tide is a Hollywood soundstage. Then she adds, "What do they say, go with the flow?" and starts floating with the "flow" of water (pretty still in that Hollywood soundstage). After about two seconds of "floating" (standing in the soundstage tank), a luxury cruise ship is going to hit her(?) and she has to swim out of the way(?!)

Look both ways: those Carnival Cruise Ships jump out of thin air.

She presumably must swim out of the way of the oncoming cruise ship - the visual storytelling is not very good - and the cruise ship is presumably about to crash into the bridge because that's where she was... spatially nothing about this makes sense. Nothing makes sense but it's all, I think, obfuscation for what's about to happen. And this is the worst part. 

Here is Donna the next time we see her:

It's now daytime and she's still swimming in the water/soundstage. Not content to merely be swimming, she's actually in the middle of the ocean and her best bet is to try to flag down a boat.

I don't know if you know much about how bridges work or if you remember that there was a bridge (it feels like an eternity ago) but they generally have a piece of land they connect to on each side. In other words, bridges are usually fairly close to land. I mean, when you think about it, it's fairly rare that a Nation or business tycoon will choose to build a bridge in the middle of an ocean.

Let's recap, because I know this is a lot to take in. Donna jumped off a bridge at night, floated for 2 seconds, swam for two seconds and it's now daytime and she's in the middle of the ocean with little hope of rescue. This is the nail-biting drama we are presented with.

Kudos to her for being able to tread water for 8 hours but does any of that make sense? If you jump off a bridge, you just swim to shore. If you float for a few seconds and then are attacked by a Disney Cruise gone rogue, you still just swim to shore. If we map out the whiteboard of possibilities and decisions, all possibilities point back to one of the two ends of the bridge or maybe the pile (one of the legs). And if she swam to one of the piles, she could rest a bit, maybe take a nap and then swim to land at her leisure.

At this point in the episode even I'm saying "this is insanely stupid" and bear in mind that I'm a person choosing to use my life to watch "Baywatch Nights."

The next time we see Donna, she's still treading water and not struggling at all but she is worried about sharks. I think it's the treading water that's the danger. What's the world's record for treading water? According to Brave Search, the World Record for treading water while balancing a football on their head is 18 minutes and 2 seconds. Have you noticed that search engines are becoming less helpful?

Fortunately a fishing boat spots her and brings her in. Or is it a fishing boat?

"Wow, Donna D'Errico is hot!"

Yes, she's saved but hold on... The more she learns about the guys she's with, the more suspicious their story sounds. It just so happens they're actually drug smugglers on their way to a deal. The deal goes bad and a large black man with sunglasses mows them down with an uzi. Donna dives back into the water - first to dodge the bullets and secondly to rescue the shooting victims. It seems a big ask - to rescue people in the water after treading water for several hours but she does it all easily and then  radios for help.

The next time we see her, she's coming out of a taxi. She's safe and sound. She needs someone to pay the taxi fare because she "lost her wallet." One of the other characters is taken aback but obliges. Making conversation, he asks, "So, how was your day?" She flashes back to the carjacking, the jumping off the bridge, the imaginary sharks, the druglord battles and then replies, "Interesting."

Get it? Because she survived multiple felonies and almost died from not knowing how bridges work! It's the classic action movie one-liner. Oh, we do have fun, don't we?

And that's the dumbest "Baywatch Nights" plot. 

Quick Side Note: I started writing this article in January. How has my year gone? Not at all interesting.

The Paper Chase Guy

 Re-watching the MST3K episode "Warrior of the Lost World" recently and who should I (re)discover is the lead actor in that film? Robert Ginty!

One of the running jokes of the episode, ironically, is that they never refer to Robert Ginty by his name, no one knows his name, he is only referred to as "The Paper Chase Guy."

Just as with this episode of MST3K, I had a fondness for "The Paper Chase," the 1973 film about the pressure to make the grade for first year students at Harvard Law School, but had no recollection of Robert Ginty being involved. It was the perfect movie night suggestion.

Re-watching "The Paper Chase" I found it really holds up well. It really brings back all the memories of staying up for an exam and the stress of learning. The opening scene where it starts with an empty auditorium and progresses until the room is full is so simple but so evocative of that feeling. And I think I could watch John Houseman in anything.

The only problem with the movie is that Robert Ginty is nowhere to be seen. How is The Paper Chase guy not actually in "The Paper Chase." It turns out that Robert Ginty played a supporting role in the television series that was based on the movie. So now I'm watching the television series.

I'm generally enjoying the series, so far, it is a test of the hypothesis that I could watch John Houseman in anything - in the show he reprises the role he played in the movie. I have yet to resolve how they'll make a multi-year series about a guy/professor/class relationship. Will they do the Simpsons thing where time runs in the real world but is suspended in the show? Or will they do the Boy Meets World/Saved By the Bell thing where the teacher follows the students through the years? I wouldn't expect them to do that but what I would expect the least is that they'll be true to life and have John Houseman disappear after the first year, to be replaced by other professors.

The main conclusion and the main thing worth noting so far is that I've discovered "The Paper Chase" has the most 70s, wussiest, lamest theme song possibly in the history of television. People say that the "Family Ties" theme is lame, but that has the redeeming quality of being pretty. This theme is just... it's like a parody of bad folk songs. It's like an Adult Swim simulation of a sitcom that never existed.

Mr. Plinkett Watches Night Court

 

Finally!

The Robonic Stooges (1978)

 Struck by nostalgia, I decided to watch the episode(s) of "Scooby-Doo" which feature the Three Stooges. These are rip-offs, by the way, the "Three Stooges" are voiced by voice actors and don't particularly act very Stoogey. What's the point of "meeting" the Three Stooges if you're not going to meet the Three Stooges? Sad. Anyway, the Scooby-Doo wiki had the following tantalizing tidbit:

“The Three Stooges starred in their own non-canon series called The Robonic Stooges, where they are cyborg superheroes.”

Say what?

Yes, it's real. If you've followed the blog for any length of time you'll notice that one of the themes is to find the oddities of pop-culture, watch them and explore them in lengthy reviews. However, "The Robonic Stooges" has not been released on DVD, and few episodes exist on the internet. Furthermore, this is a show from the 70s about robotic Stooges sent on "Charlie's Angels" type missions to capture criminals, who has the energy to even approach this? I don't. Where would I begin? I can't. And what's the deal with the 70s? Was everyone on drugs all of the time?

If you want to make small talk at a party, just mention that this show exists. That's enough. If you want to watch a "full" episode (5 minutes long) here is one of the only ones I've found.

T and T - Season 3

 

It's Part 3 of my full review and synopsis of the series "T and T" and while you might recall that I proclaimed Season 2 to be the lowest point of the series, this post is the lowest point of my life. Enjoy.

WikiPedia Sucks

About Season 3, Wikipedia has this to say: 

"Season three saw a return to action-based stories."

 Well to that I can only say "citation needed" because that's a lie. In Season 3, "T and T" was bought by the Family Channel after running in syndication for the first two (according to Wikipedia) and, being a family show, the action was almost completely removed (you can't say completely removed because nothing about this show is consistent). You can definitively say that Season 3 has the least amount of action.... and it's not even close.  Action was originally part of the formula of the show - each and every episode you knew you were going to see at least a car chase or a fist fight or a person holding a gun but not shooting as someone tackled them from behind. Even when Season 2 got "serious", there was still something action-oriented. But not only does Season 3 emerge with no-action episodes, it even tries to generate and focus on "comedy." Oof. More on that later.

The Theme (Updated)

I noted in Part 2/Season 2 the show eliminated most of the supporting characters but were too lazy to update the opening theme which introduced them. The result was a weird "ghost town" opening.  Well they right this wrong for the Season 3 opening - no superfluous actors. Also eliminated from the theme is the voiceover at the beginning that explains the show's premise. But they didn't want to make the opening any shorter timewise so what do they do with the empty space? They add more song! Not only that, they tack on a whole new section to the beginning of the song that was already disjointed and inconsistent. Check out the results. It all seems to go together but none of it goes together.

A New T

If you watch that new opening you'll see why they were absolutely forced to change it. One of the Ts has been replaced. Amy Taler was fired or left the show or something (can't find any info on what happend) and replaced by Terri Taler, played by another actress. I don't know why. It seems like the ultimate lateral move.

Remember when I complained that Amanda/Amy's character was bland and generic? Well nothing changes in Season 3. It was like they replaced my regular bowl of oatmeal with another brand of oatmeal. I did not notice a difference. This is not to say anything about the actresses, they're fine, just the character(s) as written.

But here's yet another entry in the never-ending list of mysteries. You can see the name of the character changed, right? So you expect the new character is a different person - perhaps Amy's sister or something... You figure they'll start the season and make a quick comment about how Terri is handling things while Amy is exploring the Amazon and after that quick one line, they'll move on as if nothing is changed. Perhaps, even, Amy Taler will be seen talking to them on the phone and saying how much she's enjoying her round-the-world yacht race. But that never happens.  Instead, what they say is nothing. I assume the implication is that they're the same character... except why change the name of the character if it's the same;? Just change the actress. Nothing about this show makes sense.

The Plots

So eliminating the action and focusing on drama or "comedy", the show gets really boring in Season 3. The show still yields a few wacky highlights that I'll tell you about later but, if I can make a generalization about a show that's never consistent, it's just mostly dull going through-the-motions filling out 30 minutes of air time to sell commercials stuff.

In Season 3 Episode 11 a man comes into the gym and claims to be Luck O'Mara, a famous gangster who is presumed dead. In Season 3 Episode 20 a man comes into the gym and claims to be Wild Willy Ryder a famous rock guitarist who is supposedly dead. Uh oh. And incidentally both of these aired in 1990 - the Season 1 Episode 12 episode of "Cheers" where a man walks into the bar claiming to be a famous poet was 1982.

In Episode 6, a stand-up comic is threatened by the mob because he tells mob jokes. Why do they care especially when the jokes are so weak? Season 3 Episode 19, the entire episode is Turner telling a fairy tale to a little kid. That's it. Remember: Wikipedia says this is the season that focuses on action. Season 3 Episode 8 focuses on Professional Wrestling. Season 3 Episode 12 Terri's ex comes back and wants to sell people into Ponzi schemes or bad investments or something. The twist here is that the investments turn out to be good. The other twist here is that the investments turn out to be bad. I have no idea what the end of the episode means except I know that investment opportunities are not action.

So all of this sounds goofy and stupid so maybe you think it sounds fun. But by now you should know that nothing can nothing is consistent, nothing is predictable. In between these episodes is an episode where an ex-cop shoots a kid and as we try to get to the heart of his motives he sweats, yells, drinks, possibly has PTSD flashbacks and the whole thing feels like a fever dream. There's another episode where common citizens try to get rid of a crack den in their neighborhood. And there's an episode where a deaf boy witnesses a robbery so the mob is after him. And this sounds stupid, but it's genuinely uncomfortable to watch.

No doubt, Season 3 lacks action but none of these episodes are technically the worst episodes. Let's get to that now...

The "Comedy"

So, like I said, the third Season has its wacky episodes and its dead serious episodes and each has their problems. But if I had to summarize what Season 3's focus IS (at least compared to the other seasons), I would say it seems to be "comedy."

And I've put "comedy" in quotes, and will continue to do so, for a reason. Because when "T and T" does "comedy" it's unbearable. In fact, I might cut this segment short because I don't even have the strength to get into it. We'll see.

In Season 2, the show introduced two small time, bumbling, stupid criminals - one is the smart one and one is the stupid one and they are, of course, both stupid. I never learned their names, I don't care about their names. But in Season 3 they are made to be recurring characters. Recurring villains? How? Well, you know how at the end of every episode they're caught and put in prison? Yeah well the show doesn't know anything about that so here they are walking around in another episode. Just as if nothing ever happened - it's almost like what happens in the show doesn't matter at all. Say what you want about "T and T" (and I have) but it was always at least taking place somewhere in the real world. With this, it takes up the logic of Adam West's "Batman".

Here's the worst episode with them: Season 3 Episode 9. The two crooks see that a gym (Turner's gym) is next to a jewelry store so they concoct a plan to pretend to be movie producers making a movie in the gym while they're "secretly" breaking through the wall into the other store. When people ask suspicious questions, they promise to put them in the movie and the questioning stops. The characters are so delusional, so eager to see their name in lights, that all logic and reason leave them immediately. This is "funny." And the group of stupid people includes Terri Taler who has already prosecuted them multiple times and has gone through law school and passed the bar. When really loud drilling sounds blast from another room, nobody seems to question it except for T.S. Turner who only shows up in the last 5 minutes of the show. It's a "T and T" almost completely devoid of T.

The Most 80s Episode - Season 3

I don't think Season 3, has a definitive 80s episode; there are moments but they're more distributed. In Episode 20 there's a terrible Robert Palmer style music video, Episode 6 is about stand-up comedy (already mentioned), Episode 8 is about professional wrestling (already mentioned) and my personal favorite: Episode 5 where a floppy disk is held up as the cutting edge in technology. Those were the days.

Random Actors

The guy from "Clear and Present Danger" plays a cop in Episode 10, one of the way serious episodes. And "Whose Line Is It Anyway" star Colin Mochrie shows up as a spoiled rich kid in Episode 15, one of the horrendous "comedy" episodes. In fact, this episode is one of the few that reaches "Scooby-Doo" territory.

The Mr. T Cinematic Universe

I started researching this section and it's taking longer than I had hoped. I think this may deserve a separate post all its own. Possibly look for that sometime in the future.

Conclusion

You can read my thoughts about the series overall in Part 1. Now I'll only add that it seems someone was always tinkering with the show and so it perhaps never found an identity. Season 1 was a "casual action" show (which was the best incarnation), Season 2 was more drama, Season 3 was more comedy. While it was never amazing, it was, for the most part, watchable. Though that generalization comes with the warning that many episodes are basically torture. Still a huge fan of Mr. T but there's no way to get around the fact that the show around him was not strong.

So, now what? Well if there was one Mr. T show that I had completely never heard about, could there be others out there waiting to be discovered? Well, I found that he was a cast member of an animated show in 2001 (12 episodes) but animation doesn't seem to count. I may check it out and, if there's anything there, I'll talk about it. Other than that, according to imdb, there aren't any others - it's pretty much just cameos in movies and TV shows from then on. I'm thinking I may keep this going by watching some of them and I'll post something if there's anything worth talking about.

T and T - Season 2

 

There is yet more to say about this stupid show! This is a continuation from Part 1.

Season 2 - The Movie!

Searching on imdb for "T and T" yields "Craig T. Nelson" as its first result. But if you make it past that, you'll find there's an entry for a TV show AND a movie called "Straight Line" with its own thumbnail and plot, etc. but with a cast that's eerily similar to "T and T."

The reason is that "T and T" Season 2 starts out with a 4-part episode that apparently originally aired as a made-for-TV movie. And the name of the 4-parter is "Straight Line." I have to say right off the bat that I have never heard of a 4-part episode of television anywhere else in my life. I could be wrong but I can't think of one. Can you?

You might recall from Part 1 that one of my main complaints about the show is how it took itself too seriously to be the fun series I was hoping for. Well, starting out with this made-for-TV movie, the series reaches the grittiest, darkest and most depressing point of the show's history.

You see, a black man is running for Mayor of "the city" and, if elected, he will be the first black mayor in the history of "the city." Meanwhile there is a gang of leather-clad white supremacists who are stoking racial division. During a rally, a bomb goes off and kills a woman. The woman happens to be the mother of one of the troubled teens in the gang. So the boy, out of shame, doesn't even bother to check whether his mother is alive but instead runs to the nearest bridge to commit suicide. Having fun yet? And his mother IS dead so good guess! Turner talks him down off the ledge and gets on the case to fight the charge that the boy killed his own mother with a bomb. Oh yeah, and the black candidate is later killed by an assassin's bullet while giving a speech at his church.

There's actually way more to the plot than that, it goes into other areas but it's all depressing and the less said the better. From my notes, I caught a couple highlights to convey the extremes: a white supremacist actually calls Turner the N-word and Turner chokes a man with a pool cue. At the end, the main villain is (inadvertently) hanged by a chain around his neck.

Needless to say, this is the absolute lowest point of the series for me. It's dark, it's depressing, it's completely unpleasant to watch. If they were really tackling hard issues, I could be interested but I don't think they're even doing that. And it's such a jarring shift from anything that's happened before in the series, it just seems like a huge misstep.

The Formulas

Despite the fact that nothing before or since will be like the first 4 episodes of Season 2, it does seem like the creators of the show attempted to make Season 2 darker and more serious that Season 1. The clothes-changing montages are gone, in fact Turner's suits are gone, the courthouse scenes are minimized. In this Season, Turner has an office at the gym and people come to his office looking for a detective (private investigator) like it's a 40s style film noir.

Also in this season, Turner wears informal 80s clothes. Like I said, the suits are gone. I don't know why I'm talking about this except that Season 1 made such a big deal about his clothes it seems that this must be important somehow; like some seismic shift has taken place right under us.

The Theme (Updated)

In Part 1, I noted the humorous aspect of the opening theme that it was a bit like "Too Many Cooks" in that it introduced a large cast of characters that would mostly never be seen in the episode. Well in Season 2 the theme remains unchanged even though all those characters are gone for good (with 1 exception). Whereas in Season 1 you would be introduced to characters rarely making an appearance, now in Season 2 you get introduce to characters who NEVER make an appearance. 

Thinking of the Children

Do you remember the kid who Turner rescued from the "gang" in the Season 2 "movie"? No, and you shouldn't. But he exists. And in Season 2 he becomes a new somewhat regular character who shows up in many episodes... but not all... nothing about this show is ever consistent. T becomes a mentor/father figure to him and his character is that of the plucky kid who always hangs around T and wants to be involved in the dangerous crime fighting. T tells him it's too dangerous and doesn't let him come but he comes anyway and does things.

 To me, the addition of his character looks like an obvious ploy to get more kids watching the show. With a kid in the show, there's someone kids can identify with, they vicariously get to hang around Mr. T. This is a natural connection - kids love T and so the show should naturally be aimed at kids.

There's only one problem with this of course - do you remember how the show is trying to be dark and gritty? Yeah, that kind of conflicts with trying to attract children, it even conflicts with having a kid in the cast. So it just becomes a mess - some episodes become light and innocent but then the next week they're dealing with something heavy and adult. Again, nothing about this show is consistent from season to season or even from episode to episode. If you ever think you understand it, you don't.

The Most 80s Episode - Season 2

Oh boy, speaking of "not for kids"...

The most 80s episode of Season 1 had The Fat Boys guesting, and funnily enough, in Season 2 we have Prince protege Vanity. In Season 2 Episode 6, Vanity guest stars as a reporter who goes undercover to work in a mud wrestling club.

When mud wrestling was a fad in the 80s I remember being aware of it but not really understanding it. Now that I'm an adult, I obviously understand more but I still don't think I really understand it. Suffice to say that it was a fad of that time and so Vanity + mud wrestling + Mr. T is pure 80s... They're not wrestling together, mind you, just saying that they're both in the episode.

And on the subject of the 80s, Season 2 is where Turner first uses a car phone. No explanation of it, no comment necessary, he has a car phone now, so what?

This Thumbnail

Here's imdb's thumbnail for Season 2 Episode "The Contender." Enjoy:

Soak it in, boys. See it in your dreams, see it in your nightmares. This character's name happens to be Kevin Hart. Not that anything can be very interesting after that picture.

Amy Taler

So far in this rambling, incoherent think piece, I've only talked about the Mr. T half of "T and T" but there is another T - Amy Taler played by Alexandra Amini. This is because there isn't much to say - the character is businesslike and efficient and cares about people. She's very bland and one-dimensional. She shows one quirk in Season 1 where she cares too much about her car but it's only for that episode.  Her and T have the slightest suggestion of a "will they, won't they?" relationship for brief moments but it's not really a big focus. 

One of the things they do in Season 2, however, is give her an antagonist to contrast against in the character of the hard Detective Hargrove. And, although it's inconsistent - like everything else about the show - it's occasionally funny. They have scenes where Hargrove will say "Of course he's guilty, he has tattoos!" and then in another episode it's "Of course he killed the guy, look at his long hair!". And that allows Amy to come back with "Just because people dress a certain way or listen to certain music, it doesn't mean they're bad people." And what a great life lesson it is for us all.

Conclusion - Season 2

Alright, that's it for Season 2. I didn't even get to Mr. T being a substitute teacher for an episode, or the flashback episode where we flashback to the sweet clothes-changing of Season 1 (do you remember the clothes changing?), but this "review" is already too long. In short, this season has the series' low point and it tends to emphasize everything I disliked about Season 1. And just as Season 2 made drastic changes from Season 1, Season 3 is about to make even more drastic changes. It's almost as if they're inconsistent or desperate or something! 

Continued in Part 3...

T and T - Season 1

There seemed to be no bigger star in the 80s than Mr. T, especially as I recall my own experience. I was obsessed "The A-Team," I loved the Saturday morning cartoon "Mister T," I had Mister T crayons (I still have one), I didn't have the Mr. T doll but I knew someone who did and I envy them to this day. And so it would appear to be impossible that Mr. T would get his own TV series right after "The A-Team" and that it would last for three seasons and not only would I have never seen an episode of the show, but I would also never have even heard that such a show exists. And yet it does.

My first thought upon seeing this phantom television series, was that it must have aired on TNT, the cable channel. A show called "T and T" airing on a channel called "TNT" would make perfect sense, and since I didn't have cable growing up, it would explain how it could completely escape my notice. But that's not the case. "T and T," as it turns out, was a Canadian program that, as far as I can tell, only aired in Canada. And that's the reason why, not only did I never hear of it, but also why you and everyone else didn't know about it either. 

But imdb knows and now the show is on youtube and, as of today, I've seen every episode and now you're (unfortunately) going to hear about it.

"T and T" starred Mr. T as a private investigator who works for a lawyer (Amanda Taler) as he works his way toward getting a law degree of his own. The opening theme played before every episode summarizes it thusly:

"T.S. Turner was a city-smart kid fighting his way off the street, until he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit. Amy Taler was a young, crusading lawyer. She mounted an appeal to put Turner back on the street, this time in a suit and tie, working as a private detective. Together they are—T. and T."

 

And speaking of the opening theme...

The Theme

At first listen, the "T and T" theme song sounds like a generic "of its time" theme from the era. Listening to it over 65 times, as I have, I'm ready to call it one of the stranger theme songs in TV history. Repetition is the heart of melody and (it may be just my lack of musical knowledge) but it seems to me the "T and T" theme has no repetition. Think about it: I hear no verse, no chorus, each phrase doesn't repeat any other (as far as I can tell) - it is a "song" only of disjointed phrases of pseudo-Gospel set to a beat. It's like the entire song is a bridge within a larger song that we never hear. And yet there is one bright spot: after much vamping we arrive at the line "In the eyes of the law, he's a champion..." and it actually sounds like a great song and I think "Yeah! Now we've got a song!" But we don't. First off, that one good line is 45 seconds in to the full 1 minute theme and then also the last 15 seconds just devolve back to just running out the clock. For that one line we almost have something but it's only a brief respite.

So now you know that "T and T" never aired on TNT and did not use "TNT" by AC/DC as its theme. And the fact that both of those things are true means that you can forget about UFOs - I don't think intelligent life even exists here on Earth.

One of funnier things about the opening, too, is there is a nice "Too Many Cooks" aspect. If you watch the opening, you will see credits for a long list of minor characters that you will probably not see in the actual episode. Particularly this gets worse in Season 2, but we'll get to that later.

The Formula - Season 1

So, as you might expect, being a half hour show from the 80s, the show is episodic and every episode has the same formula. Every show starts with an introduction to a crime with creepy music, then the opening theme - which we've covered - and then Amy and Turner are seen at the courthouse arguing a case, taking a case, talking about a case, etc. where they take the case of someone accused of the creepy crime, Tate investigates, there is action, then Tate wins and every episode ends with them back at the court house "winning the case" and making a joke which freeze frames as we all take in the joyfulness. 

It's pretty standard. Many shows could be loosely said to revolve around a mystery plot but in a half hour show there isn't time for a lot of depth. And for some reason most episodes end with the same exact device: almost every episode ends with a bad guy holding a gun on the good guy when suddenly a good guy walks in on the situation undetected, creeps up behind the bad guy without him knowing and tackles him, saving the day. As I was watching I was trying to figure out why this is a formula when there are so many ways to end an action show. My best guess is that it may be a Canadian thing - they want the threat of a gun but don't want any actual shooting. But then again, sometimes people are shot, but I can't think of any reason to be so repetitive. Just a theory, anyway.

There is another element to the formula that deserves its own section...

The Clothes Montage

T.S. Turner's (Mr. T's) wardrobe in Season 1 is a full suit and bow tie. It's a nice playing-against-type because you wouldn't expect Mr. T to be dressed up but he's usually in court and so it makes perfect sense. How the legal system feels about a man with a mohawk, gold chains and gold earrings is somehow never addressed, but the point is he dresses well.

So why am I talking about Mr. T's wardrobe in the show? Well, for some reason the makers of this television series decided that every episode needed a clothes-changing montage. I kid you not. In fact, it's so unthinkable that it took me many episodes to catch on to what was going on. Mr. T changing his clothes is a fundamental part of the first Season. Yes, in every episode Turner is in a suit or working out in the gym and he goes to the locker, changes clothes and the clothes changing is edited into a hip and stylized montage.... for reasons that I can't fathom.

Don't believe me? Well you can feel free to explore any episode in the first season to find out for yourself but I've gone ahead and noted one of the more extreme examples... it's this one from Season 1 Episode 18. In this particular clothes-changing, you can tell someone in the editing bay was like, "No, we need 3 slaps of the locker and 3 zips of the jacket, yeah...yeah.." But you could consider that one to be at least "stylish and cool" for the time... If so, check out this changing montage from Season 1 Episode 20. This is the episode where they add superfluous sound-effects. This is where I imagine an editor saying, "The clothes changing montages might be losing their edge, I need more clothes hanging and let's add some Street Fighter II sound effects to really Wow the audience."

Where Are We?

By looking closely at the shots of the city skyline and through closeups of some of the license plates, and just overall being a creep about it, you can pretty conclusively determine that the show takes place in Toronto. But the weird thing is, they take great pains to never reveal that explicitly for some reason. The city is always referred to as "the city". The country they're in is always referred to as "the country". At one point a plot revolves around a guy running for mayor but no one ever says what city he's going to be mayor of.  In another episode, part of the backstory takes place in St. Louis (shown in a title card) and when the action switches back to Toronto the title card for that location says "Metro County" which, as far as I can tell, isn't a real county.

But I could never tell if this complete evasion of their location was a Canadian thing or just a general TV thing. Perhaps they wanted to sell the show into the U.S. market? 

I'll tell you where it gets weird though. Skipping ahead to Season 3 Episode 16, a Japanese film crew has arrived at the police station hoping to do a documentary about T.S. Turner (obviously that's a plot - oh Season 3... more on that later). In trying to explain why they're interested in this subject they state, "As you probably know, we are fascinated by your country. We love your Westerns, we love your television commercials, we love your baseball." Now that's... what?! I mean Canada has Westerns, I know they have television commercials, and yes, they technically have baseball... but how can we not gather from this that the show takes place in the U.S.? Three whole seasons of looking at the Toronto skyline, hearing all the characters say "aboot," all the hockey hair and suddenly they imply that it's a U.S. city? I can't make sense of anything with this show. Maddening.

The Most 80s Episode - Season 1

The most 80s episode of Season 1 is Episode 12 - "The Silver Angel". In this episode, we get a special guest appearance by none other than The Fat Boys! Yes, it turns out that the fattest boy (Buffy Robinson) is T.S. Turner's nephew (convenient!) and so they all show up at the gym to lose weight for their upcoming tour. Meanwhile, an old man is accused of being "The Silver Angel" - a masked man who robs from grocery stores to give food to the homeless.

So, yeah, you got The Fat Boys rapping and beat boxing in a Mr. T show so it's very 80s. But there are two things going on in this episode which are rather interesting and worth noting. Firstly, The Fat Boys are spontaneously making "raps" about what is happening in the main plot as a commentary. In this way, The Fat Boys serve as a sort of modern day Greek Chorus. Very avant-garde. The second interesting thing is that at one point towards the end, the Fat Boys subplot and the Silver Angel main plot converge and become one. This episode aired in early 1988 and it would not be until 1991 that Seinfeld would discover it as a hallmark. It makes you think.

Conclusion - Season 1

So upon hearing of this "undiscovered" Mr. T show from the 80s you might have initially thought it sounded fun. And now upon hearing all my complaints about the stupidity of it and think it sounds bad, or perhaps you might even think it sounds so bad that it must be fun. But the thing is, it's none of the above.

The best way I can describe it is: "T and T" takes itself seriously. You get the feeling that the people making it wanted to make a gritty, serious crime show and that they were either unsure or unable to do it well. It does have many of the "cheesy" traits of 80s television but then also the pacing and music are moody and dour, conflicting completely with the action and the Mr. T persona.

Here's an example plot summary that exemplifies the problem well:

"When T. and T. keep a young offender out the detention center, the boy finds the path to rehabilitation fraught with danger and violence."

You don't read that and think, "this is going to be fun." And it isn't. It's too serious to be exciting but it's too wacky to be effectively serious. The show exists in a No Man's Land of entertainment. Yet, it isn't completely horrible just as it isn't great. And it isn't so bad that it can be enjoyed ironically (though exceptions exist). You know what it reminds me of? It reminds be of the dog days of Summer vacation where I had been away from school for too long and was too lazy to get off the couch. "T and T" is the kind of show that I would watch every day just because it provided that bare amount of entertainment to keep me from switching the channel. It's the kind of thing I'd watch because the alternative was a Soap Opera and because it wasn't bad enough to make me turn off the TV. It's the kind of thing I'd watch "because it was on." And so what can you do with a show like that? Not much other than write way too much about it on a blog in the backwaters of the internet.

That does it for Season 1 and I think Season 1 is both the best season and a good exemplar for the entire series. But, because I have too much to day about this dumb show, come back for Part 2 and Part 3 which will explore the other two seasons...

The Greatest Mister T Mystery of Them All

 

According to imdb, there are 30 episodes of "Mister T" and, also according to imdb, Mr. T is a part of the cast of 15 episodes. How? How can there be "Mister T" episodes without Mr. T? How is that possible? 

Edit: I think I figured it out... IMDB has episodes that have no credits associated so it doesn't count Mr. T as having been in them. Another mystery solved, gang.

The Ending of Dinosaurs

The Jim Henson show "Dinosaurs" had a last episode that was apparently a bit of a downer. I always find it funny when lighthearted situation comedies decide to go dark. And this show had a demographic that was decidedly young. Here's how it went:



I get the feeling like behind the surface events of the show, there's some sort of intended inner message or "moral" they're trying to ram through. I don't know what it could be though.

Mystery Diners?

This video posits that "Mystery Diners" is the worst show on tv. Is it? Well first I want to know what even is a Mystery Diner?

This video starts out a bit rough but stick with it, it's redeemed by great bad reality show acting and great bad reality show twists.... and some great editing.



"Let's lower the drone so we can get some better audio" - Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners.

RIP Adam West

This past week I saw a Batman '66 action figure and thought back to how big that show was to me when I was a kid. I can't put into words how exciting and cool it was to me at the time. Some of that excitement survives to this day. If it was available on Netflix, I'd probably still watch it regularly. But don't bother looking for it.

I imagine the Batman tv series had a similar effect on Conan O'Brien. Something that perhaps isn't widely known is that, in his time between writing for SNL and The Simpsons, Conan created a TV series starring Adam West. The series, called Lookwell, was co-created by Robert Smigel who would go on to be Conan's first head writer at Late Night.

West starred as Lookwell, a washed up but self-important actor who was so famous for playing a detective on TV that he begins to believe he can solve crimes in real life. The combination comedy/mystery would presumably see him taking on a new crime every week using the powers of acting.

Although the pilot for Lookwell was produced, it was not picked up. But you can see the series' lone episode on youtube.

John Adams

Coming across this video on youtube, I was reminded how great the "John Adams" series was. I really should re-watch it from the beginning.

In this scene, the Revolutionary War is over and John Adams is sent to King George III basically as an ambassador. Great television. Make sure you turn off annotations.

[Youtube Video Deleted]

TV - Other Space

A foreign intelligence has invaded the ship and suddenly every crew member is experiencing their wildest dreams as very real hallucinations. Zalian Fletcher suddenly finds a tuna fish sandwich on the ground and begins to eat it. Later, crew members discuss this occurrence:

"So your #1 fantasy is to find a tuna fish sandwich on the ground?"
"It... doesn't have to be on the ground."

"Other Space" is a science-fiction comedy (more comedy than science fiction) whose first season is available on "Yahoo! Screen". Like the classic "Red Dwarf", each episode finds them encountering some outer space phenomenon with hilarious consequences.

I was first attracted to the show because the cast features none other than Joel Hodgson, of MST3K fame. But a second big surprise is that he's also joined in space by a robot pal played by Trace Beaulieu who played Crow, his space robot pal in that show as well. A third big surprise is that one of the female leads, Tina Shukshin, is played by Milana Vayntrub (of Let's Talk About Something More Interesting though more people will recognize her as "the AT&T girl"). Actually seeing these three people interacting in the same show makes me scared that the producers have actually tapped into my dreams somehow and are putting it on screen. What am I, the Lathe of Heaven? [Obscure PBS referencessss. No one ever gets them.] In the second season, watch them to be flying in the A-Team van and add a Philadelphia Eagles sub-plot.

I found "Other Space" to be pretty funny and would recommend giving it a watch. The show's creator is Paul Feig who was one of the minds behind "Freaks and Geeks". The sci-fi is well done and there's lots of solid comedy despite the somewhat cheap budget. The main strength of the show is the character acting - there are some great, offbeat deliveries and one suspects there's some improv going on. The pace/editing of the show is very quick, which I find troubling, but that may just mean that it rewards repeated viewings and would be great for quoting with friends.

MST3K Trivia Tidbits:

 - Joel's sporting long hair which is something that he did in the very, very early days of MST3K. His character, as well as some aspects of the show (and therefore the hair), were originally inspired by Bruce Dern's 60s hippie spaceman character in the movie "Silent Running".

- Trace Beaulieu's robot character is named "A.R.T." In the early days of MST3K they would read fan letters. One day, a child sent in a drawing of the show's characters with each of them neatly labeled. The picture of Crow was labeled as "Art" for reasons that no one of the show could understand. For the rest of the series, Crow would periodically be called Art as an inside joke.