Murder, She Wrote > All

I was listening to someone go on and on about the classic horror/slasher movies the other day and, as I have almost no interest in the movies made in those genres, I had little interest in the conversation. But hearing them talk in such detail about how great they are made me kind of think I was missing out on something. So, I thought to myself, "What are the things that were genuinely scary that I also enjoyed?"

The ones that immediately came to mind were the things that freaked me out when I was a kid. Number one on the list is "Unsolved Mysteries". If you want to prevent me from being able to sleep put Robert Stack in a trench coat on a dark street in a studio lot and have him narrate over a slow motion re-enactment of "the man who was kidnapped at night and never seen again". I'm sure this is a common reaction. One time when Conan was hanging out with a bunch of kids for a bit and showed them a picture of Robert Stack they immediately started booing. He didn't get it at all but I know the score.

Number two on the list would have to be "Murder, She Wrote" for pretty similar reasons. I didn't so much have trouble with the murder, or the mystery, or the clues, or the suspects - what got me was the end of the show when Jessica Fletcher(Angela Lansbury) would explain how it was all done and they would show it in flashbacks. Recently I've downloaded a few episodes to revisit what was so scary.

Here are 11 reasons "Murder, She Wrote" is better than shows today:

1. Guest Starring: Robert Goulet. - No explanation needed.
2. Casual smoking. - It used to be glamorous and it used to be on tv.
3. Alcoholism is treated in a frothy way. - It's not a serious problem, it's comic relief!
4. "Tonight on 'Murder She Wrote'..." - That's right, they used to have a montage of what you were about to see. Some shows today have a "Previously On..." montage at the beginning and some shows today have a "Next Time On..." montage at the end but NOBODY has a "Tonight On..." montage. That's hardcore.
5. Everywhere this woman goes there's a murder. - And she never does the JD Salinger thing and cuts off all human contact. You would think, "Stop going to social functions, people are dying, woman!!!". But no, if Jessica Fletcher stops watching people drop like flies around her then the terrorists have won.
6. Murder is just a normal part of life. - A corpse is lying on the floor, battered and bloody and Jessica Fletcher acts like it's the start of an Easter egg hunt. She practically runs over the corpse looking for clues.
7. Guest Starring: Cesar Romero. - He's the original Joker if you don't know.
8. Theoretically solvable mysteries (much of the time). - The audience can usually follow along with the mystery and figure out the murderer based on the clues in the show. You don't get that with your "CSI"s and your "Law and Order SUV"s.
9. Non-horrific clues. - Speaking of "CSI" and that lot, never in the history of "Murder She Wrote" has Jessica Fletcher ever found traces of semen anywhere. When Jessica grabs her flashlight you can rest assured she's not going to use it to look through pubic hair. You can come up with your own third example, this is making me feel sick. But it is true... and you can see it on primetime television every night.
10. Unrelenting titles. - Actual episode titles: "Hooray for Homicide", "We're Off to Kill the Wizard", "Paint Me a Murder" (that one's about a painter), "One Good Bid Deserves a Murder", "Corned Beef & Carnage" and "Simon Says, Color Me Dead". Incidentally, it's a style that was copied by "Family Guy" in its first few episodes.
11. Avoidance of controversial subjects. - We all know the Robert Reed character is gay but why actually say it? It's so much more fun when he wears a fake pencil mustache, acts over-the-top effeminate and says, as his alibi, that he was eating dinner with a man last night.... a reporter!.... he was doing a story.

Incidentally, watching the show now it seems all the "scariness" was just my childish imagination. It's not really "scary" at all but it is a fairly well written, interesting mystery show. Also, other things that were scary but enjoyable were the "Resident Evil" series, the movie "Arachnophobia" and "Clue".

LATE... on NBC

Tonight (Friday) on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon is the premiere episode of the new show "Late" a sci-fi drama about a group of people whose elevator crashes on a deserted floor.

Here's the trailer:

Intense.

Films of the 2000s

This is really well done. Not much to say other than that.

Films of the 2000s:

Peter Gabriel - Scratch My Back

I've lost track of Peter Gabriel in the period since John Cusack held a boombox aloft in "Say Anything" but he's come up with an interesting concept.

With his new album, entitled "Scratch My Back" Gabriel covers 12 songs by 12 different artists. Then, later, another album will be released of those 12 artists covering Peter Gabriel songs, entitled "I'll Scratch Yours". The main point of interest is the artists involved. Other than Peter Gabriel, you have names like David Bowie, Paul Simon, Talking Heads, Lou Reed, Arcade Fire, Radiohead and Neil Young.

Check out an exclusive preview of the first album here.

I'm a fairly big fan of some of his work with Genesis and his solo album "So" is a masterpiece in my opinion. However, I haven't heard much of his material since then and this is his first release in 8 years so I didn't quite know what to expect. My initial impression is that the style of the moment for him seems to be slow, dire, stark and dour. If you're looking for dark and atmospheric music this is probably the album for you. If you're not, it's not. From what I've heard so far, I'm not sure but I'm liking it. I wouldn't say any one songs stands out at this point but that's to be expected - it's the kind of thing that sneaks up on you slowly. I'll keep listening and see what I find. Anyways, I'm more looking forward to the second album - with all those artists it's bound to be an interesting treasure trove of interesting covers.

The rumormill is abuzz with what song each artist will cover. I've heard that Bowie isn't involved and it actually be Brian Eno who will do the response song (lame). The biggest mystery is exactly how the Talking Heads are involved as they have said things in the past that indicate that they'll never reunite.

Snowmageddon

The other day on the weather they displayed a graphic that read, "Thundersnow". Aside from thinking, "that's a great band name", I was puzzled. Never heard the phrase before in my life. Even stranger was that (assuming it means the same thing as "Thunderstorm" but with the snow) I realized that I don't think I've ever seen that happen in my life and I had never thought about it.

According to wikipedia, thundersnow "is a rare thunderstorm with snow falling as the primary precipitation instead of rain. It commonly falls in regions of strong upward motion within the cold sector of extratropical cyclones between autumn and spring when surface temperatures are most likely to be near or below freezing. Variations exist, such as thundersleet, where the precipitation consists of ice pellets rather than snow." So it is what it sounds like.

Hopefully I get to see it. The best would be if it happened at night. I just picture a dark sky, lit up by lightning and the lightning lighting up all the snow around it. It must look amazing.

Here's the forecast for the Baltimore area. I have to say it sounds much better for that area than it does for here. Or worse. I don't know.

Oh, those Russians.

The Worst Video Game Ever?

Trying to pin down a "Worst Video Game Ever" would be a tough task. There are a number of factors (graphics, sound, playability, challenge, fun, control) to try to judge. And even if you could judge them, how could you weigh them? Would it be worse to have an Atari "giant block" mess with no soundtrack or a 64-bit game that's monotonous and boring. Would it be worse to have an 8-bit Nintendo game with a first level that can't be beaten or would it be worse to play a state-of-the-art computer game with a bug that causes your computer to crash? Is it worse to have a game consisting of a single boring level or would it be worse to have 8 boring levels?

And on top of the fact that it's a very tough, very subjective decision that depends on many disparate factors, it's also a decision that I would have no authority to speak about. I played as much as the next guy in the past but that would be about 1/10000 of 1% of all the games out there and my current average is 0 games per day.

Nevertheless, as hard as the decision is and as ill-informed as I am, I CAN say that if a contest for "Worst Video Game Ever Made" were to take place, the game "Plumbers Don't Wear Ties" should DEFINITELY be a finalist. It's just so clear that it's that bad. I'll allow the Angry Video Game Nerd to make the case in his review. A word of caution: this isn't safe for work.

Not the funniest review by any means but the badness of the "game" is at a level that has to be seen to be believed.