Tonight Show - Wolf Waker Suggestion Box

The HWolf HWaker returns...

The Wolf Waker awoke with a spasm, instinctively reaching for his harmonic spear. But the trusty weapon was gone. He blinked... then blinked again. All around him was a plain, white void, featureless and infinite. 

The last thing he remembered was searing quasar beams melting the diamond coating of his command module and the vacuum of space, itself, on fire. Perhaps the Androgen Codex had been correct, after all. For the first time in his life, the Wolf Waker felt trapped, dizzy and impermanent.

He began piecing together what would be the greatest escape of his life and ultimately the salvation of Habitat 9. 

Behold the call of the Wolf Waker... 

Return of the Wolfwaker

[Videos Deleted]

The Wolfwaker was born to a nomadic tribe that wandered the barren plains of Cyrus 6 - a small, rocky world orbiting a dying sun in a forgotten corner of a distant galaxy.

At age ten, he was captured by Nightwalker sentinels and taught to wield the harmonic spear. His childhood was spent in the cold vacuum of space. His play things - tools of destruction. His education - interstellar war. He became a master of killing and fought along other Nightwalker slaves, some of them organic, some of them machines, all of them orphans.

When he was twenty Earth-years-old, he was sent to annihilate the wolf home world - a peaceful green planet called Lupin. As he stepped from the landing craft, the wolven dawn broke over the mountains reminding him of daybreak on Cyrus 6 when he was a boy. Something awoke within the Wolfwaker and he turned his weapon against the Nightwalker Dropship as it sped off to safety. He swore a blood oath to defend the wolves and as they awakened him, so would he awaken them and lead them in battle beyond the stars...

The Wolfwaker

I'm posting the whole segment but the real point of the post is the Wolfwaker introduction. It has to be one of the most preposterous and ridiculous things ever vocalized on network television. I was laughing by the third sentence and then it just kept going.

Cell Phone Shootout Part 1:
[Video Deleted]

Cell Phone Shootout Part 2:

[Video Deleted]

It was in the time of the Rock King,

Before the Age of Green Fire,

Before the Machine Rebellion,

Before the Trials of Jupiter.

The wolves were a proud and peaceful civilization

Caring for the small green and blue planet they inherited

When the humans left for the stars.

The wolves lived in human cities,

Practiced human government

And carried on human traditions

Like Christmas.

But the wolves were not alone.

One man stayed behind

To care for the wolves

To teach them art and science

To guide them through the birth

Of their civilization.

The Wolfwaker lived 300 miles above the Earth

In a vast and lonely orbiting fortress.

Always watching.

Always protecting.

And every year,

On Christmas Day,

He descends from the clouds

On a sled of fire

Waking the wolves of the Earth

To remind them of their humble beginnings

And remind them of their destiny in the Heavens...