Real Life Seinfeld - The Post Office

 At my lunch break I found a note that a package delivery had been attempted at my location and I needed to go to the USPS to pick it up. Ever ready to go to the post office (it is always a sweet experience) I got in my car and drove over.

As I'm walking on the sidewalk, I see an old woman in front of me. I catch up to her quickly, as she's walking very slowly, and I slow down right behind her. In this situation, I have the debate of what is the right thing to do. What I want to do is pass her, so that I can hold the door for her, but I wonder also whether passing someone who's walking slowly hurts their feelings. Not knowing what to do, I just slow down and stay behind. Then, in front of the door, she stops to put on a surgical mask. I wait behind her for a few seconds and then think, "this is stupid" and so I pass her and open/hold the door for her. In fact, I open and hold 3 doors for her, the design of the post office being what it is.

She says something like "That's nice of you to pass people" to which I smile, not knowing what that means or how to respond. It sounds like she might be angry that I passed her but then I was thinking it was possible that she's playfully thanking me for going ahead and opening the doors for her. Then I get in line to get my package and she says something to the same effect, I still smile and say something like "alright" still not understanding what she's saying. Then, as I'm walking up to the counter, she says, "I bet you wouldn't be smiling if it was you on the other side." And at that moment, I realized oh no, she's angry that I passed her. It was all a plot to get in front of her in line.

So it works as Seinfeld at both ends. From her perspective, she encountered a psychopath who's basically sprinting past old ladies to steal their place in line and then laughing at them when confronted. From my perspective, she stopped. If she was just a slow walker, I would have stayed behind no problem, in fact I did that, but she stopped... and when someone stops in front of you, you're under no obligation to sit and wait behind them. You stop, that's on you.

War with the Postman

The other day it snowed. We got a few inches (probably 3), no big deal but I noticed something strange... ever since it snowed I haven't gotten my mail. Hmm, that's strange. Oh well. Hey, whose creed is this?

"And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change, nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our appointed rounds. Ever."

Oh yeah, it's the Post Office's creed. SNOW IS THE FIRST ONE.

Hey, I didn't pick that creed but if you're gonna have one that's that hardcore, you really should be able to walk through a light dusting. Allow me to suggest a more accurate creed....

"Lots of things will stay us from swift completion of our appointed rounds - particularly Sundays. Ever."

I really didn't feel like it was enough snow to shovel the driveway but I guess I have to now. They have me over a barrel on this. Who can live without mail? If these trends continue, how am I going to get 3 unsolicited J. Crew catalogs? I NEED Comcast's flyers about XFinity. What is my life if I'm not throwing away giant stacks of coupons for things I don't buy? Nothing, that's what. I have no choice but to at least shovel a path for His Highness from the street to my mailbox. I need those credit card offers.