Ken Squier's Iconic Call of the 1979 Daytona 500

I am not a car racing guy. I assume this is one of the wildest endings to a race in the history of NASCAR, and even then it does nothing for me.

So what's the point?

The man on the mic is Ken Squier. Ken Squier played the announcer in "Rad." Ken worked for CBS and was the principle announcer for the Daytona 500 for nearly 20 years and he once said "Hulk Hogan eat your heart out" after a kid did a backflip on a bike.

Ken died in 2023.

RIP Don West

 Don West passed away December 30, 2022. While not famous, exactly, Don was somewhat notable - Don West was the guy who would come on those Home Shopping channels and sell Baseball cards and the like. More recently, he became an announcer for pro wrestling.

He was apparently well-known enough to be parodied on SNL, even being portrayed by Will Ferrell. Though my favorite of these parodies isn't on youtube.

On another personal note, I've never understood this show's existence. They would always say that they were selling everything for way less than it was worth, and I, being really into sports cards at that time, thought I could confirm that they were telling the truth - everything WAS WAY more valuable than you'd get it there. But how or why would anyone do that? If something is selling for $100, why sell it for $10? Call me naive but it remains a total mystery to me.

And another funny aside about the nature of the brain. I know, in retrospect that all the cards are junk - the card market at that time was a bubble that has since collapsed - but even watching these videos in 2023 I still do get excited as if these are really precious items, as if I'm still in 1993.

Weird Rules - The Infinite Timeout Loophole

An Examination of Weird Sports Rules

The SB Nation series "Weird Rules" explains the stories behind the most obscure and weirdest rules in sports.

As sports organizations don't add rules to the rule book for their own amusement, the most interesting thing is often not the rule, but the story behind the rule - what were players doing that was so blatant that it needed to be outlawed in writing.

This is the case in this episode, "One guy mercilessly trolled the NHL into creating a better rule book":


But another reason this topic can be interesting is how the rules themselves can be gamed to gain specific advantages in specific situations. For instance, why would someone intentionally try to block a free throw?

The 1985 Mini-Golf Championship Match #1

If I've ever posted a better phrase on this blog than "1985 Mini-Golf Championship", I don't remember it. But who can remember anything at a time like this?

This video is my new favorite thing. In the back of my mind I always thought professional mini-golf could exist but I never saw evidence for it one way or the other. And now it's here in all its glory.

This is the kind of concept you'd expect to see on Adult Swim these days. Except you can't parody it because it's already perfect.



Random thoughts:

• "Rookie of the Year", "Former Champion", discussion of the mental and physical battle, mini-golf - it's all here. 
• The "color commentary" is by Billy Packer - I think that's the same Billy Packer who commentated for college basketball.
• One of the contestants has been working out in the off-season to add muscle mass. Perfect.
• The girl who follows them with the scoreboard! Oh my flavors.
• No windmills? No waterfalls? No nothing? I wonder if that's just how they do it in professional mini-golf or if it just happens to be the most boring course on Earth.
• Why doesn't this exist now?! I would watch!

Quadrennial Curse: Broken

In the past I've talked about the Quadrennial Curse - the curse where every four years a different Philadelphia team gets to the finals and loses - and this was the Flyers' year. Here's the rundown:


1993: The Phillies make it to the World Series and lose.
1997: The Flyers make it to the Stanley Cup Finals and lose.
2001: The 76ers make it to the NBA Finals and lose.
2005: The Eagles make it to the Super Bowl and lose.
2009: The Phillies make it to the World Series and lose.
2013: The Flyers make it to the Stanley Cup finals and lose. Miss the playoffs.

Given that the Flyers recently failed to make the playoffs, the curse is officially broken. Ain't that a B? Usually, sports curses are broken when something good happens. This one was broken by even greater mediocrity.

Well, it was an awful run while it lasted.

Harry Kalas and 9/11

John Kruk on Letterman

These old clips are amazing. In just a few decades the entire nature of being a professional athlete has undergone quite a transformation as these clips will show. John Kruk comes on Letterman and talks about baseball with wit and brutal, brutal honesty. This is an interview where political correctness, pretension and ego do not exist.

It takes Krukker about 2 minutes to get warmed up but once he does, it's comedy gold.

Would it even be possible for an athlete to say these things today? I don't think so. The media would eat them alive and leave nothing but a bloody carcass.

Slightly less funny but even more insanely forthright is this interview. Going in reverse chronological order, this one's from 1992:

There's no one like this any more.

Super Bowl of Avoidance

It occurred to me as I watched the Pro Bowl today that this will be my last chance to see the NFL until next season. This made me sad for two reasons. 1) Nothing that happens in the Pro Bowl can really be described as "football" and 2) due to the current collective bargaining agreement, the wait will probably be longer than "next season". "Next season" will start at least a month late (my estimate) if there's even a season at all.

"But what about the Super Bowl?!", you say, quite harshly. A little too harshly, frankly. If I'm going to write a blog, I really don't need that level of sass and I'm not going to take it. Well, to answer the question, the Super Bowl annoys me. It barely has any more to do with football than the Pro Bowl does. Between the people watching just for the commercials, the halftime show where 'NSync does half a song with Aerosmith, the indifferent crowd and the fact that the public at large watches just because everyone else is, I couldn't care less. If my team were in the game, I'd watch and I'd watch harder than anyone else but until that happens, it's banned.

The question now is how to fill my time. I'd like to do something that stands out so that it can be remembered fondly in the future. Past Super Bowls I've:

• Watched "Follow That Bird"
• Watched "Puppy Bowl I" (play-by-play by Harry Kalas) (the winner was all of us)
• Watched "Muppet Treasure Island"

And even though I had a blog during last years game, I don't remember what I did. If I had to guess, I think I was watching a movie of some sort.

So what to do this year? Not sure. It's something to think about this week. The only rules are that it has to be something slightly off the beaten path (or simply ridiculous) and has to be as "opposite" of the Super Bowl as possible. A couple of the frontrunners so far:

Storage Wars Marathon

Watch "Wayne and Garth's Music A-Go-Go" (if I can get it in time)

Read

Watch "Trading Spaces" (I'd have to find that as well)

8-bit Nintendo Night

That's really all I have so far but I have a week to think about it. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Suggestions welcome.

The good news is this: two weeks until aces and catchers.

Phour Aces

This blog is hardly sports-related but I'm a good cop and I don't play by the rules.

Earlier, Cliff Lee re-signed with the Phillies, giving them a pitching staff that, if not unparalleled in history, is at least rarely seen in history.

Now the race is on to find a nickname for the group now that the former "H2O" moniker (Halladay, Hamels, Oswalt) is outdated.

"R2C2" (Roy, Roy, Cole, Cliff) seems to be the early favorite though we are early on in the voting (only 5% of districts reporting, this one is a hot potato on a jumping stove during an earthquake). I like "Four Aces". Of course, it will be tweaked to "The Phour Aces", that's a rule.

Click here to view the photoshop/slogan fun (the real point of this post).

My favorite is "The Four Horsemen"

Though I feel if that were actually to take off, by law it must be tweaked to "The Phour Horsemen". That's a rule.

I find myself intellectually able to recognize the amazingness of the situation but still emotionally unexcited. Somehow in the city that is specifically designed to be pessimistic about our sports teams, I may be the most pessimistic. I thought last year was their year and the season is so long with so many ups and downs, I was so excited for the beginning of the playoffs and the team just faded away. Then they're one year older and they lose Jayson Werth and I just feel emotionally spent. I just don't want to expect a Championship until the final game is over. I'm looking at a baseball "Dream Team" and not excited. Maybe this is my superpower. Maybe I should wear a cape and a big "thumbs down" picture on my chest. Maybe I'm just in a mood.