The Final Countdown

RIGHT... eh.. errmm ... Right ... eh ... Right.

I could watch this all day. The rhythm of it, the silences... This game seems to take place in a joyless, silent, energyless void of a world. It's Simon Sad vs. Liz Tragic. It reminds me exactly of when I used to watch "Lingo" on a Saturday evening. Those days aren't coming back.

The parody is a send up of this game show.

Right... SO, ehhh ... right... right... so ... uh, right....

Classic Roots Choice #13

David Alan Grier was on Late Night yesterday. His intro music was a short bluesy tune sung by Questlove with somewhat muddled lyrics. It went, "Like to hear it? Here it goes! That David Alan Grier on broadway with the fine Eric Washington but won't hook a brother up with no down town ticketsss. AHHH-HAHH."

The Roots wrote their own Calhoun Tubbs song:

This blog post is short. In fact, I wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes... Blog post isn't longgg, dunt got that many wordss. AHHHAAA-HAHH-AHH.

Tom Hanks Reaction Shots

First there was "Vlade Divac Reaction Shots" which, by all accounts, vastly enhanced the NBA on NBC broadcasts. Then there was "Abe Lincoln Money Shots" which was totally unrelated. Now, there's "Tom Hanks Reaction Shots" provided as a special bonus feature to the night's Top Ten List.

Let's watch...

[Broken Video Link Removed]

Dave Explains Twitter

If I had access to years of archival footage, one of the things I would do would be to create a series of "David Letterman Explains Stuff". It's a very difficult phenomenon to explain but he always gets certain specific details wrong while adding other fanciful details of his own in such a way that makes the story particularly hilarious.

This is a slight example but my intro aside, the point is that today, he was convinced to start tweeting on-air. It was history in the making:

[Broken Video Link Removed]

Later he got a toaster on the desk, plunged some bread and tweeted that he was making toast. Then to the audience, "I'm the only thing on CBS right now."

Put On Zeppelin And Eat Cheddar Cheese

Having never seen a Star Trek redub in my life, I came across this video which promises to be the weirdest Star Trek redub ever. It delivers.

Turns out there's a few of these. I like this one as well:

Andy Rooney's Lost His Mind

Andy Rooney's lost his mind. This is a phrase I often used in high school when I started specifically setting aside a section of my Sunday evenings to watch Andy Rooney's persuasive essays on "60 Minutes". Imagine having a sectioned off segment on national network television where you had complete editorial freedom to tell millions of viewers anything you wanted. Any issue you felt strongly about, any cause you wanted people to get behind, any product you wanted to promote, anything you wanted to say about anything. Such power is rarely to be found anywhere in all of human history. Andy Rooney has this power. Andy Rooney uses this power to emit the aural equivalent of watching paint dry.

There's some evidence that he used to actually have valid opinions on things and used to write valid TV essays. I remember in 7th grade we had to read one of his essays where he espoused the many advantages of writing a letter as opposed to calling someone on the phone. I remember him making some really good points and the piece did get me thinking. However, I think after about the second or third decade of doing this, he must have run out of all meaningful opinion and slipped, slowly but surely, into the realm of shocking insanity.

Which brings me to why I started watching his "essays" every Sunday. Every Sunday he uses his platform on national television to do something so idiotic that it defies both explanation and belief. I can honestly say, "One time I watched Andy Rooney literally take clothes out of his closet and talk about them for 5 minutes and that was it". No one would believe me but it's a true story. "One time I saw Andy Rooney list the utensils in his kitchen." "In a dream?" "No, that really happened." "One time Andy Rooney's essay consisted of emptying his mailbox and talking about the letters he had received." That really happened. One time Andy Rooney used the mass media of television to deliver a speech so devoid of rational thought that it made my brain shut down and I blacked out.

The worst part, for me, is that all the while that he's spouting nonsense, he compounds the pain by asking "biting" and "rhetorical" questions that are very easily answerable. "What do they do with platinum anyway?", he says in one segment. LOOK IT UP AND STOP WASTING AIR TIME!!! "What in the world does 'sub-prime' mean?" OPEN A BOOK, JACKASS! "I don't understand what 'vamped' means so how could I understand what revamped means?" I HOPE NOAH WEBSTER RISES FROM THE GRAVE TO STAB YOU!

Is it comforting or horrifying, then, that we can know that even in the event of a worldwide nuclear holocaust, Andy Rooney will endure?

Post-Apocalyptic Andy Rooney

[Broken Video Link Removed]